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Old August 10th, 2013 (7:12 AM).
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Apple Juice Apple Juice is offline
who are you
  • Gold Tier
Join Date: Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,221

>Acquire first WILD POKEMON

Looks like it will be this piece of trash.


Because the PIECE OF TRASH couldn't speak, a nickname wasn't necessary. You would continue to refer to it as PIECE OF TRASH. I guess you forgot to worry about its SELF-ESTEEM.

>Undergo first battle with PIECE OF TRASH

You were unsure why you even attempted killing the POKEMON with PIECE OF TRASH.

>Finish Battle with CORN and fight another battle with PIECE OF TRASH

It seems that PIECE OF TRASH isn't so worthless against its own brethren. To cheer it on, you exclaimed, "Keep it up, PIECE OF TRASH!" It looked back it you with a face that looked like it would kill itself on the spot. You shrugged, happy with the win nonetheless.


Oh great, now look at what you've done. It's even more worthless now.


The GREEN HAIRED CHILD was running about the streets of PETALBURG, bawling his eyes out. You asked him what the matter was and he simply grabbed your hand and took you to the previous route. You had a scary thought that he was RELATED TO THE PROFESSOR and struggled to escape the GREEN HAIRED RAPIST. Fortunately, this turned out not to be the case and the GREEN HAIRED CHILD simply needed assistance in catching a POKEMON.

>Go to FATHER'S Gym

Your FATHER didn't make enough money being a COY SEXGOD and had to use something else to hold up the family. Of course, it was something wild and awesome. Gee, could your FATHER get any sweeter? The GREEN HAIRED CHILD was babbling something incoherent to your FATHER, who, like you, DIDN'T GIVE A ****.

>Receive ADVICE from FATHER

What was said after this point is unrepeatable under the HOLY SWEAR OF SEXGODS, but you will release this - you now know where BABIES COME FROM.

>Challenge FATHER to a BATTLE

Of course. The thought that your FATHER would be the easiest first gym leader is so preposterous, you wonder if your brain had a lapse when asking.


You didn't realize the gigantic number of POSSIBLE RAPISTS in HOENN, and the way the SUNGLASS-CLAD MAN had brought up your CLOTHING STYLE seemed extremely peculiar.

>Sock SUNGLASS-CLAD MAN in stomach and run away.

Your father would be proud.

>Continue journey by acquiring another POKEMON.

This looks useful. Don't name it anything stupid.

>Name it something stupid


>Battle with FAP

Seriously, what is wrong with you?


This man looked well-dressed, and therefore you kept your PEPPER SPRAY on idle. He seemed to be a CASUAL POKEMON ENTHUSIAST, looking for one of his favorites, a SHROOMISH. You had seen none, as the first WILD POKEMON in this area was a WURMPLE that FAP obliterated.


You are now TEAM AQUA GRUNT. It is not your BIRTHDAY, and you resent that every second that goes by. You are 38 YEARS OLD, and have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with your life. To prove it, you have joined a PIRATE-IMPOSER CULT that specializes in CREATURES DESIGNED FOR CHILDREN. Your interests include ROMANTIC WALKS BY THE BEACH, K-POP, and REMINISCING THE GOOD OL' DAYS WITH YOUR PET SHOE NAMED CARL. You have consequently forgotten YOUR OWN NAME. Huh.


Looks like you misjudged, it was a NORMAL TRAINER. That wig is pretty weird, though.

>Lose miserably to NORMAL TRAINER

In retrospect, you could've caught more than 1 POKEMON.

>Become RILEY.

After defeating the grunt, you said goodbye to the FANCY MAN and continued through the woods.

>Grind your POKEMON

Interesting. Maybe PIECE OF TRASH wasn't TRASH anymore.


This certainly wasn't worth skipping anything for.

>Seriously, this time, don't name it anything stupid.

... I suppose we can go ahead and call this an improvement.


>First, check your Team

Who was that? Good idea, though.

>Your mother's calling. Save the game and leave.

How'd you know that?!


****, you're right.



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