View Full Version : my first poem....

February 5th, 2005, 5:22 PM
Sunday morning, the sun shines through
your bedroom window, and all that's true.
Your smile fades, as your eyes catch a glance
at what might be, your only chance
to ever survive, to ever get out
of this moment of terror, and all it's about.
Whatever happens now, you could be the hero
and not be left out, or feel like a zero.
The fires are blazing, and burning, and hot,
protect your friends, soilders being shot.
Boys they were, looking for love,
Men they are now, praying to above
Nurses, normal people, you'd say
waiting for the hurt, the wounded, the ones that won't live to see another day.
Sort them by people who'll make it!
And please don't fake it
for some will pass, and some will pass by,
please don't let the ones who won't pass, die!
It's Monday now, fires still going,
battleships still sinking, and oil still flowing
in the waters of death, the tombs of the dying
praying for what isn't coming, the people prying,
and trying to get to them, but waters fill the rooms fast
and everything goes black, they see in a quick moment their past.
Their days are done, they quickly see
pilots fighting, and wars over seas.
But they don't see from their point of love,
instead, they see it from above,
where everything is clear, and not a war to fight,
they see their children growing up, and growing so tight,
to the ones they love, the ones that see them fight it:
the wars over seas, and the trouble on the land,
All of the nurses, seeing it happen from where they stand.
What I've said here and more, is just a glance at something that is larger,
What I've said here and more, is just a glance, at Pearl Harbor.

uhh... do you guys like it??? Yes, it is a poem about Pearl Harbor..AND I'M GETTING IT PUBLISHED!!!!!!!!!!!and copyrighted...

February 5th, 2005, 5:38 PM

I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 5th, 2005, 5:43 PM
I liked it and aren't you two the same people.

February 5th, 2005, 5:47 PM
maybe.....*evil grin*

that I just wrote..........

Could you tell I just saw Pearl Harbor and I'm now obsessed with World War II???

February 5th, 2005, 7:08 PM
There is nothing wrong with having more then one account on PC, but if you are going to use both, don't spam and comment on a diffrent account just to bring attention and more comments to your thread.

But the poem really speaks the truth, of what it was like during Pearl Harbor, and WWII. Not just that event, but just general warfare altogether with the emotions that the soldiers feel, and the things that go on during that time. Next time, try spacing it out in stanza format (short paragraphs), to make it more clear to read. Very well done!

February 5th, 2005, 7:43 PM
i like it! but T.T it hurrrrrrtsss tooo read!!! you really really need to break it into stanzas.... pleeeeeaaaasseeeeeeee!!! ~origin

The S
February 5th, 2005, 7:55 PM
Swank poem. I'm not an expert on poems, but I liked this one. Congrats on the publishing.

February 6th, 2005, 1:59 PM
alright alright, I get it about the spacing and everything, but I can't space it because most of the lines are sentences which continue into the below it, and if I spaced it, it would have been even more confusing to read!

February 8th, 2005, 3:19 PM
No it wouldn't. It would just look longer, which is a good thing. XD

February 9th, 2005, 3:15 PM
well...can I keep it like this???

I don't wanna change it cuz being my first poem and all, it has some sentimental value to it not being spaced....

February 15th, 2005, 1:55 PM
Riiiight.... Whatever. So, when are you gonna write a new one?

February 15th, 2005, 1:57 PM
I don't know...I have part of one written already...but you no see yet!

February 15th, 2005, 2:04 PM
Pweases? I wanna see! Oooo, show me at school!