Anima Ex Machina [R]
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November 15th, 2008 (5:40 PM).
Gibbs is EVERYWHERE!
hiding under the lonely rock...
Originally Posted by
Hmm… Your usage of the dream state, from what I read, is just a little off to me. I don’t know; maybe its just because I like having people reliving their worst memories in dreams (mostly because my fics usually deal with these three demons that embody bad or dark memories), but I think you could have been just a little bit more direct with things that happened in them. The passage of time also kind of got to me. Like at the one part you said “when the dream receded and Bill felt his body for the first time in days,” that disoriented me for a short bit because I wasn’t completely sure whether it was real time or dream time. After reading it through again, though, I think you meant for that to happen.
But, that aside, your fic has just the gritty type of sci-fi feel that made me fall in love with series like Stargate, in the sense that it takes place in kind of a modern world where people are in a race against time to save themselves (and Pokémon, in this case) before aliens with far superior capabilities eradicate them (kind of that series’ norm…or at least what it was in SG-1 with races the Goa’uld, the Replicators, and the Ori. Somewhat similar in Atlantis with ones like the Wrath and, to some extent, the Gen’ni/sp?). I was actually going to mention that on an earlier response, but I got onto that Doxisite rant and totally forgot.
Overall, another very excellent chapter! I cannot wait for chapter three! Seriously, Xanthine! Post it now! …okay, just kidding.
hey, she's right. they're kinda like the flood in Halo.
You're a dummy head. :3
Joined Dec 2007
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