View Full Version : With or Without You

oni flygon
May 22nd, 2005, 12:32 PM
Finally... a new story from me.

Anyways, I hope you guys will enjoy reading this. Inspired from the song "With or Without You" by U2. ^_^ I appreciate both comments and criticisms!

Author's Note: "The Prom" is also the same thing as "The Ball" in Britain and "The Formal" in Australia. Thanks to Frostweaver for beta reading and editing some parts. Much thanks! =D

With or Without You

Days are long and nights are short in the summertime. This time of the year always leave me with so much memories to treasure. Summer has left a mark in my heartwhether it was a deep, incurable wound, or a glimmer of love and hope, I do not know. Regardless of what it is, this memory will be precious to me. It is a night that I will remember for the rest of my life.

Like every other normal being at age eighteen, I went to the prom. People say that its traditionto celebrate the last of a teenagers days. Yes, it is a tradition


Arent you going to dance? she asked.

My best friend looked at me with concern, but I just maintained that same smile Ive been wearing ever since the start of the party. I tried to loosen my bowtie a bit; feeling strangled by it, and this suit was definitely my worse nightmare. I was never accustomed to formal clothing, but people say that its tradition for guys to attend a prom in a suite and a bowtie.

No, thank you, I smiled sheepishly, feeling a bit guilty for myself Ill be fine! Her innocent eyes tried to pierce through my fake smile as she looked at me.

But she insisted on having me to participate in the dance as I continuously denied her offer. I tried to tell her to leave me alone while she should enjoy the prom herself as best as she could. Yet she pleaded me to join, and before I could even give her a response, she took both of my hands and dragged me to the dance floor.

The flashing lights, the fast paced music, and the throbbing bass! Everything just made my head hurt, feeling a bit nauseous. Everyone was moving fast, attempting to ride with the beats. Lights flashed above my head where the mirror ball hangs, continuously revolving. It was as if the world was swirling around me, and was confusing me.

I tried to dance but Im not a very good dancer, even now. I was complaining within myself, trying to reason out the things that have been happening to me during these few moments of dancing with people I dont even know. I wondered about what was happening. I remembered how people say that its a tradition to dance at the prom like this. Heh, what an absurd tradition.

People went low. I tried to follow, and I failed. I was falling. Luckily, my friend helped me in regaining my balance. Music was getting faster. My head was throbbing. Blood was rushing through my head. I tried my very best to flow but I wasnt succeeding. The music continued to go faster, and faster, and faster.

Suddenly, there was darkness and silence.


When I regained consciousness, I saw the hazy stars in the night sky, with my friend beside me on the bench. I realized that I must have fainted inside and she helped me here, on the balcony of the building where the prom was held. I was gasping and wheezing, trying to catch up with my own breath. My head felt like it was spinning around my shoulders. My best friend was trying to tell me something. I think she was trying to apologize. I said weakly that it was okay. I tried to force a smile, and told her to leave me alone for some rest. Reluctantly, she returned back to the dance.

I began to hate myself for fainting in there. It was so stupid of me. I just didnt like it to be the odd one out. Sure, Im not quite fond of dancing, but that was just stupid. I began to hate myself more while I regained my strength outside of the party room. The scenery overlooked the city, clogged with its alluring lights. Even from so far away, the abominable humming from cars in the city could be heard. People might see it as beautiful, but like always, being the odd one on any issue, I didnt see any beauty in it. The lights were too bright, and they lit the sky with a sick haze of purple, obscuring the stars. I didnt like the color. I could hardly see the stars. All I could see were the dark clouds looming above the city and the purple-lit night sky. How can people find this beautiful?

I forgot why but I was feeling cranky and upset. I couldnt stay calm and I felt a need to blame something for how I felt there. I closed my eyes to try to calm myself. Thinking back about it now, its kind of funny, and I chuckle at the thought. I must be a really cranky person back then to have the need to blame something for my own misery. I could imagine my younger self as an old man in the future, blaming every kid that gets into my lawn, overgrown and filled with some sort of undiscovered creatures.

A few seconds later, I opened my eyes. At first it took time for my eyes to focus but then I realized a figure standing just a few feet away. It was a girl. My eyes finally succeeded in focusing despite of my upset feelings, and I recognized the girl. I remember her I do dark brown hair, fair skin, and just those shimmering eyes like stars in the night. Did she know that I was here? Why was she outside? Why wasnt she in the dance room? I wondered while I just stared at her.

I took a huge breath in and then exhaled. The night breeze dampened the sound, and she couldnt hear me. I sighed after closing my eyes again and focused on my breathing. The nausea disappeared afterwards. My head stopped aching and throbbing. Everything seemed to be in peace now.

Amy, I called out feebly. I felt foolish by calling out her name. I felt slightly awkward because both of us were there all alone. Her head turned towards me and my heart skipped a beat. She smiled at me.

Phil! she exclaimed, retaining that smile of hers. Im sorry if I disturbed you, she went on I just came here for some fresh air.

Oh me too. I smiled back at her.

The dim light of the balcony was casting shadows on her innocent face. Her calm expression made me feel soft inside almost as if nothing really mattered in the world. But how could all of this matter to me? This was the same girl that I confessed my feelings to but she just gave back my heart I didnt understand.

She looked so beautiful that night, just like the time when those three words slipped away from my lips two year ago. I couldnt make out the expression in her eyes back then. I knew that she didnt know what to say to me there. And yet, I just humbly accepted. It was my mistake. We were going somewhereat least thats what I assumedand yet I had to be foolish and rushed everything. I just had to say those three dreaded words and that just destroyed our relationship. If only I couldve been a bit more patient! If only I didnt say those three words! Then it wouldve been a different scene right now in this balcony.

We were silent at the moment. Only the muffled sounds of the dance music and the distant humming of cars from the city could be heard. But her sweet voice broke the silence between us. Like a choir of angels that descended from heaven, her tender voice reverberated through the walls of my ears as she spoke to me.

She called my name.

Phil, she called out to me and I faced her with a curious expression II want to tell you something

Suddenly, I was breathless. My heart was hammering and I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears. Her lips quivered before she could even speak. Is she going to tell me how she felt about me? Is she? Is she? The question tormented my mind as seconds passed like years, standing there, waiting.

IIm moving away she tried to look straight into my eyes but she couldnt bring herself to do it.

At first I was slightly disappointed. It wasnt about me after all. But then my mind finally registered the meaning of what she actually said. I was just shocked. I tried to speak but my voice quivered and squeaks came out from my throat. I felt stupid. It was after a while did I manage to ask her why.

Its just my parents we need to move some place else. She looked down this time. I guess she didnt want to accept the fact either.

Does anyone know?

No, I havent told anyone but you


She paused after I asked that question.

I dont know why in this dimly lit place, I could see her face turning pink. She was blushing. I just feel that you may want to know

I had always wanted to be with her, no matter what, even if she already told me that she couldnt love me. It was strange because if she moved away, I would feel even more devastated than anything else happening around me. Even if my best friend moved away, I wouldnt feel so devastated yes I would be sad but for some reason, I would be even more depressed if Amy would move away. But I would never ever see her again, either way. We were bound to go on separate colleges anyway.

Thats how it works, the people always say. College always does that. Its tradition.

She sniffed and I immediately knew that she was trying to restrain her tears. But why was she crying? I tried my best to comfort her.

Hey, its okay I whispered, lets just go in and just enjoy. Have a dance and stuff. I tried my best to cheer her up. I guess she did because she smiled again. Her tears reflected the dim lights of the stars. She nodded and I held her hand as we walked back to the party.


Hey, what are the cops doing here? I whispered to my best friend.

At first she looked at me with a strange lookas if I just missed out something important. She remembered that I was out during the whole time. Then she continued and explained to me that someone was caught spiking the punch.

I shrugged. The police were around and so was the principal. That just destroyed the mood for the prom. Seeing the superior of the school was just a mood killer. The blue-uniformed policemen were leading someone away. He was in handcuffs and was obviously drunkhis face was pink and his gelled hair was messy. He is going to have a hard time in jail.

Amy was behind me through the whole incident. She witnessed the drunk teenagers procession through the crowd and out to the doors. I explained to her what happened and she nodded. She hoped that the principal wouldnt stop the prom. I chuckled, and told her that something like that wouldnt really stop the party. But then I saw the principal going up the stage where the DJ was, and then I began to doubt.

Ahem, the principal cleared his throat. People stopped and looked at where the principal was. They must be thinking about the same thing Amy and I was thinking: please dont stop the prom. The principal continued.

Students, Great, he just had to use that word.

I am sorry about the incident that just occurred right now

Get off the stage, Jones! one of my fellow colleagues yelled out loud. You cant really say that we were really respectful calling the principal by their first name. However, the principal ignored that after a frustrated sigh. He looked flustered as he continued.

However, the prom wont be cancelled a wave of relief came all over us. The punch bowl will be replaced instead and

Aww, you shouldve left it alone! the same person yelled out.

Peter! The principal hollered through the microphone. Everyone covered his or her ears from the principals rage. One more time you interrupt me, youre not graduating!

Everyone was silent. The principal looked even more flustered than before. As I was saying, he continued, the prom wont be cancelled and you may all go on to your usual activities


It was almost midnight. The music was slow and everyone was on the dance floor with his or her partner. Slow dancing with the lights it all looked like an illusion to me while I was sitting down, watching them dance. I felt a bit drowsy again but it was much better than before. My friend was dancing with someone else at the dance floor while I sat down with Amy. I was a bit nervous because my friend told me that I should dance with her. I didnt really know what to do. I guess that you can call me a coward for that back there.

Phil she called my name. I looked over to her and couldnt really make out her expression. She looked sad, or she was blushing and was trying not to show her emotions to me. Phil, do you want to dance?

My heart skipped a beat again when she asked me to dance. She was actually the one who asked me to dance. This was so embarrassing since shes a girl and she was the one who asked me to dance. I smiled and accepted her offer. In return, she smiled.

I helped her up and we both went to the dance floor and joined the crowd. We faced each other, and I placed my arms around her hips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and we began to dance. I felt warm and lovely inside while I gazed at her eyes, dancing along the slow R&B song. It was a familiar feelinga feeling that Ive felt for the first time a few years ago. It was a feeling that I longed for and just wanted to have again. I wanted to loveand be loved.

I was feeling love again.

Its not infatuation nor lust nor anything else. It was just loveinnocent love. She looked back at me and was trying to contain her smile. She closed her eyes lay her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her tightly because I knew that I would never see her again. Never

The song was fading to a silence.silence. Everyone was silent. Every girl was holding on to her love and every boy holding back tightly. Then a new song began. This song was familiar. The moment the drums began to beat, I felt a chill throughout my body. This song the pulse drums, the heartbeat of the bass, the wail of the guitarit was all too familiar.


Everything that I could see around me was gone. The humming from the cars, the chatter from the people following through with their tradition of what to do at the prom They were no more than complete silence.

The world began to fade away


See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Amy I called out to her. She looked at me with those eyes that I longed for every night. I want to ask you something

She nodded. Its okay she smiled you can ask me anything

Did you love me? I said it out straight and clear. I looked back at her eyes, expecting an answer. The moment I waited for her answer made me nervous. What if she just suddenly felt scared again? What if she was going to hate me forever because of that? What if what if what if

Sleight of hand and twist and twist of fate
On a bed of nails, she makes me wait
And I wait for you
With or without you
With or without you


Y-yesII did love you


Amy I still love you.

I know that I wish I couldve changed what I said.


Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

I wish I didnt hurt your feelings. PhilI just wish that I couldve told you too that I love you, but I thought

A teardrop?

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

Now Im moving away and I couldnt really say sorry to you


Hey, its okay. You dont really need to apologize. As long as this song is playing, lets just let each other know that we love each other


I felt her head nod on my chest. She hugged me even tighter than before and I did the same. I just wanted to stay like this forever. The feeling inside me was a combination of indescribable joy and sorrowmixed emotions at their zenith, filling me. I love her. I love her so much. And she loves me.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

The song was about to reach its climax. I couldnt believe that I had her so close to me. The guitar continued to wail and weep. The drums continued to pulsate like my heart. The beating bass was getting faster, searching for the ceased time.

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

Alone without the rest of the world, we danced to the song. The disco ball stopped rotating and the lights stopped flashing. All the other people disappeared. It was just Amy and me. It was just the two of usdancing in our world, dancing in our space, dancing in our twilight among the stars So much did my heart cried for the girl I held. So much did I want to stay with this girl foreverand yet fate set us apart from each other.

It was calm as the song came to an end. The lights, the sound and the people were back. We were back in reality. I could feel her arms slowly moving away from me. We stood there, facing each other and somehow we felt the same. I wanted to cry but I restrained my tears. I forced a sad smile on my face. She, on the other hand, could not stop her tears. They came streaming down as she embraced me. I hugged back tightly.

We really do love each other.


I remember that summer wiping her tears away. I remember her sad face moving towards me to kiss me. I remember that summer when nothing really seemed to care. I remember that summer when I knocked at her empty house and waited in vain. I remembered that summer when I sat on the steps to her home, watching the sunset, pondering on where she had gone. I remember that summer when I would look at the stars at nightthe same stars that I found the meaning of my life, the meaning of my love.

And I waited for that summer to pass. And I waited for the rain to come. And I waited for the leaves to fall. And I waited for the heavens unleash the tears that fall unto the earth. I waited for the sky to cry to cry.

Recalling all these memories, I suddenly remembered What it was like to hold her What it was like to love her What it was like to be a teenager What it was like many years ago

What it was like to be alive again

The End

May 22nd, 2005, 1:48 PM
this is a great story. I wish I could write this well.

May 22nd, 2005, 2:12 PM
Cool story, Niko! I think its pretty good...
I think I saw a reference of A Rush of Blood to the Head..... o.o And the fact that you put With or without you in it it's pretty cool!

May 22nd, 2005, 4:02 PM
I really do admire your writing skills, the plot you used of a traditional high school prom with the feelings that might be felt of just being "out of place" and uncomfortable with wearing a tie and a suit, worked really nicely on how it exactly is in real life.

Then involving having a friend who is moving away that you care so much for, at times it may be a bit cliqu but the description and depth you added to it made it work really well.

In my opinon, the descriptions, detail to the characters, plot, emotions.... etc. was all great, this is one of my favourite stories ^^.

May 22nd, 2005, 5:24 PM
Wow, I love this story. The way it was told as a flashback, and the 'Prom' plot... it's just wonderful. I also love how you incorpated the song into a dance scene. And the romance too. =3 I can't find words to express it. o.o;

I love how you used basic vocab to express the protaganist's feelings, it captures his teenage-ness. And you wrote his emotions perfectly, I could see the scenes playing in my head. x3 However, the punch-spiking scene seemed a bit out of place with the overall story though. That's my only word of complaint. xD

I love the way you ended it as well, the same way you began it. It makes me wonder what happened to Amy as well... =)

Great, superb, wonderful job. n__________n

May 22nd, 2005, 6:25 PM
Well...Since I never went through a prom myself, this is basically my vision of a stereotypical one. ^^

It was nicely portrayed, as with all your other romance stories...great details/emphasis/beautiful imagery of characters' actins...

Very well done. Only part I kinda conflicted with was the speed or choppy wave of the story. It might just be me; all of these kind of stories disagree with me. (Can you imagine Lily? Writing a ROMANCE STORY? O_O)

Either way, it still had wonderful parts crafted in to some parts, such as those meaningful words at the beginning and end of the story. Excellent, onii-chan.

May 22nd, 2005, 8:16 PM
It's a good story. I haven't finished reading it yet. But I will tomorrow.

May 22nd, 2005, 9:00 PM
See Oni... more than one person reviewed your fanfic much contrary to your belief. Have confidence in your own writing la~!

Keep up with your excellent work! I think that it's now safe to say how you're much more successful when you're writing romance stories compare to action/adventure... lol!

May 23rd, 2005, 8:51 AM
It's a really sweet story ^^ you captured the emotions really well, which made it easy to envisage ^^ one or two spelling/word mistakes, but given the overall length of the story they were very few and far between :3
I really love the closing section, the words you use are really beautiful ^^
Great job ^^

oni flygon
May 23rd, 2005, 5:31 PM
Thank you so much for replying guys! Greatly appreciated it and I was really happy that you guys loved the story! ^__^

May 23rd, 2005, 11:46 PM
Oni should challenge fanfiction.net's counterpart with this story...



oni flygon
May 24th, 2005, 4:14 PM
I don't know... >>

But I guess I should give it a try! ^__^