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unCHOSEN

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Ωmega

Four score and seven years ago
68
Posts
14
Years
    • Alright, this is my first fanfic attempt. Comments and constructive criticism will help dearly.

    WARNING: This fanfic is rated PG17 for violence, sexual references, and all that other juicy adult-themed stuff.

    Here is some of that awesome stuff you'd read on the back of books. I want to put this in...simply for kicks and giggles. :D

    The world has been split into two after the Great War. It left the world in devastating ruins that continue to have an impact. The Chosen, individuals who were unaffected by the war, make up a majority of the remaining population while they attempt to rebuild the world.

    Then there are the Unchosen, those who have been altered by the Great War. They are actively hunted by the Chosen and strive to remain in the shadows until equality between the two sides come to terms.

    Pearson Elliot is an Unchosen on the run. This is his story of love, deception, vengeance, adventure, and closure as he tries to comes to terms with his fate.

    And now, I present to you, unCHOSEN.


    DO NOT READ! It is incomplete for now because I have to go to bed. I will finish this as soon as I wake up.
    Spoiler:
    Spoiler:


    Alright, I have to go to bed now. I'm gonna finish this when I wake up. :D
     

    JX Valentine

    Your aquatic overlord
    3,277
    Posts
    20
    Years
    • Ωmega said:
    DO NOT READ! It is incomplete for now because I have to go to bed. I will finish this as soon as I wake up.
    Click to expand...

    You know, it's strange. At first glance, you seem like an experienced author (i.e., paragraphing isn't so bad, it's not a paragraph-long shindig, the plot concept seems interesting, et cetera), but then, you fall into a common trap for new writers. I don't mean to put you down or anything. It's just weird to me that you seem like a good writer but then make a mistake a lot of people make when they first start posting their work to a writing community. (Yes, I saw that note about fanfic attempts. I have no idea whether or not you write original fiction, so.)

    In any case, don't post a chapter you haven't finished yet. It chases off readers in the time it takes you to get back to something because you stop before you get anywhere, and on top of that, it makes you seem like you're not putting enough effort into your writing. (As in, it strongly implies that you haven't actually proofread your work. If you haven't put forth the effort to do that, then you end up falling short of encouraging your readers to put forth the effort to sit down and read what you have to say.) In other words, it's generally bad advertising.

    That and, of course, it implies you're rushing. You've given yourself a deadline, and in your attempt to meet it, you produce work that doesn't match your own potential. You might have glaring grammatical errors because you're not letting your story cool before proofreading, your characterization might be wooden because you're not spending time developing your cast, or you might have plot holes up the wazoo because you're not giving yourself enough time to detail what's going on. (Or, alternatively, you just don't post a complete chapter, which is what you do here.) Whatever it is, rushing is bad, and you don't want your readers to think that that's what you're doing.

    Instead, write your story in a word processor. If you already do that, save it to your computer to give yourself enough time to work on it. If you can't save your work to your computer, the internet has developed enough to give you alternative options that don't involve posting your work prematurely to the public. Use the tools that are available to you to slow yourself down and give yourself enough time to produce work you want us to see instead of something that isn't a good representation of what you can do.

    Now, other than that, I can't say anything about this right now because you're not open to criticism right now. (This is another reason why posting your work prematurely is bad.) Regardless of how open you say you are, you don't want me to read your work as of this writing, so I can't really say anything else. Just finish your chapters before posting in the future, and you'll be able to actually get the comments you're looking for.

    Also, please don't post with tiny font. Not everyone can read shrunken text, and it is hard on at least my eyes. Sure, it might look pretty, but really, you want your story to be as easily accessible to readers as possible. It's just not much of a turn-on for your audience if they have to copy and paste your work to a word processor just to be able to read it. Leave off the size tags, and you should be all right.
     
    Last edited:

    Ωmega

    Four score and seven years ago
    68
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Will do.

    Also, I didn't rush nor did I have a deadline. I started working on this at about 6 at night and started getting tired around 12, so I told myself to just post it, then come back to it as soon as I wake up (which was about 10 minutes ago).

    As for using the tools on the internet...I completely forgot. I'll take that into account from now on.

    For the tiny font, I'll change that now.
     
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