Zerro
Dreamer
- 377
- Posts
- 18
- Years
- Age 33
- Fort lauderdale Fl.
- Seen Apr 2, 2013
1. Of Humble Beginnings
Things add up. Whether you see it happening or not, they do. Usually you see it too late. You don't ever see the end at the beginning. Everything just happens. More and more things pile up on each other until one climatic event in life. This could be a birthday party, a romance, or even death. There is no escaping the preordained, because when you realize what is about to happen, it is too late. You are too far in. The events have stacked too high and are moving with such inertia that it becomes the one single greatest force on earth. Destiny. That is how all great stories begin. Mine is no different.
Over the past few days, I have taken the time to look back on everything that has happened in my life. I have sat and looked at life, and all the changes that it has under gone. I see Richie's posters and billboards everywhere, always jet black, and in it's center, in large white font, the words "Who is Richie Thompson?" I chuckle to myself every time I see them. Everyone knows who he is. I was one of the lucky few that knew him before his fame. But my story does not start with Richie, or his ideals, nor does it begin with a great deal of action and suspense. My story has a simple beginning, as all do if you look back far enough. My story simply starts in Middle School.
I was young, immature, and exceptionally bright. I remember my first day. So nervous, unaware of all that was to come. I was innocent; a child stepping up into a new corrupted world. Being the oldest of two siblings made me feel superior, yet at the same time scared me, I had no one to look to for advise. Silence was a good friend of mine, I found it pleasurable to sit back and observe the actions of my peers, then compare them to that of the older kids. I did the school work that needed to be done, then went back to my game of observation. I was considered a recluse and was constantly encouraged to make new friends. The simple fact was, I didn't want new friends. I had lived my life with very few and got by just fine. I never had friends outside of school, simply because no one lived near me, a pattern that would continue throughout the rest of my schooling. I would look at potential friends and be scared. I would have doubts, and then begin to feel an assortment of different random emotions that I could not explain, so I didn't introduce myself to anyone. I just stayed silent.
As silent as I was, I always seemed to draw attention to myself somehow. Almost everyday people would introduce themselves to me, after all it was a new school and most kids were looking for their clique. I remained friendly with most but never considered any as 'friends.' The waves of introductions and offers for friendship continued well beyond the formation of cliques. This was unusual, although I didn't know it at the time; it would be some of the first signs of what I would become. It was the beginning of many events that were to stack up and run throughout my life. My destiny began of humble, innocent origins. It began with friendship.
2. Goliath and the Social Hierarchy
He was a giant among my fellow sixth grade peers, shunned as a social outcast, a recluse just like me. It was a mutual acquaintance, James, which introduced us. Its funny how it all happened. I was David, he, Goliath. Yet we were not hostile towards each other. Our only resemblance to the biblical duo was our looks. Something was different about him, yet still, the air of familiarity was about when he offered his hand, "I'm Brian." And so he was. As with all the others I took his hand and took all the polite measures necessary. But he was different; I knew we would be friends.
The two of us became the best of buddies, an odd duo at first glance, but we worked well together. It was not until I began my friendship with him that the waves of friendship requests died down. The likely cause was the fact I knew just about everyone on my grade level, I thought at the time people were scared away by the size of my new found friend.
School progressed, as well as our friendship. I found pissing him off to be all to easy. By this time we were such great friends that it didn't matter how much I pissed him off. It was all in fun and games. "I have never met any one as annoying as you." Was his, and many others content phrase. It was a gift. Some how, I got the idea in my head of how to pester individuals yet still remain likable. I couldn't explain it, just as with the random thoughts and emotions that would pop up while observing a stranger.
James hit it big on the popularity meter. He wasn't 'the' popular kid, merely a member of the inner circle. Not many people were invited into this inner circle, and Brian was the kind of person whom would never be 'in.' Despite the fact he was my best friend, I was invited. They all had a genuine like for me, better so than most of them liked each other. Lucky for me, they didn't know about my game, which revealed so much to me. It showed me the steps James took to be recognized, and the constant bad mouthing of the 'cool kid' Samuel, the very leader of the group and supposed most liked person of his peers. All of the behind the scenes workings of the group disgusted me; I simply declined their offer of friendship like I did most others, by being civil and distant, remaining an acquaintance.
The social hierarchy was building fast. It would have been an incredible thing to understand firsthand. First, there is the "cool" crowd, an assortment of people from different cliques. Next are the common cliques, the people who constantly look up to the cool crowd for approval. At the bottom are Brian and the outcasts, who despise the very nature of this social system, some for just reasons, others simply because they are stuck at the bottom of the totem pole. I was unique. The acquaintances I made throughout my time in middle school were scattered in the system. I had I foot hold in every branch of the hierarchy, except for those of which branched off to the other grade levels, and thus completely different systems. It didn't matter to me though. All I cared about was my best friend, my Goliath.
3. She was Perfect
Brian was always a great friend, stuck by me through thick and thin, even after his unexpected move at the end of the seventh grade. Surviving without Goliath seemed close to impossible. His sheer size scared off any threat that might've came my way. Animals often judge danger levels by the size of a potential predator and often ward off danger by appearing to be bigger than they are. Brain did this well. Chihuahuas frequently practice appearing larger and tougher than they actually are. Although tiny and harmless, anyone that has every known a Chihuahua will tell you how noisy and seemingly brave they are. Their bark is definitely bigger than their bite. That was me. Although I wasn't loud, I seemed fearless. But over the years, the art of pretending turned into true bravery.
With the elections only a week away anyone in my position would have to be brave. I find myself walking the streets in the dead of night, even after being advised not to. I find myself staring off into blank space for no apparent reason. I find myself looking at all that has changed. All that will change... But most of all, I find myself remembering. What's worse is the memories don't necessarily come in order. Ill remember nights out with Riche and his crew, then remember homework assignments I didn't bother doing. Then my memories will jump to and from different crushes from throughout the years, but always my memories jump back to her...
She was beautiful. No star in the sky could even begin to come close to her radiance. I knew from the moment I met her that she was different from all the other girls. It was like love at first sight. I knew she was the one, with out a doubt in my mind. She was perfect. I remember the first time I tried to get into her head. I was seventeen then, with full awareness and plenty practice of my ability. Like everyone one else that I let get to close to my heart, I wasn't able to get in, all it did was give me the uncontrollable urge to smile. Sure there were the times I wandered if she was just another job, after all she had a lot of things to deal with, but it still felt different. She was tied to my Destiny somehow, I did know that, but it was still to early to be able to figure out the role she played. I am frequently asked, "Would you change it if you could?" I tell them no and then some lie about for the good of the world. To be quite honest, I say the world can go **** it self for all I care, and if I did have a choice in the matter, yes I would change it... After all, I loved her.
She would always tell me that we did have a choice in the things we did. She would say that some times things just happen. She would say, "Destiny does not exist, there is coincidence, and sometimes, things just happen." I wish that were true, but moreover I wish I understood why all the bad happened to me. Why couldn't I ever get what I wanted? Why couldn't I be truly happy? Why do I have to be the one to correct the assorted crowds mistakes? WHY ME! The easy answer is coincidence, but I know better than that.
4. My First Job
'Jobs' have been a big part of my Destiny. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they are the entire reason I was born. I do not get paid for doing them, hell; I very rarely am recognized for them. I do not do them for pleasure, glory, or some self righteous, bull **** pride. I just do them because I should. If I try to avoid them, they end up smacking me in the face, and if I fail them... Well... The consequences could be as bad as death. My first job ended that way...
It was eighth grade, and emotions ran high. Without Goliath with me in the social system, I had no clue what I would do. I was scared. I was alone, even when standing amongst the enormous crowd. My science of life deepened, and my game of observation went to a whole new level. Without Brian to keep me company I had no other choice but to watch. Slowly it became much more than seeing how different people react to one another. The facial expressions on each individual began to talk to me. I was able to read them like a book. Plain as day. A squint and I would see the dread the person faced at home. A raise of an eyebrow and I would see the excitement for a party over the weekend. I heard nothing of these events, but somehow, I just knew.
It wasn't long before this game of observation turned more into work, than mere fun. Soon after learning how to focus in on different aspects I began to notice my thoughts and attention always drift to Samuel. It was an urge like never before; I had to talk to him. I did not know why but the sensation was unmistakably great. I chose to ignore it. A week after the feelings began; a rebellion in the Social Hierarchy broke out. Samuel, once king of the system, was torn down from his thrown. It was a fight. An outcast vs. a king. All money was on Samuel, but his loss connected the feelings of others. No one liked him from the start, but order was too be maintained within the swaying branches of the system. It took one outcast to cause anarchy. With the king off his throne a rush for power began. Cliques began to inter mingle and the 'cool crowd' desperately tried to pull themselves together. While the system began its healing process, Samuel was in desperate need of a friend.
I didn't talk to him, nor did I even acknowledge him. I did, however, watch him. The more I did the more I was urged to greet him, but I refused. I began to see that his problems ran much deeper than school. His family was falling a part. I looked in his eyes and saw his mom doing drugs. I saw his dad buying a prostitute. I saw all the pain he faced, and I still said nothing. I was scared. So I simply stayed away. Every time I refused to act on instinct, he got worse and I did NOTHING! I blame myself for his death. I could have prevented it. All along I should've been there for him. He wasn't a friend, nor was he an enemy. He was a human life. A life that needed someone to be there for him, but I still refused.
I knew it was the last day of Samuel's life. I woke up knowing it. I went to school with the heavy burden of human life on my back, and yet still ignored it... I doubted it was true. It was insane to believe I could know these things. I doubted myself. Samuel was now a loner. He had sat by himself at lunch for weeks. I walked passed him knowing that if I continued walking he could be dead. Would be dead... I walked passed him even after he offered me a seat... I... I walked passed him... I killed Samuel simply by walking past him... When the news finally reached school that Samuel shot himself, my heart sank in depression. I told myself it was out of my hands. I said I was young. I said I didn't know. But why lie? Samuel was my first job, and it ended with death. I wasn't willing to let it happen again.
5. The Approaching Curve
My final month in middle school was spent in deep thought. My grades sank to an all time low, because all I thought about was Samuel. Up until his death, the feelings and intuition I got from watching people were passed off as a game. I had made it seem so unreal. But Samuel's funeral was no lie. It was very real. It made me think about the possibility of this 'gift' being more than a game. Perhaps this 'gift' was truly a gift. Perhaps what I was feeling and seeing inside other people was real. Perhaps it was for a reason.
Few people showed up to the former king's funeral, I was the only one whom accepted the invite which was extended across campus. I felt I owed it to him. I remember the look in his mother's tear swollen eyes; a look of gratitude, almost as great as love. A mournful smile crept across her face as she embraced me between her arms. Then she broke down. "Thank you for being a good friend to my son." She had no clue who I was. I couldn't tell her what I did; tell her I walked past him without a word, knowing he would die. I just simply let her spill her grievances out on me. It was incredible. With in the time frame of the funeral she had poured her heart into my hands. I saw the addiction in her eyes become a distant past. Then I was a first hand witness to her marriage having a second chance. I stared upon the husband and wife's loving kiss and saw what lied ahead. I saw a fire reignited. The problems began to unravel themselves, healing was able to begin.
It was in that final month that I had decided to trust my instincts, and learn to watch for signs of people in need of help, not just anybody, but people like Samuel and his mother. They were the special people, whom, for some reason, seemed to stick out in my mind; the people that were deemed by Destiny as important. I designated these people as jobs. I concluded that for whatever reason, I had to help these people do, what ever it was they were made to do. I swore to make it my mission in life. I swore to never fail at it again. I didn't know at the time that Samuel's death was inevitable. It was still too early to see that, but, now, looking back, I understand why it happened. It ate me up inside that I didn't save him, - too bad Richie wasn't in my life at that time to straighten me out. To give me a head start. But it just goes to show how perfectly illustrated everything in my life flowed, right down to the very guilt of Samuel's death; the very event that forced me to lookout for my next job.
Over the summer, I was on a constant look out. From the grocery store to days out on the park. I used my gift to see all the problems people faced. From adults with late bills to children with a cold, I saw it all, but for some reason none stood out. Of course, it was only a matter of time until high school would start with the same mess of people, just with different names, faces, and a bigger system. Jobs would flow from within this bigger system. They would all give me the much needed practice, but moreover they would begin to fill in the pieces of Destiny, and shape all aspects of life till this day. These jobs are what have fuelled my life. These jobs have been a part of every decision I have made. These jobs lead me to Richie Thompson. They lead me to the Tunnel society...Hell, I am right here today making my story known because of them. These jobs have shaped the face of my world. My story began with a simple friendship. The friendship held me from my gift, then friendship, or lack there of, lead to the events with Samuel. And though my story began humbly, it took a curve to the edgy with the untimely death of Samuel, that curve would continue into high school thrusting Brian back into my life, and then swivel onward toward Richie Thompson with his ideals and adventures. This curve would extend quite a long way. It would pass through trials, tribulations, love, lust, danger... This curve would flow all the way until graduation. And even then flow some more. This curve was the path that I was to follow. The path which held all events leading up until the present. And even though the curve does not have much longer to flow for me, I am sure it will at least twist once more.
6. Graduation
It all seems so close. All these memories that make up my life are within hands reach. Yet no matter how hard I try, I can't grab them and take them back. I can't fix the mistakes I made. They just linger behind me, constantly taunting, showing me the life I could have lived, the things I could have had, the people I could have been with… Lately I've been thinking about my high school graduation.
It was extravagant, everyone I had come to know gathered as a whole. The social system literally broke down, with out tearing the people down with it for this one special occasion. It was poetic. Smiles upon every face, tears of joy in many. Watching each individual grab their diploma with triumph was quite the sight to see. In a world where mixed feelings are a common place, this was a time everyone was proud of each individual who walked across the stage, no matter what the history was. Grabbing the diploma signified something. It was a symbol of accomplishment, hard work, dedication, determination, the dawn of adult hood. It told the person receiving that you can make something of yourself, and all the effort you put into the last four years of your life meant something. At least that's how Jimmy Johnson felt as he accepted his with a giant smile.
A year before he was ready to give up, had I not been there for him in his time of need surly life would have been different for him. There was also Sara Nix, a girl who almost gave up like Jimmy. The list went on. As Brian walked across stage, I knew that he would go on to make something great of himself. And finally it was her turn. The elegance and beauty that radiated from her was only matched by the excitement of graduation in her face. That's when everything went sour for me, the one person who would not be walking across the stage that day. The plan was to go to college together, but that clearly wasn't happening.
Her speech as the class president/Valedictorian brought tears to my eyes. "Classmates, Teachers, Students and dearly beloved friends." She spoke with dominance yet remained lovably friendly. "Today marks the dawning of the rest of our lives. We have been through much together. Friends have cried together. Enemies have fought with one another. Buy boy did we have a good time. Today is our day. Yesterday may have been hard, and tomorrow may seem to far away, but today… Today is ours." She went on to explain how we worked hard for everything we have become, and that everything you ever wanted comes "tomorrow", she was speaking for the graduates, before her eyes fixated on me. "No matter what happened yesterday, you can still have tomorrow." The fundamental flaw with her statement was that tomorrow never comes. We are constantly running toward our bright tomorrows trying to escape yesterdays past deeds. The intentions of her speech were good though, but the fact of her moving away with out me made me lose focus.
Her speech received countless cheers and a roaring applause, but the speeches weren't over yet. Silence befell the room as the special guest speaker made his way across stage. He said I would see him again, I just never imagined id be at graduation. With his ever present smile Richie Thompson spoke, "My oh my… look at how much you all have grown." Everyone was in shock and excitement.
"I MISSED YOU RICHIE THOMPSON!!!" A girl stood up and proclaimed followed by a few other shout outs from numerous people. Richie just smiled.
"Thank you, thank you. I missed you all to." He had graduated last year, and went on to take control over the corporation after his fathers death. "Ya' know its been a while everyone. They called me a couple weeks ago to see if I could grace you with my presence." the audience laughed. "Of course I complied. They wanted me to tell you how you could grow up and be just like me." His smile widened as he pointed his thumbs to himself. "But come on. Why would I lie to my friends." Every laughed again. Hell a smile even broke out on my face. It had been a whole year since Id seen him. "I want everyone here to know that you can make something of yourselves though. You will succeed," he was clearly reading from a script for those two lines, but then he looked up with a smile. "But we all know that's bull ****." The crowd loved him. He was the same old Richie Thompson, making a joke every few lines. Not so many that they would get annoying, but just enough to make you want more. He didn't speak much of what he had been doing, more so mocked the prepared speech given to him by the school. When he was finished, everyone was on their feet cheering, students, teachers, parents, even myself of course. He picked me out in the crowd, and began to walk back as the principal took the stage, dodging numerous invitations to sit and compliments on his way. He sat down next to me. As the principal gave his words of wisdom and thanked Richie for his improvising, Richie spoke to. "Told ya' Id be back."
"I didn't doubt you would." I chuckled keeping eye contact on the principal but listening to Richie.
"I herd about your 'school' problems… Sucks."
"Yeah, I know."
"You do know it's gunna be a mad house around me when this thing is done right."
"Yup."
"Come to California with me." He was quite direct about this.
"What?" I turned my head to face his smile, taken back from his suggestion.
"I gotta meeting at five, plus its been a year. We need to catch up."
"But?" I still didn't know what to say.
"Come on. It looks like you need to get away for awhile, come back refreshed. It will be good for ya'." I could see he wasn't going to take no for an answer, in true Richie Thompson style. I shook my head and blinked a few times with a smile on my face.
"I don't even know what to say Richie." I laughed.
"Great then lets go. Good ol' Richie Thompson adventure time." He smiled and got up implying I should follow. I stayed seated for a few seconds, unaware of what to do. My head turned toward the front of the room and my eyes focused on the back of her head.
"I'll find you afterwards and we will sort everything out, ok." Her words to me before the graduation began echoed through my head. I didn't want to have to face the fact that she was leaving in a month without me. So I didn't. I got up and followed Richie. He was right, I was in need of an old fashioned Richie Thompson adventure. I guess to truly understand that, Id have to start from the begining of high school…
Things add up. Whether you see it happening or not, they do. Usually you see it too late. You don't ever see the end at the beginning. Everything just happens. More and more things pile up on each other until one climatic event in life. This could be a birthday party, a romance, or even death. There is no escaping the preordained, because when you realize what is about to happen, it is too late. You are too far in. The events have stacked too high and are moving with such inertia that it becomes the one single greatest force on earth. Destiny. That is how all great stories begin. Mine is no different.
Over the past few days, I have taken the time to look back on everything that has happened in my life. I have sat and looked at life, and all the changes that it has under gone. I see Richie's posters and billboards everywhere, always jet black, and in it's center, in large white font, the words "Who is Richie Thompson?" I chuckle to myself every time I see them. Everyone knows who he is. I was one of the lucky few that knew him before his fame. But my story does not start with Richie, or his ideals, nor does it begin with a great deal of action and suspense. My story has a simple beginning, as all do if you look back far enough. My story simply starts in Middle School.
I was young, immature, and exceptionally bright. I remember my first day. So nervous, unaware of all that was to come. I was innocent; a child stepping up into a new corrupted world. Being the oldest of two siblings made me feel superior, yet at the same time scared me, I had no one to look to for advise. Silence was a good friend of mine, I found it pleasurable to sit back and observe the actions of my peers, then compare them to that of the older kids. I did the school work that needed to be done, then went back to my game of observation. I was considered a recluse and was constantly encouraged to make new friends. The simple fact was, I didn't want new friends. I had lived my life with very few and got by just fine. I never had friends outside of school, simply because no one lived near me, a pattern that would continue throughout the rest of my schooling. I would look at potential friends and be scared. I would have doubts, and then begin to feel an assortment of different random emotions that I could not explain, so I didn't introduce myself to anyone. I just stayed silent.
As silent as I was, I always seemed to draw attention to myself somehow. Almost everyday people would introduce themselves to me, after all it was a new school and most kids were looking for their clique. I remained friendly with most but never considered any as 'friends.' The waves of introductions and offers for friendship continued well beyond the formation of cliques. This was unusual, although I didn't know it at the time; it would be some of the first signs of what I would become. It was the beginning of many events that were to stack up and run throughout my life. My destiny began of humble, innocent origins. It began with friendship.
2. Goliath and the Social Hierarchy
He was a giant among my fellow sixth grade peers, shunned as a social outcast, a recluse just like me. It was a mutual acquaintance, James, which introduced us. Its funny how it all happened. I was David, he, Goliath. Yet we were not hostile towards each other. Our only resemblance to the biblical duo was our looks. Something was different about him, yet still, the air of familiarity was about when he offered his hand, "I'm Brian." And so he was. As with all the others I took his hand and took all the polite measures necessary. But he was different; I knew we would be friends.
The two of us became the best of buddies, an odd duo at first glance, but we worked well together. It was not until I began my friendship with him that the waves of friendship requests died down. The likely cause was the fact I knew just about everyone on my grade level, I thought at the time people were scared away by the size of my new found friend.
School progressed, as well as our friendship. I found pissing him off to be all to easy. By this time we were such great friends that it didn't matter how much I pissed him off. It was all in fun and games. "I have never met any one as annoying as you." Was his, and many others content phrase. It was a gift. Some how, I got the idea in my head of how to pester individuals yet still remain likable. I couldn't explain it, just as with the random thoughts and emotions that would pop up while observing a stranger.
James hit it big on the popularity meter. He wasn't 'the' popular kid, merely a member of the inner circle. Not many people were invited into this inner circle, and Brian was the kind of person whom would never be 'in.' Despite the fact he was my best friend, I was invited. They all had a genuine like for me, better so than most of them liked each other. Lucky for me, they didn't know about my game, which revealed so much to me. It showed me the steps James took to be recognized, and the constant bad mouthing of the 'cool kid' Samuel, the very leader of the group and supposed most liked person of his peers. All of the behind the scenes workings of the group disgusted me; I simply declined their offer of friendship like I did most others, by being civil and distant, remaining an acquaintance.
The social hierarchy was building fast. It would have been an incredible thing to understand firsthand. First, there is the "cool" crowd, an assortment of people from different cliques. Next are the common cliques, the people who constantly look up to the cool crowd for approval. At the bottom are Brian and the outcasts, who despise the very nature of this social system, some for just reasons, others simply because they are stuck at the bottom of the totem pole. I was unique. The acquaintances I made throughout my time in middle school were scattered in the system. I had I foot hold in every branch of the hierarchy, except for those of which branched off to the other grade levels, and thus completely different systems. It didn't matter to me though. All I cared about was my best friend, my Goliath.
3. She was Perfect
Brian was always a great friend, stuck by me through thick and thin, even after his unexpected move at the end of the seventh grade. Surviving without Goliath seemed close to impossible. His sheer size scared off any threat that might've came my way. Animals often judge danger levels by the size of a potential predator and often ward off danger by appearing to be bigger than they are. Brain did this well. Chihuahuas frequently practice appearing larger and tougher than they actually are. Although tiny and harmless, anyone that has every known a Chihuahua will tell you how noisy and seemingly brave they are. Their bark is definitely bigger than their bite. That was me. Although I wasn't loud, I seemed fearless. But over the years, the art of pretending turned into true bravery.
With the elections only a week away anyone in my position would have to be brave. I find myself walking the streets in the dead of night, even after being advised not to. I find myself staring off into blank space for no apparent reason. I find myself looking at all that has changed. All that will change... But most of all, I find myself remembering. What's worse is the memories don't necessarily come in order. Ill remember nights out with Riche and his crew, then remember homework assignments I didn't bother doing. Then my memories will jump to and from different crushes from throughout the years, but always my memories jump back to her...
She was beautiful. No star in the sky could even begin to come close to her radiance. I knew from the moment I met her that she was different from all the other girls. It was like love at first sight. I knew she was the one, with out a doubt in my mind. She was perfect. I remember the first time I tried to get into her head. I was seventeen then, with full awareness and plenty practice of my ability. Like everyone one else that I let get to close to my heart, I wasn't able to get in, all it did was give me the uncontrollable urge to smile. Sure there were the times I wandered if she was just another job, after all she had a lot of things to deal with, but it still felt different. She was tied to my Destiny somehow, I did know that, but it was still to early to be able to figure out the role she played. I am frequently asked, "Would you change it if you could?" I tell them no and then some lie about for the good of the world. To be quite honest, I say the world can go **** it self for all I care, and if I did have a choice in the matter, yes I would change it... After all, I loved her.
She would always tell me that we did have a choice in the things we did. She would say that some times things just happen. She would say, "Destiny does not exist, there is coincidence, and sometimes, things just happen." I wish that were true, but moreover I wish I understood why all the bad happened to me. Why couldn't I ever get what I wanted? Why couldn't I be truly happy? Why do I have to be the one to correct the assorted crowds mistakes? WHY ME! The easy answer is coincidence, but I know better than that.
4. My First Job
'Jobs' have been a big part of my Destiny. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they are the entire reason I was born. I do not get paid for doing them, hell; I very rarely am recognized for them. I do not do them for pleasure, glory, or some self righteous, bull **** pride. I just do them because I should. If I try to avoid them, they end up smacking me in the face, and if I fail them... Well... The consequences could be as bad as death. My first job ended that way...
It was eighth grade, and emotions ran high. Without Goliath with me in the social system, I had no clue what I would do. I was scared. I was alone, even when standing amongst the enormous crowd. My science of life deepened, and my game of observation went to a whole new level. Without Brian to keep me company I had no other choice but to watch. Slowly it became much more than seeing how different people react to one another. The facial expressions on each individual began to talk to me. I was able to read them like a book. Plain as day. A squint and I would see the dread the person faced at home. A raise of an eyebrow and I would see the excitement for a party over the weekend. I heard nothing of these events, but somehow, I just knew.
It wasn't long before this game of observation turned more into work, than mere fun. Soon after learning how to focus in on different aspects I began to notice my thoughts and attention always drift to Samuel. It was an urge like never before; I had to talk to him. I did not know why but the sensation was unmistakably great. I chose to ignore it. A week after the feelings began; a rebellion in the Social Hierarchy broke out. Samuel, once king of the system, was torn down from his thrown. It was a fight. An outcast vs. a king. All money was on Samuel, but his loss connected the feelings of others. No one liked him from the start, but order was too be maintained within the swaying branches of the system. It took one outcast to cause anarchy. With the king off his throne a rush for power began. Cliques began to inter mingle and the 'cool crowd' desperately tried to pull themselves together. While the system began its healing process, Samuel was in desperate need of a friend.
I didn't talk to him, nor did I even acknowledge him. I did, however, watch him. The more I did the more I was urged to greet him, but I refused. I began to see that his problems ran much deeper than school. His family was falling a part. I looked in his eyes and saw his mom doing drugs. I saw his dad buying a prostitute. I saw all the pain he faced, and I still said nothing. I was scared. So I simply stayed away. Every time I refused to act on instinct, he got worse and I did NOTHING! I blame myself for his death. I could have prevented it. All along I should've been there for him. He wasn't a friend, nor was he an enemy. He was a human life. A life that needed someone to be there for him, but I still refused.
I knew it was the last day of Samuel's life. I woke up knowing it. I went to school with the heavy burden of human life on my back, and yet still ignored it... I doubted it was true. It was insane to believe I could know these things. I doubted myself. Samuel was now a loner. He had sat by himself at lunch for weeks. I walked passed him knowing that if I continued walking he could be dead. Would be dead... I walked passed him even after he offered me a seat... I... I walked passed him... I killed Samuel simply by walking past him... When the news finally reached school that Samuel shot himself, my heart sank in depression. I told myself it was out of my hands. I said I was young. I said I didn't know. But why lie? Samuel was my first job, and it ended with death. I wasn't willing to let it happen again.
5. The Approaching Curve
My final month in middle school was spent in deep thought. My grades sank to an all time low, because all I thought about was Samuel. Up until his death, the feelings and intuition I got from watching people were passed off as a game. I had made it seem so unreal. But Samuel's funeral was no lie. It was very real. It made me think about the possibility of this 'gift' being more than a game. Perhaps this 'gift' was truly a gift. Perhaps what I was feeling and seeing inside other people was real. Perhaps it was for a reason.
Few people showed up to the former king's funeral, I was the only one whom accepted the invite which was extended across campus. I felt I owed it to him. I remember the look in his mother's tear swollen eyes; a look of gratitude, almost as great as love. A mournful smile crept across her face as she embraced me between her arms. Then she broke down. "Thank you for being a good friend to my son." She had no clue who I was. I couldn't tell her what I did; tell her I walked past him without a word, knowing he would die. I just simply let her spill her grievances out on me. It was incredible. With in the time frame of the funeral she had poured her heart into my hands. I saw the addiction in her eyes become a distant past. Then I was a first hand witness to her marriage having a second chance. I stared upon the husband and wife's loving kiss and saw what lied ahead. I saw a fire reignited. The problems began to unravel themselves, healing was able to begin.
It was in that final month that I had decided to trust my instincts, and learn to watch for signs of people in need of help, not just anybody, but people like Samuel and his mother. They were the special people, whom, for some reason, seemed to stick out in my mind; the people that were deemed by Destiny as important. I designated these people as jobs. I concluded that for whatever reason, I had to help these people do, what ever it was they were made to do. I swore to make it my mission in life. I swore to never fail at it again. I didn't know at the time that Samuel's death was inevitable. It was still too early to see that, but, now, looking back, I understand why it happened. It ate me up inside that I didn't save him, - too bad Richie wasn't in my life at that time to straighten me out. To give me a head start. But it just goes to show how perfectly illustrated everything in my life flowed, right down to the very guilt of Samuel's death; the very event that forced me to lookout for my next job.
Over the summer, I was on a constant look out. From the grocery store to days out on the park. I used my gift to see all the problems people faced. From adults with late bills to children with a cold, I saw it all, but for some reason none stood out. Of course, it was only a matter of time until high school would start with the same mess of people, just with different names, faces, and a bigger system. Jobs would flow from within this bigger system. They would all give me the much needed practice, but moreover they would begin to fill in the pieces of Destiny, and shape all aspects of life till this day. These jobs are what have fuelled my life. These jobs have been a part of every decision I have made. These jobs lead me to Richie Thompson. They lead me to the Tunnel society...Hell, I am right here today making my story known because of them. These jobs have shaped the face of my world. My story began with a simple friendship. The friendship held me from my gift, then friendship, or lack there of, lead to the events with Samuel. And though my story began humbly, it took a curve to the edgy with the untimely death of Samuel, that curve would continue into high school thrusting Brian back into my life, and then swivel onward toward Richie Thompson with his ideals and adventures. This curve would extend quite a long way. It would pass through trials, tribulations, love, lust, danger... This curve would flow all the way until graduation. And even then flow some more. This curve was the path that I was to follow. The path which held all events leading up until the present. And even though the curve does not have much longer to flow for me, I am sure it will at least twist once more.
6. Graduation
It all seems so close. All these memories that make up my life are within hands reach. Yet no matter how hard I try, I can't grab them and take them back. I can't fix the mistakes I made. They just linger behind me, constantly taunting, showing me the life I could have lived, the things I could have had, the people I could have been with… Lately I've been thinking about my high school graduation.
It was extravagant, everyone I had come to know gathered as a whole. The social system literally broke down, with out tearing the people down with it for this one special occasion. It was poetic. Smiles upon every face, tears of joy in many. Watching each individual grab their diploma with triumph was quite the sight to see. In a world where mixed feelings are a common place, this was a time everyone was proud of each individual who walked across the stage, no matter what the history was. Grabbing the diploma signified something. It was a symbol of accomplishment, hard work, dedication, determination, the dawn of adult hood. It told the person receiving that you can make something of yourself, and all the effort you put into the last four years of your life meant something. At least that's how Jimmy Johnson felt as he accepted his with a giant smile.
A year before he was ready to give up, had I not been there for him in his time of need surly life would have been different for him. There was also Sara Nix, a girl who almost gave up like Jimmy. The list went on. As Brian walked across stage, I knew that he would go on to make something great of himself. And finally it was her turn. The elegance and beauty that radiated from her was only matched by the excitement of graduation in her face. That's when everything went sour for me, the one person who would not be walking across the stage that day. The plan was to go to college together, but that clearly wasn't happening.
Her speech as the class president/Valedictorian brought tears to my eyes. "Classmates, Teachers, Students and dearly beloved friends." She spoke with dominance yet remained lovably friendly. "Today marks the dawning of the rest of our lives. We have been through much together. Friends have cried together. Enemies have fought with one another. Buy boy did we have a good time. Today is our day. Yesterday may have been hard, and tomorrow may seem to far away, but today… Today is ours." She went on to explain how we worked hard for everything we have become, and that everything you ever wanted comes "tomorrow", she was speaking for the graduates, before her eyes fixated on me. "No matter what happened yesterday, you can still have tomorrow." The fundamental flaw with her statement was that tomorrow never comes. We are constantly running toward our bright tomorrows trying to escape yesterdays past deeds. The intentions of her speech were good though, but the fact of her moving away with out me made me lose focus.
Her speech received countless cheers and a roaring applause, but the speeches weren't over yet. Silence befell the room as the special guest speaker made his way across stage. He said I would see him again, I just never imagined id be at graduation. With his ever present smile Richie Thompson spoke, "My oh my… look at how much you all have grown." Everyone was in shock and excitement.
"I MISSED YOU RICHIE THOMPSON!!!" A girl stood up and proclaimed followed by a few other shout outs from numerous people. Richie just smiled.
"Thank you, thank you. I missed you all to." He had graduated last year, and went on to take control over the corporation after his fathers death. "Ya' know its been a while everyone. They called me a couple weeks ago to see if I could grace you with my presence." the audience laughed. "Of course I complied. They wanted me to tell you how you could grow up and be just like me." His smile widened as he pointed his thumbs to himself. "But come on. Why would I lie to my friends." Every laughed again. Hell a smile even broke out on my face. It had been a whole year since Id seen him. "I want everyone here to know that you can make something of yourselves though. You will succeed," he was clearly reading from a script for those two lines, but then he looked up with a smile. "But we all know that's bull ****." The crowd loved him. He was the same old Richie Thompson, making a joke every few lines. Not so many that they would get annoying, but just enough to make you want more. He didn't speak much of what he had been doing, more so mocked the prepared speech given to him by the school. When he was finished, everyone was on their feet cheering, students, teachers, parents, even myself of course. He picked me out in the crowd, and began to walk back as the principal took the stage, dodging numerous invitations to sit and compliments on his way. He sat down next to me. As the principal gave his words of wisdom and thanked Richie for his improvising, Richie spoke to. "Told ya' Id be back."
"I didn't doubt you would." I chuckled keeping eye contact on the principal but listening to Richie.
"I herd about your 'school' problems… Sucks."
"Yeah, I know."
"You do know it's gunna be a mad house around me when this thing is done right."
"Yup."
"Come to California with me." He was quite direct about this.
"What?" I turned my head to face his smile, taken back from his suggestion.
"I gotta meeting at five, plus its been a year. We need to catch up."
"But?" I still didn't know what to say.
"Come on. It looks like you need to get away for awhile, come back refreshed. It will be good for ya'." I could see he wasn't going to take no for an answer, in true Richie Thompson style. I shook my head and blinked a few times with a smile on my face.
"I don't even know what to say Richie." I laughed.
"Great then lets go. Good ol' Richie Thompson adventure time." He smiled and got up implying I should follow. I stayed seated for a few seconds, unaware of what to do. My head turned toward the front of the room and my eyes focused on the back of her head.
"I'll find you afterwards and we will sort everything out, ok." Her words to me before the graduation began echoed through my head. I didn't want to have to face the fact that she was leaving in a month without me. So I didn't. I got up and followed Richie. He was right, I was in need of an old fashioned Richie Thompson adventure. I guess to truly understand that, Id have to start from the begining of high school…
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