The Post Your Problems Thread

[Camisado]

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Wow, you're still in school, must be different in Brittan.
Well, my problem is that my friends aren't that nice to me. They make fun of me and mooch off me, but when I need something from them, they hardly give me anything in return. I hate being called fat, especially if the who's calling you fat is a twig. I'm not fat, I just have bad metabolism. Once you get to know me, I am a person. It just seems that no one likes me...

I know this probably isn't the most helpful comment, but those people aren't friends if they're being like that.

I suffered through middle school with friends that were awful to me and I'd recommend you sort your situation out before it all comes rushing back to you in high school and you need counselling ._.;

 

[Aljam]

I know this probably isn't the most helpful comment, but those people aren't friends if they're being like that.

I suffered through middle school with friends that were awful to me and I'd recommend you sort your situation out before it all comes rushing back to you in high school and you need counselling ._.;

k... btw im going into grade 11 next year XD

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

Well. OK, here's my problem. I'm stuck at my parents house for another 2 years because my mom won't let me leave the house without going to college and I'm 19.

My original plan was to leave the house after we left to Florida to visit my grandparents. Then after the trip, I'd take a bus and move in with my boyfriend. But I couldn't do that because my mom found out and guilt tripped me into not going and doing that. She says I'm only thinking of myself if I leave. But I told her that I'm old enough to make my own decisions. She just said that I was making a stupid mistake.

So by listening to her, I feel miserable because I won't be able to live with him for two more years... So my question is.... Should I follow my heart and be happy? Or should I listen to my mom and be miserable? I don't really want to go to college. I don't see the point because I'm gonna live off diability. My dreams as a spriter are never gonna come true because I can't leave this damn country. If I do, my boyfriend will never have a way of earning money again because no one'll hire him because he has an illness.

Knowing that... What should I do?

 

[I Laugh at your Misfortune!]

Should I follow my heart and be happy? Or should I listen to my mom and be miserable?

I think the answer is pretty evident there. You need to get your mum to understand that you need your independance and that you're not a child anymore - chances are she's just feeling over-protective.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

I think the answer is pretty evident there. You need to get your mum to understand that you need your independance and that you're not a child anymore - chances are she's just feeling over-protective.

The question is how? She already made me promise that I'd stay here and go to college. I don't know how to tell her I changed my mind.

 

[I Laugh at your Misfortune!]

The question is how? She already made me promise that I'd stay here and go to college. I don't know how to tell her I changed my mind.

I'd suggest that you bring up the idea of moving out again, but make it very clear that you're asking her permission out of courtesy and that ultimately, it's your decision.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

I'd suggest that you bring up the idea of moving out again, but make it very clear that you're asking her permission out of courtesy and that ultimately, it's your decision.

Yeah... I just don't know how I can tell her though. It's the same fear I had when I didn't want her finding out in the first place because I think she'd yell at me and never let me talk to my boyfriend again. She and dad yell alot whenever my siblings and I (very rarely) do anything wrong.

I guess it's safe to say that I'm somewhat scared of my parents. Possibly why this is, is because of the way I was punished as a child.

I feel like I'm chained to this house. I know the only way to break those chains is to leave, but I don't know if I can...

 

[processr]

I think you're being very selfish, to be frank. You intend to live off disability payments when you effectively elope, correct? If you've any sort of a conscience you'll go to college and get some skills that'll get you a decent job so you're not living off taxpayers' money. :I

 

[Camisado]

k... btw im going into grade 11 next year XD

Why does that make a difference? >>;;

I have to say you were quite flippant after I poured the experience out to you hoping I could help ._.;

Hyper Chibi Absol, how can you justify living on disability? I fume when people live off benefits when they could work - I am assuming you're perfectly capable of it, from your story. I'm a full-time working taxpayer and lose over 10% of my wages every month to the tax man. =/

I don't think you're being very realistic with your plans in life, either. If you two break up, where does that leave you? You have to think about these things. And your mother is only trying to persuade you to go to college because she cares about your future, even if you think she's being unreasonable at times.

(sorry for all the edits)

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

I think you're being very selfish, to be frank. You intend to live off disability payments when you effectively elope, correct? If you've any sort of a conscience you'll go to college and get some skills that'll get you a decent job so you're not living off taxpayers' money. :I

Being selfish or being smart? I know for a fact that the jobs I could ever possibly have aren't going to be an option because I can't leave the country. My boyfriend is dying and the only way he earns money is by disability money. He can't leave the country otherwise he'll lose that money. I'm not gonna do that just to become a spriter. THAT would be selfish. I love him.

I'm just stuck in a rut because I know everyday, he's closer to dying, but I have no idea when... It's scary because I think that, what if he isn't as healthy as I thought he was and gets worse to the point when he's on his death bed and I'm stuck in another state. I'd lose it if that happened....

 

[processr]

Being selfish or being smart? I know for a fact that the jobs I could ever possibly have aren't going to be an option because I can't leave the country. My boyfriend is dying and the only way he earns money is by disability money. He can't leave the country otherwise he'll lose that money. I'm not gonna do that just to become a sprite. THAT would be selfish. I love him.

Why do you think your mother wants you to go to college? So you can get some skills and not become a NEET who mooches off of the government. You need to stop having a one-track mind and open yourself up to other careers.

I'm just stuck in a rut because I know everyday, he's closer to dying, but I have no idea when... It's scary because I think that, what if he isn't as healthy as I thought he was and gets worse to the point when he's on his death bed and I'm stuck in another state. I'd lose it if that happened....

And what happens if he dies and you have no source of income?

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

Why do you think your mother wants you to go to college? So you can get some skills and not become a NEET who mooches off of the government. You need to stop having a one-track mind and open yourself up to other careers.

What other careers? All I'm good at is drawing and writing in a way. Not to brag, but think I've pretty much mastered drawing on MS Paint because I''ve been practicing ever since I was 11. (8 years) That's why, my orginal idea was to become a spriter but that requires moving to Japan... Which I can't do.

And what happens if he dies and you have no source of income?

That's where the disability comes in...

 

[Cherrim]

1. Being a spriter will not require you to move to Japan. Did you know that there are some video games made OUTSIDE of Japan? To be honest, the industry is booming moreso in the US than it is over there, so... you know... I think you're already in the right place.

2. If you don't go to college/university and get a degree in art, you'll never be hired as a game artist unless you have one hell of a portfolio which... you probably don't if you aren't heading onto post-secondary education for art. Just working in MS Paint on your own for 8 years isn't enough. Even if you're only working in something specific like spriting, you'll likely be required to have a very wide background in art to get hired by a game developer as a spriter.

That said, your mom likely doesn't think you're responsible enough to move out on your own and considering you don't even seem to have made much research on your career choice, I'm inclined to agree with her. But if you're adamant...

Do your research. Figure out exactly where you're going, what you're doing when you get there, and what your long term and short term goals are. Look into the cost of living in the area, figure out what income you and your bf will have if you live together, and figure out how you're going to obtain the funds for that. (Living off disability, if you don't need to, is horrible btw--get a job if you can, seriously. :|) If possible, sit down with your family AND your boyfriend and discuss options, what's going to happen, and what your plan is.

Your mom is probably just worried about you and doesn't want you to run off and get in over your head. Leaving home is a BIG DEAL and if you aren't ready for it and don't take it seriously, you can rack up some serious debt. But if you learn the facts and go out of your way to make sure everything will go smoothly--and communicate all of this to your mom, she'll probably be more comfortable with it. You are old enough to make these decisions for yourself but it doesn't really sound like you're mature enough and that's the big thing here.

Personal question, I know, but what are *you* collecting disability for? Why can you not go get a job now but if your boyfriend weren't an issue, it'd be okay to pack up and leave for Japan to do spriting? :/ That sounds a hell of a lot more stressful and debilitating than, say, working retail for a bit.

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

1. Being a spriter will not require you to move to Japan. Did you know that there are some video games made OUTSIDE of Japan? To be honest, the industry is booming moreso in the US than it is over there, so... you know... I think you're already in the right place.

Name off a list of good companies then, please.

2. If you don't go to college/university and get a degree in art, you'll never be hired as a game artist unless you have one hell of a portfolio which... you probably don't if you aren't heading onto post-secondary education for art. Just working in MS Paint on your own for 8 years isn't enough. Even if you're only working in something specific like spriting, you'll likely be required to have a very wide background in art to get hired by a game developer as a spriter.

Which is another reason why it was only a dream job because as far as other forms of art goes, I'm only good at sketching and using colored pencils. I suck at painting (I have shaky hands), and I never used Photoshop before.

That said, your mom likely doesn't think you're responsible enough to move out on your own and considering you don't even seem to have made much research on your career choice, I'm inclined to agree with her. But if you're adamant...

She doesn't want me to move out because she knows that I planned on living off disability money. If I had other talents, lets say, fixing up cars and I liked to do that, I would get a job for that but I don't. All I am is an artist from a very small town.

Do your research. Figure out exactly where you're going, what you're doing when you get there, and what your long term and short term goals are. Look into the cost of living in the area, figure out what income you and your bf will have if you live together, and figure out how you're going to obtain the funds for that. (Living off disability, if you don't need to, is horrible btw--get a job if you can, seriously. :|) If possible, sit down with your family AND your boyfriend and discuss options, what's going to happen, and what your plan is.

I have done research. It was required to graduate from HighSchool. The orginal plan was to live at his mom's house. He gets $1000 a month.

Heh. Sitting down with all of them? There's a problem seeing as my boyfriend lives in a different state than me.

Your mom is probably just worried about you and doesn't want you to run off and get in over your head. Leaving home is a BIG DEAL and if you aren't ready for it and don't take it seriously, you can rack up some serious debt. But if you learn the facts and go out of your way to make sure everything will go smoothly--and communicate all of this to your mom, she'll probably be more comfortable with it. You are old enough to make these decisions for yourself but it doesn't really sound like you're mature enough and that's the big thing here.

I am ready. I'm sick of being treated as a child. And to be honest, my boyfriend is too. He told me, he hates the way I'm treated unfairly in my house.

Communication is very hard for me knowing MY illness.

Personal question, I know, but what are *you* collecting disability for? Why can you not go get a job now but if your boyfriend weren't an issue, it'd be okay to pack up and leave for Japan to do spriting? :/ That sounds a hell of a lot more stressful and debilitating than, say, working retail for a bit.

Mom wanted me put on it so I could pay her rent while I went to a college I never wanted to go to in the first place.

My disabilities are Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, and an Anxiety Disorder.

He can't leave the US. But before I met him, I planned on going to college for however long I needed to and then move to Japan.

 

[Bianca Paragon]

Having both ADD and GAD as well as a raft of other mental illnesses (BPD, GID, etc) I'm going to put this too you very bluntly; because I feel like you need to hear it ~ and having a general understanding of much of what goes on as a result of these ailments means you really need to take it on board. If you live off disability, and don't work, you will become isolated. And what happens when you become a shut-in? You will sink into depression. And it won't be just any bad day depression; it's going to be the most debilitating, soul destroying, reality altering, sinkhole of HELL that you can imagine. Multiplied by 10. I mean this more seriously than you can possibly get your head around. You will want to *die* because the thoughts that run rampant inside your head will tell you that you've reached rock bottom; that you'll never be anything; anyone - you'll cut off contact with any friends you do have and you'll get more and more alone and more and more depressed. The spiral will continue downward until you can't possibly imagine it getting any worse ~ and then it WILL because you'll self-sabotage. Why? This depression is all you will know; it's all you'll be able to relate to and you'll need more and more.

What you have are social, behavioral, adjustment disorders. You don't fix those by going on disability and hiding from the world; by eating up the tax money that COULD be going into fixing medical and living conditions for people who need it. No. You can't fix what's wrong with you; just like I can't fix what's wrong with me. But you can model your life around lifestyle pattern changes that will make you a better adjusted person; a socially fit and healthy state of mind that will make you cherish waking up in the morning and that will mean each day you seek out things that make you feel GOOD instead of feeding the depression. At best; right now? You're an introvert. You get self satisfaction and "power" from yourself; from being alone. You've already said that; you love writing and art and spriting; these are the sorts of activites that introverts cherish because you get to spend time on your own. But while a healthy human mind can flourish under introvert regime; yours is *not* healthy. Just like mine is *not* healthy. Just like anybody with any of the raft of behavior or adjustment disorders minds are *not* healthy. Take take the path of least resistance and it will lead you places darker and more terrible than you can possibly fathom.

To make it work; to grab life by the balls and make it yours? You *NEED* (yes, NEED) to become an extrovert. You need to realign yourself so that the presence of others will empower you; will make you feel good about yourself. You need to immerse yourself in a social career; like retail or sales or customer support ~ the more you're around people in person? The Better! Is McDonalds a glamorous job? No. Is it a future? Not in and of itself; but it can lead you into proper retail; sales; imbue you with the techniques and philosophy to rediscover the extrovert inside yourself. It doesn't devalue you as a human being to work with people. It doesn't make you a failure to seek a career in sales, consulting; anything with people around you every day. Will you be a billionaire? Probably not. Will you lead a healthy; fulfilling life? Well that's up to you.

Go to College. Get a job. Redesign yourself, and discover who you really can be. Because you deserve it.

 

[Cherrim]

Name off a list of good companies then, please.

...really? Ubisoft, EA Games, Bethesda, 2K, Activision Blizzard, Harmonix, Bioware, THQ, Lionhead, and you know what, here. Look how many are *not* in Japan. With the current popularity of the iPhone and similar low-capability systems on the rise, I imagine plenty of companies are looking into simpler graphics like sprites in some of their games. How can you be thinking of going into an industry without even researching it??

Which is another reason why it was only a dream job because as far as other forms of art goes, I'm only good at sketching and using colored pencils. I suck at painting (I have shaky hands), and I never used Photoshop before.

And that's where education comes in! Even if you just head to a community college and do part-time education, you can still get a degree and LEARN these skills, as well as meet some people who might have connections for you.

edit: this is even something you could tell your mother, btw. Find out what community colleges are in the area of your bf and see what their art department requirements are. If she knows you're not just moving to bum around and do nothing, but you also have plans for when you get there, she's going to be more supportive.

She doesn't want me to move out because she knows that I planned on living off disability money. If I had other talents, lets say, fixing up cars and I liked to do that, I would get a job for that but I don't. All I am is an artist from a very small town.

Then she has a very good point. :| But you know what? Sometimes you're stuck doing jobs that aren't that fun. I don't have a super talent for paperwork but yet here I am, doing paperwork day in and day out because it's something I can get paid for. Remember not every job you have has to be your career. Just apply for different things, learn some new skill sets, and go from there.

Remember... a dream job doesn't have to be unobtainable, but it's also not the first or only job you can do. Most people have to work hard to get to their preferred job and career... and unless you're an underachiever and working at McDonald's is your number one choice, you're always gonna have to just suck up and deal with a crappy job at first while you build a network of contacts and work experience.

I have done research. It was required to graduate from HighSchool. The orginal plan was to live at his mom's house. He gets $1000 a month.

Moving out of your parents house to go mooch off his parents. =_= I can kind of see why your mom doesn't really want you to move out. I'm not so sure you've done all the research though. You're 100% sure his family is okay with you staying there? Without a job? If you are required to get a job and pay rent while you live there, what would you do then?

I'm not trying to be so negative here but it really just sounds like you were talking to your bf over msn one night and decided "hey i wanna move in with you" "k :D". Like... how are you gonna get there, what are you gonna bring, what are you doing when you get there, etc. Is he the ONLY reason you wanna move out? If it's more trying to get away from home, have some patience and try talking to your mom about moving out into an apartment or sublet within the area and see how you manage on your own close to home before moving out of state borders.

Heh. Sitting down with all of them? There's a problem seeing as my boyfriend lives in a different state than me.

All the more reason you need to try to get everyone talking! Get his family and yours together around speaker phones or webcam or just... something. Of course she's going to be really wary if you're trying to move out-of-state to live with someone she barely knows. D: (This is, of course, assuming she hasn't met him before?) Hell, I don't even know you and I'm a little worried.

Listen, it REALLY sounds like you don't know what you're doing. :/

 

[Hyper Chibi Absol]

To make it work; to grab life by the balls and make it yours? You *NEED* (yes, NEED) to become an extrovert. You need to realign yourself so that the presence of others will empower you; will make you feel good about yourself. You need to immerse yourself in a social career; like retail or sales or customer support ~ the more you're around people in person? The Better! Is McDonalds a glamorous job? No. Is it a future? Not in and of itself; but it can lead you into proper retail; sales; imbue you with the techniques and philosophy to rediscover the extrovert inside yourself. It doesn't devalue you as a human being to work with people. It doesn't make you a failure to seek a career in sales, consulting; anything with people around you every day. Will you be a billionaire? Probably not. Will you lead a healthy; fulfilling life? Well that's up to you.

Go to College. Get a job. Redesign yourself, and discover who you really can be. Because you deserve it.

Becoming extrovert is the reason I have to move out. Staying here will just continue to make me anti-social. I don't have many friends, I rarely leave the house because I don't have any reason to, my friends NEVER visit me. I can't stand this house because it's noisy (I can't stand loud noises), I'm treated like ****, My younger siblings always take my things without my permission (namely my laptop). I hate it here. Not only does the things in this house annoy me, but it also keeps me away from the person I love. I can't hug him or kiss him because he's miles away...

edit: this is even something you could tell your mother, btw. Find out what community colleges are in the area of your bf and see what their art department requirements are. If she knows you're not just moving to bum around and do nothing, but you also have plans for when you get there, she's going to be more supportive.

No. She isn't. I told her that Illinois isn't the only state that has colleges and she still didn't agree on me going. She knows I'm adult. She KNOWS I can go to other colleges. She just chooses to keep me here as her 'little girl' forever...

Moving out of your parents house to go mooch off his parents. =_= I can kind of see why your mom doesn't really want you to move out. I'm not so sure you've done all the research though. You're 100% sure his family is okay with you staying there? Without a job? If you are required to get a job and pay rent while you live there, what would you do then?

I'm not trying to be so negative here but it really just sounds like you were talking to your bf over msn one night and decided "hey i wanna move in with you" "k :D". Like... how are you gonna get there, what are you gonna bring, what are you doing when you get there, etc. Is he the ONLY reason you wanna move out? If it's more trying to get away from home, have some patience and try talking to your mom about moving out into an apartment or sublet within the area and see how you manage on your own close to home before moving out of state borders.

I'm not mooching off of them. If my parents would actually let me do something for once, his family would welcome me with open arms. They WANT to meet me. His mom, his half-brother. Ehh... His step-dad is indifferent...

James told me, he'd pay the rent for the both of us. The only thing I'll have to pay for is food. The rest of the money is for anything in the future (say kids maybe. Yes, we have been talking about kids).

No. We've been dating for quite a while now. Since March. He suggested that I move out because the very first plan I had to actually be able to spend time with him was thworted because of a stupid scalloping trip... I asked my mom if I could stay at my grandma's house alone with him, but she said 'no'. And I'm an adult here. She shouldn't be bossing me around anymore but she is.... The way she believes in raising children is the 'My way or the High-way'. To be honest, I'd rather be kicked-out rather than staying here, chained to the wall. In a way, I'm being held hostage now that I think about it. I can LEGALLY move out, but my parents just won't let me.

 

[wakachamo]

My dreams as a spriter are never gonna come true because I can't leave this damn country.

I honestly don't see why you're all bothering helping this person out when the problem here has clearly got to do with something that only she can do for herself, and the quote above is precisely that.

You have no hope. Therefore you think you can't make dreams come true. Therefore you're just going to life like a depressed parasite for the rest of your life. Therefore you're going to die and rot a worthless human being.

And you think that's going to make you happy.

It's not, and you know it's not. Shut the hell up, stop asking these kind of retarded questions on a Pokémon forum, and think about how you're going to make your own future. If you don't like the place you're in right now, get a job, and fight for whatever the hell you need to get you out of whatever you want to get out, because I doubt your "boyfriend"'s parents are going to let some random selfish hobo leech off someone else's resources.

Or are you just going to be one of those people who think that they will be able to use their "disabilities" as a shield to society? Are you going to be one of those people, and expect everything to fall from the sky just because you can?

Wake up. Get up. It's your choice.

 

[Cherrim]

Well, start out slow.

If you've known him for a while and his family is receptive--just start out asking your mom if you could go spend a week or so out there with his family. See if his parents will talk to your mom and make sure you open as many modes of communication as you can. She'll be more comfortable if she knows who you'd be staying with. This is also a great safeguard in case it turns out that you two aren't as compatible irl as you thought--long distance relationships can work but sometimes they just work better long distance and when you're in close quarters for extended periods, it turns out you argue or have habits that just aggravate the other to no end, etc.

Alternatively, see if he'd be able to come down there (or do both, spend some time there, he comes to you, etc.). I know you're eager to just get out of your house and start spending the rest of your life with this guy but there's really no rush. Take it slow so it's less of a shock for everyone and just... you know, take baby steps.

Make a list of possible options that all LEAD toward you getting out of the house and (if you prefer) moving in with him, but try a bunch of different things. Like maybe do a year of school at home and then start looking into transfering to a school closer to your bf, or move out and work for a bit to save up for college out of state... just make sure you have a lot of different options (all eventually leading to the same thing) that you can sit down and discuss with your mom. Show her that you're responsible enough to take charge of your life and make your own decisions but ALSO make sure you let her know that her opinion is important and you want her to support whatever choices you make.

I'm sure she really is just trying to do what's best for you. If you take charge and show her that you can be responsible and mature about all this, then eventually she'll come around, I'm sure.

 

[Bianca Paragon]

Becoming extrovert is the reason I have to move out. Staying here will just continue to make me anti-social.

But honey, you're just going to move out and become anti-social somewhere else; you don't better yourself by changing your surroundings; you change your surroundings by the way you change yourself. Yes, I did totally disregard *everything else* you had to say; because it all roots back to this one problem that's poisoning your life at the moment: You. Yes, I said it. You are the problem. But don't get me wrong; don't take what I have to say as an attack! Instead; see it as a prompt to examine yourself; and to realize what needs to change inside you; rather than what needs to change with where you live. What's to stop you getting out of the house right now (tomorrow? I dunno what time it is there) and tarting yourself up a little so you can do a resume drop? Honestly. If you can think of any single thing that will prevent you from doing this then you're just making excuses to and for yourself. At the moment you seem to have this flow-chart in your head along the lines of:

[Move Out of Home]
↓
[Live with Boyfriend]
↓
[Get on Disability]
↓
[Improvement to Situation]

​

Now, to me this seems like a flawed course of action. Why do you say that, Sarah; you ask? Because there are no steps for positive personal improvement! There's nothing. It's like the underpants gnomes and their "????. PROFIT". You have nothing there to incite change; you're hinging that moving away from the only people at the moment who keep you from crawling entirely into your own shell will be a positive move. It won't be; it won't help you at all. It'll make matters *worse* because when your beau does pass away his family won't be able to support you and you'll be out on your own; and you'll sink so much further into being the introvert that poisons you from inside. I'm not saying you shouldn't follow your dreams ~ and far be it for me to tell you that you should consider your feelings for this boy; I *know* what love feels like and I know what you're going through. But how can you give yourself totally and entirely to another human being; when you can't even fix yourself? Would you give the person you love a knowingly defective Christmas Gift? You can't be this way, petal. You need to consider something like..

[Find a Job]
↓
[Go to College]
↓
[Build Social networks]
↓
[Visit your boyfriend; for a *holiday*]
↓
[Showcase your art; your sprites; your writing]
[ to your social networks; build yourself up ]
↓
[Move Out of Home]
↓
[Pursue Dreams]

You'll notice there's no single "improvement to situation" step in the chart this time; because change isn't a one shot answer. There's no easy way out; there's no short cut home. You need to build on the relationships you have with your family, with your friends; with your boyfriend ~ but you need to forge new ones as well! You can't stagnate like a pond; you need to flow like a river and always be in search of new opportunities and pathways. You need a job. You need to go to College; if not for the degree than for the social development it encourages. You need to go to parties with your peers; and get wasted on the town and do things for attention - these are all extrovert qualities and things you need to build upon as a foundation for your life.

It's only what you make it.
​

​