View Full Version : Smitten

oni flygon
January 29th, 2006, 7:54 PM
ZOMG! It's one of those really rare moments when your fanfiction mod writes a story! As usual, it's Feelingshippy... and I hope you guys enjoy this one! I appreciate comments and criticisms! I really do! So fire away after reading this!


The silence of the vast wasteland was shattered with the deafening wails and cries from my apprentice. The raucous of combined bawls and sobs just made me insane for a while, yelling at my student to stop. Soon, both of us were yelling at each other. I began to question myself on how did I ever get such an apprentice in the first place. Oh that’s right. The boy volunteered. I could remember his stern face that evening. I was about to leave him alone but his determination is what caught my attention. But now, that determined face was gone and was replaced with tears from my flailing student. He was crying after witnessing his Rattata evolve in a Raticate. He told me before that he didn’t like the idea of evolving his Pokmon… but I didn’t know he was this serious.

I began to yell as loud as I could, covering my ears from this horrible noise. He bawled more like a girl than a boy. I shook my head like crazy until I realized that I was the only one yelling. I opened my eyes, looked around at the vast wilderness. Dust was clearing around us and then I looked to where my student was. His Raticate stood beside him, who was now hunched forward, emitting small growling sounds at him. My student was lying down on the ground, his straw hat covering his face. Is he dead? Quickly, I moved across to him and lifted him up. He felt lighter than I expected, I thought, while examining his pulse. He’s alive…and well…. He just fainted from the shock.

It was afternoon that day that my apprentice yelled out loud in the middle of this wasteland. Dusk was arriving quite fast, I noticed. Time flies when you’re busy, one says. But it went awfully fast to me. It will be night soon, I thought to myself, while looking around for the third time. I will be able to make a camp here and rest for the night…and perhaps my student could rest, too. I took his Pokball from his belt pocket and recalled his Raticate with ease. I then noticed another Pokball about a few feet from us. That’s right. The reason his Raticate evolved was because of the Caterpie that my student caught. All that trouble just for this…

I sighed in frustration while laying my student on the ground. I was going to return here after I get out the blankets and such.

Soon, I was moving him to the blanket that I lay next to the fire. It wasn’t too close to the fact that the embers might reach the blanket and burn it but it was close enough so that he could get warmth. I placed a blanket over him, feeling pity over my apprentice who seems to have had enough for the day.

Night has already come and it felt different in this wasteland. The air was still and cool. Most of the stars were quite visible tonight because we were located at a great distance from the nearest city. I felt peace just looking at the sky up above. The dark blue sky looked like a cloth with white patches of clouds and scattered with multiple glittering stars. I sighed while sitting next to my student’s makeshift bed, simply meditating, focusing on my breathing. Silence. Was that the word for the peace I’ve been feeling?

My apprentice stirred and it took me a while to notice. However, he continued to sleep afterwards. I wondered if my student was comfortable or not. I need to make sure he gets enough energy for tomorrow because I didn’t want to start the training late. It’s that straw hat he has been wearing and it does make him look a little bit uncomfortable. I haven’t seen him sleep because he would sleep somewhere else while I sit near the fire I built. I was a bit irritated on my own guilt and sympathy, and stood up.

He was lying on his side, facing the warmth and the dancing embers made little shadows moving around his face and for a moment, I wondered how this little boy could save the world. I wondered how innocence and determination can defeat madness and greed. And I was thinking this as I removed his straw hat. It took a second and a half before I realized at what I was looking at.

His—I mean—her blonde ponytail flowed behind her as it was released from the clutches of the straw hat. The shock of realization clung to me for another second and then speechlessness would follow. But then I realized that about a minute already passed and she began to stir again.

She sat up and looked up at me with those bright blue eyes of hers, reflecting the light from the dancing embers on our side, which made her eyes twinkle. She probably wondered why I was looking at her like that and even wondered more why I was wearing such an expression, uncommon to see on my face. I tried to close my mouth or at least utter the word but then she had to ask why I was like this.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Oh she even forgot to attempt to make her voice deep enough to make it sound… boyish. However, it took her another second to realize her mistake and covered her mouth with her hand and then she realized that I was holding her straw hat when her eyes lowered down to my hand, which was clutching it.

“Y-you…” I stammered, finally being able to utter words. “I didn’t know—you—I didn’t know you were a girl!”

“No!” she yelled and attempted to grab her hat from my hand but failed to do so because of her short reach. She fell on the ground and scrambled to get up. But I just held the straw hat to her, still trying to contain my shock. She grabbed the hat when she got to her feet but decided that it was futile to wear it since her identity has finally been uncovered. She looked away from me, away from the fire, which cast a shadow over her face and I felt a bit awkward, treating this girl like a boy… but who could blame me?!

“Why were you dressed up like this?” I demanded to her. She didn’t answer but still faced away from me. “Answer me!”

The fire’s cracking sound was the only one that answered and I decided that I shouldn’t be wasting my time with this girl. I was already frustrated this afternoon and I didn’t want to argue anymore. I sat down where I was sitting before and she was still standing there like a statue. It was strange because she looked a little bit shorter without that hat of hers.

“Are you just going to stand there all night?” I asked but didn’t get a respond.

Instead, she just turned around and sat where she slept and faced the fire, hugging her knees and with her hat next to her, though I can tell that she had the hardest time trying to make herself look angry. She looked rather embarrassed as I noticed that blush on her face. And those eyes… they were more of trying to restraining tears than restraining rage. Another minute of silence followed and I spent that time watching her and the embers interchangeably. Her actions kept catching my attention, whether she tried not to yawn or sniffing and restraining tears.

“Please…” she broke the silence between us with that word. I looked up at her, still amused at her courage and determination. “Please don’t tell anyone…”


“Because…!” she immediately blurted out, her voice cracking a bit. “Because… Blue-sama said so…” her voice trailed off after Blue’s name was mentioned and I had one of those epiphanies.

“Oh, so Blue did this, huh?” I looked at her across the fire, puzzled. “Why did she?”

“She said to keep spies from learning from me…” she replied after thinking about it for a while. Her voice sounded relaxed now and I assumed she was feeling a lot better. But then her explanation was quite believable.

“That woman,” I muttered while putting my hand against my forehead.

She was looking at me, curious and probably assuming that I know Blue and said no other word. But when I looked up at her, she quickly turned away and it must have been the fire or did I see another blush? But I rubbed my eyes anyway since they hurt from trying to see her face across this fire.

“Well, you have my word.” I said clearly, trying to catch her attention. “I won’t say a thing to anyone about this…”

She didn’t respond but looked down instead and I couldn’t help but look at her. At first, I was waiting for a response but then I guess I forgot the reason why I was looking at her. She looked up, meeting my curious eyes and she quickly looked down again. I’m sure both of us felt awkward.

And at that moment, I realize that her courage can sometimes fall apart like now. And that courage is what masks her more than her disguise. Across the fire, I saw a shy little girl, looking down and didn’t dare try to look at my eyes. This girl, who has been yearning to find her friend Red, who she admires and possibly more, is somewhat fragile inside and yet she is steadfast and headstrong. And at that moment, she looked up again, as if she read my mind and apologized.

“It’s alright,” I replied.

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone… Green-sama…” her request sounded like a whisper and she felt as if she was defeated.

“I promise.” I said it straightforward and she looked at me with those eyes that seem to trust me.

We didn’t say another word after that except “goodnight.” She faced the fire again and I placed the covers over her. A few minutes after she closed her eyes and her straw hat beside her, I continued to gaze at her as she breathed softly. I grew fond of watching the dancing orange glow on her face, which was emitted by the flame. In this wasteland, this desert, this desolate place, I became interested with her. As curiosity spurred me to wonder so many questions to ask and thinking of so many things, I thought more of this girl. This girl… Yellow. Whom I seem to be fond of after that fateful night I promised never to tell anyone about. Perhaps one might call it being smitten. I’m not really sure.

That next day, it was if the night before never occurred. She looked at me with those bright blue eyes when I asked her one question out of all those many questions that have been floating in my mind all night long.

“Since you’re searching for Red,” I began. She seems interested in my question as she looked at me with determination. “Tell me, are you fond of him?”

Her determined look vanished and horror replaced it as she attempted to deny it but then it was quite obvious that she had a liking towards my rival. I gave off no reaction to her attempts of covering up another secret though inside, I was slightly disappointed. There are things in life you can’t really get… this was probably one of them, I thought to myself. Nevertheless, I was still fond of this girl…

After that event, I tried not to think about her and tried to concentrate more on my duties, but from time to time, I think about her and that night. It makes me wonder if she still remembers it and what makes me even wonder if—no. It’s best not to talk about it right now. My duties go ahead of this. It’s best not to let the enemy exploit my emotions.


January 29th, 2006, 9:41 PM
Wai another great one-shot fiction by onigiri XD

a bit of critique as usual XD

First, are we assuming "Master" Green already knows her name when she became his apprentice?

Her determined look vanished and horror replaced them it as [she] attempted to deny it but then it was quite obvious that she had a liking towards my rival.
and there's a bit of editing...

Overall good though, liking the traditional "by the campfire" scene

oni flygon
January 29th, 2006, 9:51 PM
Wai another great one-shot fiction by onigiri XD

a bit of critique as usual XD

First, are we assuming "Master" Green already knows her name when she became his apprentice?

Yes we are... =D

Otherwise, the other thing was a small typo that didn't show up in MSWord because it thought that it's correct. Thanks about that one!

January 31st, 2006, 7:20 PM
I really like your Feeling Shipping Fics, Niko-kun. They're always so moving. And the personalities are always captured and portrayed wonderfully. Weird, though... Did Green ever actually find out Yellow-chan was a girl in the Manga? He must have at some point. Because he wasn't surprised when he found out that she was a girl. Anyways, great Fic. X3

February 1st, 2006, 3:48 PM
That was quite touching, really, the way you summarized Green's feeling towards the end. The characterization overall was nicely introduced and I am happy you have finally acceded to Red x Yellow. Orange will be ecstatic as well. ^^

Things you could've worked on includes tense errors and needless awkward wordings, but you already told me about them over MSN, so...

Nice job! I think this is my favorite yet- it has depth. >D

oni flygon
February 1st, 2006, 4:25 PM
No Lily... I haven't gave in the the blasted RedxYellow pairing yet. I'm just trying to be as close to the manga as possible...>>

But yeah, tenses and wording just isn't my thing... XD