my own poetry thred version 2.0

phantom_zangetsu

PC's sandman!
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    yeah, i have seen a few amazing and talented poets here having a thred like this...so ill start to make one too and here are a few of my newest poems:

    Please Forget
    i dont understand why you had to be gone
    left me here by a pile of dust
    and i feel like anidiot
    breaking the rules just to be with you

    but i guess everyhting dosent matter now dont it?
    you left me with a clueless decision
    made me feel so useless
    made me feel something im not

    i try not to be like this
    but it seems that i cant
    coz i can see the light in my world
    its just not because i love you

    its that you are a friend
    a friend who helps me carry the world
    but now ive had it with you and your career
    left me nothing but disaster and feaR
    its just so hard to forget a friend like you

    now as my journey goes on
    im tired and ive lost so many
    i find myself just filling my time
    just to get your image out of my mind

    but now that ive got someone on my mind
    i feel its so easy but still so hard
    tears everynight realising that your gone
    i cant believe my world is crashing down

    i just want you to know its a little messed up
    and im stuck here waiting...no longer debating
    trying to convince myself thast your gone
    just trying to do evertything not to frown

    so, could i at least ask you something?
    after reading this small memory you left
    you forget everything it says
    and forget me

    note: it was quite sad when i made this....i kind of cried...

    Snowman in March
    time just flowed passed me
    and everyone has left
    but im still here
    isolated by my thoughts

    i was separated
    by the feeling of loneliness
    that creepes from my shoulders
    and keeps me from going on

    i stand still on a summer heat
    alone staring at a pointless sky
    the things that made me happy before
    seems to fade from the back of my head

    how i miss the past snowy month
    whre i can still see a few people like me
    everywhere i look i can see a few
    but now they fade as the grasses grow

    and now i lay styanding still
    waiting for the next winter to struck
    and as every minute i patiently wait
    my loneliness grows as i see the sun come down on me

    okay then i think im done with a few so i guess ill post other poems again my pc is still broken so the new ones will take sometime....bye
     
    Awws..so sad..it looks long enough to be a ballad, by the way. And actually it isn't. XD Well, that's your type. Nothing wrong about it. Try to use capitals..limit the mechanical errors. That will make it alot easier for the reader.
    I never crit people's ideas. So great job. Keep up the good work.
     
    I really enjoyed reading your poems, they're good.. don't get me wrong, but could just use some "polish" ^^

    I could tell you wrote this while you were feeling mixed emotions, which makes better poetry but the small things like spelling mistakes, and capitalization can take away from it. I suggest reading over your poems and fixing those errors, because like I said before, it takes away from the overall poem.

    Also next time post each poem in seperate posts, its easier to read. Don't worry about double posting poetry, its okay in this section. And I noticed that you made two threads for the exact same post, I understand you want to bump your poetry, but don't make duplicate threads, instead just bump it up or post something new in it.

    But from what I read its good, but could just use some work ^^'
     
    Last edited:
    It was so sad. It was a really good poem. ^_^ Had alot of feeling in it which poems with feeling in it makes it so much better. Because you can actually feel what they're feeling a little. ^_^ Good job!
     
    here another poemfor all to see:

    BROKEN HEART
    sometimes i just
    need to remember just to breathe
    but now i just want to forget
    try to learn and not to get hurt

    why do i even bother to care?
    if i dont get something back?
    i just want to get a few things now
    and i wont stay

    the things your change is just you
    and nothing happening to me
    i feel so useless
    if only if i could just jump and fall forever

    trying to forget
    things ive felt for you
    but somehow,
    i feel its not the end

    coz when this began
    i had nothing to say
    and i get lost in the nothingness that you give
    i just want to live now

    so as it always is
    **** blood spills right out of my head
    i just want to die now
    i dont feel so alive

    my body's tired of geting hurt
    it left me with no choice
    now im a wondering soul
    trying to find out how to suffer more


    and another:


    Like a Lifeless Doll
    and now im sitting here
    all by myself
    trying to feel the wind
    that once made me so happy

    but all i could see
    is a lifeless doll
    lying on the floor alone
    so motionless...

    and now, im thinking about myself
    that i see myself now
    like a doll on the floor
    waiting for dust to come

    coz my heart has been used up
    i cant seem to smile again
    i dont think theres another reason
    for me to live a happy life

    because now you left
    without saying a word at me
    now im left here without a heart
    and staring on the floor

    ill try to post a few of them later i still have school!!!
    well, you can rate now!!!
     
    nice peotry DB. holla back my boy!!!!
     
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