View Full Version : my own poetry thred version 2.0

January 14th, 2006, 1:29 AM
yeah, i have seen a few amazing and talented poets here having a thred like this...so ill start to make one too and here are a few of my newest poems:

Please Forget
i dont understand why you had to be gone
left me here by a pile of dust
and i feel like anidiot
breaking the rules just to be with you

but i guess everyhting dosent matter now dont it?
you left me with a clueless decision
made me feel so useless
made me feel something im not

i try not to be like this
but it seems that i cant
coz i can see the light in my world
its just not because i love you

its that you are a friend
a friend who helps me carry the world
but now ive had it with you and your career
left me nothing but disaster and feaR
its just so hard to forget a friend like you

now as my journey goes on
im tired and ive lost so many
i find myself just filling my time
just to get your image out of my mind

but now that ive got someone on my mind
i feel its so easy but still so hard
tears everynight realising that your gone
i cant believe my world is crashing down

i just want you to know its a little messed up
and im stuck here waiting...no longer debating
trying to convince myself thast your gone
just trying to do evertything not to frown

so, could i at least ask you something?
after reading this small memory you left
you forget everything it says
and forget me

note: it was quite sad when i made this....i kind of cried...

Snowman in March
time just flowed passed me
and everyone has left
but im still here
isolated by my thoughts

i was separated
by the feeling of loneliness
that creepes from my shoulders
and keeps me from going on

i stand still on a summer heat
alone staring at a pointless sky
the things that made me happy before
seems to fade from the back of my head

how i miss the past snowy month
whre i can still see a few people like me
everywhere i look i can see a few
but now they fade as the grasses grow

and now i lay styanding still
waiting for the next winter to struck
and as every minute i patiently wait
my loneliness grows as i see the sun come down on me

okay then i think im done with a few so i guess ill post other poems again my pc is still broken so the new ones will take sometime....bye

Lady Akita
January 19th, 2006, 6:43 PM
Awws..so sad..it looks long enough to be a ballad, by the way. And actually it isn't. XD Well, that's your type. Nothing wrong about it. Try to use capitals..limit the mechanical errors. That will make it alot easier for the reader.
I never crit people's ideas. So great job. Keep up the good work.

January 20th, 2006, 1:18 AM
thanks! im glad you liked my poetry!

January 21st, 2006, 2:26 PM
I really enjoyed reading your poems, they're good.. don't get me wrong, but could just use some "polish" ^^

I could tell you wrote this while you were feeling mixed emotions, which makes better poetry but the small things like spelling mistakes, and capitalization can take away from it. I suggest reading over your poems and fixing those errors, because like I said before, it takes away from the overall poem.

Also next time post each poem in seperate posts, its easier to read. Don't worry about double posting poetry, its okay in this section. And I noticed that you made two threads for the exact same post, I understand you want to bump your poetry, but don't make duplicate threads, instead just bump it up or post something new in it.

But from what I read its good, but could just use some work ^^'

January 25th, 2006, 5:51 AM
It was so sad. It was a really good poem. ^_^ Had alot of feeling in it which poems with feeling in it makes it so much better. Because you can actually feel what they're feeling a little. ^_^ Good job!

January 26th, 2006, 7:00 PM
wow! thnk you for the commentaries....ill try to check my spelling this time
and yeah, i was knd of feeling a bit gloomy! some poets are kinda psychics about emotions.....lolzzz....

February 1st, 2006, 7:07 PM
here another poemfor all to see:

sometimes i just
need to remember just to breathe
but now i just want to forget
try to learn and not to get hurt

why do i even bother to care?
if i dont get something back?
i just want to get a few things now
and i wont stay

the things your change is just you
and nothing happening to me
i feel so useless
if only if i could just jump and fall forever

trying to forget
things ive felt for you
but somehow,
i feel its not the end

coz when this began
i had nothing to say
and i get lost in the nothingness that you give
i just want to live now

so as it always is
**** blood spills right out of my head
i just want to die now
i dont feel so alive

my body's tired of geting hurt
it left me with no choice
now im a wondering soul
trying to find out how to suffer more

and another:

Like a Lifeless Doll
and now im sitting here
all by myself
trying to feel the wind
that once made me so happy

but all i could see
is a lifeless doll
lying on the floor alone
so motionless...

and now, im thinking about myself
that i see myself now
like a doll on the floor
waiting for dust to come

coz my heart has been used up
i cant seem to smile again
i dont think theres another reason
for me to live a happy life

because now you left
without saying a word at me
now im left here without a heart
and staring on the floor

ill try to post a few of them later i still have school!!!
well, you can rate now!!!

code zerro the deluge
February 8th, 2006, 6:30 AM
nice peotry DB. holla back my boy!!!!