valor555
The Only Light in the Deep Sea
- 384
- Posts
- 14
- Years
- unda tha sea
- Seen Aug 15, 2011
So this year in my math class i started to get reeeeeeeeaaaaaaly bored. so to pass the time i started writing poems and drawing little comics. When i showed them to friends they said the poems were good, but i didn't know if they meant it or just saying it because we are friends. So i'll let strangers give me their honest opinions on two of my favorites that i wrote. (the first uses the F word so ill censor it to make people comfortable with it)
What A Shame
When time leaves us, times cruel joke
A man's ambition gone up in smoke.
So many things left undone, unsaid.
He put them off but now he's dead.
Learn a lesson from this man's bad luck.
Don't go through life asking "Who gives a ****?"
Live your life do what you can,
So you don't wind up like this poor dead man.
When time leaves us, times cruel joke
A man's ambition gone up in smoke.
So many things left undone, unsaid.
He put them off but now he's dead.
Learn a lesson from this man's bad luck.
Don't go through life asking "Who gives a ****?"
Live your life do what you can,
So you don't wind up like this poor dead man.
Illuminate
The weight of the gloom falling down with a crash
The angry people go around feeling bold, acting rash.
Sadness, anger, hatred around us they swirl
Trying to drown out all the light from this world.
Though it begins to dim, it starts to grow small
There is always a light with love for us all.
There will always be one in this world with the light in their heart
So the love from this world will never depart.
Every boy, Every girl all across the land
Lets light together as one, hand in hand.
Well there you have them. please be 100% honest and any criticism you have, I encourage you to post it. (thnx to Zirkle38 for making me realize i copied my own poem wrong XD)
The weight of the gloom falling down with a crash
The angry people go around feeling bold, acting rash.
Sadness, anger, hatred around us they swirl
Trying to drown out all the light from this world.
Though it begins to dim, it starts to grow small
There is always a light with love for us all.
There will always be one in this world with the light in their heart
So the love from this world will never depart.
Every boy, Every girl all across the land
Lets light together as one, hand in hand.
Well there you have them. please be 100% honest and any criticism you have, I encourage you to post it. (thnx to Zirkle38 for making me realize i copied my own poem wrong XD)
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