Pokemon - Elemental Islands

[Rena Ryuugu]

Yay! I got a spoiler for Christmas! *attackglomps Maddy*

 

[ascarb]

O.O AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This fanfic rules so hard! Ian lurves Maddy! Maybe Kai too, Ahhh! Write more!!!!!!
Rating~8/10

 

[Skymin]

Why fank-koo dear stranger ^_^
I'd also like to say that this has nothing to do with real life and no Ian likes me so, or neither a Kai...
~Happy Days!

 

[Scarlet Weather]

Ah, I'm back!

First of, dear Madii-Chan, Ganbarre is probably my favorite word in the Japanese language. The closest I can come to a direct translation is "do your best!", and it's used often as an encouragement. It also ties into my second favorite Japanese word, Genbaru, which is essentially a way of life where you put forth effort into anything you do. (I think that's how you translate it...) Anyway, as for love making people do stupid things? Personally, I think you upped Ian's affection for Maddie to an unhealthy level. Besides, why would Ian kill anyone? He needs a motive... (then again, if he attempts to murder who I think he does, I know the motive.) Listen, I'd like to help here. Do you mind if I offer to beta-read the next chapter? You can E-Mail it to me, or PM me, whichever you prefer. I'd love to check it out. Anyway, cheers, and have a happy new year!

 

[ProtrainerEon]

Aha, ACC. You're thinkin' Kai, aren't you buddy? ;)

Is beta-ing just your way of reading chapters before us? CURSE YOU! XD

 

[vaporeon123]

Hi! is it too late for another character? If not Here's mine!

Name: Lindsey

looks: Black Hair three inches past her shoulders, An A line skirt white at the top but light blue at the bottom, A long sleeved collared sky blue and eggshell white shirt, and Black wedge boots. Dark shaded black eyes.

Pokemon: Squirtle and goldeen.

Goal: To be the best co-ordinater.

age: 11

History: When She was Little her mother died giving birth to her and her father had a mental break down, when she asked him why he was so sad he said " It's all your fault! Your mother died giving birth to you and it's all your fault!" Shocked by the news Lindsey ran away from home and met squirtle. Since Lindsey never trusts anyone she didn't care much about her Squirtle, but as time past she began to learn to trust pokemon, but she has yet to learn to trust people, and especially open her heart that is frozen solid by her cruel and suffering past.

Island: Sun Island.

what kind of character: follower, (only because Maddy begged for her to travel with them)

later: If possible later in the story could Lindsey start to open about her past ? And find love in this fanfic?

 

[Scarlet Weather]

Aha, ACC. You're thinkin' Kai, aren't you buddy?

Is beta-ing just your way of reading chapters before us? CURSE YOU! XD

You don't call me buddy unless I'm attempting world domination. Right now I'm taking a break. And so what if it is? I'm sure you'd jump at the chance to do so as well. XD

Umm... we're currently not accepting characters, I think. Madii-Chan has the final word here, but you should pay more attention to the posts. Plus, your character is a bit annoying. Sorry.

 

[vaporeon123]

Annoying? How could she be annoying?

 

[ProtrainerEon]

Okay sure, buddy! XD Just kidding. I am eager to see what happens next in this story though, Madii-Chan. Well, I'm sure things will be more fast-paced after Ian's little breakdown. -_-; Poor Maddy.

Maybe ACC thinks her cold, hard personality could get annoying. *shrug*

 

[Skymin]

Nah, that sort of person in teh story is kinda... well, i dont think Maddy would begg anyone to be in her "clan"... I'm actually going to get Teresa/FullmetalxFangirl's character in, hang on, ill post the aplication formm.. once i find it ^_^

Oh and ACC, that means i have 2 beta testers, since Teresa's looks at them too ^_^ plus, you realy need to get MSN or AIM, so i can chat to you about ideas and such

EDIT:

Name: Theresa Park (teh-ree-sah pah-k)

Gender: Female

Age: 14

Pokemon: Cyndaquil (close to evolution); Taillow; Mareep/Flaafy (caught somewhere along the road); Seel (caught somewhere along the road); some grass-type pokémon

(I was thinking about requesting that she had an eevee that evolved into the opposite of whatever Maddy's eevee volved into, but that seems a little ... clichéd, don't you think?)

Appearance: Theresa is short for her age, standing at around 4'11". Her skin is tanned, although she is still very pale. She has whitish-blonde hair which falls to mid-way down her back; she has a 'feathered' fringe which covers her eyes, although it is thin enough that you can still see them. Her eyes are a soft blue-grey, and her lashes are long and dark.
Theresa's ensemble inculdes a high-collared black zipped top which appears to have been graffiti'd on, although it is meant to look this way; 'REFUGE', a completed naughts-and-crosses game, as well as numerous random words and doodles have been embroidered and painted onto it in bright colours such as green, pink, yellow and white. She wears long, flared jeans that are torn around the bottom edge, and white sneakers with light blue markings, as well as white [cotton] socks (these cannot be seen). She also wears the usual undergarments.

Personality: While her intelligence is above what is considered to be average, Teresa does tend to have her 'blonde moments'. This can often get her into trouble with her peers, but she somehow manages to laugh everything off.
She is generally a happy soul, but occasionally can be unfocused and dark. She can also be very stubborn, and likes to be right. She has numerous different personalities, and all of her friends see a different side of her.

OKay, so a follower or a pop up every so often rival?

 

[Scarlet Weather]

Pop-up rival, I'd say. I can't dictate your choice, but I remember earlier that we agreed that we couldn't have Maddie starting an army. (Unless that's part of the plot...)

Oh, and FYI that character annoys me because I can't stand sob story tragic pasts. They're a tad cliched.

Char: But your next fanfic character has a dead parent!

Me: He didn't run away from home because of it, and he's perfectly normal!

Char: What about his egg-obsessed Zangoose?

Me: Shut up. Don't give it all away!

Char: I'm going to do it!

Me: *whacks Char*

There, I'm done being a lunatic now.

 

[vaporeon123]

Nah, that sort of person in teh story is kinda... well, i dont think Maddy would begg anyone to be in her "clan"... I'm actually going to get Teresa/FullmetalxFangirl's character in, hang on, ill post the aplication formm.. once i find it ^_^

Oh and ACC, that means i have 2 beta testers, since Teresa's looks at them too ^_^ plus, you realy need to get MSN or AIM, so i can chat to you about ideas and such

EDIT:

OKay, so a follower or a pop up every so often rival?

It's okay, I get it! I'll just use her for another fanfic, or maybe if I have a chance I'll write one about her. (which is unlikely) ;) Hope you continue soon! :D

 

[Skymin]

Being the slack person i am, i havent started writing the next chapter, but i will after i finish writing this post.... ehe
i better, other wise ACC and his Char will come beat me up...
But i have EVE! WAHAHAHA.... yeah

 

[Rena Ryuugu]

Heh heh. You get so many character requests. You don't have to use me if you don't want to.

 

[Mr. Dragonite]

Hey, good fanfic, Madii-chan! For a beginner, you sure have the artistic flair and ability for writing fanfiction, and you also have the ability to strike interest into the readers! After all, your fanfiction was the first one I read over here in the PokeCommunity. You clearly have the potential to make your fanfiction a winner. However, no fanfiction is perfect, and like any other fanfiction it does have some mistakes. For instance, when will Maddy, Kai and Ian reach the next city? Why would a young boy like Ian try to kill someone and hurt Maddy? And then again, will you include any enemy team like Team Rocket (Okay, okay, it was just an idea, you don't have to get angry at me, I know that Team Rocket stinks) or maybe Team Magma and Team Aqua. Or even better, a completely new enemy team far worse than Team Rocket!

Anyways, let's get back to the criticisms. The island names are too bland and boring (no offense meant). I mean, Water Island? Grass Island? Psychic Island? Those names don't make any sense at all! Although some of them like Thunder Island are okay, most of them are silly and don't fit well. However, I can help you there. I can give you some newer and better island names for your Elemental Islands.

Below here are my suggestions. Remember, in the left the original name of the elemental island is mentioned, while in the right, lies the better and newer name that you hopefully might choose.

Fire Island -------------------- Fiery Island
Grass Island ------------------- Tropica Island
Water Island ------------------ Bluefall Island
Flying Island ------------------ Skydrop Island
Fighting Island ----------------- Brawl Island
Rock Island -------------------- Brownrock Island
Ground Island ------------------ Goldensand Island
Bug Island ---------------------- Krokka Island
Psychic Island ------------------ Mind Island
Ghost Island --------------------- Penumbra Island
Dark Island ---------------------- Umbra Island
Moon Island -------------------- Crescent Moon Island
Shadow Island ----------------- Silver Moon Island
Ice Island ----------------------- Frozen Island
Normal Island ------------------ Plain Island

Yeah, yeah, I know there is nothing such as ''Krokka'', but then again, the Krokka Forest is a place in Pokemon Ranger Version, and the name Krokka suits a bug-infested island too.

Ditch both the Poison Island and Steel Island. They don't make any sense at all, however hard you change them. No one has ever heard of an island with poison pools and an island made of steel.

Also, can I be a character in your fanfic?

Character Name: Melanie Daniels
Age: 10
Hometown: Tropica Island
Hair: Black, straight and long
Eyes: Blue
Pokemon: Her very first Pokemon was a very pretty, baby Chikorita she found wounded and poisoned in the Bulba Forest, attacked by swarms of Beedrill. Melanie bravely carried the Chikorita away and saved it from the Beedrill and took it home, where she nursed it for several days until it was fine and ready to go back out into the wild. However, Chikorita, who really started to love Melanie because of her kindness and love to it, decided to stay with the girl rather than going out into the wild again. And since that day, Melanie and Chikorita became the best of friends. Once she reached the age of 10, she received her Pokemon Trainer's License and decided to go on an adventure with her Chikorita, whom she nicknamed AutumnLeaf. And so they started their journey. While on their journey she befriended and captured a wild Vulpix and a wild Igglybuff, who joined her Pokemon party.

Personality: Although a little shy at times, Melanie is very sweet and helpful, and is very kind to other trainers and Pokemon. A very caring girl, she is very loyal to her friends, family and Pokemon. Also unlike other trainers, she does not capture Pokemon with Poke Balls. She does, however, have a mystic yet wonderful power that allows her to understand the feelings of Pokemon and immediately be friends with it. Because of this anyone who meets Melanie immediately starts to love her and as a result of this Melanie has many friends and family members. Although she has only three Pokemon, she is a very good trainer and quite knowledgeable about the world of Pokemon. Her dream, like Maddy's, is to become a Pokemon Master.

Well, that's all. Sorry to hold you up for so long, but I like to talk a lot, and I can't help that. And it's okay if you don't accept my character too. But if you do, I will be very happy.

 

[Skymin]

^_^ feedback, yey!

For instance, when will Maddy, Kai and Ian reach the next city?

Yeah, they already have, White City! Read more carefully.. If you meant next island, theres still a gym leader out there! And Ian's gawn now!

Why would a young boy like Ian try to kill someone and hurt Maddy?

Adds more tension ;) Plus, I wanted to, and he "might" have had a bad past! Who knows!

And then again, will you include any enemy team like Team Rocket (Okay, okay, it was just an idea, you don't have to get angry at me, I know that Team Rocket stinks) or maybe Team Magma and Team Aqua. Or even better, a completely new enemy team far worse than Team Rocket!

Yes, for the billionth time, there will be one! If anyone takes my advise, and reads the RP, then they'd know!

Anyways, let's get back to the criticisms. The island names are too bland and boring (no offense meant). I mean, Water Island? Grass Island? Psychic Island? Those names don't make any sense at all!

-slaps head and slaps Mr. Dragonite's head-
Why do you think it's called "Elemental Islands??" It's the name of all the pokemon types! I thought people would figure that out!XD

Ditch both the Poison Island and Steel Island. They don't make any sense at all, however hard you change them. No one has ever heard of an island with poison pools and an island made of steel.

Mehe, no...
And it could happen! Poison pokemon living there make them, and Steel Pokemon living there can do whatever...

Thanks for the feedback, but i like the islands as they are >< But i could use them for towns and cities, thanks very much!

 

[Mr. Dragonite]

I know those are the names of Pokemon types, but still it's much better using different names rather than using plain old Grass Island and Water Island. I mean, are you trying to imply that none of the islands except for Grass Island have any plants or grass? Tropica Island sounds better, and fits it quite well too!

And as for the slap.......Pidgeottto, use Mirror Move! And there the slap goes, back at you!

 

[Scarlet Weather]

I know those are the names of Pokemon types, but still it's much better using different names rather than using plain old Grass Island and Water Island. I mean, are you trying to imply that none of the islands except for Grass Island have any plants or grass? Tropica Island sounds better, and fits it quite well too!

And as for the slap.......Pidgeottto, use Mirror Move! And there the slap goes, back at you!

Yo, Dragon-boy, Maddie has two evil critics taking care of her already. She doesn't need a third. Anyway, I don't see too much of a problem with the island names, since they dictate the type of Pokemon predominantly found there, not necessarily that only one island has this type of feature. Btw, swamps could be found all over "Poison Island", and be filled with gas due to all the danged poison types. Anyway, since Maddie is beggining, right now she needs to focus more on grammar, description, plot, and character development then anything else. Foolish mortal. Anyway, I do agree that your names are a bit more descriptive, but... meh. I'm kind of annoyed- everyone seems to want a character to get into this story. If you want to toy around with your character, go join a roleplay! Jeez! (Alright, done now...)

Rest assured, you will not be ignored- but remember, asking an author to change the name of someone or something a few chapters into the story makes it pretty hard on them.

Oh, and as for slapping Maddie- here, I have a present for you. The exploding variety. Oh, and Char has something to say about your Pidgeotto...

Char: Mmm... delicious.

ACC: *sweatdrop* I didn't want you to eat it!

Char: Oh, the bird? I was talking about this pizza. But the bird just got KOed by my godly powered-up Rock Slide.

ACC: *relieved* Good... that was odd. Now, Maddie, work harder on the next chapter! Meanwhile, I'm going to stay at home and stare at pictures of Latias.

Char: *Sweatdrop* I should never have gotten him started...

 

[ProtrainerEon]

Hey pal, those names are better TO YOU. Not everyone likes what you like so deal with it. If Madii-Chan disagrees, tough. It's all her choice.

At least instead of stating your OPINIONS as facts, begin with 'in my opinion...' or 'to me'...something of that sort. Things like that can get annoying. Sure, plain names may be boring, but it depends. In her case, I'll let Maddie off on that one. I didn't really feel that the names lessened the quality of her story even the slightest bit.

Hey, but that's just me. :/?

 

[Skymin]

>< You can spell Pidgeotto >< Mehe!
Mehe, my malicious Umbreon Eve will eat your dang Pidgeotto with a biig teeef chomp, after Char burns it to a crisp.. muahah!
-pats Char and gives a extra larger pizza- XD
Then she'll eat your Dragonite costume, ><
And I be pestered on if it was Tropica, fool... thats a Hack name, dont go stealin' round! -pokes-

and yes to the rest, i cant be bothered writing a large answer...