View Full Version : Ironic Serendipidy.

May 4th, 2005, 11:04 AM
Tala DiMaggio stared down at the thin curve of metal in her palm. It shone a bright white. It was impossible to read the letters stamped into the concave surface in the afternoon light, but she already knew them. Her thumb rubbed against the shard of pokeball. It as the only link she had. Looking up, she shielded her eyes. Silph Co. towered over her. It had taken her almost a week to get to Kanto, as she had blatantly refused to take the Magnet Train, and booked herself onto the SS Anne instead.
Her fingers curled around the meal and hid in her pocket.

Welcome to Silph Co. The receptionist smiled politely, her manicured nails clicking on a keyboard. How can I help you? Tala rubbed the back of her head nervously, feeling out of place. The floors shone, the walls shone, the receptionists desk shone, and the security guard looked at her darkly from beside the shiny sliding doors. She pushed her Stetson hat of her head and scratched her arm.
Um. She didnt know how to ask, This company makes pokeballs right?
Silph Co. developed the technology and design, yes. The receptionists smile shrunk by a molar or two. Tala glanced nervously at the security guard again.
Um, would it be possible to meet with someone who knows about that sort of stuff. The receptionist raised an eyebrow.
Is this for a school project? Her hand reached towards the phone, and rested on the shiny plastic, ready to pick it up.
If I was doing a school project, could I see someone?
Unfortunately, no. The receptionist said, her smile shrinking once more.
Well Im not, so thats okay. Tala, said quickly, I just need to talk to someone, a scientist or techy or someone who knows about lots of stuff.
Um, Im not sure if that would be covered by the companies policy-
Just five minutes, Tala interrupted, I just need five minutes. Her fingers stuck on the shiny counter. Please, this is really important, anyone, just five minutes. She looked so desperate.
Ill send the request through. Is there a name? Tala bit he lip. They might not agree to see her.
Anna Marsh. She replied, Ill be staying at the Pokecentre, I dont have a phone.
Ill try and get someone in touch. The receptionist assured her, and picked up the phone pointedly.
Thanks, thank you. Tala backed away and nodded to the security guard, who glared at her. Once she was back in the open again, she suddenly realized what a beautiful day it was. A young boy ran passed with a Sandshrew, and a Vulpix and a Furret played in the street while their trainers ate ice cream on a bench nearby.

Tala reached around her belt and took a purple pokeball from her belt. An Espeon erupted onto the pavement in a flash of scarlet light.
Spee! It cried and yawned. He climbed up onto her shoulder and curled his forked tail around her neck. The Pokemon Centre was to the south of the city, and it would take at least twenty minutes to get there, but Keishii liked to be out in the sun, so Tala didnt mind. He purred and light sparkled on his lavender fur. He wasnt exactly small, but he was insanely light for his size. Tala barely noticed his weight anymore. Her other four pokemon were all too big and heavy to sit on her shoulder. Not that they would. They were all above that.

Tala turned down another street and saw the blue roof of the Pokecentre, sitting just above the terracotta houses and small shops that dominated the area. She didnt notice the pokemon sitting in the street until Keishii mewed and jumped down from her shoulder.

The other pokemon blinked his amber eyes lazily as they approached, flicking his dark blue fish tail and shaking his finned ruff. The Vaporeon growled as his half-brother approached, and barked at his trainer. Keishii skipped to the side, his tail hanging low, and Furiiza pawed Talas knee. She blinked down at him.
When did you get out? She opened up his blue pokeball and held it out to him, but he batted it away and barked again. I have no idea what in hell your saying. She looked down at her pokemon. He growled and pawed a yellow pokeball off her belt. It fell to the floor and opened up. It was empty.

May 4th, 2005, 5:12 PM
Nice Style
Good grammar
Interesting plot

Paragraphing (just press enter after each paragraph)
Last part was kidn of boring
Could use more description for the actual people

Overall, this seems like a nice and interesting fic. Remember to have spaces in between paragraphs, it makes it much easier to read

May 5th, 2005, 11:25 AM
Thanks! Ak, i didn't like the end bit. couldn't what was going to hppen next. No more Ah! He kinda bugs me.... My keyboard spazzes up, so appologies for any spelling/grammar mistakes that ive missed