Common Courtesy

I don't want to look like a rude person here, but I absolutely hate what people consider to be common courtesy.

Agree or argue with me if you want, but one of the worst ones I hate is having to give up your seat on the bus for someone older than you and having to take off your hat during your national anthemn.

First with bus seats, I never give up my seat to anyone, young or old. Never have, never will. Here's how I look at it.

If everybody has taken all the setas, that's because they were on the bus earlier than you and probably had to wake up early to catch it. You pay for a ride o nthe bus, so that should buy you the right to keep your seat if one's available.

And for seniors who come on, they know the risks of taking a bus. The seats may be taken. If they wish, they could just get off the bus without even going for one route if they really can't stand. If they want to sit so badly, they should call a cab or a family/friend for a ride, not trouble someone.

And with the hats on national anthemn, I challenged it at our school since I have the "right" to act how I please in a non-violent way, and wearing a hat is in no way violent.

But in the end, I don't even have to stand, which I think is right.

I don't need to stand for a song if I don't want to. Doesn't take away my citizenship to my country.

And I don't see how hats can't be worn. It's like saying you can't wear your shirt or shoes. Hats are clothes too.

Those are the biggest "coomon courtesies" that peeve me.

So what do you think? Should people like you and me have the choice to opt out of these acts of kindness or do you think it's wrong for us not to do these acts?

thats why they call it common courtesy. these things aren't mandatory, they're actions people commonly take because they want to be friendly. i normally hold doors open for people and i'd give my seat up on the bus happily for anyone (not for natural differences like age though, just out of friendliness), but there are a few things considered courteous that i choose not to do, like including 'under God' in the pledge of allegiance, or saying the pledge at all. i don't believe in patriotism, and i don't mind if people have a problem with my choices.

So what do you think? Should people like you and me have the choice to opt out of these acts of kindness or do you think it's wrong for us not to do these acts?

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You already have the choice, and I think its the respectful thing to do.

If you've got a pack of cigs, other smokers will just assume you've no qualms about handing them out freely. I don't smoke but it seems like the most annoying thing ever, not to mention also because they'll most probably challenge you on the matter if you refuse.

This can be applied to anything small and consumable, really, it just seems most prevalent with cigarettes — people ask for a couple crisps from the bag you just opened, the second bar of your Twix, so on.


I'm indifferent to most of these little rituals and expected behaviours, but again, most of them are practically pointless so I don't think anybody should be shunned for not taking part.

I would give up my seat to a pregnant woman/elderly person because... well it's common courtesy. As for taking your hat off during the national anthem, when would this problem arise? Whilst watching the World Cup? I don't think they even sing it during the Queen's speech at Xmas (not that I watch it anyway). I didn't know you supposed to anyway, or is it just a yanky thing?

Its not like we have to do it. When I do have some common courtesy I do it because I care and being nice. It is annoying when people ask for some of your chips or can they have this and that when its obviously yours often times when I say no people are so quick to catch an attitude like I'm suppose to share with them T-T. I don't mind moving out of a seat if I see a legitimate reason but other than that I'm keeping my seat. So

So to an extent I'm ok with common courtesy but still its a tad aggrivating.

I'm happy to give up my seat to someone who clearly needs it more than me, just cause I think it's a nice thing to do. Though, if they were to ask me to give them my seat, I'd probably refuse on the grounds that I have just as much of a right to it. But, y'know, I'm just weird like that.

It's not a complaint per se, but there's one thing about being polite that really annoys me. Everyone, and I mean everyone in the street and in the shops who you walk past is bound to push past you, stop suddenly while they'rw right in front of you or whatever. But when you get to the door and deicde to stand back to let someone through, you just know they'll be the one person determined to be the most polite so you just stand there for ages going "after you" "Oh no, after you" "I insist" "I insist more" AAARRRGGGHH.

I've always thought of both examples as being more about respect than common courtesy. Giving up seats on the bus is just sorta a nice gesture. If you're young and fit, you can stand you offer your seat to someone who may be elderly, pregnant, or disabled.

There's the "pay it forward" theory that my dad lives by and consequently instilled in me. If you do a good deed for a stranger, they'd be moved by your good deed into doing another good deed for another stranger, and so on, making the world (or at least your immediate geographic locale) a happier, better, and friendlier place. I believe in this and usually go about and do at least three good deeds every day, no matter how small or big. :P

I Laugh at your Misfortune! said:

I'm happy to give up my seat to someone who clearly needs it more than me, just cause I think it's a nice thing to do. Though, if they were to ask me to give them my seat, I'd probably refuse on the grounds that I have just as much of a right to it. But, y'know, I'm just weird like that.

It's not a complaint per se, but there's one thing about being polite that really annoys me. Everyone, and I mean everyone in the street and in the shops who you walk past is bound to push past you, stop suddenly while they'rw right in front of you or whatever. But when you get to the door and deicde to stand back to let someone through, you just know they'll be the one person determined to be the most polite so you just stand there for ages going "after you" "Oh no, after you" "Okay, YOINK!"

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Bold text has been edited for my position on the matter.

Here it's like an insult to refuse to pass through a door while somebody is holding it open for you.

Courtesy is a bigger deal where I live, I suppose. If you don't want to do it, it's your choice, but if your timing's off people will think you're being a jerk. Is it such a problem to get where you're going a few seconds later than if you didn't cut that guy off on the highway? In some cases, maybe it is, but most of the time you're not rushing to the hospital to perform brain surgery or having a baby in the car. Y'know what I mean, Vern?

Thorns said:

Agree or argue with me if you want

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Okay I will.

Thorns said:

but one of the worst ones I hate is having to give up your seat on the bus for someone older than you

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Okay first thing about this:

Thorns said:

If everybody has taken all the setas, that's because they were on the bus earlier than you and probably had to wake up early to catch it. You pay for a ride o nthe bus, so that should buy you the right to keep your seat if one's available.

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That is agreeable so far, except for the part about paying for a seat. You're not. You're paying for the ride on the bus, whether you sit or not.

Thorns said:

And for seniors who come on, they know the risks of taking a bus. The seats may be taken.

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The problem I see with this is that buses are for everyone to use. I don't know if it's the same where you're from, but over here the elderly and disabled have as much right to travel by bus as any other citizen. But for them to execute those rights certain allowances need to be made for them, and they are made for them. There are signs on the windows asking to give up a seat to anyone who is unable to stand and special spaces for wheelchairs with a foldable seat someone can use if the space is not occupied. If a wheelchair user comes along, that seat needs to be given up so they can squeeze into the wheelchair gap.

It is no different from giving up your seat to an elderly man or woman. You are far, far more able to keep your balance on the bus. If you had a genuine condition that prevented you from being able to do this, you could say so and someone else would give up their seat instead. It's not just some silly ritual that has no meaning. It's so everyone can gain the benefits of public transport, not just the fit and able. The inconvenience of not being able to sit is far outweighed by the inconvenience of others being unable to travel, so these allowances and accommodations need to be made.

Thorns said:

If they wish, they could just get off the bus without even going for one route if they really can't stand. If they want to sit so badly, they should call a cab or a family/friend for a ride, not trouble someone.

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Get off the bus... and then what? If they can't stand for long periods of time, how are they expected to walk to their destination/back home?

Call a cab? Most people cannot afford to call a cab every time they want to travel. Over here for example, travelling about five miles by bus costs £1.20. Travelling the same distance by cab costs about £15. Do the maths.

Ask a family or friend, does that not count as troubling someone? It is certainly more trouble than someone giving up their seat. Plus, being reliant on family is very freedom-restricting, especially if the family don't have the time to give up. What if they don't even have family, or what if the family themselves only use public transport? What if nobody has a car?

Also, it is incredibly selfish to say that you are "troubled" by having to give up your seat. It's just a seat. You can deal without it. Others can't, others that deserve the same right to be able to travel but don't have the physical capability to stand being shuffled around by the bus and don't have any other means of freedom to travel.

We are all in this world together. Some people need a little helping hand, or a seat in this case.

In short when common courtesy helps someone more in need than myself, I very much agree with it. I'm sure any trouble placed on me for doing so isn't going to weigh up to the trouble on their end if they're not given the help they need.

Well, for starters, we all do them for respect. You need to be sensitive to others too you know.

Beechlgz said:

Get off the bus... and then what? If they can't stand for long periods of time, how are they expected to walk to their destination/back home?

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Sorry to pick out one mere sentence I found funny but, if they'd have trouble walking back home how do you suppose they got to the bus stop in the first place?
Political correctness aside if I may, people THAT frail shouldn't for the good of themselves be taking public buses in the first place. Where I live at least there's a seperate bus service that stops at individual homes for people with such mobility troubles.

I find it odd how you use the expression "people THAT frail" because you don't need to be very frail to get knocked about while standing on a bus. I'm reasonably healthy and I've fallen a couple of times while the bus was taking sharp corners. Luckily I'm young so not as prone to serious injuries as the elderly.

Some people are fine walking to the bus stop alone, sitting on the bus and off the bus to their destination. But when it comes to standing on the bus while it's moving, or walking great distances, they don't have the balance or stamina. My granny for example, a very independant woman for her age sometimes needs to take the bus into town. That's a long walk even for me and I take long walks a lot.

Still, despite this she can't stand very easily while the bus is moving. She might be doing all right for herself but she still easily gets knocked about when the bus is turning corners. And no, there is no separate bus service in her area for frailer folk. Just because this service is available in some places (and it is good to hear that it is) doesn't mean it's available everywhere.

tbqh op, you should like a typical teenager 'rebelling' against the norms of society.

Like erika said, I hope you remember this thread someday when you're old and no one will give up a seat for you.

But back on topic, I have the same type of pay it forward attitude that Tim does. Call it karma, or whatever you like. I'd much prefer to be the nice person who sacrifices myself to help someone else, than the angsty teenager who won't.

I have no problem with common courtesy. They're mostly things that, if I were in the same position, I would appreciate having done for me. That, and I want to be helpful and considerate. It makes me feel like a better person. Selfish reasons, maybe, but at least the end result isn't.

I would be more than willing to give up my seat for someone who needed it, because you know what? I would feel bad otherwise, and if it were me in that position, I'd really appreciate it. (Whether I'd notice on the bus, though, is another issue altogether... I'm not very alert sometimes. >>)

Personally, OP, I don't agree with your stance on buses at all but it's all been said better. As for the hats and standing for the national anthem, I think that's another issue entirely: respect for your country, not common courtesy. YMMV on that one, though, obviously.

Everyone should work to better themselves.... some more than others lol. I'm fairly new here and I've already met some rude people, and why are they rude to people? Because they have no self respect for themselves, ergo they have no respect for otheres. :) Thats the way I see it atleast.