[Previous PotM Winner][August] Would You Date a Trans Person?

[Kevin]

I feel like a douche for saying no, I wouldn't want to date a trans.

I have nothing against them, however. It just isn't my preference.

 

[Honest]

Anywaays to my opinion on this... This is looking like a D&D Thread... And I hate that place...

The way I see it, this thread isn't really a debate. Not much to debate about. As for the discussion part, well, that's chit-chat for ya. Just consider this a very interesting topic to chit chat about.

As long as the person radiates the power of Darkness, it's fine.

And I take it that means Drakow's totally cool with it. =P

 

[mikey]

I feel like a douche for saying no, I wouldn't want to date a trans.

I have nothing against them, however. It just isn't my preference.

Yeah, same here. Just not something I would be able to do. Not really sure how I can explain it though.

 

[Squirrel]

As long as they're honest about it and everything 'works' then sure, why not? I'd probably be more hesitant were I straight as it's a different issue when you've got the choice of a partner that you can produce biological children with and one that you can't, but as a gay guy I don't see much of a difference either way as long as they're upfront about it. If I was single I'd be happy to date a trans guy, but only female -> male for obvious reasons.

 

[umbryan]

Nope, I've had many trans friends, mostly FTM, but I just don't think I could ever really do it.

 

[pectyl]

This is an extremely too common argument used against trans people. In the case of a trans woman: "They're not really a woman, just a really feminine man." Sometimes they add in "gay" for good measure. As if gender identity and sexual orientation are the same thing. The opposite for trans men. While I am feminine, I'm not hyperfeminine by any means. I don't wear makeup or skirts. I only rarely feel in the right mood for a dress. I like pants and shorts, although my tops usually have a wide range from feminine to masculine. I'm okay with both. But what does that have to do with gender identity? Nothing, actually. It's called gender expression and it also isn't linked to gender identity or sexual orientation. Neither are gender roles.

I don't feel a need to go over the top with my gender expression because I know what I am. I don't have to prove it to anyone. Despite my slightly masculine dress, people never refer to me with male pronouns. I have the voice and attitude down pretty pat. How? By allowing myself to be who I really am. After overcoming confidence issues, it was pretty easy from there. It was all already inside of me. Not every trans woman is so lucky, though. Point is that I'm trans because I'm a woman, but my body was born male. It sucks, but it honestly isn't that big of a hindrance in my life. Most people judge trans people harshly until they meet someone who is trans. Experience is the best teacher.

You asked for our honest opinion but when you get it and it says "no" you seem to instantly go offensive to defend who you are, against no attack. We have a right to say no and give a explanation on what we think, the same way as you have the right to say yes and explain things how you think. we have to respect your opinion and the same goes the other way around.

ohh...and my honest opinion is no.

 

[AzuGazer]

nope -3- i would not. i would not date a transsexual.

 

[Psycho Yuffie]

You asked for our honest opinion but when you get it and it says "no" you seem to instantly go offensive to defend who you are, against no attack. We have a right to say no and give a explanation on what we think, the same way as you have the right to say yes and explain things how you think. we have to respect your opinion and the same goes the other way around.

ohh...and my honest opinion is no.

I already addressed this in a previous post. I wasn't actually being defensive at all. Being defensive is lashing out at the person you perceive to be attacking you. Explaining my feelings is not defensive. The post in question was not hostile, nor can I see why you think that it is. You have the right to give an answer and an explanation, but I also have the right to give a reaction to your response. These reactions are not malicious--after all, the mods have combed this thread quite a bit and none of my replies have been deleted. Plus, who says that I'm not allowed to post some information that might be educational for some people? Who says I can't give some of my personal experience to help others understand transgender people a bit more?

 

[zakisrage]

The answer is no. My parents wouldn't approve of it, and I'm not into that sort of thing anyway.

 

[xseed]

hmmmm....this is a VERY complicated question. would I? I cant say no but I also cant say yes. for one thing think of how embarissing that would be if someone found out and it spread. Society can be cruel. lol. this reminds me of traps now. lmao.

 

[Flushed]

Yeah I would. The connection has to be there, and looks are important as well. It's no different to me than looking to date a biological girl.

hmmmm....this is a VERY complicated question. would I? I cant say no but I also cant say yes. for one thing think of how embarissing that would be if someone found out and it spread. Society can be cruel. lol. this reminds me of traps now. lmao.

You can't seriously use that as an excuse can you?

 

[Entermaid]

You can't seriously use that as an excuse can you?

I am sure that the poster could have phrased that comment MUCH better. However, I do think their is some validity to this point of view. In that, just like a bisexual person, that would generally rank somewhere in the dead-center of the Kinsey Scale, and therefore, not have a significant preference for one gender over the other might decide to avoid needless societal pressures and conflicts, deciding to date someone of the opposite sex. Likewise, if someone is attracted to women biological or otherwise, to avoid societal scrutiny, it's better for someone to admit that the societal pressure would be too much for them, rather than to underestimate this concern and ultimately cause the trangender partner hurt feelings. If someone is not sure if they are willing to date a person for their gender identification, they should not test the situation out and commit to a serious relationship. But again, the poster could have certainly articulated the point much better, and I for one completely understand your interjection.

 

[Flushed]

Yeah, valid point. I understand where xseed is coming from ultimately, it's just my initial impression is that a transgender person has accepted that negative societal views are going to be a way of life, why should you be the one worried about something like that, especially if that's one of the only things standing between you and a potential relationship.

 

[Whisbii]

I have never thought about this completely throughout, but I would not date a transgender individual. If I did know more about it I would probably be even more against the idea of that. I prefer the way they originally came and I realize that may be rude, but It is the way I see it because the facial structure and body structure would be really uncomforting.

 

[xseed]

Yeah, valid point. I understand where xseed is coming from ultimately, it's just my initial impression is that a transgender person has accepted that negative societal views are going to be a way of life, why should you be the one worried about something like that, especially if that's one of the only things standing between you and a potential relationship.

hmm mabye yoru right. was not thinking right(which I suck at anyway hahaa). Though I guess I was overworrying a bit their :(. Hmm I want to add more but I cant really think of anything else to say atm :(

 

[Serene Grace]

This conversation actually reminds me of when I came out to one of my friends. He was okay with me being transgender, but not a lesbian. He didn't understand that if I liked women, why I should transition to become one. Later he told me, just before he cut me out of his life, that I was only transitioning to have an excuse to have sex with lesbians--as if that's all the justification I needed to make a life-changing decision to transition to opposite sex. I found this scenario humorous, to say the least, because I couldn't imagine anyone doing something so silly to have a chance--I stress chance--at getting a lesbian in bed. Your scenario is the exact same but the opposite, so I can't help but not take it that seriously.

Are there people that are deranged enough to go through what I have just to get guys? Not saying there aren't. I'm just pointing out that most of them shouldn't get through qualifying for transition. Let me make this clear: you can't just walk into a psychologist and tell them you want to be the opposite sex and just get some hormones right there. No, you need to go through rigorous therapy, sometimes many group therapy sessions on top of individual for three months. Every therapist qualified for treating transgender patients will have certain criteria that every patient has to meet before they'll get a referral letter for a doctor. Some may be able to trick their therapist and doctor--I don't doubt it, but transition isn't for the faint of heart.

Look, your ex friend is a douche but not everyone out there is as narrow minded as that.

Personally, I wouldn't, just because it's too weird to me and it just feel unnatural.

Notice: I said to me! I don't care whatever you are, if you're a nice person I'll be friends with you - but for a romantic relationship? No, that's just too weird in my personal opinion. You asked for it and I'm giving it.

 

[abnegation]

As someone who values sexuality within a relationship, and whom has only ever been attracted to the female sex and gender, I wouldn't be entitled to be interested in seeking a relationship with a trans-gendered person. However I'm sure I could find them emotionally attractive, however I look for more than that in a relationship.

 

[Kyrul]

I didn't transition to female because I thought that it was better to be a woman. I already was a woman and I wished for my body to express it.

Sorry for my late reply. I completely forgot about this thread to be honest. But awhile back you said something about "my world of extremes". Which I pretty much just took as you calling me an extremist. You mind telling me how you came to that conclusion? I clearly stated in my first post that I don't mind if they go ahead and do it, it's their lives. I just don't like it. Does that sound extreme to you?

Are you even reading my posts? I said I don't believe the whole 'women trapped in a man's body' mentality. Because that's all it is, a mentality. I don't believe just because you think your a women then that makes you a women.

 

[Volim te]

Maybe depends on what kind of person they were/are.

 

[Psycho Yuffie]

Sorry for my late reply. I completely forgot about this thread to be honest. But awhile back you said something about "my world of extremes". Which I pretty much just took as you calling me an extremist. You mind telling me how you came to that conclusion? I clearly stated in my first post that I don't mind if they go ahead and do it, it's their lives. I just don't like it. Does that sound extreme to you?

Are you even reading my posts? I said I don't believe the whole 'women trapped in a man's body' mentality. Because that's all it is, a mentality. I don't believe just because you think your a women then that makes you a women.

I said you have a world of extremes because you don't believe in anything but male and female, even though it completely ignores intersexed people and people who have more than two sex chromosomes. Also, women who are born with XY chromosomes but have fully functioning female reproductive systems and vice versa for men. The world is not that simple. Plugging your ears and pretending doesn't make it go away. It's still there whether you believe it's there or not. It's like telling me you don't believe in the sun. Sure, you're welcome to believe it, but it doesn't make it true.

Also, you're undermining me. Making my plight as a human being into a simple matter of thinking I'm something I'm not. It's not quite that easy. Not only do you undermine me, but you make me out to be either unintelligent, mentally ill, or confused. Also, I never said I was a woman trapped in a man's body. You can't use quotation marks without stating a direct quote. I just said I was a woman. This isn't something you can disagree with. It would be like if I disagreed with you over having hair. I can say you don't have hair, but it doesn't change that you do. Nor do you need my input to verify you have hair. You have it all over your body. It's the same with gender. When it doesn't correlate with your sex, you feel it everywhere on your body.

Thing is that you're not me. You will never know what it's like to be trans. For you to tell me that you don't believe in me, even though I'm clearly here. I exist. Your opinion does not override reality. It just makes your opinion willfully ignorant. As a cisgender person, you either take my word for it and allow yourself to be educated on what it's like to be trans or you can do what you're doing and pretend that we don't exist.

Keep in mind that up until this point, it was a general subject; however, when it comes to you denying the existence of gender dysphoria, that's quite personal. I lived it. It's like a white person telling a black person that racism doesn't exist. The white person has never lived that life. She has no way of knowing what it's like.