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A Pokemon parody story...

Spectrum

In need of an oil change
7,400
Posts
19
Years
    • The legendary Pokemon otherwise known as Groudon is wreaking havoc on a helpless city. "Maxie, you idiot!" screamed the Team Aqua leader, Archie, as he ran for his life. "Hey, you did the same!"

    Only an elite group of trainers are prepared to stand up to this threat. They are Sidney, Phoebe, Glacia, and Drake, otherwise known as the Elite Four. They call their champion forward, who, with a toss of his Pokeball, sends out Claydol. They ask him to end this immediately.

    The champion, otherwise known as Steven, commands a Fissure, as everybody else runs for cover. Phoebe turns around, and notices nothing's happening on Steven's side as Groudon advances towards him. "Steve, what the heck are you doing?!"

    "Order your Pokemon to attack!" called the other members of the Elite Four. "I can't!" he replied, looking up at Groudon wearily. "I forgot to recharge the batteries!"

    So, what do you guys think? :P
     

    TTYO

    Old Timer
    219
    Posts
    20
    Years
    • Cool!! But please put this in the fanfic section please

    Personally,I feel that there are a bit of transitional problems and plot holes.
    Why is Groudon doing kaijiu-style stomping?
    Why only the Elite 4 are the only ones that can stop them? You could add a bit of planes, tankers.etc and said that the military vechicles got stomped. for example

    The introduction and description is poor.
    A city is often associated with high tech-stuff. Maybe a before Groudon pops its head from the ground, seismometer or even the Pokemon should have reacted violently first to such signs. Groudon digs very fast. you know, setting off seismic waves underground

    refer to my fic Pokemon Beyond Special Episode for ideas for giant monster appearances.
    Yours could probably be different as mine is in the middle of a typhoon storm. Groudon does not like getting wet.etc
    it's in my signature
     

    Spectrum

    In need of an oil change
    7,400
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • There's a fanfic section? O_o Didn't notice, would a mod mind moving it for me?

    Anyway, thanks for the comments, but I don't want to make it this big army-like story. It's just a fun short story I made out of boredom. The scenario is that Maxie awakens Groudon, and it starts wreaking havoc on the city; the story starts here. I could have put Kyogre, but it doesn't sound right, Kyogre on land.
     
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