Let's Play Pokemon Snakewood! Chapter 17

Last time on Pokemon Snakewood, the Deadly More-Than-Seven were here and we dicked around with some trainers to pass the time. Let's keep doing that, shall we?



"Calling... Alright! My friends will be here soon. It's time to see who's the strongest!"

The strongest, eh? Don't play with fire or you'll get burned.



T-Fanger? What kind of trainer class is that?



WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! That ain't no Sandslash

[Theme I would use for the Telefang character battles: Digimon World Dusk/Dawn Battle Theme 3]

That, my friends, is a Denjuu. In other words, a monster from a game called Telefang - full name Mobile Phone Beast Telefang, developed by Smilesoft and published by Natsume.



People know about Telefang's existence as (fake) Pokemon Diamond and Pokemon Jade, bootleg Game Boy Color games that were made to fool people that were either too young to know anything about Pokemon or grandparents. The bootleg Telefang cartridges had mangled translations of truly Zero Wing proportions, with one example being "Well, have you had curry". Said line pops up after you catch a monster or "get it's phone number", so you got me there.

The funny thing is that despite being pushed off as a Pokemon knockoff, Telefang functions a lot more like Digimon - there's even a Digivice-like thing called the D-Shot that allows you to summon at least two Denjuu at a time. The Denjuu are even "sentient" like Digimon, too. I think I also read somewhere that to make Denjuu stronger, you have to infuse them with like flamethrowers and M-16s and shit - it was pretty crazy.

Gaming history lesson aside, let's get back to the battle at hand.



Despite looking a lot like Sandslash, Kuriputo is actually type. As a result, Jeanne deep fries her.

The Denjuu have really weird typings that will probably catch a first time player of Snakewood off guard. Then again, who wants to play this game for a reason that's not morbid curiosity?



Speaking of curry, this is the monster that says that line. Ooshe is a type and at first I had no idea what it was supposed to be. I thought it was like a giant head on a single leg, but upon further inspection, it is indeed a four-legged animal. Probably an armadillo.



Roodanse is the most straightforward Denjuu as it's a pure tornado scythe monster. It has Speed Boost to increase its already insane speed, but its fragility dooms it to Valor's claws.



They can try multiple times and the results will be the same.



Oh hey, look at that! That Brain Link is actually coming in handy.



... I, uh...

If you were expecting something cool, I apologize for getting some hopes up.



The D-Shot must be like a vastly inferior version of a Digivice if it requires charging. Why is this in Snakewood, again?



(Crypto = Kuriputo)

: "Wah! You can talk!... As opposed to my Pokemon who I can understand all of the time, I guess."

Kuriputo: "Yeah, of course. I'm not a Pokemon. I'm a Denjuu."

: "... Okay."

: ("What an odd creature...")

: ("I'll say. This adventure sure is getting weird.")



I could just surf across, but any experience is good experience.



"Ooshe and I went into the antenna tree but we came out here. Is this... some weird region of the Denjuu world? Whatever. Make your calls, because I want to battle!"

Take special attention to this line right now and keep it in mind for later. But for now, let's rock.



Fangasu is the most deceptive Denjuu yet. It looks like yet its type is actually . I'm not complaining, it just means Jeanne gets extra experience.

Strangest thing about Fangasu is that despite looking slow and bulky, it has Speed Boost(!) of all things. I'm not sure if that's a reference to a version of Telefang, but whatever.




Would normal Pokemon play be cheating by Telefang standards? I legitimately don't know.




"What is this place? Where are all the Denjuu and what are all the weird monsters in the grass? They can't even talk or anything!"

: ("Excuse me, we are not just "weird monsters". Watch your mouth before I singe it out.")

For some reason this is sort of giving me deja vu. Still though, Jeanne's dropping it like it's hot.



: "Pokemon."

Ooshe: "So... did the antenna tree take us to a third world, I wonder? Not the real world, not the Denjuu world, but a Pokemon world... interesting."

Alright, this is getting a bit confusing. So the "real world" is apparently a seperate reality than the Pokemon world? I thought the Pokemon world was the real world, just with fictional monsters n' shit. I mean, that's how it was in Gen 1 before they had to changed it to "based" on the real world.



: ("Jack, that's awfully cutthroat of you.")

: "Sorry Bella, but these guys are kind of rubbing me the wrong way. Don't you feel something weird in the air?"

: ("... Speaking of which, you're right! But I don't know what it is.")

: "Eeeh. It's probably nothing."



Okay, this actually caught me off guard. This T-Fanger lady engages you in a Double Battle, which is pretty cool I guess.



... Eruption. So, Benedict is a magma-shooting devil egg now.

Don't look at them for too long or YOU'LL GO INSANE


"No fair! What the hell are those things you have? They're sure not Denjuu..."

Lady, you should seriously be glad you didn't get sent to the Digimon world. They have some guys over there that can wreck your shit.

Proof.


I'm curious as to where they came from to begin with. Also, free medical kit in case you were aching.



It's... an evil ghost warthog... thing. Goosuboa is a / type that, despite its... unique appearance, is pretty average. It goes down relatively easily, but the fact it has that typing gives me awful flashbacks to Kingmadio's stall war. Sableye is cool though.

I should mention this chick has like... five Denjuu? What was the other one complaining about us having six Pokemon for?



Oh my god what is that. Nigera here is a type. Clearly it has... sea urchin like qualities? But honest to god though, Nigera has the highest stats out of all of the Denjuu. I noticed when I was making the list of Fakemon (by hacking them in and then erasing the saves) that it had monster stats compared to the other Denjuu. Weird.

Experience buffet aside, let's get to the one T-Fanger that's actually important to the plot.



^ See, Jack's not the only one that's confused by this awful plot.

She doesn't have anything we haven't seen already, so let's just skip straight to when we win.



"Okay, look. I'm just as confused as anyone else here. Who are you people? Where are you from? And what the hell are those weird talking things you have with you?"

Mei-Rin: "We're T-Fangers from the Denjuu world. We have the phone numbers of the 'electric monsters', or Denjuu, and when we call them on our D-Shot phones, they come to us to battle."

: "So Denjuu are intelligent?"

Ooshe: "As intelligent as you, bub."

: "I see. Well, in answer to your question, you seem to be in a different world. This is the Pokemon world, where we beat up various animals and imprison them in small balls. We can recall them from these balls to fight for us at any time. It's really just glorified cockfighting."

: [Astonished gasp]

: ("What a wonderful thing to say in front of the people that's been keeping you alive since this started.")

: ("Jack, what the hell man, I thought we were cool!")

: ("... Hmm.")
: ("For a man that's led us to success in this zombie-infested wasteland, that's a piss-poor attitude to have.")

Alright, this is just... Cutlerine, dude. Ignoring the whole character thing I have going on with Jack and the Crew, this whole exchange is a giant one-finger salute to Pokemon fans. I'll give you that we capture creatures and put them into small balls, but the point is befriending them, you triple A arrogant dipshit.

There's more to Pokemon than just battling. Like that's the kind of thing that a super-edgy "hardcore" teenager fan of the franchise says to make themselves look good.

... Just... moving on.

EDIT: In hindsight, this didn't go as I expected. Read chapter 18 when it comes out for what I really think, based on more recent knowledge.

Mei-Rin: "... Okay. So the antenna tree - that's a kind of eletric tree that teleports us through the Denjuu world - must have gone wrong and sent us here..."


"Well, I've offered to help everyone I've met so far. How about I see if I can help?"

Mei-Rin: "Oh, would you? Thanks! The antenna tree spat us out on that mountain island to the north of here. Do you know it?"

: "That's... Mt. Pyre, if I remember correctly. Okay! I'll go investigate."



Mei-Rin: "This is an interesting, if primitive and brutal, world. I might stay around and look for a bit."

Nice to meet you too, you insufferable skunt.



Hey, there's an Elixir --

[Bellamine slaps Jack hard enough that the impact can be heard a mile away]

: ("What in the world came over you over there, Jack? That was a pretty brazen thing of you to say.")

: [Rubs his reddened face] "Damn it, ow! Bellamine... I... I don't know. Something just came over me. It didn't feel natural."

: ("Didn't feel natural? What do you mean?")

: "It sort of felt like I was being... possessed. The thing I said about what we're doing as glorified cockfighting... you know I didn't mean it. This entire adventure we've fought to stop things from getting worse. We're there to help people, and I respect you guys the most out of any group of people in the world now. I... can't describe with words how much the Crew means to me, considering that without you guys I literally would not have been able to survive."

: ("Oh... I understand. That must have been the strange presence we felt, then. Whatever it was, it's gone. But... hmm. I know you didn't mean it yourself, but you sure sent the others into an uproar. I'll go tell them what happened... but even then, I'm sure some of them will require a bit more convincing. I'm sorry this had to happen to you, Jack.")

: "It's... it's fine, Bella. If I'm to be any sort of leader, I'm going to have to work beyond any doubts. I can't afford to let up. It wouldn't be fair to any of you."

: ("Of course. You're a good man, Jack - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.")

: "... Right. Let's go."

The things I do to salvage characters.



... That's a very literal interpretation of tree-hugger. Find your chill, dude.



"The Battle Zombie slipped on its own necrotic fluids and fell on its head!"

Wah, wah, wah.



I can't tell if she's talking about the zombie or a random Pokemon in the grass.



Alright, here we go. Mount Pyre. It's a zombie apocalypse setting and this is where the dead go to in Hoenn. This ought to be good.

... Can I be honest? This place in the original games spooked me when I was younger. The theme in this place is so dreary and unsettling that even now as a 19 year old with the theme playing at like 2 in the morning, I couldn't help but get a little paranoid.



But hey, we get our first real good news in this episode! I've always thought the Banette family was cool.



Magic spell? Also, it's the first zombie in the game that's not outright antagonistic against us. I guess that counts for something?



D-DISPELL TOKE?!

... I know a certain Parasect that would like to get a hit of that. why yes i am horrible nice to meet you



Of course there is. I'm still immensely curious as to who is doing this.

Anyway, wow, that was underwhelming. I was expecting the biggest zombie ambush of the entire game, or have this place be more relevant because well - IT'S THE GRAVESITE OF HOENN AND THIS IS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STORY.

You would expect this place to be like the cornerstone of the zombies, yet it's pushed aside for all of the Telefang stuff. So much wasted potential. (Admittedly, cremating Pokemon would be a practice they do, but what about ghosts?)



Anyway, there's a second entrance into Mt. Pyre from here before you get stumped.



"Oh! These strange people started pouring out of the trees. It was shocking!"

... Imagine that, in a much better story, this line would go to mean hordes of zombies instead of the T-Fangers.



Skill Swap has and always will be situational at best. I know someone can pull off a really wicked combo with it in the real game, but me? Nah.



Oh boy. The first time I saw the fog come up in the original Sapphire, I was like "oh geez this is getting spooky i love it". Like damn son, this was my favorite place in the entire game. The music made it even better - it's such an unbelievable track that I used to come here every so often just to hear it.



Discharge is just Thunder. It's supposed to be based off of Gen 4 Discharge, but I don't see the point.



I love this place and the fact it wasn't changed spares Cutlerine some of my wrath.



"That guy told me you're the one responsible for breaking the antenna tree! I won't stand for it. Make a call!"

: "What?! Calm the hell down, sweetheart."



WAIT, HUH?!

THESE NAMES ARE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE OH MY GOD

Name aside, LOLIDRAGON is nothing special.

Future Dan: Thank you Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid for retroactively gracing me with gifs such as this.





"Hah... Those creatures you have... they have such power. They are mindless killing machines. Perhaps that is the true difference between Denjuu and your monsters. Denjuu are too human to inflict such injury."



Am I on Punk'd or something?

Where do I begin with this? Oh, let's see - this is a Pokemon rom hack, yet it feels like Cutlerine's spitting on the premise at every turn he gets. Everything gets railroaded by the stupid crossover shit and lore that Cutlerine copy-pasted into this story in some vain attempt to make his storywriting even semi-presentable. Things like the Deadly Seven do not help in any case, either.

Secondly, mindless killing machines? Yeah, I don't care if she's from the Denjuu world, that's just laughable. "Too human to inflict such an injury" yet they're willing to jump into battle and grievously harm the Pokemon in Jack's Crew without any remorse. Mmmm, that's some good hypocrisy.

Jack's response to the T-Fanger though?

: "You need to watch what you say to who. If my Pokemon were just killing machines, there wouldn't be anything left of your Denjuu. My Pokemon have helped me survive this nightmare longer than most other people, and I trust them more than any other person on this godforsaken region. Now get out of my sight before I give you a more in-depth demonstration."

: ("... Jack...")

: ("Jack... we get it. You don't have to do any more for us. Let us be the ones to help you.")
: ("I mean, it's hard on all of us... You can't let these guys get to you, you know.")

; "... Guys. Thanks. Now let's fix the damn tree so we don't have to deal with any more of these T-Fangers."

: ("Agreed.")


"I was informed by the Denjuu up there that you broke the antenna tree. Now, as Shigeki would have done, I will destroy all those who would interfere with the trees!"

: "Alright, I know I'm like clouded by rage, but you guys are not helping in the slightest. Like damn, what is your problem? The trees really mean that much to you that you'd attack random people you think did it? I guess we just have to solve this in the way you seem to understand."



: ("And nigh a single tear was shed that day.")


"Pokemon... Denjuu... There's a world of difference between them. I don't think they can ever fight equally."

Of course. I mean, look at the franchise that died in obscurity while the world embraced Pokemon with (mostly) open arms. (real fans of telefang i am sorry)

(Also, we've already seen all of the Denjuu in the game - yes, there were only like... six of them)



: "What?! You're Scottish? And a man?"

Scottish T-Fanger: "Aye! And what's wrong with an old Scottish man dressing up like a wee Japanese lassie?"

: "Everything! I'm going to defeat your Denjuu with extreme pleasure, because any monster that sides with such a weird pervert is my enemy!"

Goosuboa: "You're a really intolerant person, you know that? Jeez... Kids in this universe are nasty."

Coming from the people who pretty much shit-talk everything that's not Denjuu, this is hilarious. I'm rooting for Jack as always.



... It was an act... inside of an another act. Break out your inception jokes, folks.



: * Ellipses *

We are not amused! (puts away crown)



: "That makes you slightly less perverse, I guess. But you're still really weird."

Kei: "Cross-dressing is not a crime!"

; "This is pointless, I'm leaving."

I'll admit, Kei cross-dressing isn't weird by itself but acting like a middle-aged Scottish man was.

There seems to be a figure on the peak of the mountain. Let's talk to him, shall we?



[Current audio in-game: The... Kyogre/Groudon battle theme??]

"I had heard rumors that you were trying to put the antenna tree right, so I told everyone that you were the one that broke it. I'm quite surprised you managed to get here."

: "Who or what are you?"


"I believe you have met my associate, Mr. Gleis."

Oh no.

: "You - you're working with Gleis?!"

: "Not quite. We share the same employer. I despise my associate - all that grubbing about with corpses. Quite revolting. But enough of this! I shall now defeat you!"



[Theme I would use for Temulence: Super Cool No. 1]

I honestly adore how this guy looks. His sprite is pretty nice, especially by the standards of this game. I chose Super Cool No. 1 cause I kept listening to the song and felt it matched with this guy, so hey what can you do.



He doesn't have any new Denjuu, but he has one that's actually pretty good. Fangasu gets charred out of existence as always.



oh lord that's a ton of water

Storm Surge is essentially Hydro Pump under a different name. Given that Nigera has higher stats and gets a STAB boost from Water type moves, this is one of the deadliest attacks we've encountered so far.



Tohru puts him in his place, however. Boy, he sure does save the day a lot.



Jeanne burns the Sandslash knockoff without much effort.



"I'll shut the link between worlds for now, but I'll be back!"

: "Wow, that was impressive. Anyway, I'm just saying that the weird psychic glow from the tree has gone now. I think he meant it when he said the link had been closed."

: "Fantastic. Now, we should go. I'd quite like to challenge the Fortree City Gym, as it looked like it was still working."

Cool, cool. No more Telefang, thank god.



"We will guard this antenna tree! And make sure that no more evil leaks between the worlds!"

Wasn't this the place where the Red and Blue Orbs were being kept? Why the hell was this sacred altar replaced with a goddamn antenna tree?

The changes Cutlerine put into this game make absolutely no sense.



This crazy old man wants to sing a song for us, and I'm just like "nope, I'm outta here."



What was this dude filming before we bumped in front of him?



One of my friends told me that this guy is based off of a famous composer. I guess that's cool.



Due to his predictable typing, the Film Student goes down without much of a fight. I want a Weavile tho.



Ah, he was trying to film the Pokemon version of Dawn of the Dead. Not a good idea with all of the actual zombies out and about, though.



: "Who's going to watch it?"

Film Student: "My teacher and fellow film students, of course. The Hoenn University of Film doesn't close just because of some silly invasion!"

You guys are really dedicated to the art of film-making, jeez. The University is in Fortree, by the way. Convenient!



[Jack strikes a superhero pose with Ace and Valor behind him]



RUDE CRUDE DUDES ALERT

Much like how Zangoose gets Zangol as an evolution in this game, Seviper gets SEVICIOUS. It's one of the cooler new Fakemon if I'm going to be completely honest, but at the same time it's also one of the more dangerous to fight thanks to its typing and incredible strength.



Tohru must be tired of saving the day so often. Then again, he's the reason why you don't mess with Hariyama in the first place.



I didn't teach him Belly Drum because no thank you, he's already uber strong as it is. Plus the halved health thing might get in the way.



"It's the Absol... They're fighting the zombie Pokemon in the grass. I always thought they were the ones who caused disasters, not the ones to save us..."

Awwwww. Yeah, Absol are pretty cool.



That's why we're going to recruit one!





Umbra gives us some new choices now that we have a Dark type.



I should probably mention that Graveill are the second obtainable zombie Pokemon and they appear in the wild here for you to catch, so... I guess if you want them, they're there?


I get one, though.

: ("J... Jack, is that really a good idea?")

: "Don't worry, Bella. I'm sure it got sent to a seperate box or something. Besides, you felt it, right? It didn't feel... bad, did it?"
: ("Hmmm, you're right. It didn't feel particularly malicious... but still. I'm sure the team inside of the PC can handle themselves.")

... So, uh yeah. We just captured a zombie Pokemon and added them as part of the Crew. This episode sure is going some weird places.



"You can literally mine anger out of its ears."

Well, it sort of makes sense that it says that considering it's a zombie version of Marill. Poor little guy, though.



That makes it... what, fourty five or so Hyper Potions now? I'm not aching for any restoratives, dude.



Pikachu! (i'm sorry i had to do it)

"You gotta help us, man! We Film Students can't get back to the university at Fortree because these damn Witches are in the way!"

Witches? Like... the Left 4 Dead variety?

: "Perhaps I can help you. I'm a pretty strong trainer."

Film Student: "Okay, man, but first let me see if you're up to it!"


The weird names keep on coming.


Oh hey, it's a Sharpedo. Not that he's hard, mind you, but I've always thought they were cool.



damn i didn't plan on this happening

See, this Mightyena knows Roar and he switched out Tohru for Benedict. I was kind of worried that he would do something to Benedict, but nope, he just used Roar again.



SEND OUT YOUR LAVA BITS, MY FAITHFUL EGG MONSTER



: ("Wrong move, pal.")

[Ace used Aerial Ace!]

Apparently this dude is a giant stoner. Okay, sure, whatever.

Anyway, that's the end of Chapter 17. See you guys later for more of this trainwreck.

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Team setup:

(Bellamine, , Level 38, ) - "Witches? What exactly does he mean?"
(Jeanne, , Level 40, ) - "Well, I guess we're going on a witch hunt now. I can makes torches for anybody that's interested."
(Valor, , Level 38, has Plus Band, ) - "Dude, all of this stuff is making my head spin."
(Ace, , Level 39, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Don't worry about it, Valor. All you can really do is get used to it, I suppose."'
(Benedict, level 34, /) - * rolls around *
(Tohru, , Level 40, /) - "I'll admit, Jack had me going there for a second."

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Back-up Team:

(Reggie, , Level 33, has Leftovers, /) - * Warily eyes the new recruits *
(Zagon, , Level 33, ) - Is sleeping without a care in the world
(Alice, , level 12, ) - "Nyaa! What the heck just happened?! Why is there a zombie Marill in the box over?!"
(Krusha, , level 12, /) - Is staying close to Cherry
(Ballin, , level 14, /) - "Man, I want to become a Qwilshark so bad."
(Pumbloom, , level 14, ) - "... I want to become an Exploud. Hey Ballin? Let's... work on evolving together."
(Letro, level 15, /) - "I AM OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTIONS. BZZZZZT!"
(Cherry, , level 12, /) - "Jack..."
(Beatrice, , Level 26, /) - "I'm curious. Does this happen often?"
(Ambes, , Level 30, ) - "Not that I'm aware of. Still though, poor Jack. I wish I could have been there to cheer him on."
(Shine, , level 12, ) - * hugs Ambes*
(Spark, , level 12, ) - "I'm sure he knows you care about him, big bro. I mean, we mean a lot to him, don't we?"

(Umbra, , Level 36, ) - "I guess I've wandered across another trainer and his Pokemon. I hope this one lives longer than the last one."

(Juno, , Level 34, ) - * Floats around spookily *
(Helmaroc, , Level 40, /) - "Hmmm. This Jack they keep talking about... He does seem to be of reputable character. Perhaps I should make my presence known in the future."
(Menti, , level 37, /) - "Was... was I actually taken in by a trainer?"
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