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[Pokémon] He who is Merely a Rumour

Feign

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Actually, since they're separate sentences, the "he" is required (I think), because there is a period separating "Anyway, Cyrus" and "According to Giratina...", not a comma.


Yeah, I added the comma there, as it could be placed there, that when it is like that, you don't need the 'he' as it would already be referring to him. However like you said, a period, and thus a new sentence may require the 'he'.
 

Citrinin

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Feign said:
Yeah, I added the comma there, as it could be placed there, that when it is like that, you don't need the 'he' as it would already be referring to him. However like you said, a period, and thus a new sentence may require the 'he'.
Yeah - the reason I separated them was because I imagined Manfred pausing more than a comma would have warranted.
 

Feign

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Yeah - the reason I separated them was because I imagined Manfred pausing more than a comma would have warranted.

Ahh I see :)

He's an interesting character that man. He almost needs a cupcake.
 

Citrinin

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It felt like I needed someone like him, tbh. With all these gloomy characters, I needed someone who could see the humour, however black, in his situation. :s
 

Citrinin

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Chapter Seventeen: Two Sides to Every Story
Manfred and Dagger sat in the latter's office, as Bevan entered. It was surprisingly mundane and of only a moderate size. There were no notable or extravagant features to speak of: just a desk, a computer, and a few chairs.

"Bevan, yes. As you've no doubt heard, Manfred is working for us now. But he's refused to tell me Augury's secret without you in the room."

"You've taken quite an interest in me," Bevan noted rather sardonically as he shut the door.

"Indeed I have. I have a way to squash your newfound Cyrus-like nature in four words."

Bevan rolled his eyes angrily. "You think you could change my personality in four words?"

"Manfred," Dagger cautioned. "If this is only directed at Bevan…"

Manfred shook his head, and locked eyes with Bevan. "Your mother is alive."

Bevan's face made several emotional convulsions, and he looked down. "What – what did you say?"

"Your mother is alive," Manfred repeated. "The night he had her taken was the first night 'Augury' and 'Evan Emerit' ever had a conflict of will. The 'Evan' half wanted to save her, but the 'Augury' half, his darker half, wanted her executed. They settled on imprisoning her in Southeast Torcra."

"Southeast Torcra? You mean in Catriz City?"

"No, in the rural –"

"Rural Southeast Torcra? So she's become a bandit like all the rest down there?"

Southeast Torcra was a large, curved island off the mainland. There was only one centre of civilisation there: Catriz City, which was effectively a prison city. Anybody who lived there outside a prison was either an ex-convict or the family thereof. Outside Catriz, lawlessness and chaos prevailed in the region.

Manfred was purposefully delaying telling Bevan the full story of his mother's imprisonment, to allow the anguish to set in. He wanted Bevan to feel emotion again, to rid him of any impassiveness he thought he must feel. And it was working: Bevan's eyes were tearing, his voice trembling, and he was pacing uncomfortably.

"No. She is imprisoned in a comfortable mansion, and it is heavily guarded against the usual chaos that goes on around there. She is safe, but miserable, without seeing you."

"So – there's a chance…" Bevan paused, allowing the hope to seize him. "There's a chance I might see my mother again?"

"Yes. Her life was concealed from you."

Dagger asked, "And how does this secret help us?"

"Because this represents a turning point in the Evan-Augury relationship. Augury wants her dead, Evan wants her alive. The imprisonment is a compromise between the two halves. If we were to take that away, it would unbalance Augury psychologically, as well as letting him know that those who are close to him are at risk. You've already done this by taking Bevan, but to take Amanda as well will, as you say, 'screw him up'."

"This is a load of psychobabble," said Dagger dismissively.

"And in psychobabylonia, the specific term is 'psychological warfare'. Incredibly effective. He uses it now, with fear. If you cannot respond in kind, you will lose."

Dagger lowered his head and thought about it. "Fine. Tell us everything we need to know about the prison, so we can know how to get her out."

*​

Bevan sat in the training grounds, and released Gliscor. The thought that his mother might be alive filled him with hope, a hope which he had not felt for years. Maybe my personal feelings aren't all that bad, he thought to himself.

"Gliscor, I'm sorry."

"<You're… apologising? What changed?>"

"Ten minutes ago, I found out that my mother was alive. I thought she died five years ago. That kind of emotion has made me realise that I shouldn't shun affection, Gliscor. I made you change against your will. I made a terrible mistake. I'm sorry."

Gliscor stepped towards Bevan. "<I… I don't know what to say.>"

Bevan patted Gliscor on the head affectionately. "'I forgive you' could work nicely," chuckled Bevan.

Gliscor smiled, and rubbed his head affectionately against Bevan's hand. "<I do, Bevan. The fact that you care now makes all the difference.>"

Bevan toyed with one of his Pokéballs before opening it. "Larvitar," announced the emerging Pokémon happily.

"Larvitar – I'm going to train you. Do you want to evolve?"

Larvitar nodded his head, and Gliscor smiled sadly. "<I'm gonna be a Tyranitar.>"

"Someday," smiled Bevan.

Larvitar's face darkened. "<How long do I have until I evolve?>"

"Not that long. But you won't be evolving into a Tyranitar, not to start with. You'll become a Pupitar. And then, after evolving from there, you'll become a Tyranitar."

"<Pupitar?>" Larvitar looked away, slightly disappointed, but after a short time, locked eyes with Bevan. "<I'm ready. I still want to evolve.>"

"Then let's go, buddy," said Bevan cheerfully. "Let's get you evolved."

Larvitar nodded in agreement. After an hour of being pit against other's Pokémon in The Knife, Larvitar glowed a bright white light, and jovially took the form of Pupitar.

*​

"They plan to free you," said Augury in his cold, stereo voice. The door shut behind them as he entered the lavish, comfortable house. "The terrorists, of which your son is now one, plan to free you."

"Bevan? He's joined Dagger?"

"You say it with such glee. You're proud of your son becoming a criminal, an outlaw, in a group that cannot possibly affect any change? What kind of mother are you?"

"Well, I'm not currently trying to kill my son, nor did I deprive him of his mother. I'd say the score's two null as far as which one of us is a better parent."

"You've become so cynical over the years, Amanda. Can you only find solace in mocking me?"

"He's your son, too, Evan."

Augury ignored that statement. "All these years, you've needed to die. But nothing has ever called for it. How I have longed to rip the breath from your lungs, but I lacked a need. Now I have such a cause: it seems one of my servants has betrayed me and told the terrorists of your existence. Should I ever get hold of him…"

"You'll make up some elaborate 'fate worse than death'," jeered Amanda. "Evan, you're as pathetic and one-dimensional as a cartoon character."

"To you, perhaps. And perhaps I'll seem even less unlikable just before I take your life. Or maybe I'll seem better, considering the vigor with which you have tried that already. Why is everyone so into suicide these days?"

"Considering the alternative, it's hardly surprising," said Amanda, as she sat down with tears in her eyes. "Get it over with. I don't want to be alive a second more than I have to, knowing that you're going to take my last chance to see my own son away from me."

She was so resigned to the idea of death that not even the thought of seeing her own son could stimulate her will to live. Despite her defiance against Augury, she knew that it was pointless to resist him. Like his servants, deep down, she felt fear.

"No!"

Augury's voice changed, and he stumbled back. He had become human again: the wills of Evan and Augury were once again conflicting. To complete the effect, Evan roughly tore back his hood and ripped off his silver mask, throwing it on the floor. Here stood a man. "Amanda… I won't kill you."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, Amanda, listen, you have to –" Evan's face scrunched up, and his eyes became crazy, deranged. He looked like he had been affected by rabies and sudden onset insanity at the same time. His face convulsed and twitched. His eyes darted the room. Here stood a monster.

Once again, the Augury half spoke, his voice strained and cold. "If only your existence could have been kept quiet, my dear." The unmasked Augury raised his hand and psychically threw Amanda across the room, and then began lifting her up to suffocate her…

"No!" Evan regained control, and Amanda fell to the floor, thoroughly terrified and confused. Evan, too, was terrified. His nightmares were coming to life: Augury was taking over. Soon he would lose control over his own body: his darker half was becoming the whole.

"Run, Amanda! Run like hell!"

And she did. She shot off, running towards the window, prepared to jump, until she felt her leg being pulled back. It was as if she was being pulled towards the madman by an invisible rope. "Yes, my dear," cooed the invisible voice of Augury. "Come back." She felt her neck twist for a moment, before her former husband fell back, screaming in pain.

"You… you can't kill her… you just can't… kill her…"

The man, or two men, as it seemed, began rambling incoherently, whispering to himself.

"She's my wife. You can't kill her."

"We must, or we shall perish. She will reveal our secret."

"Our secret isn't important enough to lose her over."

"Then you are not thinking clearly, Evan. This is self-preservation."

"And you shouldn't be thinking at all. You're my servant, not my master."

"I beg to differ…"

The man stood, his face ablaze with anger and hatred.

"Who – who are you?"

The man, his hand shaking, psychically drew his silver mask back onto his face, and placed his hood over his head.

"Evan… Evan, don't do this!"

"The last time I visited, you claimed that I was Evan. That he and I were one. It seems you were wrong. We've always held conflicting emotions, but this was the test of our conflicting wills. And here we stand: Evan has lost the conflict."

"W-what are you saying, Evan?"

"There is no Evan, Amanda. There is only Lord Augury. Where once I was merely a vehicle for him to exercise psychic powers, a momentary and controllable change in emotion, I am now the dominating personality. For so long, I've controlled the entire Torcra, but only now do I control my own body."

Augury stepped forward, and Amanda was lifted into the air. "And how fitting, Amanda, that you are my first kill while uninhibited by the weakness that was Evan Emerit's personality. You catalysed the first conflict of will between us, and now you've sealed the deal."

She opened her mouth to protest, but that was interrupted by hear head spinning in a full circle, crushing the bones of her neck and killing her instantly.

"I guess we'll need a new Voice," said Augury, as he stood over Amanda Emerit's corpse.
 

Citrinin

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I'm sorry, but your post didn't make any sense to me. XD; What do you mean by it was "must" and "goo"? :P
 

Oblivion Reaper 2.0

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crap thats supossed to be good and must up
to bad you did not save Bevan's moms till later and make her die in front of his eyes,that would have add more off a dramtic effect
 

Citrinin

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D'oh - should have recognised "goo" was "good". XD; But I still don't understand what you mean by saying it was "must up" - do you mean "mucked up", or is it a slang term I'm missing? :x

Oblivion Reaper said:
to bad you did not save Bevan's moms till later and make her die in front of his eyes,that would have add more off a dramtic effect
True, but it would have been harder to do plausibly. To have Augury successfully kill Amanda but then somehow fail to kill Bevan would have probably been stretching it. :s
 

Feign

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:O Omg! His mother is dead... Bevan will not be happy about this. XD

Anyway, great chapter, found no mistakes. Keep it coming. ;D
 

Citrinin

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Feign said:
:O Omg! His mother is dead... Bevan will not be happy about this. XD
You say that with such a tone of glee. ;o

Did you catch that she was going to die at the beginning? Just out of curiosity. :P

Feign said:
Anyway, great chapter, found no mistakes. Keep it coming. ;
Thanks, Feign. ^.^
 

Feign

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You say that with such a tone of glee. ;o

Did you catch that she was going to die at the beginning? Just out of curiosity. :P


Thanks, Feign. ^.^

I'd probably have to read it through and through again to catch it. Perhaps I will do so, when the fic is done ;)
 

Citrinin

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Feign said:
I'd probably have to read it through and through again to catch it. Perhaps I will do so, when the fic is done ;)
By beginning... I meant beginning of the chapter, not fic. :P It wasn't even one specific clue, it was just that (at least I felt), it was her only appropriate ending. :s

Rex54 said:
Dang this is one of the best fanfics I've ever read so far.
Hope ya keep on making the fanfic.
Thanks for the review, Rex54. ^^ Did you think there was any way I could improve? I'm always open to suggestions. :3
 

Caliban

Trying to change my life, brb~
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Wow.

...

Wow.

This...

...

It's epic.


As in, like, wow. I'm astounded, blown away, asploded, even, by this latest plot twist. I hadn't thought about why Augury wasn't killing dear liddle Bevan's poor Mummy. But when he walked in the door... Wow.
And that comparison by Manfred to books and plot-twists! Aamarrrrrzzzink.

"I guess we'll need a new Voice," said Augury, as he stood over Amanda Emerit's corpse.

Hunh? Do you mean because Evan's dead, or because Amanda's dead?
*imagines Vader-Luke RotJ sequence*
 

Citrinin

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La Pompa said:
Wow.

...

Wow.

This...

...

It's epic.


As in, like, wow. I'm astounded, blown away, asploded, even, by this latest plot twist. I hadn't thought about why Augury wasn't killing dear liddle Bevan's poor Mummy. But when he walked in the door... Wow.
And that comparison by Manfred to books and plot-twists! Aamarrrrrzzzink.
Quoted for Truth.

XDD; But seriously, thanks. ^.^

La Pompa said:
Hunh? Do you mean because Evan's dead, or because Amanda's dead?
Because "Evan" (the personality) is "dead" (gone). After all, the most public figure of the Oligarchy can't suddenly come out to the next press conference in a mask, or having his facial features convulse uncontrollably. XD;

La Pompa said:
*imagines Vader-Luke RotJ sequence*
I'm very conscious of this, actually. I knew from the moment I decided that Evan would be Augury (end of chapter 1) that I had to avoid making it too similar to Star Wars. XD;
 

Caliban

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Yep. In some ways, the characters are acting rather cliche.
The funny bit is that they seem to realise this.

Which is absol-ubtedely amazing. Though not fashion-concious.

Questions: Does Torcra have anti-smacking legislation?
Has there ever been a citizens' referendum, and if so, was it binding?
 

Citrinin

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La Pompa said:
Yep. In some ways, the characters are acting rather cliche.
The funny bit is that they seem to realise this.
Just out of curiosity, could you provide some examples? :s I know there are some places where some of the characters act a bit cliche (and realise this), simply because their role in the story calls for that. But I want to make sure I'm not becoming cliche in places I didn't intend. >:

La Pompa said:
Questions: Does Torcra have anti-smacking legislation?
No. Parents are totally responsible for keeping their children under control, and are allowed to use virtually any means necessary, short of breaking their bones. (And even then, unless it gets media attention, the Oligarchy hardly cares.) The legal definition of a child tends to vary across the region though. In the poorer parts, like in the slums of Cronine City or Catriz, it tends to be far lower than in the richer areas, like Ozoldra.

La Pompa said:
Has there ever been a citizens' referendum, and if so, was it binding?
Occasionally. And they're always binding.

Here's the trick: the results are always rigged. ;D
 

Caliban

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Ah. I see...

So you wouldn't have public outcry if smacking was made illegal in Torcra?

Anyway, I'm off to dinner (As of 8:41 p.m. NZ time). I'll edit this afterward, when I have time to find examples.
 

Citrinin

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Pich_u said:
So you wouldn't have public outcry if smacking was made illegal in Torcra?
It would throw their current social system out the window, but the concept of "public outcry" in Torcra is pretty alien, considering what the government do to protesters. :s
 
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