Sinnoh Saga

Prologue

The wind sighed over a forest clearing of pine trees in autumn, in Sinnoh. It was a peaceful scene to the asual observer who might be viewing the forest as a whole. However, that was not so.
The boy leaned over the dead Glameow. A stench rose from it, the smell of burned fur rose from it.Tears fell fast from his eyes-he could not take his eyes away from it. His skin was pale under a brish of black hair and freckles. All the blood was drained from his face. It had been fried alive by a terrible heat.
The worst was yet to come.
Twenty more Pokemon dead, executed in the same manner, scattered all over the clearing, most were turned to ashes.
The boy, named Max,finally lost control of himself. He screamed and screamed until he was hoarse.But ther was no one to hear. He ran away from the spot as fast as his legs would carry him.
As he ran, he thought, who could be so cruel.
Soon he would find out-or so he hoped.
He was mistaken.

Next time-Intrusion of Team Galactic.

df006 said:

Prologue

The wind sighed over a forest clearing of pine trees in autumn, in Sinnoh. It was a peaceful scene to the usual observer who might be viewing the forest as a whole. However, that was not so.
The boy leaned over the dead Glameow. A stench rose from it, the smell of burned fur rose from it. Tears fell fast from his eyes - he could not take his eyes away from it. His skin was pale under a brisk of black hair and freckles. All the blood was drained from his face. It had been fried alive by a terrible heat.
The worst was yet to come.
Twenty more Pokemon dead, executed in the same manner, scattered all over the clearing, most were turned to ashes.
The boy, named Max, finally lost control of himself. He screamed and screamed until he was hoarse. But there was no one to hear. He ran away from the spot as fast as his legs would carry him.
As he ran, he thought, who could be so cruel.
Soon he would find out - or so he hoped.
He was mistaken.

Next time - Intrusion of Team Galactic.

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I made some of your mistakes bold.
I made bold a whole sentence. Most authors make human thoughts italicized, and some do Pokemon thoughts in < > and possibly italicized - I know bobandbill does.
When I bolded your "-" 's I was trying to say that you need spaces around them. Also after commas.

Too Short :/
It is sad how so many beginner's have their chapters and prologues too short. If you can scroll down from the story once and see the signature, then I would say it is too short. (Example: Look at the length of my post - including your writing in quotes. I scrolled and I saw the signature.)

But for the actual content in question, it wasn't bad. I don't like writings about horror and death, but this part wasn't so bad.

Length and grammar are your issues. I would say to lengthen your story, describe Max more, describe where he was, describe more his feelings/senses, and possibly where he was running to.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1-Team Galactic's Intrusion

The Team Galactic Base for special operations is located twenty meters underground ,below the main structure. A team of operators work there 24 hours round the clock ,o the top-secret operations of Team Galactic. This operation was codenamed "Blackjack".
In the surveillance section ,an outlying bug in a police outpost took up an important transmission .The computer recognized it as top priority, recorded it and sent it to two places-the base leader's node and an outlying research camp.
The file was played-it was a sound file-and it made the base leader of a whole new situation. The recoding was something like this-
A junior officer,with the flair of a lordly know-it-all, was listening to Max describing the incident. After Max finished,he spoke.
'So, you say that they were burned to death?'
'Yes!'
The officer did not believe a word Max said, as he listened to his statement in the Police Station. He replied, asking him to suck a lollipop. He also had good reason-who would believe a 7-year old kid with a freckled ,white face with such an unbelievable story? His words took Max's remaining control, and he stormed out, fuming.
Unknown to both of them, a microphone under the table took every word to the Team Galactic Base. From there, it was recorded and sent to an outlying station, where a research camp-in name only-was located.
A scientist listening to it smiled. Things were becoming very interesting.
He said to himself,' It seems Arceus or Heatran have come to Sinnoh, for only they could make such powerful a blast.'
He sent the file to the research team leader, who approved of the event. He asked the scientist to proceed with his plan.
All the while, the research camp itself was bugged and put under surveillance by the Team Galactic, to make sure that everything was going as planned.
And the Team Galactic computer database was hacked by an unknown adversary.

***

'Do you notice anything unusual here, Lucario?'
'This whole thing is unusual-and will have devastating effects on Sinnoh.'
A Lucario watched the research camp in the twilight, speaking telepathically to his trainer. It was highly trained, and skilled. It usually kept cool, calm, but now it had lost it.
'Return, Lucario.I managed to hack the Team Galactic Computer Database. You won't believe what I found.'
'What?'
'I'll tell you on your return.'
'There is something else…'
'Yes, Lucario?'
'There is some sudden activity in the camp. I don't know why but I can sense stifled excitement.'
'I know why they are behaving like this…and it is very serious. Now, no more talk, come back quickly.'
***


'This is a call for the op 'Blackjack' leader. I repeat, this is a call to the Surveillance Section,' rang the voice over the intercom, filling the entire facility.
The op leader spoke only one word in return, 'Acknowledged.'
He went through the facility to the surveillance section in the far end, a great black figure swathed in a blue cloak, drawing attention and creating fear wherever he went.
The chief of the surveillance section was waiting for him, cowed by the command and power he showed. He was only a typical, old man trying to scrap a living, not built to face the nameless man who led the operation.
Cowed, the chief spoke only a few words to hide his fear,' the main computer database has been hacked. However, we managed to detect the signal for the hacking computer.'
The op leader was a man of few words and enormous control. His dark face loomed over the small man. He spoke in a deep, threatening voice.
'Can you trace it?'
'Yes.'
'Well, I give you the permission to start. Do it now.'
The chief input some commands into the mainframe computer, beside which they were standing. The screen flashed alive with the words-
'Tracer activated…Tracer searching… Tracer searching… Tracer searching…'

Sinnoh Saga-Rising of Arceus
'This city has had several attacks on it lately. The police say that groups of marauders with highly skilled Pokemon started attacking this city once or twice a month deep in the night. Recently the attacks have become even more fierce and destructive. The city police are working on it round the clock but not one of them has been caught.'

Arif was extremely interested. He could sense something but his face betrayed none of his emotions. He simply said, 'They must have passed this place on their way to the city. After all, I think your house lies on the easiest way into the valley.

He barman replied, 'Yes, thy have passed this house quite often. Strangely, they are very quiet on their way in and nobody ever wakes up at their footsteps except very light sleepers. Everybody fears them but nobody can do anything. However, up till now, not one house in this area has been ransacked. I fear nobody is safe in the city.'

For some time there was silence. Arif was frowning. The barman broke the silence.

'But strangely, although many things were destroyed, not one item was taken.'

Arif looked up.

'I think I know who is carrying out these attacks but I need more info to be sure. Thank you for taking care of me, Mr. …'

'Yamatako. Ensei Yamatako. You may call me Ensei.'

'Thank you, Ensei. By the way, I'll skip dinner- I don't want any pressure on you- and I'll walk in the woods at dawn, after my prayers.'

'Okay- by the way, why did you faint when you saw Aipom?'

'Amazement and surprise… plus, I was too weak to bear it.'

Ensei left Arif working at top speed at the computer. However, it was past one in the morning before Arif found what he was looking for. He memorized it and went to sleep.

***

Arif was walking through the forest of pine trees. There was not much snow here and the land rose in a gentle slope. Pine needles were scattered over the forest floor. The sky was deep and seemed to reflect his feeling of being at peace with the world.

He found a secluded spot under a shady pine. It was the best place to lie down and think, undisturbed. He sat down and thought.

He could clearly see that no ordinary gang could plan these systematic attacks. They were so well-planned that he would be amazed if at least one professional military strategist was not behind this. The timing was pinpoint, members highly skilled and only a selected area would be attacked per month. If it was attacked, he thought. Only two questions remain. Who… and why.

Unfortunately, just then a bad-tempered Shieldon made a savage attack.


The attack would have broken his ribs but for an Aura Sphere from a watching Riolu which took the attacker by surprise. The Shieldon was even more enraged after recovering from the unexpected attack. The boy had been invading his territory- and now this! It came charging the second time.

This time Arif was ready for it. Lift it, kick at underbelly, dodge, and trip it. However, he could not do this alone. Come on, Riolu, I need you!

He watched in wonder as Riolu slid under the Shieldon's belly and lifted it into the air, but recovered enough to give the kick and dodge in time. The next thing the subject of attack received was an Aura Sphere.

That was enough for it. It fled, limping, barely conscious and without receiving the lesson.

Two questions popped in to his mind – How did it know that I needed it? How did it learn Aura Sphere?

Riolu answered immediately – Well, you said you wanted me to do this telepathically – though I admit, I never saw anybody doing this, so it struck me as odd – but you were in no time to answer questions. And I learned Aura Sphere all by myself.'

Arif was surprised and amazed – but in his heart, he knew it could speak. A certain sentence from another life made him believe – It can understand human speech. But the fact that he could speak telepathically took him off-balance. His reply was uncertain – I spoke without using my mouth?

The reply was, The Aura is immensely strong in you but you have only started manipulating it. You can control yourself- that is the only reason you have not become mad. However, you must have used the Aura somehow because without using it, it becomes unbearable. Did you ever speak with yourself while making decisions or dropped excessive tears even in normal situations?

The two questions startled Arif, and he replied without thinking, Yes.

See? You bore the extra energy the Aura gave you by being emotional; It threw a nice blind over your true character. Only now are you bringing it under control. By the way, the Aura can create naked singularities, which have wormholes taking you to different dimensions. However, it is wise to create it once, for the Aura can balance the immense disruption a dimensional shift makes, but Nature prevents it from making it again, for there is no guarantee the dimension will not fall apart.

At these words, Arif fell to the ground. He fell to the ground like a fallen tree. That means the Aura got me here, and there is no going back. No seeing my world again. Where did you get this information?

The graveyard on the mountain. It was written at the center on a stone tablet.

That was the last blow. He shook his head in hopelessness. But he was not the type to be submerged in grief for long. He made a decision.

The Aura brought me here for a reason. For this is the place Nature chose for me, which means I belong here now and have always been. The part of my life when I was in that world is non-existent now. THIS IS MY HOME. I can feel it in every pore of my body. Here I have found myself, a beautiful world as a home, and a true friend, and maybe the beginning of a happy family. You, Riolu, as they stared at each other's eyes. Understanding flashed it both eyes, brown and red. And as Riolu comprehended the full weight of Arif's words, the Shieldon came back, charging straight at Riolu. Obviously, it had not learned its lesson, and this time, it was too close to dodge or attack by Riolu. It was going to mow him to the ground.

Not if I can help it… him, not it, as it came. Unknowingly, a ball of Aura, blue and crackling with energy, was released from his hand. And this time, the Shieldon was knocked out for two whole days. He had, in fact, performed his first Aura Sphere.

That was a close one. Thanks …

My name's Arif.

Thanks Arif.

Remember two things- one, we are friends and there is no thank you or sorry among this. Two, we are friends for eternity.

Riolu and Arif smiled at each other.


Out of the forest came two figures – a boy named Arif, and a Pokemon named Riolu who had, half an hour ago, been on the opposite sides the world. Now, they had formed a true friendship which was to last for eternity.

***

Ensei and his wife - a short, pleasant woman – had taken Riolu quite easily, Arif observed, but they did have a few questions about the Shieldon's attack, for, as they put it, Shieldon are not commonly that aggressive. Arif did not worry, and slept easily. It was the first dreamless sleep he had for a long time, but, his sleep was badly interrupted by Riolu.

'Ouch, ouch! Get off, Riolu…'

Shush! Spoke Riolu telepathically. The group you said was attacking the city is near. Can't you feel them?

No…

Close your eyes and will yourself to see beyond your sight. You must see.

Arif did as he said. He felt as if he was speeding through a blue world where everything was shimmering. He looked further and further, until he saw them speeding towards the city. They seemed to be armed with sub-machine guns. Arif suddenly knew that this time they were going to kill.

We must stop them. I shall be in touch telepathically. Make them all black out… and break their ankle bones so that they can't go back quickly. Okay?

Understood. Let's go.

And they managed to do it.

***

'I'm sorry to go now, Ensei. But I have to stop Team Galactic before it is too late. Their master plan is to be executed in three years and I have to train Riolu to the very best.'

Ensei was flabbergasted. 'But why do you have to go? You must stay! I…'

'What, Ensei? You want to say something?'

'Yes. You have reminded me of a child my wife cannot give me. She had to destroy her ovary to cur herself of a disease. I knew we would never have a child. But I love her… as I love you. I want to adopt you.' Tears of emotion dripped from his eyes as he spoke.

'I cannot, Ensei. I still have so many things to do. You are the best person I've met so far but you … I hope you understand.'

'I do.' His eyes were full of tears, but Arif had no choice.

'I'll be going in half an hour. Goodbye, Ensei.'

'Goodbye, Arif.'

'And one last thing – the raiders are not coming back. Thanks for everything.' Arif ran out of Ensei's room.

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This is chapter 3[ view attachment ]

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No. You don't attach your chapter like it's some kind of resume. Copy and paste it in like everyone else around here.[/FONT]

All right, I corrected it. Anyway, thanks for notifying me of the problem.

Chapter 1, 2, 2A lack correct format. Chapters 2 and 2A need to be merged.

Please read the Grammar Stickies, and the Fan Fiction Rules.

You have no description. You did not use quotations at all.

Description is very important. Without it, the reader has no idea what is going on, or what the characters look like. When you describe something in a simple list, it is very boring for the reader. When you describe something it is best to put mix some action in.

Instead of saying that Volpix is a red fox with six tails, you could say; "The small red fox like create nervously twitched each one of her six tails."

Not only did I describe it, but I also added a gender and the mental state of Voplix. All you need to do is add the name in. That can be done when someone looks at a pokedex, talks too, or about it, or later as a pronoun.

Quotations ( " " ) are use to show that someone is talking or thinking.

Example:

"Hello May," said Max.

"Oh hey Max," replied May.

Chapter 3 showed a lot of improvement from you as a writer. I do apologize for someone not getting to this sooner. I would strongly recommend that you wait a little longer in-between chapters. If chapter three had description and quotations, it would be a really good chapter.

It was really hard for me to read the first three chapters (1, 2, 2A). Make sure that the correct formatting is used next time.

The whole worm whole thing is complicated. With more description, you might be able to pull it off. But as of right now, it's too hard to read.


You really improved from chapter 2 to chapter 3, so I know that you can do it. Go back and rewrite chapters 1 and 2 and merge 2 together. I know it sounds horribly boring, but when you are done, I think that it will make the overall quality of the story better.

All right, for now I am merging the threads and I'll edit it later.
In my story telepathic talking is shown as bold and italicized. However, I will add quotation maks from now on.

Sinnoh Saga Chapter 2- A Peek into the Past

3 years ago.

A 9-year-old boy ran through the forest of southern Bengal. Kidnappers had pursued him for the last 5 hours, who were armed with AK-47s. The ground here was treacherous. A man could easily sink under the swamp mud in a matter of minutes.

He could hear the bullets ripping through the trees, leaves ripping apart and the bark tearing off. The whole thing was so vivid, so lively that his control threatened to giveway to do whatever a hunted creature's instincts told him to do.

However, he remained calm. He remembered, dimly, reading a book, that said, Let met tell you, only logic and reason will let you be alive. He planned to use that to plan his way to escape.

He was so deeply immersed in thought that he did not notice himself sinking into the mud.

Huh, so it didn't work. Nothing between me and death now.

He threw out a deck of Pokemon cards that he always kept with him. They sank into the water slowly, as his life ended. Or so he thought. However, as he was soon to notice, something was wrong.

He suddenly knew, he was sinking too fast. There was a dull pain at his legs that quickly intensified. His head was so light and his gut was paining so much… his feet seemed to be torn off his body. He screamed and screamed to be set free of the unimaginable pain gripping his body. It seemed to be the world's end.

Then, finally, his world span into the restful darkness.

***

His head hurt terribly. Every single inch of his body hurt. He was cold. He could not see. All he knew was that he was alive and in pain. However, he was glad to be alive. It was some time before he could see where he was.

He was at the edge of a forest. Pine trees towered above him. He was tired, and it looked like 11 in the night. A town was before him, in an enclosed valley. A graveyard loomed above it. It was frosty and cold, and he was delirious.

He went into an all night café. The barman needed a shave and was tired. He looked up as a boy, looking like nine years old, came in. He was very near to unconsciousness. The barman ran up to hold him up.

As the boy lost his consciousness, he asked one question-'What is the name of this area?'

The barman was surprised, but he replied,'Sinnoh.'

That was enough for the boy. He fell limp in his arms.

***

The boy opened his eyes.A hot cup of coffee was thrust into his hands. It was warm liquor, which he did not much like, but he accepted it anyway. After finishing it, he looked around.

He was in a small room, made of wood. It had thin translucent panels that afforded privacy, yet was open to Nature. It was warm in the room but outside, a snowstorm raged. The barman from the café was sitting on a wooden chair on the far side of the room. His face showed that he was tired, but he gave a wan smile as the boy got up from the bed.

The boy said 'Thank you for taking care of me. I am very grateful to you.'

'Thank you. What is your name?'

'Arif'.'Arif! A strange name. Where do you come from?'

'Dhaka, Bangladesh.'

'That far away?''Yes,' Arif said, perplexed, 'but where is this place?'

'Sinnoh, of course! Why do you ask?'

Arif replied with a shaken smile and said, 'Maybe because say… thirty minutes before I entered your café, I was in the Sundarbans in Bangladesh on a holiday visit?'

'What! How could you travel so fast? And why did you fall unconscious looking at my Aipom?'

'You won't believe me if I told you. But if you insist…I think I have fallen through a wormhole through this dimension.'

'You're mad. A wormhole? That's science fiction!'

'Then what do you make of this?' Arif reached into his bag and took out fifty of his best cards that he always kept with him.

'Well, we also have Pokemon cards but they are nothing like this! I still can't believe you.'

'I know I can't prove it, but it is the only possible explanation. And I believe that the wormhole was located in a naked singularity.'

'This is all Greek to me. Can you explain?'

Arif's answer was, 'Do you have a Web connected computer?'

'Yes, I do.'

Five minutes later, his eyes had widened while looking at a printout.

Naked singularity

In General Relativity, a naked singularity is a gravitational singularity without an event horizon. The singularities inside black holes are always surrounded by an area which does not allow light to escape, and therefore cannot be directly observed. A naked singularity, by contrast, is observable from the outside.The theoretical existence of naked singularities is important because their existence would mean that it would be possible to observe the collapse of an object to infinite density.Computer simulations of the collapse of a disk of dust have indicated that these objects can exist, and thus the cosmic censorship hypothesis (stating that singularities are always hidden) does not hold. *

'Explain more fully.' The barman was grave as a stone now.

'Well, a wormhole is a portal-sort-of-thing, caused ina singularity. It takes you to another dimension, or another place in the same dimension. Well, a singularity can only form in a black hole, the smallest of which can destroy this planet, but a naked singularity is something that has no high gravitation- hence no danger to anybody with it. None have ever been seen but looks like I fell through one of these, as it is the only way I am not dead and here, in Sinnoh, which in our world, is just a fiction. Scientists say that infinite dimensions exist- but I believe only a few of them do, and this world is one of them. And I have, somehow come here, and I am alive. Now do you believe me?'

'It is possible. I believe you but I don't think anybody will. Besides, nobody is safe here…'

'Why?'

'Well…' he began.

*Taken from Wikipedia

__________________

Chapter 4

A knock on the door interrupted Arif's thoughts.

'May I come in, Arif?' Lucario was impatient. He was standing and staring at the wooden door what seemed like forever. He could hear the hum of the computer and the sound of keys rapped on the keyboard. Lucario frowned. Some emergency.

'Yes, and quickly.'

He opened the door into a sparsely furnished room of a log cabin made of oak. Lucario and Arif had made everything here. A table and two chairs, and a few furnishings were the only things in this room accompanying the laptop. Arif was typing across it at top speed, and he gestured to Lucario to wait.

After a few minutes, Arif handed a few printouts to Lucario.

Lucario was disappointed. 'What is this, Arif?' He reached and took the pages. 'Surely these cannot be as important as…' he stopped abruptly as he read what was on the page. 'Oh my… you hacked the team Galactic computer to get this?'

Arif spoke quickly. His voice sounded hoarse to Lucario. 'Yes, that is the reason why I recalled you. We cannot let this happen. Plus, it's time I got a normal life. Our period of hiding is over. We are going to compete against the best in Sinnoh. I have no doubt that ultimately; they will be able to trace my signal. So we have to leave, and leave quickly.'

Lucario was surprised but he said nothing and tried to conceal his excitement, but Arif noticed.

'Now, now, Lucario, don't get too excited. I have to get a normal life, and all of us – Absol, Garchomp, Staraptor, Togetic, Empoleon and you need some excitement in your lives. I'm sure that they will like the gym battles.'

Just then Absol rushed in at top speed. It appeared out of breath and started to speak rapidly, using telepathy.
'Arif, they're here, they have traced the signal much earlier than expected.'

Arif was stock still for a while. Then he spoke, quickly and quietly.

'Recall everybody. We are going to disable the attackers for a while, and move out.'

***

'Listen up, everyone; make sure that not a single target sees you. Take them out from a good distance, and use Hyper Beam of similar attacks at minimum power. That should knock them out for an hour or so. After finishing the job, we'll meet back here. Togetic will provide air support and surveillance and Lucario will finish the commander, who is holding back. They are approaching in pairs from each direction. Absol will take out the north pair, Empoleon the south; Garchomp will take the west and Staraptor the east. Maintain silence and call me using telepathy only when you miss the target. I'll take anybody who is up and running. Let's go!'

Arif was watching every pair, particularly the commander, carefully using the Aura. He knew that somebody would escape, and he had to take down any of them still conscious. The ground was hard, solid, and the spacious trees provided a good barrier for him, and for the others.'
The attack was as sudden as it was disorienting to the targets. Suddenly, seven out of the nine was down. Ironically, it was Staraptor, the Pokemon who attacked with extreme accuracy, had missed.

Without waiting for the alert from Staraptor, Arif sped towards the east pair.

'Arif, the-'

'No need to alert me Staraptor, I'm on my way.'

'No, Arif, this is Togetic. The two that Staraptor missed, they're almost to the cabin. I've alerted the others, but they cannot do anything, because they would be in plain view.'

'I'm going there now. I must get them. Tell the others to stay back and cover me – you stay for air surveillance, Togetic.'

'All right.'

Arif could see them now. They were almost at the cabin. Their features could not be told, for they wore black overalls and skin-tight masks. One was advancing, lying prone, and the other was a few meters behind, covering him.

The second of the pair, who was providing cover, must have been surprised when an Aura Sphere hit him, silent and powerful. He tumbled through the air for about ten meters, before hitting a tree and slumping on the ground, knocked out for a few hours at least.

His companion, seeing the demise of his partner, stood up and started to run. He had not even taken two steps before a second Aura Sphere hit him.

Arif proceeded to the cabin. Everybody else was coming.

'Collect all supplies and move out.'

His eyes became moist as he began the preparations to leave.

***
Four hours later.

The Team Galactic surveillance chief, a small, mousy man with gray hair, was becoming concerned about the hit team. They have never taken so long! Just as he was thinking of alerting the chief, a spotter helicopter reported to the base.

'This is Dragonfly. The target seems to have decapitated the team. The cabin has been destroyed. Over and out.'

At these words, the surveillance chief's eyes widened. He immediately called the op Blackjack commander…

***