• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.
    Register

oh gawd you suck at poetry droomph

droomph

droomph

weeb
4,285
Posts
12
Years
    • Okay yeah anyways more ramblings of my head from 2 AM last night :P

    if you make a difference, the world thanks you

    Hey...can you hear me?

    To the one who cares...

    Is there a reason...for you to be here?

    Are you alive...or are you dead?

    Can you make a difference...probably not, eh?

    I want to be remembered, for the things I do
    because without them, I'm just one of you
    if you can do it, so can I
    if you're good, I'll be better

    I want to be remembered, for what I do
    because...really? I'm not that special
    if I set records, that's fine with me
    but I want to be...remembered.

    Are you there? The one who cares?
    What are you doing, wasting your time?

    Do you know that you have things to do,
    that people need you...the world needs you

    Stop wasting time. Stop sitting down.

    Get yourself up and follow your dreams.

    They may not be big, but so? Who cares...

    if you make a difference, the world thanks you    ​

    I know, I suck awfully :P but those are my thoughts, please comment on how I could improve it!

    [and please lock if I'm breaking a rule]
     

    Tetrakeet

    Lilligant's Caretaker
    239
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Your poem seems to shift from your own worries of not being different and "special" enough, and you attempt to put this thought onto the reader. It also seems to gives off the impression that you have low self esteem ("to those who care") and that you feel like you are just a "number" (you want to be "different")? Then it jumps to "I will surpass you" and "Anything you can do I can do better", leading into telling the reader he/she is wasting their time by reading your words? At the end, you seem to be telling people to stop sitting on their butt, get to work, and become something, or they will be just become another number themselves.

    Who kind of poetry are you interested in learning to write? Rhyming or free verse (or something else?)? I noticed you rhymed in some parts, but in others you changed your pattern. It helps to bunch together similar thoughts and make them into "verses". What kind of emotion are you looking to instill in your poems? I could offer more input if I get understand what your goals are. ^^
     
    droomph

    droomph

    weeb
    4,285
    Posts
    12
    Years
    • I want the reader to
    feel what I felt that night at 2AM, which was tired arrogance :c But yeah, I just wrote whatever I was thinking. Usually this comes out better, but hey what can you expect.

    Maybe next time I'll actually plan something out lol
     
    You must log in or register to reply here.
    Back
    Top