Let's Play Pokemon Snakewood! Chapter 16

Last time on Snakewood, we just took down the Weather Institute and obtained a magic psychic dragon egg. Yeah, just roll with it.

Speaking of magic eggs, Reggie was given the bench for Benedict to get a spot in the limelight again. The Brain Link helps tremendously for what I'm doing, so I'm glad I went to get it back in Famine's Desert.



Hello, experience fodder.



Oh hey, a new zombie Pokemon. Not that it means much, considering his weakness to Flying and Psychic make him a giant sitting duck.



Upon defeating Poliwraith, Benedict gained the ability to use Egg Bomb... which essentially means they're an egg shooting other eggs that explode on contact.

Benedict's very existence is like some strange eldritch abomination that came out of like the Twilight Zone or something, I swear. I was going to yell "wow what the hell" but I felt it wouldn't have been enough to describe just how mind-boggling this is.



Oh wow, a Hyper Potion! I only have like 40 in my bag already.



: "Right. Jeanne, if you please?"

: ("Of course, Jack.")

[Jeanne burns the Battle Zombie to ashes]

Oh crap, I forgot we're surrounded by tall gra--

: [Runs out screaming while covered in flames - his Pokemon try to put him out]


Huh? What's attacking me here?



GO AWAY

The item that they're guarding is an Elixir, by the way. So there's that at least.



: "I'm well aware of this."



... What is going on with these names

He has a Breloom, though. Breloom is a pretty cool Pokemon all things considered. Fun fact, I was originally going to get a Shroomish for the team back in chapter 2 but how my saves worked made it so the Shroomish I caught never exist. It kept happening because I kept forgetting to save after I caught said Shroomish, so after a while I just gave up.


... Had a Breloom. God damn, Ace.



Of course we are. We're the main hero!



"Wait! Aren't you that strong kid who beat Tina and Bruce? You must be powerful!"

: "I don't like to brag, but yeah that's the gist of it."

Hold on a sec. What if you never fought the Reporter duo in Famine's Desert? Would this soldier's line change if you didn't fight them?





I would exclaim "fuck this shit I'm out" but I am a man of my word in that I will complete this game. So UUUUUUUGH

: "Oh god... you guys again!?"

(Rolv): "Let's rumble!"

Were you not satisfied, Cutlerine?!





Oh jeez, they're actually getting a bit harder. If Jeanne wasn't here, this Metang would have been a threat.



Typical Deadly Seven dialogue. I'm not even like phased by it this point, I'm more like "can we get this stupid shit over with already?"



"Who can you trust? Who can you believe in? When all else fails, where can you take refuge? Do you see now? This plot... This fear you feel... This is the power of a true paranoia!"

You know, in the hands of a writer that's actually trying, this could have been intriguing. Coming from the Deadly Seven though, it's just Cutlerine being a pretentious ass thinking that this story can be salvaged after all the stuff it's pulled.



Of course you expected Jack to win. The game literally cannot progress if Jack does not win!



: "Shut up! You were really creepy when you attacked me..."

(Sputnov): *some nonsense about buttering bread*

I really have to feel for Jack in this situation because dealing with the Deadly Seven may not be hard, but it's torture regardless.



Yeah, you lost me at bagel. Put up your dukes!



Fun fact: This thing has a Salamence cry. This is what replaces Salamence in the game.



This dude had all of the evolutions of Calfby in this game minus Ramshaker. I'm kind of glad he didn't bring Ramshaker as we don't have an appropriate counter to one yet.

Also, Calfby can evolve into Miltank even if it might be a dude? Which makes no sense if you know how cows work. (Then again, I don't have the patience to check.)



... Let me be real regarding silly comparisons, alright. In a supposed-to-be-serious story, they're completely out of place. No matter what context you put this stupid bagel thing into, it's still going to amount to "lol randumb humor".

I understand that's the point, but it's still pretty annoying.



: "Isn't that the strapline for Sabriel?"

(Adolv): "Hail, Caesar!"

You know, I didn't expect Jack to jump into the "horribly obscure references" train with these lunatics. I'm pretty sure he was trying to turn that reference into a significant phrase about you and Snakewood.



... An egg using Softboiled as an attempt to heal itself.

Benedict, you truly are a force humans cannot comprehend.


The Deadly Seven prove their worth!

Dragonite here is one of the first legitimately threatening Pokemon that the Deadly More-Than-Seven possess, as he actually has enough firepower to rip teams apart with ease. If you brought the shiny Aerodactyl from Famine's Desert with you, then you shouldn't have to worry about much, but I didn't do that.

The funny thing is that if this was Gen 6, Bellamine would have zero worries going up against this guy. But sadly this is still Gen 3.



I mean look at that! She lost more than half her health from this alone! His only Dragon moves are Twister and Dragon Rage (fixed 40 damage) so thank goodness for that at least.

Still, fixed 40 damage is pretty hefty for most of the Crew except for Tohru to handle.



Since this is coming from one of the Deadly Seven, I can't even be bothered to take it seriously even by the standards of this game.



"Well, it seems my friend is lost in a twisted web of intrigue and lies. Why not stop and listen to a refreshing haiku?"

: "No."


[Jack slaps Asimov]

: "No more haikus, just fight me already!"

(Asimov): "Ow... okay."

The actual line isn't much better, as it's not even a haiku - it's a half-hearted limerick about Jack and his adventure in Snakewood.



He has two Pupitars and this Tyranitar. I appreciate that they're actually making an effort to be the Deadly Seven, but their chance of success is as shaky as the logic Cutlerine had when he put them in the game.

[Tohru used Rock Smash!]





: ("Chances are you're not going to get back up from that.")

Don't mess with The Crew.



And of course he has to signal his exit in the most ungraceful way possible.

Thank god they're gone. That was a bit short, actually. You could chop that part with the Deadly Seven out and the entire game would be much better for it.



In his hot-and-cold mercy, Cutlerine leaves a healing spot for you.



Let's see what's in this house. Might be something cool.



Oh, it's something alright. This is literally the same house in the original game but the border is replaced with the Endless Plains.



There's nothing in here, by the way. This just exists to waste your time like the empty rooms in Monster Party.

Future Dan: Funny that you mention that.



She has a boat. She's a lady called Gabriella. No further context is given. Moving on.





Damn it, now I'm hungry again.



"The zombies couldn't get us, because we mimicked their every move. I doubt you can take us on!"

: "How does copying the zombies fool them in any capacity? Oh whatever. Bring it on."



There are at least two Mimic Bros. Tommo here is one of the more annoying ones.



Say hello to a new Fakemon, folks! Psypig here is not related to Grumpig in any way despite their alarming resemblance. It is a / type that will give me a ton of migraines in the future, but for now he falls victim to Jeanne's Confuse Ray.



I'm more amused at the fact you and your brother have survived this long by mimicking the moves of the undead.



KAIJILANTH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS, LOOMS OVER US

I'm kidding.


Kaijilanth is actually a spriteswap of Shedinja, complete with Wonder Guard. I noticed when it had the same cry and the fact that just one Will O' Wisp from Jeanne killed it instantly. I would assume that trying to get Kaijilanth is the same as trying to get Shedinja, but I honestly don't think it would help that much.



"Who might you be?"

: "I'm Jack."

I'm pretty sure that at this point, Jack and the Crew are universally recognized as saviors given all of their accomplishments.



"May I see it?"

: "Uh, no. It's kind of valu-"


Dr. Blackthorn: "What?! Could that be... the egg containing Meteor's daughter?"

I was going to say. If he was going to touch Benedict, he would have lost an arm.

: "Uh, as a matter of fact, it is. Why?"

: "What's going on? Will someone please tell me?"

: "Quiet. The adults are talking. What's it to you, doc?"

I can imagine Jack giving the good doctor a death glare like "Oh you better not wrap me up in more bullshit."

Dr. Blackthorn: "I had heard someone attacked the Vault, and that Meteor's daughter had been freed, so I came rushing over to see if it was true. Thank you for your time."

[Dr. Blackthorn walks off]


"Do you know where I can find Meteor, so I can take his daughter back to him?"

Dr. Blackthorn: "I believe you ought to head east to Mossdeep to find his current abode. Now, if you're quite finished...?"

: "No. Sorry, but... just who are you?"

I am very suspicious of Dr. Blackthorn from the get-go.



"Like you, the current state of affairs worries me, and I am on my own small mission to resolve some of the issues that face this region."

: "... I see. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

Dr. Blackthorn: "Not at all. Might I offer a small piece of advice?"

: "Yes?"



"Please remember that in this region, almost everyone will lie to you. I will not claim that you can trust me, but I will tell you that there are fewer than twenty honest people left in Hoenn, and that you and I are two of them. Please bear this in mind and take care."

So suddenly we're thrown back into The Walking Dead of Pokemon? I don't care if this contrasts compared to all of the dumb things we just witnessed, this is a good change of pace.

[Doctor Blackthorn walks off screen to the right]


Well, there's that. Let's go back to messing around for a bit.



They crucified a zombie. I'm curious as to who did this.



Oh no, what super dangerous zombie Pokemon does he have?



You had me worried there for a second.



Oh boy, with a name like that, we're bound for a ride.





Uh... SAY HELLO TO YUCK, EVERYBODY!

Christ on a three-pronged stick, that's terrifying. Yuck is true to his name in that he is fucking disgusting. He's a giant living blob of blood that's eating a person whole. Even if you evolve it from Moulder, it still has a kid(?) inside of its mouth.

Yuck may as well be classified as the mascot Pokemon of Snakewood as a whole, as he's one of the few zombies that you can actually catch in the game. (That and he's on the boxart for the supposed He's not hard to deal with, but damn does he leave an impact.



^ Me with this game



"I conduct research into mushrooms and mushroom-shaped Pokemon. The mushrooms here are splendid, as are the Pokemon!"

This dude sounds like he has a giant Breloom fetish. I'm staying away from him for just a bit.





This makes it 6 out of 50 at this point. I find it funny how I didn't want anything to do with Broken Hearts at first yet now I want to get all of them.



"Thought any more about joining the Army since we last saw you? Or are you getting stronger?"

I applaud them for trying to recruit Jack, but their efforts will only end in failure.



Their team is getting better at least. But it's still not enough to even scratch Jack.



"Remember that? That's the retarded quote you gave us last time. How about giving something a little better now? Anyway, what do you think? Do you want to be interviewed again?"

: "No, go away."

Tina: "No? Oh, okay... But just so you know, we'll try again 'til we get it!"

Guys, don't you have guns? Why don't you just shoot the zombies and help Jack? Bah, whatever.



"The Battle Zombie pounded the ground so hard that you both fell into a small hole! No escape, it's clobbering time!"

... That reference of all things? Sure man, whatever floats your boat.



IRON REAPER

Even if it's just a black recolor of Scizor with empty white eyes, it's pretty badass.

I still remember the Level 58 one back in Chapter 3.5. Man, those were better days.



Being both and , Jeanne melts it into a puddle of screaming, white-hot goo.



"The Battle Zombie sank wearily to its knees, your Pokemon's latest attack having destroyed half of its head. Well, half of it was missing anyway. The pit magically disappears."

I'm not apologizing.



These glitches are honestly freaking me out, man. They just... appear.


How thoughtful to add to the thirty I already have. Thank you, game.



Hey, would you look at that? They're double-teaming a zombie! Let's see if Jack can help.



: "Lady, I'm just trying to help. But if you insist..."



She has good taste in Pokemon, I'll give her that. But Ace shows her why you don't mess with Jack.



Like so. Ace be beastin'.



: "Maybe you should have thought about that before jumping into a fight with me?"



"Only the extreme power of the Thirteenth Note can banish these things! ... What? No, now is not the time to battle!"

: "What in the world are you talking about? I want to help you kill this thing! Turn down the volume so you can hear me!"



This guy has the most normal name of the trainers we've encountered in this area. Aside from a few zombies, that is.

He has the usual Luxio and Luxray, but he had an Exploud on him too. Not that it's much of a hassle, mind you, but I promote variety. Anyway, let's encounter the zombie they were supposed to be fighting.



"The Battle Zombie winces as you challenge her, your voice discordant against the song that the guitarist is playing. Deflecting a green bolt of death from the guitar with her sword, she turns to face you with murder in her eyes and a katana in her hand. Because katanas are cool."

Katanas are cool, but you don't need to bring that up per se.


I have a feeling that if this wasn't a Pokemon rom hack, Cutlerine would have just cut out the middle man (Pokemon) and got straight into balls out fist-fighting. That's definitely how it feels, given that the existence of The Crew is never (or at the very least, rarely) brought up as the reason for Jack's success.



I still question how this thing functions with a bloody neck stump for a head now. The name isn't even a pun or anything, it's just dumb. Either way, Tohru makes sure this Headdoom here has a comfortable trip back to Hell.

Aside from Headdoom, this Battle Zombie has a Grim Reaper Scyther that Jeanne roasted in no time flat.



"With a roar, the Battle Zombie throws her Pokeballs aside and picks up her sword again. You don't seem to have made much of an impression."

That's what you get.

: "I can't tell if I should be laughing or crying at how silly this is. Anyway, you guys finish beating her up. I'm leaving."



Next part's coming right up!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team setup:


(Bellamine, , Level 38, ) - "Oh wh-- what is this awful feeling? It's coming from the area up ahead. Be careful, Jack!"
(Jeanne, , Level 38, ) - "I'm sure it's nothing, Bella. I mean, there's not much that can slow us down."
(Valor, , Level 37, has Plus Band, ) - "Hey, Ace. I just wanted to say... You're a cool guy."
(Ace, , Level 38, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Hmmm? Same to you too, buddy. I've seen how you fight. You're pretty good. Just make sure you don't let up, alright?"'
(Benedict, level 29, /) - * jumps up and down with a subtle green aura *
(Tohru, , Level 38, /) - Stares at Benedict and ponders about what it even is

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie, , Level 33, has Leftovers, /) - "I guess I got the bench. May as well enjoy the rest while I still have time."
(Zagon, , Level 33, ) - "Hi Alice, how are you? It's sure been a long time since we've met, hasn't it?"
(Alice, , level 12, ) - "Oh hi, Zagon! I'm glad you're away from all of those nasty zombies. Come here, nya!" * snuggles up to the Linoone *
(Krusha, , level 12, /) - Is still sleeping
(Ballin, , level 14, /) - Gets tagged by Pumbloom
(Pumbloom, , level 14, ) - "...Your spikes are really sharp..."
(Letro, level 15, /) - "ERROR! ERROR! I CANNOT DETERMINE WHAT IS IN THE NEXT AREA! STRONG ELECTRONIC WAVES ARE BLURRING MY RADAR! TAKE EXTRA CARE, JACK!"
(Cherry, , level 12, /) - Is still sleeping
(Beatrice, , Level 26, /) - "Ooooh! Ambes, your little Pichu siblings are so cute!~"
(Ambes, , Level 30, ) - "Aww. Thanks, Miss Beatrice."
(Shine, , level 12, ) - "Thank you, miss! You're a nice lady."
(Spark, , level 12, ) - "I'm not cute. I'm a boy! I'm handsome."
(Helmaroc, , Level 40, /) - "I awaken to a group of little ones... That seems to be the Pikachu that dared to confront me. Interesting. I'll see how this plays out..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------