View Full Version : Everlasting Love Unknown
March 20th, 2004, 8:43 PM
(dumb title, I know XD just to spoil it for ya, this story's going to become kind of a romantic fairytale thing...And I'm going to be posting in chapters, so don't expect the whole story in one post!)
Bradley trotted down the alleyway. He was in search of anything edible, as food was scarce for him since he was abandoned by his trainer. The young mightyena had evolved recently, causing his overly-girly trainer to be afraid of his fierce new look, and abandon him.
He rammed into a garbage can, knocking it over, and picked up a half-eaten hamburger from the pile. He carried it to a dark corner and ate it in a few bites. He heard a sound above him. He looked up. Silhouetted against the moonlit night sky, were the faces of six umbreons, one with blue rings. The blue-ringed leader growled as he stared down at Bradley from his perch on top of the small building. He jumped down, followed by the others, and they forced Bradley farther into the corner. "This is our territory." The leader said. His voice was deep, gravely, and menacing, "And YOU ate some of our food!" He leapt at Bradley, and bit his neck. The rest of the group pulled at his ears and tail, or clawed his back. Bradly thrashed about, and howled with pain. A 13 year old girl who had been walking down the street with her espeon, heard the snarls and cries. She ran down the alleyway toward the site of the attack, and ordered her espeon to use confusion. The umbreons froze. The girl ran up to Bradley, who was lying on the ground, unconcious. She lifted the mangled, wolflike creature, and cradled him in her arms. Bradly awoke on a cushion, in what seemed like a grass hut. He could hear rain tapping the roof, and he could see varius pokemon, like absol and tropius, roaming around outside. He tried to stand up, but his legs hurt worse than ever. He fell back to the floor, and blacked out.
March 20th, 2004, 9:55 PM
(Okay, I couldn't wait, I've just GOT to add chapter two now ^-^;; )
Bradley awoke again, this time back in the arms of the girl who had rescued him. He was quite puzzled, as he had forgotten most of what had happened. "It's alright, sweetie." The girl said, running her fingers through his mane. "It'll be okay." She continued. She set Bradley back down on the cusion her had awoken on before. The espeon walked over to him. "Trust Kitty. She can heal any pokemon back to health after any experience that theyve been through." She said. She sounded like she would be around 10 years old if she were human. Kitty walked out of the small grass room to get some food for Bradley. "She's beutiful." Bradley said. "Hah! How could a mightyena love a human?" Espeon said, laughing. "I don't know, I love her though." Bradley replied."I wish very much now, that I were a human." He continued. Espeon could grant his wish. She was very capable of almost anything with her strong psychic powers. Her eyes began to glow different colors after Bradley fell asleep once again.
(in my opinion, this is getting good! ^^)
March 21st, 2004, 11:22 AM
WOW Good job! I like it so far!!! Keep it comin'! =D
March 21st, 2004, 11:27 AM
Its too short for a fanfic (im not sure about it)
March 23rd, 2004, 4:03 PM
chapter three!chapter three!chapter three!
March 23rd, 2004, 4:21 PM
CHAPTER THREE (Cuz my pal Minunchu requested it.)
He woke up outside the small 'house' in the rain. His pain was gone, but he felt very odd. He tried standing up. He was on two feet! He was wearing black jeans that were now covered in mud, dark blue tennis shoes, and a black sweatshirt. He looked at his reflection in a puddle. Yhough the rain distorted it a bit, he could tell it was human. He had short black hair, almost unnoticably pointed human ears, and dark tan skin. Sweat now mixed with the rain on his face. He howled, very afraid and confused.
(I'll finish this chapter later, as I only have so much time on the computer.)
March 23rd, 2004, 5:11 PM
go on go on go on go on go on go on go on ! I AM SOOOOOO ANSIONS!
April 14th, 2004, 1:55 AM
CHAPTER FOUR (because she requested it, too XD Oh, and btw, this is Ms Ketchum. I didn't like that name, so I switched to this one.)
He saw Kitty's espeon in the corner of his eye. He turned to her, furious. "Did you do this?!" he snapped. "Yes. You said you liked Kitty...I was just trying to help..." Espeon said, a little scared. "Well you didn't! Reverse this now, you little.." Espeon cut in. "I can't. It took a lot of energy just to make you the way you are. I couldn't reverse it if I tried..." She said. Bradley (I'm starting to not like that name...) sat back down in the mud. He sighed. "But I don't know what to do!" He said, rubbing his forehead. "I don't even know how to speak human..." He continued. "You are right now. So you don't have any problem there." Espeon replied. He stood up. "Kitty won't reacognise me. She'll think I'm trying to rob her or something if I go back in there." Bradley said, pointing to Kitty's odd dwelling. (use of a strange word! Yaay me! lol XD) "Maybe if you tell her what happened..." Espeon said. "She wouldn't beleive me. She'd think I was crazy." Bradley replied. "Maybe try meeting her all over again, then?" Espeon said. "Maybe that'd work. I suppose I could try somehow...." Bradley replyed.
April 17th, 2004, 11:55 AM
Wahhhhh!!! It Is A Coat Hanger! I Mean....a Cliff Hanger!
May 9th, 2004, 2:13 AM
((This is Pluslechu. I changed my name because Pluslechu was an odd name...))
Bradley (I can't beleive I chose that name..) heard Kitty coming. He ran into the tall grass and waited. He saw Kitty aproaching the door of her home. Bradley got up and ran toward her. *SMACK!* He ran straight into her, on purpose. Both of them fell to the ground. "Uh...Hello..." Bradley said, nervous. "Hi." Kitty said, getting up and opening the door. "Your soaked, would you like to come in for a bit?" She asked. Bradley smiled and nodded. When he followed her back in, he immediately sat down on the cushion that he had slept on as a mightyena. "I'm hungry." He said. Kitty gave him a surprised look. "Erm... What are you doing?" She asked. "Waiting for you to feed me!" Bradley replied, grinning. "Well you'll have to sit at the table for that." Kitty said. Bradley picked up the food bowl in front of the cushion and set it on the table. He then pulled out a chair and sat down. "Uh...Why do you have my mightyena's bowl at the table?" Kitty asked, puzzled. "Wait...MY MIGHTYENA!" She cried, noticing that the mightyena she had known was gone. She ran out of the house to search. Bradley cringed. She was not going to find her mightyena. Just Bradley.
(Sorry that was short...)
Mr Cat Dog
May 9th, 2004, 3:02 AM
Well, you could have posted all of that in just one chapter... as all of them were incredibly short. But... to review:
The description in this was actually quite good, but it was the paragraphing that let you down. I'll give you an example of where you can improve on:
Uh...Hello..." Bradley said, nervous. "Hi." Kitty said, getting up and opening the door.
This should be:
Uh...Hello..." Bradley said, nervous.
"Hi." Kitty said, getting up and opening the door.
This will also help make your fic look longer than it already is... which may help get some more reviews. The Character of Bradley seemed to change a lot as well. one minute he was wanting to be human... the next, he hates humanity and wants to be a Pokemon. It's best to sort out the characters emotions out before posting the chapter.
May 9th, 2004, 2:41 PM
He wanted to, but never expected it to actually happen so..Yeah. I'm not very proud of this fic anymore, myself...