[Pokémon] Ranger: Hero of the Sky

Hi! This is my second fanfic on PC (I forgot my first one existed.) The spoiler gives away some of the plot. If you want what happens to be a surprise, just read Chapter One.
Prologue: Kyogre and Groudon have been resting since their big fight for a very long time. But, after 2000 years from the Aqua/Magma incident, they awakened again. Emerald, the trainer who caught Rayquaza, had been trying to stop Dialga and Palkia from fighting when they were both sucked into a portal, and Rayquaza still hadn't returned to the sky, so nobody could stop the fight. The sky started going crazy with the fight between Kyogre and Groudon sparking a new fight between Mewtwo and Celebi and Rayquaza's abscence, causing awful storms and wind all over Hoenn, as well as a huge drought in some parts.
Kyle is a young boy with a big dream: to become the first Pokemon Ranger ever in Sinnoh. There were many Pokemon rangers in Almia and Fiore, as well as the newly-found Oblivia, but he wanted to be in Sinnoh. His brother was a ranger in Hoenn, the only ranger there. That inspires Kyle to become the first PKMN ranger in Sinnoh. But is Kyle's dream far-off, or can he accomplish it? Only time will tell.
How do these two stories connect?

This is a bit of a spoiler for the plot down here. You don't have to read this.

Spoiler:

Hoenn's legendary golems (Regi trio) awaken Jirachi and call for Mew (Jirachi is sleeping and Mew is in Kanto), who persuade the legendary pixies of Sinnoh to take matters into their own hands. They communicate with a young ranger named Kyle, the only ranger in Sinnoh, who has to find Rayquaza and stop the battle...before it's too late.

Chapter One: The SS. Almia
Kyle stared at the miraculous sunset. It was so beautiful-so breathtaking, so stunning. It was as if the world was trying to mystify him, to take him away in the beauty, to enchant him and knock him off of his feet.

The sun dissapeared, eaten by the horizon. Kyle sighed, wishing the sunset would last longer, then headed downstairs to the endless hallway of rooms. He looked around for the numbers of his room on the ship the SS. Almia.
(He had wanted to go on the SS. Sinnoh, but Almia was the only reigon he could go to that had a ranger school, and there were no tutors in Fiore or Oblivia avalable.)
"Kirlia, can you help me?" he said, beckoning to his Pokemon to find his room.
The Pokemon he called Kirlia, a Pokemon with two red ears on a green, shining head with things that appeared to be green hair, with its hands pressed together, responded with a gentle tap on room 6078.
"Thanks, Kirlia. I would've never found my room in this huge hallway without you."
What Kyle spoke as the truth, as there were 3000 rooms in this particular hallway of the ship.
Kyle swiftly entered his room. His room on the ship was rather small-all he had in it was his bookshelf of books, his bed, a simple bathroom, and a spot for Kirlia to sleep on the edge of a carpet. That spot, enhanced with Kirlia's psychic powers, had been cozier than Kyle's own bed, making him envious of how snug Kirlia was.
"I suppose you wish for me to read aloud, or, rather, silently, to you again, don't you?" Kyle murmured as Kirlia climbed on his bed.
Kyle yawned and got up, stretching. He stumbled over to the bookshelf and picked out a book called The Boy who Cried Houndour and Other Hoenn and Johto Fables.
Kirlia started staring at him, reading his mind as he read silently. Kirlia wished that she could read, but as intellegent as she was, she had no way to learn. She hoped to get smarter when she evolved into a Gardevoir (only males evolved into Gallades) so she had trained repeditively as a Ralts. Now she was a powerful Kirlia, and she was going to become a Pokemon Ranger's partner. Kyle put on the radio when he finished the book, deciding to go to sleep. (Kirlia loved lullabies, so he put on the lullaby channel when it aired.)
The radio, unfortunately, was getting a signal from the ship's communications that stopped the radio from the Goldenrod Radio Tower from reaching the ship's radio. Kyle tried to turn the radio off, but the ship started shaking violently, blasting him and Kirlia onto the wall. Astonished, he heard this signal on the radio:
SS. ALMIA FROM NEW BARK TOWN TO RANGER SCHOOL: WHAT'S GOING ON?
SOME STRANGE BLAST IS DESTROYING THE SHIP, SIR.
COPY THAT. WE'LL FIND THE SOURCE OF THE
Static flooded Kyle's ears. He felt a submerging feeling, and realized something-the ship was sinking.

Greetings! Let's have a look here…

First off a couple of things, why is your prologue in spoiler tags? Or rather, why is it in two spoiler tags? If it's a prologue, the reader will have to read it anyway, and it's not a prologue if it really does contain spoilers for your fic, so…

Now with regards to your prologue itself, I gather this is set 2000 years after the R/S/E games? If so, is this story going to be a bit more sci-fi?

Emerald, the trainer who caught Rayquaza, had lost Rayquaza a while ago, and it still hadn't returned to the sky, so nobody could stop the fight.

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This seems highly unlikely from my cold logic standpoint of view, because who on earth would even let a legendary Pokemon such as Rayquaza out of their sight long enough to lose him? It was improbable and implausible in the first place for Emerald to have actually caught Rayquaza, but that's just my personal preference.

The sky started going crazy, causing awful storms and wind all over Hoenn, as well as a huge drought in some parts.

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So this is a result of Rayquaza not being returned to the sky? I think you should add a line in explaining that.

Hoenn's legendary golems awaken Jirachi and call for Mew, who persuade the legendary pixies of Sinnoh to take matters into their own hands. They communicate with a young ranger named Kyle, the only ranger in Sinnoh, who has to find Rayquaza and stop the battle...before it's too late.

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I take it Hoenn's legendary golems are Registeel, Recice, and Regirock? Or am I mistaken? Also, why weren't they able to talk to Mew directly, or why not talk to the pixies of Sinnoh?

I don't like where this is heading concerning Kyle being the only ranger able to stop this, but I'll take it lightly. Is there a reason the pixies only want to communicate with Kyle, and not anyone else? Why would they have to be rangers?

--

Kyle is a young boy with a big dream: to become the first Pokemon Ranger ever in Sinnoh. There were many Pokemon rangers in Almia and Fiore, as well as the newly-found Oblivia, but he wanted to be in Sinnoh. His brother was a ranger in Hoenn, the only ranger there. That inspires Kyle to become the first PKMN ranger in Sinnoh. But is Kyle's dream far-off, or can he accomplish it? Only time will tell. Now, back to the story.

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You started out okay enough, but this seems thrown in the middle. You're running into a wall here that forcibly pulls the reader's attention away from the story, and onto some unnamed narrator who explains Kyle's back story to us. You can fix this by un-italicizing it, and talk about Kyle's background from his point of view. Let your character Kyle do the explaining, not someone else. The 'now, back to the story' part makes it more abstract from your leading sentence.

Kyle sighed, wishing the sunset would last longer, then headed downstairs to the endless hallway of rooms.

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You didn't explain where Kyle was in the first place, so I was slightly confused as to where he was. Was he on a cruise ship; was he in a skyscraper, or a hotel? I only figured it out after reading down farther. A key thing in writing is to be able to describe your setting. Try to expand upon that.

Kirlia started staring at him, reading his mind as he read silently. Kirlia wished that she could read, but as intellegent as she was, she had no way to learn. She hoped to get smarter when she evolved into a Gardevoir (only males evolved into Gallades) so she had trained repeditively as a Ralts. Now she was a powerful Kirlia, and she was going to become a Pokemon Ranger's partner.

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I like how you've given Kirlia her own personality. It's very refreshing compared to some other fics who skimp over the personalities of the Pokemon. :) It's interesting she can't read though. You'd think if someone can mind-read, they'd be able to pick up a few letters on paper. :P

Kyle put on the radio when he finished the book, deciding to go to sleep.

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So can he only go to sleep with the radio on? I can't imagine why he'd put a radio on otherwise. Could be expanded here, and a look into your character's personality. ;)

The radio, unfortunately, was getting a signal from the ship's communications that stopped the radio from the Goldenrod Radio Tower from reaching the ship's radio. Kyle tried to turn the radio off, but the ship started shaking violently, blasting him and Kirlia onto the wall. Astonished, he heard this signal on the radio:

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Radio is mentioned way too many times in this small paragraph. Try finding other words to describe it.

He didn't want to board the SS. ALMIA, he wanted to board the SS. SINNOH, but his mother insisted that Almia was the only reigon with a Ranger School, and his brother had gone there too. Once Kyle became a real ranger, he would be allowed to go to Sinnoh.

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As interesting as this tidbit is, I can't help but feel it's a tad misplaced. You've got an emergency on your hands with this ship, but you've killed the mood with this 'oh by the way here's why he's on this ship and not the other' filler.


Overall: not bad. You should space out your paragraphs and dialog though, so it's not a bother to read. Small text is hard for some people to look at for a long period of time, so leaving it at the default is best. Expand on your character also, and work on your narration.

Good luck~

-Azurne

Thanks for the tips.
At the legendary parts, you'll find out some of your questions when we actually get to those chapters. Remember, that's the plot, not the story, so I won't fill in specific details yet. Now, to edit the story.
Here's Chapter 2:

Chapter 2: An Undersea Plummet
Adrenaline rushed through Kyle's body as he and Kirlia were tossed about. He tried to remember what to do in a situation like this, but he couldn't remember. "Kirli-OW!" he screamed, getting thrown into the door and knocking the door over.
He was tossed, along with many other guests on the SS. ALMIA, along the hallway. Now he was glad it was so long, as he never crashed into the wall.
"Kirlia-teleport!" he said, and Kirlia teleported him up to the top of the ship. She would teleport him to Almia if she could teleport longer distances.
The captain was watching the beam get blasted at the ship.
"I sure am glad this ship is flood proof, even if it sinks."
He caught a glimpse of something and gasped.
"I don't believe it."
"What?" Kyle said, staring at the window at the beam of water.
He saw a red pattern flash in the beam.
"What the…"
Kyle knew he had seen that red pattern before. In one of those Hoenn legend books.
The captian was knocked off of his seat, and the boat went completely underwater-yet that water beam was still being blasted at the SS.ALMIA.
Kyle finally remembered that red pattern.
One word. Kyogre.
"Kirlia! Stop Kyogre with Psybeam!"
A beam, made completely of Psychic energy, escaped Kirlia's head. It flew towards Kyogre, but Kyogre, now fully visible, just did a body slam into the boat and made a huge hole in it.
Water started flowing in.
Kyle swam to the surface, finding a life boat.
He grabbed it and pulled Kirlia onto it.
He wanted to say, "Swim Upwards" but he couldn't without swallowing water.
Kirlia read his mind and they swam the lifeboat out of the ship and up. Then she just teleported it to the surface.
Kyogre was now a tiny little blip from here.
When Kyle had caught his breath, he asked Kirlia a question.
"Why would it suddenly attack us here?"
Kirlia responded in his mind with a "We're in its territory."
Kyle then lay quiet, thinking over all that had happened, and he drifted off to sleep.
He was awakened by a short "bump!" as the boat bumped onto the shores of Almia, right next to that Cargo Ship that crashed onto the Ranger School's garden. "Here we are, Kirlia!" he announced cheerfully. Kirlia and Kyle walked towards the school's enterance when they bumped into Kyle's brother-Alex.
"So you're here too, huh? I had to leave Hoenn because of the big fight."
"What big fight?"
"You didn't hear? Kyogre and Groudon are fighting again."

Chapter 3:

Alex led Kyle through the garden, telling him all about the disasters caused by Kyogre and Groudon's fight.
"You are one of the two people who made it here. The SS. Almia sank."
"I know-I was on it. It was attacked by Kyogre."
Alex gasped. "You survived!"
Then he chuckled. "Well, what did I expect? Your Kirlia is nearly as strong as my Gallade."
As if to prove him wrong, his Gallade hopped in from the bushes and started using Cross Chop on Kirlia.
Alex grabbed Gallade and ordered a firm command. "Stop."
Gallade released its grip and stepped back to Alex's side, but the damage was done. Kirlia was writhing in agony.
Kyle fished through his pocket for a Sitrus berry and found one. He stuffed it in Kirlia's mouth and Kirlia swalllowed it, healing her.
Alex laughed again. "Heh, still not as strong as mine."
Kyle still remembered the day he and Alex got their Ralts. Each of them had a level 10 Ralts, and they had practice battles for a long time. But then Alex became a Pokemon ranger, so Kyle vowed to be one too, therefore stopping his Ralts from battling.
Kyle nearly bumped into the Ranger School's main building, but Alex stopped him just in time.
"Ms. Meero!" Alex shouted.
An old lady walked out of the Ranger School.
"Finally, a new trainee!"
Her voice sounded old and cranky, like she was going to yell at you at any moment.
Kirlia, still aching from Gallade's attack, raised herself off of the ground and hit Gallade with a Focus Punch.
Gallade pretended not to notice, but in reality Gallade felt like screaming in pain.
Ms. Meero welcomed Kyle to the Ranger School. Or rather, screamed all of the rules in his face.
"No eating in the classroom! No messing with stylers! No Pokemon as pets, only partner pokemon!"
And so on.
Finally, Ms. Meero stopped talking and led Kyle to the boys room.
He was completely alone, as Kirlia was in the Partner Room.
"Hello?" he whispered, hoping to find something as simple as a Rattata for company. Nobody replied.
After a long, hard night, Kyle was welcomed outside by a different teacher, Mr. Trok.
"WAKE UP!" he shouted, followed by a roar from an Exploud.
Kyle was stunned-that Exploud was so loud, it made a jackhammer sound quiet. It took him a full seven minutes to get up and out of his room. Someone else came out of the Girls Room a bit after Kyle did.
Mr. Trok then spat at the two trainees, "Get your partners and go to the Training Room!"
Kyle and the other trainee did as they were told. When Kyle took Kirlia out of the partner room, she seemed relieved to be out. In his mind, he heard her tell him how awful the night had been.
I was alone there except for a Weepinbell. We were both longing for our trainers, but we had to sleep on dirt and my Psychic powers didn't work on it!
Kyle grimaced, thinking of how lonely he had been. For Kirlia that would be even worse, as she had never been uncomfortable in her entire life.
He and the other trainee had a chat as they walked to the training room.
"What's your name?" she asked Kyle.
"Kyle. What's yours?"
"Sara. What's your partner?"
"A Kirlia, and it told me yours was a Weepinbell."
"How?" Sara asked, mystified.
"Telepathy," Kyle responded.
"Oh."
"My brother's a ranger here."
"Ooh, cool!"
Mr. Trok heard them.
"STOP WITH THE CHATTER!"
Sara and Kyle looked at each other, and started giggling.
"I SAID STOP!"
They immediately stopped. Then Kyle read a sign.
"Training room here."
He looked around for a door, but, instead, he found something that appeared to be an elevator. He pressed the button that said ONE.
The door opened and he and Sara walked in. Then the door shut.
"LEVEL ONE SELECTED," a robotic voice said.
"DO YOU WANT A TUTORIAL ON CAPTURING?" it said again.
Sara and Weepinbell simultaneously nodded their heads.
"NOWADAYS, WE HAVE NEW STYLERS. THESE NEW STYLERS ALLOW US TO PUT OUR PARTNER POKEMON'S POWER INTO OUR STYLERS TO CAPTURE. WATCH THIS EXAMPLE."
The wall flashed, and it suddenly lit up, just like a TV screen. The video it was playing showed a person using a Bidoof's tackle to power a styler. The Bidoof used tackle on the styler, and the styler shot a yellow beam at a wild Rattata, wrapping around it. Then the Bidoof used Bite, and the styler sent out another yellow beam, making the Rattata glow yellow.
"THESE BEAMS COMMUNICATE WITH THE POKEMON'S MIND TO SHOW THEM YOUR TRUE INTENTIONS. BUT IF A POKEMON STRUGGLES FREE, IT WILL FAIL, AND IF YOUR PARTNER POKEMON FAINTS, YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH NO POWER AND A VERY ANGRY WILD POKEMON ATTACKING YOU. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT."
"WHEN THE POKEMON GLOWS YELLOW, THE CAPTURE IS COMPLETE."
"YOU TRY."
The ceiling opened up, and two Corphish ran out and attacked Sara and Kyle. Two stylers fell out, too, and the two Rangers-In-training picked them up.
"Kirlia, Focus Blast!"
"Weepinbell, Leaf Storm!"
Kirlia focused on the styler, sending a blast of energy into it. A brown beam clobbered Corphish, and it glowed yellow.
Weepinbell shot a series of leaves at the styler, and the styler shot a green beam that shot little green spheres at the Corphish, knocking it into the wall then wrapping itself around Corphish.
Corphish glowed green.
"VERY GOOD." A trapdoor opened, and the two Corphish fell in.
"NOW FIGHT THE BOSS."
The room flooded with knee-deep water.
"Aah! I'm soaked!" Sara said, while Kirlia focused its psychic powers to protect Kyle from the water.
A Croconaw fell out of the ceiling.
"Croco croco!" the Croconaw said, using Bite on Kirlia.
Kirlia fainted.