The Post Your Problems Thread

[Akio123]

Hey guys I have a little problem:
I recently transferred to a new school in DC. I am going to be doing pre med there. Now I am completely fine with that, but I first applied for this intense 7-year program in which after I would get my MD. My aunt doesn't know I didn't get into the 7 year program and she has been telling everyone. I don't know how to tell her I am not in it.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

But honey, you're just going to move out and become anti-social somewhere else; you don't better yourself by changing your surroundings; you change your surroundings by the way you change yourself. Yes, I did totally disregard *everything else* you had to say; because it all roots back to this one problem that's poisoning your life at the moment: You. Yes, I said it. You are the problem. But don't get me wrong; don't take what I have to say as an attack! Instead; see it as a prompt to examine yourself; and to realize what needs to change inside you; rather than what needs to change with where you live. What's to stop you getting out of the house right now (tomorrow? I dunno what time it is there) and tarting yourself up a little so you can do a resume drop?

My parents house is my box. In other words. my shell. I HAVE to break out of it. The thing I have to change is the way people think of me. At first glance people would think of me as an unattractive (people outside my family have told me this) teenager. I don't look my age. I'm short. 5'3". Problem is, I change what others think.

What stops me is the fact that I don't really have a reason to go outside. I'm not exactly a fan of the sun unless we go swimming because I burn VERY easily. I'm not going outside just to get burned. The only time I usually go outside is for taking out the trash, going with a walk with my little sister and her friends (very VERY rarely do they ask me. Since I'm like... 4 years older than all of them, I feel out of place), or for vacation.

There's nothing. It's like the underpants gnomes and their "????. PROFIT".

................... What??? o____O;

You have nothing there to incite change; you're hinging that moving away from the only people at the moment who keep you from crawling entirely into your own shell will be a positive move. It won't be; it won't help you at all. It'll make matters *worse* because when your beau does pass away his family won't be able to support you and you'll be out on your own; and you'll sink so much further into being the introvert that poisons you from inside. I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your dreams ~ and far be it for me to tell you that you should consider your feelings for this boy; I *know* what love feels like and I know what you're going through. But how can you give yourself totally and entirely to another human being; when you can't even fix yourself? Would you give the person you love a knowingly defective Christmas Gift? You can't be this way, petal. You need to consider something like..

Do you know what love really feels like when you felt like you were ugly your whole life-when people outside your family told you so to your face and then you meet someone who thinks you are beautiful? James is my very first boyfriend ever. I NEVER thought I'd be with anyone until he came along. He loves me for who I am. He calls me his princess and angel. I love him so much because he made me felt like I was actually wanted in the world. He's the kindest man I've ever met in my life and he loves me for me. FFor someone like him to make me so happy for beginning to break my shell from my anti-socialism, I'd do anything for him.

You'll notice there's no single "improvement to situation" step in the chart this time; because change isn't a one shot answer. There's no easy way out; there's no short cut home. You need to build on the relationships you have with your family, with your friends; with your boyfriend ~ but you need to forge new ones as well! You can't stagnate like a pond; you need to flow like a river and always be in search of new opportunities and pathways. You need a job. You need to go to College; if not for the degree than for the social development it encourages. You need to go to parties with your peers; and get wasted on the town and do things for attention - these are all extrovert qualities and things you need to build upon as a foundation for your life.
It's only what you make it.

​

If I go to college, it'll just be the same as school before. People judge me for what I look like, not for who I am, therefore think I'm a random freak going to the school. I had to go through being bullied from when I started school till highschool. I had to have a social worker during grade school because I kept myself from others because no one liked me. For years, I edured it and never really told anyone what I went through, not even my social worker, until I became a wall to those comments. But I just expect it being worse in college. Especially the being wasted part because I can be taken advantage of when drunk. (Even though I'll never even THINK of touching alcohol.)
​

 

[Cherrim]

pro-tip: college is nothing like high school. By the time they get there, people stop caring about pointless things like popularity and bullying is much lessened, seriously. You can just go join a few clubs based on what you like (gaming, anime, etc.) and make friends with like interests.

._. If you start out assuming everything will be crap from the get-go (ie, "I won't go outside because I'll only get sunburnt" or "if I go to college it'll be as crappy as high school") then of COURSE it will be because you'll go in expecting it to be.

 

[Bianca Paragon]

Let's address this with some comparison for you; and I know it'll sound self centred but I think you need to know a little background about *me* so you can fully appreciate how much I empathize with your situation. You say you're short, you look a different age, and you think you're unattractive? You're only unattractive because you lack confidence; confidence and the way you carry yourself is the *single* most attractive thing about a person! Me? I'm 5'1; a little chubby (tho I used to be a lot chubby) and I was *born as a boy*. Yes, that's right. If you want to compare feeling ugly, feeling out of place; how about you consider how it feels to go through your teenage years feeling like you're the wrong GENDER. I know what it's like to feel ugly; I understand how it feels to have no confidence and to just let yourself go (why bother, right?) and to have no self esteem. I don't want to make this a whizzing contest but I need you to understand I know how you feel! And yes. Yes I do know what love feels like when you can't even love yourself. I know it better than you'd dare imagine. But love is hollow and meaningless if you can't love yourself, first! You're using his affection to fill a hole inside you; when the love he lavishes on you should be something you *cherish*, not something you *need*. Codependency sounds so workable and beautiful on the surface; but it's not! When you need someone's love to live, you begin to resent them when they can't deliver everything you need at all times.

But I digress.

You don't need to "go outside" to meet people; plenty of work (in fact, most sales work) is indoors in the glowing warmth of fluorescent lightbulbs. Go and do a resume drop first thing in the morning; UV rays are worse between 11am and 1pm ~ so hit the stores and businesses early and you can be home in time for lunch. You talk about wanting to change the way people see you and that's wonderful; the desire is there within you ~ but your ideas on the methods are all askew. You need to build yourself up inside, before you can enact change on the world around you. Don't you understand? You can't make people see you differently until you see yourself differently. And on differently; College is so different to High School! In High School people resent each other and the environment of the campus because they *have* to be there. In College, people *want* to be there and they want to be there to not only take upon a degree but also to build the final stages of their social development. You need this; because right now you're letting your social muscles atrophy and one day it's going to be too late~

I can't help you anymore than what I've already said and I know it feels daunting to change; but it happens a little at a time and it only does so if you want it~
But if I can do it? So can you.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

But love is hollow and meaningless if you can't love yourself, first! You're using his affection to fill a hole inside you; when the love he lavishes on you should be something you *cherish*, not something you *need*. Codependency sounds so workable and beautiful on the surface; but it's not! When you need someone's love to live, you begin to resent them when they can't deliver everything you need at all times.

I'll never resent James. He's done so much for me even though he's been through so much more crap than me. He still gave love more more chance to be with me. He never gave up on life even though the worst has happened to him. The irony of it all. It's more my love keeping him alive.

Go and do a resume drop first thing in the morning; UV rays are worse between 11am and 1pm ~ so hit the stores and businesses early and you can be home in time for lunch.

Uh... Issue there. I'm leaving to Florida to visit my grandparents on Friday (Wednesday 3:39 PM right now). Plus, me getting a job now defeats the purpose of the disability. I already signed up for it (mom made me). And she expects me to use that money to pay her while I go to school.

You need to build yourself up inside, before you can enact change on the world around you. Don't you understand? You can't make people see you differently until you see yourself differently.

Then explain how I felt when I was younger. I was happy and full of life as a child. People should see me as a happy-go lucky person then. But they didn't. They saw me as a loser. THAT's why I am what I am today.

In College, people *want* to be there and they want to be there to not only take upon a degree but also to build the final stages of their social development. You need this; because right now you're letting your social muscles atrophy and one day it's going to be too late~

Not in my case. I don't want to go. The only reason why I am is because I don't want mom yelling at me (I hate yelling) and I'm going to the cheapest one. I'm being forced into going to college.

 

[Camisado]

I'm completely appalled that you ignored the entire first half of apple.SHAMPOO's post =(

You're asking for help and yet rebuffing everything you don't want to hear.

 

[processr]

You're asking for help and yet rebuffing everything you don't want to hear.

If this is your attitude then I can quite readily see why your mother wants you to stay. You're clearly not ready to leave home, especially to live with someone you and your immediate family are yet to meet.

 

[Vigilante]

Not in my case. I don't want to go. The only reason why I am is because I don't want mom yelling at me (I hate yelling) and I'm going to the cheapest one. I'm being forced into going to college.

Wait? You are going because she is yelling at you? If I yelled and told you to jump off a bridge would you do it? If you don't want to go, then don't. Especially not because she is yelling at you.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

Wait? You are going because she is yelling at you? If I yelled and told you to jump off a bridge would you do it? If you don't want to go, then don't. Especially not because she is yelling at you.

That's the thing... She'll force me to still go. She has some form of control over me... I can't explain it... I'm not assertive in the least. I never can really do what I want. My little sister knows this too. She's been put on meds and talks to a doctor every month whom says that we have bad parents. My little sister agrees with me going because she knows it's the only way to 'break my chains' If I could leave now, I would do it in a heart beat, but I can't...

 

[22sa]

I want help.

I don't want help.

Am I eloquent or what?

Edit:

My disabilities are Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, and an Anxiety Disorder.

He can't leave the US. But before I met him, I planned on going to college for however long I needed to and then move to Japan.

Hey I have two questions:

1. What do those disabilities stop you from doing/achieving?

2. What does your boyfriend think about your goal of working as a Spiriter in Japan? & Is his desires compatible with your goal?

 

[Mika]

That's the thing... She'll force me to still go. She has some form of control over me... I can't explain it... I'm not assertive in the least. I never can really do what I want. My little sister knows this too. She's been put on meds and talks to a doctor every month whom says that we have bad parents. My little sister agrees with me going because she knows it's the only way to 'break my chains' If I could leave now, I would do it in a heart beat, but I can't...

First off, let me explain something about disability

It really doesn't pay for everything you think it's going to pay for. It might pay for your rent, but are you 100% positive that you're going to be able to buy food? Pay utilities? What about entertainment costs? What about clothing? As someone who also gets disability money, I can tell you that it really doesn't go very far in the grand scheme of things and I have friends that live on, quite literally, to the dime and they have next to absolutely nothing >> You sure you're going to be able to shop at food stores like Aldis or other off brand stores and wonder if you're going to have enough cash for next week's meal? It's not nearly as simple as you think it is and if you start adding in other fees ontop of that, I guarantee you that you'll see just how not-far it's going. On top of that, I understand you have these particular disabilities but are you sure you're even going to GET disability money? Aspies, yes, I can see some potential money from that if it's severe enough but Anxiety and ADHD are almost never severe enough to qualify. Just how much do you think you're getting anyways?

Second, you think you're the only person that hates college? I hate to be rude or blunt but I honestly loath college [at least the one I'm currently attending] with absolutely every fiber of my body. Why? I don't feel accepted there and I don't feel like I belong. Do I still attend that school? Absolutely. Do I hate a good portion of it? Absolutely. Have I quit? Absolutely not. There are things in life that we have to do regardless of whether or not we really want to do them. We cannot expect the world to spin for us, we must spin the world to obtain what we wish to obtain. It's going to suck, it's going to be miserable and you're going to have to work hard. You do realize if you go to college, you can live on campus right? This gets you out of the house and yet you're still appeasing your mother. Find a college you like. It sounds retarded but if you go do some college visits, you can find a college you can put up with. Go check out the federally mandated Students with Disabilities area. The one at my university is the only thing really keeping me going, the people are amazing and they make sure that I have all my accommodations. You can, with a disability, sometimes qualify for Voc Rehab which will help you find a job like on campus and help you find work after you graduate [because you're protected under the laws that make it so you have to be given and will give you ways to get a job you're comfortable with that doesn't aggravate your disorders. :3

Instead of freaking out and switching over to disability monthly stipends, why don't you try looking at this flipside of your disability needs? There's alllll sorts of stuff out there to get you a job you're comfortable with or at least one you can tolerate. D: Please don't just give up and give into this disability stipend; it really isn't as much money as you think it is.

[I know the spelling errors in this are atrocious is because it's 2:30am. XD; sorry]

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

First off, let me explain something about disability

It really doesn't pay for everything you think it's going to pay for. It might pay for your rent, but are you 100% positive that you're going to be able to buy food? Pay utilities? What about entertainment costs? What about clothing? As someone who also gets disability money, I can tell you that it really doesn't go very far in the grand scheme of things and I have friends that live on, quite literally, to the dime and they have next to absolutely nothing >> You sure you're going to be able to shop at food stores like Aldis or other off brand stores and wonder if you're going to have enough cash for next week's meal? It's not nearly as simple as you think it is and if you start adding in other fees ontop of that, I guarantee you that you'll see just how not-far it's going. On top of that, I understand you have these particular disabilities but are you sure you're even going to GET disability money? Aspies, yes, I can see some potential money from that if it's severe enough but Anxiety and ADHD are almost never severe enough to qualify. Just how much do you think you're getting anyways?

James was able to live on his own for a while with only $1000. Since he's paying for my rent when we're both going to move in together at his mom's house, I think I'll be able to support myself.

I already applied for it. In real life, I can barely talk because it almost scares me to. I don't like being in crouds (a small group of people of people I know very well is fine but I still won't say much)

Second, you think you're the only person that hates college? I hate to be rude or blunt but I honestly loath college [at least the one I'm currently attending] with absolutely every fiber of my body. Why? I don't feel accepted there and I don't feel like I belong. Do I still attend that school? Absolutely. Do I hate a good portion of it? Absolutely. Have I quit? Absolutely not. There are things in life that we have to do regardless of whether or not we really want to do them. We cannot expect the world to spin for us, we must spin the world to obtain what we wish to obtain. It's going to suck, it's going to be miserable and you're going to have to work hard. You do realize if you go to college, you can live on campus right? This gets you out of the house and yet you're still appeasing your mother.

I can't. She won't let me live on campus...

Find a college you like. It sounds retarded but if you go do some college visits, you can find a college you can put up with. Go check out the federally mandated Students with Disabilities area. The one at my university is the only thing really keeping me going, the people are amazing and they make sure that I have all my accommodations. You can, with a disability, sometimes qualify for Voc Rehab which will help you find a job like on campus and help you find work after you graduate [because you're protected under the laws that make it so you have to be given and will give you ways to get a job you're comfortable with that doesn't aggravate your disorders. :3

Well finding a different college is out of the question because I'm already signed up for it...

Instead of freaking out and switching over to disability monthly stipends, why don't you try looking at this flipside of your disability needs? There's alllll sorts of stuff out there to get you a job you're comfortable with or at least one you can tolerate. D: Please don't just give up and give into this disability stipend; it really isn't as much money as you think it is.

[I know the spelling errors in this are atrocious is because it's 2:30am. XD; sorry]

I'm being put on disability because my mom wants me to pay her rent while I go to a college I don't want to go to. I won't get ANY of that money if I stay until I get out of college and by then, she'll make me get rid of that money to get a job. She's controling my life like it's her own. But it's not.

1. What do those disabilities stop you from doing/achieving?

Asperger Syndrome makes it increadably difficult to communicate with others that it scares me to talk.

ADHD doesn't really effect me as much as it did as a child other than the fact that I have a hard time focusing on things.

The Anxiety Disorder just causes me to become increadably cautious. Whenever something goes wrong, I get very scared. In the case when I feel that I've done something wrong, I give myself self-punishment (no, not cutting). I'm trying to change this thing about me for James because I had to tell him about it and he said if I don't change that, we can't be together... I understand that. It's just sometimes when I feel like I've done something wrong, I HAVE to be punished...

2. What does your boyfriend think about your goal of working as a Spiriter in Japan? & Is his desires compatible with your goal?

He gets very upset when he thinks about this subject because he says that he's the reason I'm not accomplishing my dreams, but I love him too much to leave his for something so selfish to accomplish my dreams while dystroying another's.

He and I just want to live together, so yes.

 

[Cherrim]

Then throw a tantrum and refuse to go to class until you get what you want. :D If the money comes in cheques, call up the bank and make sure you have an account with them that your mom can't access and keep the money for yourself. If your mom threatens to kick you out... success! move in with your bf and live happily ever after.

Anyway, since it was kinda missed... @Akio123: it sucks but you're gonna just have to suck it up and tell her. It's going to be awkward no matter WHEN you do but it'll be infinitely less worse if you do it sooner rather than later because later on you have the added stress of explaining why you didn't say right away. :(

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

Then throw a tantrum and refuse to go to class until you get what you want. : D If the money comes in cheques, call up the bank and make sure you have an account with them that your mom can't access and keep the money for yourself.

The tantrum part seems a bit childish because I NEVER thrown a tantrum in my life, I just ran to my room and cried. o-o; (I cry VERY easily)

I already have my own bank account. :3

If your mom threatens to kick you out... success! move in with your bf and live happily ever after.

.... : D That comment makes me smile. I never thought I'd actually be happy to be kicked out. xD I'll need to get a bus and plane ticket then when and if that happens.

 

[processr]

May I advise that you actually meet this guy face to face before moving in with him permanently? ._.;

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

May I advise that you actually meet this guy face to face before moving in with him permanently? ._.;

Well mom agreed to let him come over for holidays. Unfortunatly I won't be able to see him for Christmas. ;-;

I SHOULD be able to see him after the trip to Florida, which by the way, I'm leaving tomarrow for a week or so. Scalloping for the win. Grandma said that there was a record high down there. Last year there was barely any since the water was so damn hot. o-o

 

[Percy Thrillington]

I honestly don't see why you're all bothering helping this person out when the problem here has clearly got to do with something that only she can do for herself, and the quote above is precisely that.

You have no hope. Therefore you think you can't make dreams come true. Therefore you're just going to life like a depressed parasite for the rest of your life. Therefore you're going to die and rot a worthless human being.

And you think that's going to make you happy.

It's not, and you know it's not. Shut the hell up, stop asking these kind of retarded questions on a Pokémon forum, and think about how you're going to make your own future. If you don't like the place you're in right now, get a job, and fight for whatever the hell you need to get you out of whatever you want to get out, because I doubt your "boyfriend"'s parents are going to let some random selfish hobo leech off someone else's resources.

Or are you just going to be one of those people who think that they will be able to use their "disabilities" as a shield to society? Are you going to be one of those people, and expect everything to fall from the sky just because you can?

Wake up. Get up. It's your choice.

Hyper Chibi Absol... why would you ask these questions and ignore someone who took the time to answer you? Even if he was somewhat mean, you could have the decency to respond to him.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

Hyper Chibi Absol... why would you ask these questions and ignore someone who took the time to answer you? Even if he was somewhat mean, you could have the decency to respond to him.

*anime fall* I'm not a fan of posting to rude posts because the people who post them are just basicly acting like... well... you get it.

But I will. >.>;

You have no hope. Therefore you think you can't make dreams come true. Therefore you're just going to life like a depressed parasite for the rest of your life. Therefore you're going to die and rot a worthless human being.

They can't come true because to put it bluntly, we live in a ****** world...

Worthless? I already felt worthless until James came along. Being with him gives my life meaning. That I was actually needed.

And you think that's going to make you happy.

Making others happy especially the ones I care about makes me happy, so yes.[/QUOTE]

It's not, and you know it's not. Shut the hell up, stop asking these kind of retarded questions on a Pokémon forum, and think about how you're going to make your own future. If you don't like the place you're in right now, get a job, and fight for whatever the hell you need to get you out of whatever you want to get out, because I doubt your "boyfriend"'s parents are going to let some random selfish hobo leech off someone else's resources.

Who're you to tell me to shut up?

My boyfriend's parents WANT me to live there. They sure as hell care about me more than my parents. The only time my parents pay attention to me is when they wait me to do something of their interest.

Or are you just going to be one of those people who think that they will be able to use their "disabilities" as a shield to society? Are you going to be one of those people, and expect everything to fall from the sky just because you can?

I'd rather be with people I know and love, rather in a place where people judge you for what you look like and you DON'T know them. I don't like being around a lot of people unless I know them.

 

[Camisado]

People are not being rude, they're being realistic. =(

I think you've made your mind up pretty strongly about what you want to do, and given that you're ignoring or discarding everything that everyone suggests that you don't want to hear, and not even thanking them for contributions, I don't think there's much else for you in this thread and you might want to go and see professional counselling instead.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

People are not being rude, they're being realistic. =(

Saying "shut the hell up" isn't rude?

I think you've made your mind up pretty strongly about what you want to do, and given that you're ignoring or discarding everything that everyone suggests that you don't want to hear, and not even thanking them for contributions, I don't think there's much else for you in this thread and you might want to go and see professional counselling instead.

About what I WANT to do, but I can't because mom won't let me do anything what I want. She NEVER has.

I have been in couselling for school since grade school. I never wanted to leave until now. This is because James made me realize something. I've been taking **** that I don't have to all my life. He's sick of it, just as much as me because he hates the way I'm treated. But since my mom just can't let go of me, I'm stuck here.

....Man does it suck to be the first born....