View Full Version : Now and Forever

December 27th, 2005, 8:49 AM
Now and Forever
Chapter One: Slam Jam, the Journey Begins

The crowd cheered as the seconds ticked down. Unfortunately, they were cheering for the opposing team, the Dragons from Esut Xen City. They were just ahead of us, 45-46, in this basketball game. However, to our dismay, they had the ball. Soon the Hokkou eigth grade basketball crown would belong to them. The point guard took it down the floor. I jabbed at him. The ball bounced backwards, but he brought it back under control. He charged forward, but lost control of the ball. It rolled towards our hoop. I rushed at the ball and picked it up. I charged towards the hoop. I glanced at the clock. There was only five seconds left! Quickly, I put up a prayer shot on the perimeter as an opposing player tackled me to the ground. When I hit the floor, I heard the sweet sound of the ball going straight into the hoop. We had just won the eight grade championship! The arena ignited in celebration or (in the Dragon fans content) sad grim defeat. I jumped up and ran into the other nine beaming players on my team. Shouts rang through the arena, Way to go Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor!

My best friend, Kody, ran up next to me, he slapped my back, You won the game, man!

After the celebration ended, I joined my mom and dad and we headed home to our large house on Tornado Terrace Drive. The ivy-covered mansion stood welcome. As we headed into the house, I remembered, in all the excitement, that tomorrow I would start my pokemon journey.

I wonder why we start at thirteen? I thought. Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and those leagues always started at ten. Oh well, at least I got to train pokemon, unlike most of the regions on the southwestern continent.

Good job, Connor, my mother said to me as I tiredly stumbled off to bed.

So are you ready for your journey? my dad added.

I was too tired to answer. All that managed to come out was a low mumble.

The thunderstorm roared outside. The crackles and rumbles reverberated through my room. Trees were knocked to and fro outside in the great forest.

This isnt good, I thought, before the pitter patter rhythm of the falling rain lulled me back to sleep.

The next day I woke up and rushed downstairs. The smells of fresh pancakes, eggs, and toast enveloped the room. My mother heaped three pancakes, two eggs, and two slices of toast onto a plate. She set it down and poured a rich glass of orange juice.

Hi Mom, I said has I quickly sat down and gulped down some orange juice. Pancakes, eggs, and toast quickly followed.

Hey Connor, she replied. Listen, they canceled the new pokemon at the laboratory. Dad bought you one though. You wanna see it?

Sure, I said. Where is it?

Its out in the stables, Mom replied.

Sweet, I said calmly. What if I didnt get a water type? The stable stood a few acres behind our house. I panted as I rested my hand on the doorframe. I gently opened the door. I heard a clocking of hooves. Within the stable stood a colt. Its mane and tail was the color of the sunset, a fiery red. All else of him was pure white. This wasnt good

Its a fire type, I murmured. How could they get me a fire type?

Why? I asked a while later. I sat in our house again, as unhappy as ever. Why did you get me a fire type? I hate fire types. I hate them.

Well, my dad replied, its our familys way. Every person that set out on a journey from the OBrien family has been given a fire pokemon. Your grandpa had a Torkoal, I had a Charolt. Even your five aunts that are retired gym leaders had fire pokemon as starters. Its the OBrien way.

No, I whisper, no, no, no! I slung my backpack over my shoulder, slammed the door, and ran. To Kodys house, I thought, hell probably get a pokemon from his parents too, theyre so rich.

I rang the doorbell in the usual manner and walked in, as he and I were such close friends.

Hey Connor, Kody said as he scurried down the stairs, his hand on the ivory railing.

Hey, Kody, I said glumly, you got a pokemon yet?

Yah, Kody replied, a Herbine.

I lightened up a little, Hey, thats what you wanted, isnt it.

Yah, he replied. Anyway, why the long face?

Oh, I grumbled, I got a stupid fire type.

I dont get it, I said a while later. I just dont get it.

Youll understand eventually, Kody replied. Anyway, I bet youll still be a great trainer.

Yah, I said, I guess. Anyway, I can catch tons of water types along the way.


As Connor sat pondering his journey, Ash, one of the greatest trainers was in a battle. He stood on a ship moving closer and closer to Hokkou.

The ship Orion 2 moved silently over the waters, but Ash Ketchum didnt care. In fact, all he cared about was the battle he was in. The battle against his friend he had traveled in Hoenn with, Max. Max, Ash, Brock, and May where all heading to the region of Hokkou where Ash would try to win the Champion Tournament, one of the best leagues in the entire world. This was because it was the largest, at twenty-one official gym badges. After placing second to Tetsuya in the Hoenn League finals, placing well in the Battle Frontier, winning the Sevii League, and defeating Tetsuya in the Charleston Cup, he strived to win this one.

Sceptile, Leaf Blade, Max commanded. It had seemed just a few days ago he had started out, a Treecko in one hand, a Slakoth in the other. His gigantic squirrel, scratched and bruised from the long battle. His sister stood next to him cheering him on. The squirrel rushed at the gigantic lobster that Ash had trained. It sliced straight through the lobster and almost knocked him out, but not quite.

Crawdaunt, use Bubblebeam then Headbutt, Ash said to his pokemon. The lobster fired hundreds of small bubbles out of its claw. Next, it charged straight towards the squirrel. It stuck his head towards the large green squirrel. Before the bubbles could reach the squirrel it dodged the attack, but the lobster rammed its head into the stomach of the green squirrel.

Sceptile, Double Team then Solar Beam, Max commanded his pokemon. The lime-green squirrel with all the power it had left started to run around and around the lobster while it was charging up energy from the sun. The lobster stood confused in the middle while the squirrel finished charging its ray of solar energy.

Now fire the beam, Iron Armor, they said simultaneously.

Sceptile fired the beam just as Crawdaunt shielded itself with a steel coat of armor. Crawdaunt stood still for a couple of seconds while Sceptile fired pain-striking energy into the lobster. Just as Sceptiles beam ended Crawdaunt dropped out of his armor onto the brownish floor. Ash had lost to Max!


We better get going, Kody whispered.

Sure, I replied, in slightly better mood. Hey, I welcomed, Charolt, come on out. I might as well let it run around. If it exercises enough itll sell higher.

Youre not going to sell it, are you? Kody asked.

Maybe, I replied.

We walked through the forest, our journey had begun. The trees hung over the path as if watching us. We looked left and right, wondering why the forest was so quiet. My fiery colt strode beside me, its reddish mane and tail swaying in the wind. How I hated him!

A creak could be heard; a giant tree sped down towards us.

My colt released a fury of fire. Char, char, it signaled, gesturing with its forehooves towards an open glade. The red flames held back the tumbling trunk.

We jumped out of the way. Charolt, return, I said quickly. A red flash of light immersed the colt just as the giant tree came down.

Charolt had saved our lives.

We sat by the fire that night, looking about the forest. My colt sat, curled up; right next the fire, heating its fiery soul.

Dont know how Ill make up for it Charolt, I whispered, calmly stroking his mane. Good night, Kody, I whispered, good night too, Charolt.

I wasnt going to sell him anymore.

January 5th, 2006, 3:20 PM
Now and Forever
Chapter Two: Onto Friedan Isle

The sun peeked over the horizon as we awoke from a nights sleep. So Brock, which way do we have to go next?

Kody, wake up, I whispered as I poked at him.

What five more minutes mommy, he mumbled, still dreaming.

Kody, wake up! This time I yelled. He jumped up.

Gee Connor; you dont have to blast my ears out! Kody sputtered as he stood up.

Kody, I heard some voices over there. Lets go check it out, I whispered to him. We sneaked through the bushes and saw two teenagers and an adult walking through the forest. Two were boys, one teenager and one adult, and the other was a girl looking like she was about thirteen. The boy wore a black shirt with a blue and white coat-vest over top. The adult, who appeared to be in his late twenties, wore a dark red sweatshirt with a black jersey over top. The boy teen had a yellow mouse sitting on its shoulder.

Boo! I hooted with a smile on my face, the girl shrieked and hid behind a tree. Hi, I said to the two guys. Wherere you going?

Who are you? asked the teenage guy.

Oh, Im Connor, and this is Kody, I said introducing us, We just started our journey yesterday.

Oh, well Im Ash Ketchum from Palette Town, and this is Brock from Pewter City. Oh, yah; MAYYYY!! You can come out now, there only trainers. May came out from behind the tree. She was wearing a red headband with an orange tank-top; her jeans were black with orange stripes running down them.

Gee, you guys didnt have to scare us, May complained. We looked down at the ground, half shamed.

Oh, yah you should be talking. I think only you were scared, Ash retorted. I bet if you had tried to fight em you would have ran away!

Yeah, I bet she wouldve. So, May, how about a two-on-two battle. Me and Kody versus two of your pokemon? I challenged her. I regretted it the minute I said it. She nodded and withdrew two pokeballs.

Ash laughed, Youre gonna get creamed, May!

Go Combusken, Go Beautifly! she responded. In a flash of red light a pokemon about half as tall as I was with powerful looking arms and legs came out. The other was a butterfly. Its wings shone with a shiny sort of glitter as they went up and down, up and down. Above the flapping wings its curling antennas swayed.

Okay Charolt, I choose you, I said as my fiery horse burst out in red light. It stood, ready to charge.

Go Herbine. Lets get em! Kodys green dog burst out onto the battlefield. Its slick black coat reflected the sun, showing the green speckles all over its body.

Quick, Kody, lets both look in our Pokedex. We dont know our pokemons attacks, or what pokemon May has.

I flipped open my pokedex and spoke into the microphone, Combusken, the pokedex went to <Combusken: Combusken, the chicken fowl pokemon, Combusken is a fire and fight type>, it read.

Beautifly is a bug and flying type.

Charolts attacks and Herbines attacks, we ordered, <Charolt: Tackle, Ember, Whinny; Herbine: Absorb, Poison Sting, Tackle, and Bark>.

Okay, Combusken, use Double Kick. Beautifly, Tackle and Silver Wind, May ordered her pokemon. The flaming chicken rushed at my horse. Meanwhile, Beautifly started to spin round and round; the tornado of its own creation sped faster and faster.

Charolt, dodge Combusken and hit Beautifly with an Ember, I ordered my lava colt as it jumped out of the way of Combuskens kicks. Next, it fired small balls of red energy at the butterfly. The butterfly was burnt and it drew back from attacking Kodys green and black speckled dog.

Herbine, use poison sting on Beautifly, Kody ordered to his dog. The faithful canine began shooting small arrows of poison at the butterfly.

The butterfly sank to the ground knocked out of energy, in a burst of red light Beautifly returned to its pokeball. Beautifly, you did great, now take a nice rest.

Both of our pokemon panted heavily. But, we wouldnt give up just yet.

Kody ordered his pokemon, Herbine, Poison Sting then Tackle!

Charolt, use Ember and then Tackle, I ordered my horse in a tiring voice. My horse and Kodys dog rushed next to each other at Combusken. My red and white colt shot small fire-balls at Combusken. Each one hit. Meanwhile, the green and black dog shot small poison darts at Combusken. All of them hit their mark. It seemed, though, that they had no effect.

Combusken, use Flamethrower on Herbine until you hit it, May ordered her pokemon, it rushed at the dog and then let out a long stream of fiery-hot energy, Herbine tipped over, burnt and knocked out completely.

Charolt, try a Whinny Attack, I ordered my colt, he rushed at his opposition and put his lips together and made a low buzz of sorts, it seemed to have no effect but I hoped it would in the long-term.

Combusken, finish this off with a Mega-Fist, May ordered as here Combusken rushed at my horse. Its fist started to glow and before Charolt could dodge it or I could order a defense. Combusken slammed into the side of my horse. Exhausted, he collapsed onto the thick grass cover.

Good battle, May said to us, since it was your first one, you two did very well.

Yah, Ash chuckled, when May first battled she couldnt even say Ember right.

Funny Ash, now are we gonna go to Friedan Isle or what?

You goin with us, Ash asked.

Kody replied, Connor, I think we should. I mean, the first gyms their and Friedan City is holding the Kite Festival, so theyll be tons of trainers.

Sure, I replied, lets go!

So, as the sun stood guard in the middle of the sky we headed to the ferry, where adventures untold would await us on Friedan Isle.

January 8th, 2006, 5:35 AM
Good Story I Will Rate It 9.5/10

January 10th, 2006, 3:44 PM
It rolled towards our hoop.
~~ I think you can just say "toward". It sounds better, too. This is an example...change all of them. I spot more "towards"...

Quickly, I put up a prayer shot on the perimeter as an opposing player tackled me to the ground. When I hit the floor, I heard the sweet sound of the ball going straight into the hoop.

~~ Tackling would be considered a fowl. Therefore, he also would get two freethrows I believe. Hmmmm... And the sweet sound part ... just say "swish". It sounds better in my opinion, as what your'e using almost sounds over dramatic.

~~ eighth! EIGTH!

(in the Dragon fans content)
~~ What is that supposed to mean? And going on in that sentence, "sad, grim". There's a comma there.

“Way to go Connor! Connor! Connor! Connor!”
~~ Fact of it is, Conner is two syllables. They'd probably be shouting 'Con-nor!' instead. Of course, that'd be pronounced like 'Con-er!'.

My best friend, Kody, ran up next to me, he slapped my back, “You won the game, man!”

~~ Revised: My best friend Kody ran up next to me and slapped me on the back; “You won the game man!”

to our large house on Tornado Terrace Drive.
~~ The large was unneeded there. It just sounds bulky.


Aaaaaaaand that's all I'm going to do. When writing your next fic, be *very* concious of grammar. And tenses, and everything else.

But honestly, this fic didn't stand out much. It was rather disappointing; the beginning didn't get me going at all. Work on your action sequences when you want to tense up the mood. I need to care about the basketball game. I, quite frankly, didn't feel anything. It was all pretty obvious that he'd make the shot.

Just some thoughts to chew on, not really a fic review. Just a little helper.