Janiel: The Co-Ordinator

Hi, I?m new here so, here?s my story. If you criticize, don?t lay it on to thick. I would appreciate it. Oh, and 1 more thing: This does not follow the R&S version, k? This is not based on a true story either.


Janiel: The Co-Ordinator

Chapter 1- Jane


Hi! My name is Janiel Vidal, but you can call me Jane. I am a Pokemon Co-Ordinator; a Pokemon Co-Ordinator is someone who competes in Pokemon contests every so often. Anyways, this is how it all began?.

It been 5 months and 8 days since my brother, Justin started his Pokemon journey and going away from Littleroot Town. Littleroot Town had 8 houses and a Pokemon Center. Jane?s house was number 4 and it was one of the biggest houses. Since Littleroot Town was so small everyone knew each other and was friends.
Finally tomorrow I would start my Pokemon journey and get my very first Pokemon! ?Jane! Go to bed now!? Jane?s mom yelled.

?Kay? Jane answered.

She changed into her pink P.J.?s and went to bed.

The next day.... Jane woke up bright and early. She woke up early because she didn?t want to be late for getting her first Pokemon.
Jane was wearing a pink shirt, a white sweater underneath (she can take it out whenever she wants), blue bellbottoms (it can turn into a skort, a skirt with shorts inside), a white bandanna, a shoulder bag that can turn into a waist bag, and pink and white running shoes.

2 hours later? ?Bye ma! I?m going to Professor Birch?s lab.

?Okay Jane? her mom answered. ?Be careful on your journey. And be sure to stop by the Poke Mart in Oldale Town.?

?Kay ma, bye?

Jane goes outside and greets the neighbors. Then she continues walking to Prof. Birch?s lab.

2 minutes later:
?Oh Prof. Birch! It?s me Jane; I?m here to get my first Poke?mon?

?Oh. Good morning.? A lady said

?Uh... Hi, uh... who are you??

Just then the doors open and then her best friend Theresa Davis and her half crush, half rival Alvin Abes comes in. Theresa was wearing the same thing as Jane except she had yellow hair and everything else yellow. Alvin was wearing a blue shirt, blue jeans, black shoes and black hair.
Jane started blushing.

?Hi Jane.? Alvin and Theresa said.

?H-Hi?

?A-Anyways we have a new professor, I think.?

?Oh... No I?m not a new professor. Prof. Birch just had to do something and is out of town right now and since I?m his lab assistant he told me to give you your Pokemon. By the way my name is Professor Angel Rose.?

?Okay...?

?So, here are your choices.?

Prof. Rose threw 3 pokeballs, and out came a blue pokemon, Mudkip, an orange chic, Torchic, and a green gecko, Treecko.

?Whoa...? Jane, Theresa and Alvin exclaimed.

?Cool! I got dibs on Torchic!? Jane said.

?Fine, I get Mudkip!? Theresa said.

?Then I get Treecko.? Alvin said.


Continued...
Well, that was Chap 1. Hope u Liked it. Please comment or tell me what I still need.

Not bad...nice descriptions, but a bit of a cliche.

It's very used. No offence... but you could have used a bit of variety in choosing the starter Pokemon. The description was also a bit iffy at times. The actual town was described, but the houses and the Pokemon Center and even Birch's lab wasn't. Although I've played the games, other people might not have, so might not have known what was going on in terms of looks.

It was good that someone else gave the kids their Pokemon instead of Oak/Elm/Birch/random tree, but again, we don't know what she looks like, apart from "a lady".

To make this fic a lot better, work on the description and try to make it original, as this fic has been done time and time again.