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The Unown Ones

Mr Cat Dog

Frasier says it best
11,344
Posts
20
Years
  • Haven't posted a story here in a while... anyways, this is my first one shot ever, so I hope everyone likes it. ^_^ *PMs frosty to review* Oh, and if frosty's reading this, there is a reason as to why it changes from 1st to 3rd person in the second bit ^_^ Enjoy:

    The Unown Ones

    I simply watched as the murky fog eclipsed the moon and the constellations. One by one, the beast of the night devoured the helpless creatures until there was but one measly star in the night sky. Yet its malice showed itself when the fog winked at me, and broke into a grin that even the malevolent Cheshire Cat would have been proud of.

    But no? I was just imagining things again?

    The soles of my jet black feet were slowly growing cold, each of my two paws twitching from the iciness of the mountaintop. My legs, both the jet black bony ankle and the royal blue buff calve felt strangely warm. They hadn?t been stood in the same patch of snow for hours on end. Likewise, my miniscule navy tail, if one would even call it that, felt no chill or tingle across its tiny hairs.

    But my torso, a shining yellow beacon in the unmerciful fog, felt the chill of the glacial winds like a hurricane. My horned hands had the powers of countless Rhydons, yet they couldn?t stop the chill of the icy wind.

    My cool blue lips grew cold and chapped. My mouth felt dry. My elongated jet black nose, normally moist and damp, simply felt bitter in the harsh grip of the wintry gales. All of my four ears, the two black and bold and the two sagging and blue seemed to gently brush the wind, as if it was just a gentle breeze.

    But the wind, breeze or hurricane, still left my mind clueless as to why I was here. My mind and all my conscious thoughts were like the night sky ? foggy, vague and confused. Why was I standing atop this mountain, harsh with wind and snow? Why was I stood still, frozen to the spot atop this icy peak? Why was I even here?

    ?Who am I?? I thought to myself. I had pondered that very thought and all my other thoughts here tonight, on this very mountain. I had stood rigid, and cold ? both in temperature and in knowledge. Surely, if I did not even know my own name, what hope would I have of learning all the other secrets the vast world has to offer?

    Sighing as my feeble mind grew weary, I lifted my right paw, only for the snow to melt underneath the shadow of my now warm paw. I waded through the murky fog and desolate snow, yet none of it mattered if I couldn?t even know my own name, let alone my whole being, or my purpose.

    What would life be like? Communication with fellow objects of conscious thought would be impossible. How would I survive in the harsh world of reality if I knew nothing of it? My life was over from the minute I was created...

    Yet as I waded through the monotonous snow or fog, a glimpse of great joy caught the corner of my left eye. I quickly turned to look at this symbol of hope, and saw a great shining light, piercing through the hazy fog. It was approaching at tremendous speed, and I was instantly in awe at the sight of it.

    But what if it was a trap - a bitter gift from society to shun me even more? How could it pierce through the seemingly invincible mist and murk? Surely no ordinary power could do that, and with such ease? I thought in what little time I had before the friend or foe came to where I was.

    I acted on my own instinct.

    I ran.

    ~~*~~

    The outline of the floating light was just as unclear as the fog that it was flying through. From a distance, it would have been hard to make out if it had an outline at all, never mind determining the shape and size of it.

    But it continued to chase the canine creature through and through the eerie and unnatural. For every step the canine took, the mysterious being flew twice as far. For every leap and bound the canine took, the mysterious being simply raced through the mist. For every attempt of escape the canine took, the mysterious being proved each one futile.

    Through the unmerciful fog, the canine sprinted and the being followed in pursuit. Faster and faster. Longer and longer. Harder and harder. More after more fog kept coming, seemingly deadly eternal in its murky gaze. It felt to both beings that the whole world was covered with this filth, and that it would never end.

    But it faded away.

    As the fog came to a close, the canine simply fell to the hard stone with a gentle thud, curled his body tightly, and started to cry.

    "Please, just leave me alone!" He whimpered, as his body shivered from his tears of shame.

    The mysterious light slowly emerged from the mist to reveal a sole shining eye, stood below a silver question mark, polished to perfection. It had no limbs, no torso and no face. It felt empty.

    "Do you not wish to know your purpose? Your being? Even your name?" The being said softly, in a deep voice.

    The canine stopped crying, and slowly stood up to look at this being, "That is all I ask for in life. For I am oblivious to everything apart from this retched fog. I am worthless to everything. I am Unown."

    The being simply said: "No. You are Rukario, not Unown to the world."

    ~~*~~

    Authors Notes. I know Rukario isn't meant to be a dog, but from the pictures I've seen of him, I think he looks like a cartoony dog, so :P to anyone who says he's not. ^_^ Hope you liked it.
     
    Last edited:

    Lily

    ◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
    3,329
    Posts
    19
    Years
  • I~n~t~e~r~e~s~t~i~n~g XP

    Rukario...eh, never really read a one shot about that, and considering it's a Pokemon we're not too familiar with, it was written very nicely. You description was awesome. Seriously. Details & Descriptions were otherwise good.

    Now, uh...the ending. You have this mysterious light chasing Rukario, and they share four dialogues, the last one in which it was supposed to have significance towards it. I felt none. It might just be me, of course, but it struck me as odd.

    When you added the Cheshire cat, I thought it was pretty funny seeing how you mixed up Pokemon with another show. XP Not what I would do, but if *all* the people reading this knew what it was, we wouldn't have a problem.

    This confused me~

    ? I was just imaging things again?

    Imaging...? Strange. My dictionary doesn't have it. o.o I thought it was imagining. Again, this might just be me, but you seemed to start off certain paragraphs with the same worda lot, as in 'I' or 'My...' Yeah. Just felt awkward reading it. >.>;

    Either way, it's an interesting and very very very very very descriptive one shot. (yay! one shot! that makes it even better O.O)

    Nice job MCD. =D
     

    Mr Cat Dog

    Frasier says it best
    11,344
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Why didn't it show up on MS Word is all I want to know! XD Also, the repetition was intentional. When I put this on SPP, Evanarios mentioned I used 'Buts' a lot, and I said it was to heighten Rukario's paranoia. With the I and My, that was intentionally used for Rukario to almost comfort himself with saying those words. Psychology has said if you repeat things like 'I am not afraid' it helps you feel more calmer and collected. As for the ending... when I read back on it, I really wanted to change it, as I too felt that part could have been wrote a whole lot better. I tried to make it have significance, but in the end, I just couldn't -_-

    But thanks for the review Lily ^_^
     
    135
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Mar 2, 2014
    Good Things
    1,AMAZING description
    2.Nice internal conflict
    3.Switch from 1st to 3rd person was creative
    4.Interesting pokemon to use

    Bad Things
    1.Not really that interesting
    2.I could have sworn Rukario was a miteyana!
    3.A little short, but then again one shots arent really supposed to be that long

    So it was good writing, but I didn't really like the whole plot.
     

    Mr Cat Dog

    Frasier says it best
    11,344
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • I didn't actually think the description was that good... but I hate everything I write XD As for the plot, it's not exactly the guns blazing type of fic, so if you like lots of action, you'll hate this. It features a lot more on psychology and stuff, which some people ove, and others hate (like Marmite XD). Also:

    Moi said:
    But my torso, a shining yellow beacon in the unmerciful fog
    How many Mightyenas do you know with yellow chests?

    But thanks for the review. ^_^
     
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