"How come you're not as fat as I think you should be?"
Gold asked the boy beside him nonchalantly, hands folded behind his head. The said boy-who-was-not-fat-as-one-might-think was busy, in fact, stuffing muffins into his mouth.
Despite the rather rude question, the eating boy did not seem offended. He was a naturally pleasant person, and years of putting up with Pearl had taught him the way of interacting with rude but not exactly ill-meaning people.
"I dunno." Diamond answered between chews. "Is that a good thing?"
There was a flurry of movement, suddenly, Gold was on top of him, ripping off his shirt and muffler.
"W-what are you doing Gold-senpai?!" Diamond protested, the other boy ignored him and continue to declothe the top half of Diamond's body.
Picking up one of Diamond's arms, Gold squished it between his hands. Then, much to the utter embarrassment and perplexity of the half-naked one (who had lost all interest in eating for the moment) he poked and pinched the younger boy's waist, all with a solemn expression on his face.
"Just as I thought." Gold muttered.
"Just--?"
"YOU!" Gold jabbed a finger at Diamond, "You're 70% fat and 30% muscle, that's why!"
"E-eh?!"
"THAT WON'T DO FOR A POKEMON SPECIAL MAIN CHARACTER!"
"W-what?"
"Look at me, and Red-senpai, and Ruby." Gold grinned, "We're all fit and well-built (though I think Ruby still has puppy fat), but YOU! It was strange that you didn't look so fat, but you're really a case in failure!!"
Diamond sniffled and looked like he was about to cry. Not from the mean words, but from the fact that he was so very cold, and he had realised his muffin was now on the ground and inedible.
But Gold didn't know that.
"Uh...ah..." The older boy realised he might have just been a little harsh on the new guy. "I'm...er...well, you need to start training with me from now on!"
"Sniff...uuu..." Diamond shed a tear, but it was really because he was hungry again.
"....Nnnnn, OH! I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE CRY IN FRONT OF ME SO COME HERE AND I'LL GIVE YOU A HUG!" Gold grabbed the half-naked boy and tossed him into a bone-crushing hug.
Hmm? What's this strange, nice feeling?
So...soft, and....squishy...
SNAP OUT OF IT, GOLD! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MOLEST YOUNGER GENERATIONS! (Gold tend to think in capital letters)
BUT DIAMOND FEELS SO NICE TO HUG BECAUSE OF ALL THE FAT!
IF HE GOT MUSCLES HE WOULDN'T BE AS NICE TO HUG!
"Uhh...Gold-senpai?"
"....I've decided!" Unwillingly, Gold let go and cleared his throat, "You...you don't have to train with me anymore!"
"Eh? Why all of a sudden--"
"Because!" Gold balled a fist and declared with gusto, "Pokemon Special main characters all have to be unique right? I mean, can't have everyone as awesome as me!"
"Ehhh...?"
Diamond was not sure whether that's a good thing.
THE END!
