Pokemon/Doctor Who: The Worlds of Monsters (crossover fic, PG-13)

This is my first-ever crossover fic, between the worlds of the Pokémon anime and the British sci-fi series Doctor Who. I hope you enjoy it!



Through the endless doors of creation Giratina swam, poking at the bonds of the multiverse cautiously, checking the borders and boundries for breakage.

Giratina lived in a world of impossibilities, of no ways and never should bes, a world reversed, torn, distorted. It was stuck there, more or less alone, charged by its creator, Arceus, to monitor the realities and universes, and keep them from leaking into Giratina's or Arceus'.

This was easier since one of Giratina's multiversal equivalents – the Time Lords of one reality – had been wiped out. Since their deaths, threats of cross-dimensional encroachment had been minimal.

Suddenly – Giratina sensed something. The mythic Pokémon whirled about, slapping its tail against the fabric of reality as it did so, to see its sole companion in this world – a tall, somber-looking man in a rubbery black-and-grey uniform and spiked blue hair – hurl a small, round object at it.

The device was a sphere, stark white on bottom and purple on top, with pink circular designs on either side of the cap, with a white "M" in between. The sphere struck the top of Giratina's head and split in two across its black hemisphere – not completely, but nearly so. All at once, the air around Giratina turned red, and a sucking sensation filled its body. Giratina knew instinctually what was happening – and it struggled, striking the dimensional borders even more. But it struggled in vain. Giratina was broken down into atoms and absorbed into the ball, which closed and returned to its thrower.

"A Master Ball," the blue-haired man said in a dead-sounding monotone. "Capable of capturing any Pokémon without fail. Took me two months to build, but worth it. You put up an admirable struggle, but for naught. Your will is my will, now. And soon, you and I will leave this place, that I may begin my plans anew."

The man allowed himself the smallest hints of a smile as he turned and walked across platforms that appeared out of nowhere, away from the dimensional rift.

But Giratina's struggles had not left the rift undamaged. Its struggles created ripples, which in turn created cracks, which in turn created a sizable hole in the universal void – one that was connected to another universe, the one of the old Time Lords. A wormhole had been formed, and wormholes never remain un-traversed.




It was bigger on the inside. That was what everyone always said upon first entering the Time And Relative Dimension In Space machine – or TARDIS, for short.
Strictly speaking, the TARDIS was not a true machine. It had been grown on the now-destroyed planet of Gallifrey – it was, in fact, a living organism.

The TARDIS could traverse time and space with ease, rocketing through the time vortex with incredible speed. It was owned by an enigmatic traveler known only as the Doctor.

The Doctor was the last surviving Time Lord; the last of a once-great race of omniscient universal monitors. The Time Lords had governed the laws of time and space, and made sure that multiversal encroachment did not become too serious.

Then the Time War happened. The war with the alien conquerors known as the Daleks had ended with the genocide of both races, to insure that the war did not tear reality itself asunder.

The Doctor himself had made it happen.

The Doctor was about 900 years old at this point – he'd lost track. Time Lords lived for vast amounts of time, and could regenerate into a new form when death was upon them, for a total of twelve times – thirteen bodies.

The Doctor had been through a lot. He was on his eleventh incarnation now, and traveling with his human companions (the Doctor had always been fond of humans and Earth in general) to the planet of Systematica Four.

"They have living pants there," the Doctor giddily informed Amy Pond – a feisty young woman with scarlet hair and a Scottish accent – while twisting various knobs and switches on the TARDIS' control panel. "Imagine that, living pants! You could have a conversation with your trousers! Ha!"

"I wouldn't like that very much," commented Rory Williams, another of the Doctor's companions. Rory had brown hair and a level-headed personality. He was also Amy's husband. "I mean," continued Rory, "going to the restroom would feel pretty awkward, with your pants just staring up at your…"

"Yes, thank you once again for finding the bits of the cloud that the silver lining missed," the Doctor sighed, running his hands through his messy brown hair. "You like Monty Python, Rory?"

"Uh… yes," Rory confirmed.

"You know that song they have, with the 'always look on the bright side of life' bit?"

"Yes."

"Tip for a happier life, Rory – follow their advice."
Rory was about to answer with a retort when the TARDIS shook violently. All three occupants dropped to the floor.

"Doctor!" Amy cried in a startled tone. "Doctor, what's happening?!"

"Not sure," the Doctor groaned, struggling to his feet as the turbulence intensified. He checked the TARDIS computer console – it was going haywire. "Oi!" the Doctor said irritably, tapping the console. "What are you doing?"

The TARDIS simply shook harder in response. The lights flickered out.

"Uh-oh," said the Doctor. "I think we're crossing the Void."

"What does th-that mean?!" Rory demanded.

"It means," said the Doctor, "we're crossing into another universe. It means… hold on to your bowties, ladies and Amys."

"I am not a…" Rory began, but the Doctor interrupted him:

"GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The TARDIS shuddered, and both Rory and Amy screamed – but their screams were abruptly cut short.

"Amy?" the Doctor called out. "Rory?"

No reply.

"Where have you gotten to?" the Doctor cried, taking one step away from the TARDIS console.

Then the TARDIS gave one last, violent shake. The Doctor tripped, and slammed his head against the TARDIS floor. Everything went black.

To be continued…

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Well, personally, I don't really see much actual plot in this first chapter - it seems more like the introductory paragraph of a high-school essay, in which it introduces the initial premise, but not any of the arguments.

And the reason for this is because it's just one scene. In the case of the Distortion World, we simply have a scene where Cyrus captures Giratina with a Master Ball. In the case of the TARDIS, we have one of those "coffee shop horror" scenes where they're just leisurely going about and then suddenly they get sucked into a vortex.

It's well described and all (Giratina struggling >:3), but it seems more like a prologue than anything.

One of the first things I noticed while getting into this fic is how short the paragraphs are. Sometimes, it's completely okay to create one long paragraph if the subject is still the same. For example, the first three paragraphs of the chapter are about Giratina and the fact that it floats in a world of perpetual mindscrew. Because you're still just talking about Giratina's backstory, you can just merge all three paragraphs into one, and it would actually flow a bit better. The reason why I say the latter is because a paragraph break signals a longer pause than just a period. At the same time, the first sentence of paragraphs two and three read as if they're just continuations of the sentences before them – basically, more about Giratina and what it is. So, the paragraph break ends up being jarring because the reader wants to read these lines as being all part of one big paragraph, even though you're signaling a chasm between them.

Same thing could be said with the first few paragraphs of the Doctor Who portion of this chapter (the ones about the TARDIS and the basics of the Whoniverse). There seems to be a half-paragraph break in the first two lines (between "for short" and "strictly speaking"), but in actuality, both of these lines deal with the TARDIS itself. So, you'll want a single paragraph anyway.

Backing up to the Pokémon part of things, there's another bit to note. The description. It's good that you're trying to give us a good mental snapshot of what's going on, but a lot of the time, you try to force too many details into one sentence that the whole thing becomes awkward and unwieldy. For example, let's look at the description of the Master Ball. It starts off all right (although you don't need that comma after "top" because prepositions don't normally need commas), but when you try to add in the detail about the M, things get messy. There's two reasons why. First, you'll want to avoid stacking prepositional phrases, especially those that start with the same word. It's awkward because the reader expects the sentence to end after the first one. Also, it leads to the second problem: prepositional phrases are associated with the phrases that come before them. In other words, you're actually saying that each of the pink circular designs have an M on them, not that the purple part of the ball has it. (Yes, you imply this even if the phrase "in between" is present. Grammatically, the "in between" becomes nonsense because you're not indicating the thing the M is between – what with the fact that the prepositional phrase is referring to the pink designs and all.)

A similar problem happens with the description of Cyrus. You mention that he has spiked blue hair, but you do this right after the part that says he's in a particular uniform. The problem here is the fact that the word "and" signals symmetry. For example, if there's nouns on either side of a conjunction (like "and"), you're supposed to be able to cover up either noun, read the sentence, and still have it make sense. To be a bit clearer, this is what you're saying as a result of the way you've structured this sentence:

1. a tall, somber-looking man in a rubbery black-and-grey uniform
2. a tall, somber-looking man in spiked blue hair

The reason why it reads like this is because on both sides of the "and," you have a noun and its descriptors, and the entire phrase is preceded by "in." So, the "and" implies that "in" is supposed to go with both sets of noun + descriptors, not just to the first one.

And no, "in spiked blue hair" doesn't makes sense unless Cyrus is wearing a blue Chewbacca costume. (Not trying to be snarky, but.)

One last note about the structure so far. I have to agree with Dragonite here. A lot of this felt like a school essay. Rather than present details whenever they're needed (like, for example, the fact that Giratina is an equivalent of the Time Lords) or expand on the mythology of the multiverse in the opening, you mention each detail briefly and move on. For other details (like the basics of who the Doctor is and why he's wandering around time/space), they're actually pieces of information fans of the series should know anyway, so they're actually a little on the redundant side. Remember, even if you're writing a crossover that gets posted on a Pokémon board, when it comes to fanfiction, you're actually supposed to assume that the reader already knows details like who the Doctor is, what the TARDIS is, and so on and so forth. The reason why is because if you advertise it as a Doctor Who fic, chances are, it'll only be Who fans or people otherwise familiar with the series who come in and read. So, you don't really have that risk of having to explain the basics to someone who doesn't know. Basically, it's the same reason why you don't explain the basics of Pokémon in a fanfiction that isn't a crossover. It's just not necessary.

But anyway, getting back to the point I was trying to make here. Basically speaking, you bring in these details and either briefly mention them or go into things the reader should already know. As a result, you spend a lot of your time in this chapter just talking about backstory, and on top of that, some of the details feel really out of the blue. For example, why is it important that we know that the Doctor is over 900 years old and that Time Lords could live for an extremely long time? Sure, it might be important down the road (especially the part about regeneration), but why is it brought up now and only glanced over in literally a line? Try integrating your information into what's going on. I have to admit I'm not an avid Who fan myself, but I've seen enough of it to know that a lot of the information that's given to an audience is provided through dialogue. While I know the show's using a visual medium (which means they don't really have a choice but to provide information in dialogue like that), it's still a good idea to use in writing to cut out the metaphorical fat. That way, you restrict information to only what's immediately necessary to know, and you're not inclined to infodump. There's other options, of course, but the point is to try avoiding dumping information on a reader until the point would need to come into play. Moreover, don't talk about basics that your readers should already know. Limit your infodumping as much as possible, and you'll have more time to spend on what's going on in the story itself.

Sometimes, yes, infodumping is unavoidable. Still, if you feel the need to do it, don't mention it in a line and fall short of elaborating on it. For example, you mention that the Doctor had been through a lot, but in the next sentence, the most we can gather as to what "a lot" entails is that he's been incarnated eleven times already. It felt like you bounced from one topic to a completely different one without really going into detail that could potentially build some of his character. (Enigmatic indeed.)

Speaking of which, don't describe characters by personality traits. (As in, don't describe Amy as "fiesty" or the Doctor as "enigmatic" or Rory as "level-headed.") The reason why is because those don't really mean much to a reader. "Fiesty" could mean Amy snaps at everyone around her, or it could mean she throws Jessie-like tantrums and commits random acts of violence when she's irritated. Rather, let what they do and say establish who they are for a reader. It's better that way, really. I can't tell you how awkward it is to see an author describe a character as being kind and generous just before they blow off another character, for example. In other words, it's easier to be consistent if you just let the characters' actions do the defining for them.

Anyway, all chatter about the delivery aside, let's zoom out and look at the bigger picture.

Giratina's struggle, I have to admit, was one of the highlights of the chapter. Nothing says awesome like a god realizing it's screwed, and of course, the description of Giratina being drawn into the ball itself was actually well-executed. (I say "actually" here because it's one of the moments I have to say is contrary to my earlier commentary on your description. It was a good move to describe a Pokémon being drawn into a ball as being broken down into atoms because that sort of thing makes it seem like the transformation is slow and painful. One suggestion, though, is probably switch the word "atom" for "data" because of the way science works, but it's one of those moments – given the source media – where you can probably get away with keeping it as-is.)

However, two small points about Cyrus here, and I'm sorry if I seem overly negative.

1. Considering he's in the Reverse World (which, if I recall correctly, isn't exactly a fully-stocked world with the same minerals and goods as the universe it's mirroring), where did he get the materials and tools to make a Master Ball? In fact, does he have eidetic memory? (The latter question can be rephrased to, "How did he remember how to make a Master Ball, assuming he knew the plans in the first place?") All of this confusion just leads to one thing.

I'll preface it by saying that it was a pretty cool idea to have a character say, "Screw it the rules; I HAVE A FLIPPING MASTER BALL." Characters really need to do that more often because, let's face it, overly elaborate plans usually fail in overly elaborate ways. No one expects something as simple as a Master Ball, so why not chuck it at a legendary's head and be done with it, right?

However, in this case, it actually feels more like a cop-out because this is the Reverse World. There's just nothing to use to make one, and even if there was, you'd have to be providing a few details about Cyrus that might actually be pretty important later. (Like insane intellectual skills.) Of course, this all ignores the fact that two months would probably be a bit short for trying just to find materials to make this kind of ball and ensure that it's not just a fancy-looking Poké Ball, but you get the idea.

Then, of course, there's also the issue that because this is anime canon, ownership doesn't necessarily mean obedience. Ash's Charizard and Dawn's Mamoswine for prime examples, and they weren't even legendary.

2. Second problem about Cyrus is that he wants to leave at all. I never understood this about people writing anime!Cyrus. He actually got exactly what he wanted in the end: a world created by Palkia and Dialga that he could rule as its god. Considering there's no one to oppose him, it's very likely that he's probably pretty content over there. Even if he wasn't, he wouldn't want to go back to the real world and take it over because that was basically the opposite of what he was trying to do. Cyrus – in any canon, really – believes that the Pokémon world is too much of a mess to save, so it's just unlikely that he'd want to have anything to do with it now that he's got a world that doesn't have the problems that gave him serious megalomania issues.

But to end this on a positive note, I have to say the dialogue was well-written. Again, not much of a Who fan myself (and only saw a few episodes of Eleven), but I can tell the interactions were pretty believable for those characters. Even if I'm mistaken about what I think I know about the characters (if that phrase even makes sense), I liked watching them interact. That Monty Python quip was particularly excellent, just because it sounded Doctor-esque in general. And, hey, it was a pretty witty little bit by itself.

For that reason, I'm really looking forward to seeing how the Doctor interacts with the characters of Pokémon. I'd imagine he wouldn't think twice about meeting an electric rodent, but I'm sure Ash and company won't know what to do with his bouncy brand of eccentricity.

Overall, despite the fact that most of this review is full of concrit, I can see that this has potential. A lot of your talent lies in character interactions, from what I can see, and I know that the first chapter is usually busy setting the stage instead of relying on the characters to tell the story. In other words, from here on out, you should have an easier time grabbing the reader's attention if you're as careful with characterization as you are here.

On top of that, I have a lot of high hopes for the rest of the fic. It's clear to me that you have a lot of good ideas (like the Master Ball trick). The only problem is the delivery, really, which I've explained thoroughly throughout the review. So, I'll just warn you briefly about infodumping, phrasing your descriptions, and avoiding plot holes. To sum up everything I've said earlier, just be careful with it and maybe read your work aloud while proofreading to avoid the awkwardly worded parts.

Good luck with future chapters!

On the subject of infodumping, I'm trying to make it much less awkward, but I'm trying to write a story that will appeal to fans of both franchises, and some viewers of one show may not know anything about the other. It's awkward though, I will admit, and I'm trying to find a way to fix that without just assuming the reader knows the details already.

The Doctor awoke with a start and gasped loudly. His vision was blurred and spotty, but he could still see well enough.

The Doctor pulled himself to his feet and took a long look at the TARDIS monitor. "Nothing damaged, at least," he murmured. "And not shut down at all! Oh, that is... it is just fantastic. You're getting better at cross-dimensional travel, hon. Now - and this is important, so listen up, locate Amy and Rory. Where in the TARDIS are they?"

The TARDIS scanners bleeped a negative - Amy and Rory were not in the TARDIS.

"What?" the Doctor said incredulously. "That's impossible. I wasn't out for that long; the sensors would be able to pick them up still even if they'd just left the TARDIS... unless..." he brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Unless the disturbance in timespace was more shoddy than I'd thought. Bumps in the fabric of reality may have grown in the wormhole as it sucked us in. Which would mean... Amy and Rory could be anywhere in this universe."

The Doctor smacked his forehead. "Gah! Stupid space-time continuum," he grumbled. "Must you always be this frustrating?"

Composing himself, he grabbed his sonic screwdriver - a small device with an array of functions - and tucked it into his coat pocket. After that, he straightened his bowtie and exited the TARDIS, which was still in its trademark police box form.

"No time like the present," he said, "to start looking."

And the Doctor began his search.

/

"Ash, finish packing up!" the raven-haired girl said irritably. "We need to get a move on if we want to make it to the Sinnoh League in time!"

"I'm working as fast as I can, Dawn!" replied the young boy, fiddling with his red baseball cap. "Right, Pikachu?" he said, requesting the agreement of the small yellow mouselike creature that stood beside him.

"Pi? Pika pi pika," Pikachu said, shaking its head.

"Pikachu! You're supposed to take my side!" Ash complained.

"Pi," said Pikachu plainly, crossing its arms dismissively.

"Face it Ash," said Dawn with a grin. "Pikachu just can't tell that bad a lie."

"Ash, get working," an older, tan-skinned boy told Ash. "You've slacked off enough today."

"Fine, fine," Ash said, rolling his eyes. "Whatever you say, Brock."

"Dawn, are you almost done packing up your things?" Brock asked.

"No 'almost' about it," said Dawn. "I am done. Right, Piplup?"

"Pip!" a small, blue, penguin-like creature piped up from beside Dawn.

"I'm done, too," said Brock. "Now we just have to wait for Ash to-"

Just then, a lanky, brown-haired man in a tweed suit stumbled through the bushes surrounding the travelling trio's campsite.

"Who's there?" Ash said, springing into a fighting pose. Pikachu quickly joined him, electricity sparking from its cheeks.

"Not a bad guy or anything," said the man, standing up and brushing himself off. "Stupid tree stump tripped me. Hello, by the way."

"Who are you?" Dawn demanded.

"Be patient; I was getting to that," the man said. "Such a rude little girl. Anyway, I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor?" repeated Brock. "Doctor who?"

"Be grammatically correct, young man," the Doctor chastised him. "You mean to say "Doctor what.""

"Okay then," said Ash, rolling his eyes. "Doctor what?"

"Just the Doctor," the Doctor replied. "Where is this place?"

"Just a route in the Sinnoh region," said Dawn confusedly. "Are you okay, mister?"

"Kind of," said the Doctor. "My brain's a little wibbly right now, but that's to be expected when one travels between universes. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Stupid Doctor!"

"Wait - did you say you were from another universe?" Brock asked.

"Yep!" the Doctor confirmed. "I'm here on a sort of forced vacation; dimensional borders should really just be left alone, and I'd leave right now if I could, but unfortunately I have two companions who have gone missing somewhere on this planet, and I can't leave until I've got them. Once I do, I can just pop back into my teleportation machine and be on my way."

"I find your story very hard to believe," said Dawn skeptically.

"That's usually how it goes," the Doctor admitted. "But... I can prove it. You three look trustworthy enough; why don't you help me find my companions?"

Ash stepped forth. "I'd never turn down someone asking for help," he said. "I'll do it!"

"I'll come along to make sure he doesn't get himself killed," said Dawn, elbowing Ash,

"I'll come, too," offered Brock."

"Wibbly wobbly fantasticy," the Doctor said with a smile. "Come along with me, and you three can tell me your names while we walk to the TARDIS."

"TARDIS?" Ash echoed.

"Teleportation machine," the Doctor explained.

"I'm Ash Ketchum, from the town of Pallet!" Ash said. "I want to be the world's greatest Pokemon master!"

"'Pokemon?'" said the Doctor.

"Pokemon are strange creatures with amazing powers, like Ash's Pikachu," Brock said, gesturing to the yellow rat on Ashs shoulder. "Pokemon are mysterious, and research into them is always going on. Some people use Pokemon to battle other Pokemon, in specialized Pokemon Leagues."

"Isn't that animal fighting, basically?" the Doctor questioned. "Isn't that a bit... immoral?"

"No one gets hurt," Brock countered, "and there are special Pokemon Centers to heal Pokemon after battles."

"I see," said the Doctor. A few seconds later, he added: "I still don't like the idea much.

"Anyway!" he said, turning to the trio. "We'd better start figuring out where my companions could be. They could have fallen through anywhere and into anytime on this world, so you may have met them already. They might be suffering from total amnesia about where they really come from. Have you encountered a redhead, rather feisty-"

"Redhead?" Ash repeated. "Yeah."

The Doctor grabbed Ash's shoulders and looked deep into his eyes. "Where," he demanded.

"Cerulean City," Ash answered, looking at the Doctor like he was crazy.

"Alright then," said the Doctor, whirling around. "Come along, pals. You other two people, what are your names?"

"I'm Dawn," said Dawn. "I'm from Twinleaf Town here in Sinnoh. My goal is to master Pokemon Contests and become top Coordinator."

"I have no idea what you just said," said the Doctor. "Next."

"I'm Brock, from Pewter City in Kanto," Brock replied. "My dream is to become a great Pokemon Breeder."

"Oh, well, ew," said the Doctor with a shudder. "I hope you don't watch them breeding. Please tell me you don't watch them breeding."

"Well, of course I'd have to sometimes," answered Brock. It's part of the scientific process."

"Yeah, not my profession at all, then," murmured the Doctor. "Ah! Here we are! Ash, Dawn, Misty... meet the TARDIS."

He gestured at the blue box before them.

Brock was the first to speak:

"Isn't... isn't that just a police box?"

The Doctor sighed. "No, no, it's only a police box on the outside. The TARDIS can disguise itself to blend in with its surroundings. A chameleon circuit in its central console scans its surroundings, and chooses a form best suited for disguise in that area."

"incredible!" said Dawn.

"And then it takes the shape of a police box," the Doctor continued. "Bit of a problem; I've been working on it for about... 500 years now, I'd reckon. Come on in."

"But how will we all fit inside?" asked Dawn.

"Oh, just come in and see," said the Doctor, opening the TARDIS' door and stepping in. The three traveling companions followed.

Instantly, their jaws dropped.

Ash was the one who put it best, after he and the others had babbled incomprehensibly for a few seconds:

"It's... it's..."

"Well, go on," said the Doctor. "Say it."

"It's bigger on the inside!"

/

The five flying saucers tumbled through the wormhole, crossing the void into the world of Pokemon.

Inside each one was a small army of tall, robotic-looking cyborgs that resembled pepperpots with an eyestalk to see and gunstick and plunger for hands. Each one was color-coded according to rank.

These were the Daleks, the bane of their universe. They had but one purpose in life - to exterminate anything that was not a Dalek.

"DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL COMPLETED," A red Drone Dalek said to a white Supreme variant in the Daleks' signature screaming voice.

"SCAN FOR LIFE SIGNS," the Supreme ordered a blue Strategist Dalek.

"I OBEY," the Strategist said, and consulted an onboard computer. "SCANS SHOW THAT HUMANS INHABIT THE EARTH-EQUIVALENT PLANET BELOW."

"HUMANS ARE NOT DALEK!" the Supreme shouted. "THAT WHICH IS NOT DALEK MUST BE EXTERMINATED!"

"THAT WHICH IS NOT DALEK MUST BE EXTERMINATED!" the other Daleks chanted in unison. "THAT WHICH IS NOT DALEK MUST BE EXTERMINATED!"

"ALERT! ALERT!" the Strategist screamed. "SCANS DETECT THAT THE DOCTOR IS PRESENT ON THIS EARTH AS WELL!"

"IDENTIFY HIS LOCATION!" the Supreme ordered. "THE DALEKS SHALL FIND THE DOCTOR - AND EXTERMINATE HIM! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINAAAAAAATE!"

"SCANNERS SHOW THAT THE DOCTOR'S TARDIS IS EN ROUTE TO THE LOCATION KNOWN LOCALLY AS CERULEAN CITY," the Strategist declared.

"WE MUST INTERCEPT HIM!" the Supreme Dalek commanded. "SET A COURSE FOR CERULEAN CITY!"

"I OBEY," said a Drone Dalek at the flying saucer's helm. "AND RELAYING ORDERS TO ALL OTHER DALEK FLYING SAUCERS."

"THIS WILL BE THE DOCTOR'S FINAL BATTLE," the Supreme Dalek said coldly. "AND HE WILL LOSE!"

/

Hmm, the trademark pun of the series makes an appearance in this chapter.

"Doctor?" repeated Brock. "Doctor who?"

Click to expand...

One thing I noticed in this chapter was the callous way people treated things. Like this passage where the Doctor explains that he's from another universe. It might just have been me, but I thought Dawn and Brock's reactions were a bit callous. They just pass off somebody who claims he's been from another universe as if, "meh, he's just being a little crazy". They don't seem like the kind of characters who would do that.

Also, it's customary to use a different type of quote when nesting quotes. You had this:

"Be grammatically correct, young man," the Doctor chastised him. "You mean to say "Doctor what.""

Click to expand...

The "Doctor what." should be surrounded in single quotes instead.

Next, Ash seems to drop that line about becoming a Pokémon Master everywhere he goes. It seems almost cliché for you to include that in his introductions.

For that matter, you might want to get a beta reader. I noticed a missing quote, a decapitalized letter at the beginning of a sentence, and other such things here and there...

"Oh, well, ew," said the Doctor with a shudder.

Click to expand...

You'll have to forgive my ignorance of Doctor Who for a moment - is the good doctor supposed to act like a teenager toward these types of things such as breeding? I'd assume that being the eccentric and aged professor he is, he'd be more likely to just accept these things as a fact of life, or even approach it curiously, like a scientist.

Won't say much about the Daleks, you're introducing them like a school essay again. A slightly better written school essay than your first chapter's attempt - one that actually has a hooking introduction, but still.

If the Daleks are the main villain, they seem pretty... bland and faceless, to be honest. They're just robots that want to kill every life form that's not them, and there's no real rhyme or reason to it.

(So that's where Dalek_Who's username [on BMGf] came from.)

Dragonite Ernston said:

Hmm, the trademark pun of the series makes an appearance in this chapter.

Click to expand...

Used like twice in 48 years in the main series lol.

Dragonite Ernston said:

One thing I noticed in this chapter was the callous way people treated things. Like this passage where the Doctor explains that he's from another universe. It might just have been me, but I thought Dawn and Brock's reactions were a bit callous. They just pass off somebody who claims he's been from another universe as if, "meh, he's just being a little crazy". They don't seem like the kind of characters who would do that.

Click to expand...

I think it's just the Doctor's aura.

Dragonite Ernston said:

You'll have to forgive my ignorance of Doctor Who for a moment - is the good doctor supposed to act like a teenager toward these types of things such as breeding? I'd assume that being the eccentric and aged professor he is, he'd be more likely to just accept these things as a fact of life, or even approach it curiously, like a scientist.

Click to expand...

Eleven would probably act like a teenager toward these types of things, actually. totally naive and rather "eeeghhhh" about that kinda subject. ALTHOUGH, I have to add, he might be quite interested in how the Pokemon do their attacks and everything. Just something to add for later for the writer.

Dragonite Ernston said:

If the Daleks are the main villain, they seem pretty... bland and faceless, to be honest. They're just robots that want to kill every life form that's not them, and there's no real rhyme or reason to it.

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That's exactly what they are... and that's exactly why they're scary. No conscience, one feeling of superiority and a blatant disregard for life.

Now, enough fixing up other reviews (lol). Being an awesome Whoian, time to dig into the Who side of this crossover... They're only little things though.

Starting from the top down, the Doctor wouldn't fix grammar from "Doctor who?" to "Doctor what?" (speaking of which, how is that right even ._.) It'd be more like "yeah, sure, something like that" or "just the Doctor" straight away.

Another thing, the Doctor explains as little as possible or as MUCH as possible. So he'd just call his TARDIS "the TARDIS", not "my teleportation machine". And when he's explaining what the TARDIS is, he'd go "this" or go into some long-winded explanation that really goes nowhere.

Finally, just a little irk, the "come on, say it" thing isn't an Eleven thing. Ten did it a lot, yes, but it doesn't feel Eleven-y. He'd just let them marvel at it and grin or say something like "yes" before they even asked. Just small things, really.

The idea is kinda basic, but interesting. Fix up your grammar a bit (I wouldn't mind beta-reading for you :D) and yeah. Looking forward to more.

Ninja Caterpie said:

Used like twice in 48 years in the main series lol.

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Maybe I should have said "titular" instead of "trademark".

I think it's just the Doctor's aura.

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If this is an inside phrase, I have no idea about what it means, sosumi >_<

Eleven would probably act like a teenager toward these types of things, actually. totally naive and rather "eeeghhhh" about that kinda subject. ALTHOUGH, I have to add, he might be quite interested in how the Pokemon do their attacks and everything. Just something to add for later for the writer.

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Alright, that's understandable.

That's exactly what they are... and that's exactly why they're scary. No conscience, one feeling of superiority and a blatant disregard for life.

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Scary to the Doctor and his comrades, maybe, but certainly not to this reader.

It's a nice little story. I like both shows and laugh at the idea of a Pokemon battle VS a Dalek lol. Just something I wanted to point out (dunno if it was on purpose or mistake so I am just showing)

"Ah! Here we are! Ash, Dawn, Misty... meet the TARDIS."

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I believe you meant Brock lols.

Dragonite Ernston said:

If this is an inside phrase, I have no idea about what it means, sosumi >_<

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No, nothing of the sort. It's just nobody, not even the most rational of people, finds it weird that the Doctor jumps into their life and starts bossing them around. Or that there's a giant blue 1960's London police box that can travel through time and space sitting around. He calls it a perception filter, I call it his aura.

Dragonite Ernston said:

Scary to the Doctor and his comrades, maybe, but certainly not to this reader.

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No, I don't think it's scary to him anymore. He more just finds them a nuisance lol. Nonetheless, that's how the Daleks have been portrayed since the very beginning. In fact, the Daleks would be (if it wasn't for the infodumping o_e) the best described thing in the fic lol.