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The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

Sydian

Sydian

fake your death.
33,379
Posts
16
Years
People say that parents and children love each other unconditionally. However if you came out as gay (or any other kind of minority sexuality) and your parents refused to accept you, thereby breaking their end of that deal, would you still be able to hold up yours?

What they had done for me prior to me telling them my sexuality cannot be undone. One disagreement, although major, wouldn't be enough for me to say that I could no longer love my parents.

Anyway, sorry for my absence. I went through a phase where LGBT stuff was kind of a sour topic, and just didn't wanna deal. I won't go into detail, don't worry lol. And then I got lazy and just lurked around a little bit, but didn't post. :x Hopefully now I'll pay more attention and, ya know, get involved. lol
 
U.Flame

U.Flame

Maker of Short Games
1,326
Posts
15
Years
Well my mom is VERY open-minded and I'm straight, but if I was in that situation, no, I wouldn't forgive them.
 
Shining Raichu

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
I just realised I never answered my own question!

I doubt I'd ever let my parents near me again. They've done a lot for me in my life, this is true, but knowing that they were doing these things on the condition that I like girls rather than boys would just colour my opinion of them forever. I would never again see them as anything more than disgusting bigots.

U_Flame said:
Well my mom is VERY open-minded and I'm straight
Click to expand...

Damn, it sounds like your mom is awesome and wasted on straight children :P
 

deoxys121

White Kyurem Cometh
1,254
Posts
13
Years
Well, I'm straight, and I know for fact that if I turned out gay or bisexual my mom would still accept me. But, if she didn't, I would simply distance myself from her until she does. If she does at some time in the future say that she will accept me, then I will put my end of the "loving unconditionally" back up.
 
Nihilego

Nihilego

[color=#95b4d4]ユービーゼロイチ パラサイト[/color]
8,875
Posts
13
Years
Can I join, please?

I guess a little about myself is in order? Firstly, for the sake of the main topic of this club, I'm straight. I've never had even remotely any sort of issue with LGBT stuff and I've aways been happy to attend gay pride festivals and all that. I actually went to one in Brighton in England a couple of years back and it was honestly an experience I'll never forget. I wish I had some photos to post or something like that. Unfortunately though, I won't be attending them anymore since (at least in that area) people are now being charged money to be allowed to show pride in their sexuality. No way am I going pay for what I thought was the right to support this. This is utter rubbish imo and could make an interesting discussion point.

Anyway what made me want to join this club now was that I've realised how sick I am of seeing blatant discrimination, assumptions, and rushed conclusions about LGBT matters both online and offline, especially in relation to homosexual parents.

So uh yeah, hi. ^^
 
Shining Raichu

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
Razor Leaf said:
Can I join, please?

I guess a little about myself is in order? Firstly, for the sake of the main topic of this club, I'm straight. I've never had even remotely any sort of issue with LGBT stuff and I've aways been happy to attend gay pride festivals and all that. I actually went to one in Brighton in England a couple of years back and it was honestly an experience I'll never forget. I wish I had some photos to post or something like that. Unfortunately though, I won't be attending them anymore since (at least in that area) people are now being charged money to be allowed to show pride in their sexuality. No way am I going pay for what I thought was the right to support this. This is utter rubbish imo and could make an interesting discussion point.

Anyway what made me want to join this club now was that I've realised how sick I am of seeing blatant discrimination, assumptions, and rushed conclusions about LGBT matters both online and offline, especially in relation to homosexual parents.

So uh yeah, hi. ^^
Click to expand...

No, you cannot join. Go away.

Yes, of course! Welcome, Razor Leaf! If there is one thing this community could always use, it's more allies. :D

The most laughable argument I've seen online against homosexual parents is that the kids may be bullied at school for having two parents of the same gender... as though this is a reason to keep them in orphanages. The people making this argument should go to an orphanage and then see if they can still sleep at night.
 
Esper

Esper

10,769
Posts
14
Years
People say that parents and children love each other unconditionally. However if you came out as gay (or any other kind of minority sexuality) and your parents refused to accept you, thereby breaking their end of that deal, would you still be able to hold up yours?

This is actually my own experience, more or less. I'm not close to my parents now. I feel like parents are the ones who are supposed to show unconditional love and when they don't, well, they don't deserve my consideration.
 

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>
3,077
Posts
15
Years
Speaking of parents... my mom is just really... getting under my skin.

She said she wants to understand what I'm feeling, and is trying not to be judgmental/mean... but in the process of not being mean, she's told me that I'm disgusting, deformed, and that it's her fault for not raising me right, which is basically the same as saying that I'm a failure to her. I know she's not meaning to offend me, but still...

The worst part is that one minute she can be telling me all of this stuff, and acting all depressed, and then the next she acts like everything is peachy, if she's around other people. It just really gets on my nerves... and I hate how she acts like she accepts me, but in reality she doesn't. I wish she'd either just accept it, or kick me out... just pick one.


At this point, I feel like a failed experiment or something... and I don't even understand why I have to deal with this in the first place. My favorite color is orange, which most people don't like, and no one complains about that. I literally don't see what the difference is.
 
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U.Flame

U.Flame

Maker of Short Games
1,326
Posts
15
Years
Tell her that. Tell her she makes you feel like a failure. She needs to know what effect her words have.
 

NurseBarbra

くら　くら？
322
Posts
13
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen Feb 4, 2017
QuilavaKing said:
Speaking of parents... my mom is just really... getting under my skin.

She said she wants to understand what I'm feeling, and is trying not to be judgmental/mean... but in the process of not being mean, she's told me that I'm disgusting, deformed, and that it's her fault for not raising me right, which is basically the same as saying that I'm a failure to her. I know she's not meaning to offend me, but still...

The worst part is that one minute she can be telling me all of this stuff, and acting all depressed, and then the next she acts like everything is peachy, if she's around other people. It just really gets on my nerves... and I hate how she acts like she accepts me, but in reality she doesn't. I wish she'd either just accept it, or kick me out... just pick one.


At this point, I feel like a failed experiment or something... and I don't even understand why I have to deal with this in the first place. My favorite color is orange, which most people don't like, and no one complains about that. I literally don't see what the difference is.
Click to expand...

U_Flame said:
Tell her that. Tell her she makes you feel like a failure. She needs to know what effect her words have.
Click to expand...
One, No, to both these, It's just gonna make things worse.
Two, Ask her to have a chat with you.Sit down, and just say something like "I know you don't accept it, but I'm still the same person I've always been, I'm just being my full self". She mostly sounds like she's going through the 5 stages of grief (or in this case coming out), Where when It happened to me, from personal experience, My dad yelled, then went really quiet, then tried to set me up with several girls, then he ignored me, and then he just got on with it.
TL;DR : She's going through shock, You're still the same person you've always been, It's not like you've suddenly grown 5 extra arms, You're just being your true self. (ok now I'm rambling.)
 

Rossay

Quack quack
191
Posts
13
Years
Scarf said:
People say that parents and children love each other unconditionally. However if you came out as gay (or any other kind of minority sexuality) and your parents refused to accept you, thereby breaking their end of that deal, would you still be able to hold up yours?

This is actually my own experience, more or less. I'm not close to my parents now. I feel like parents are the ones who are supposed to show unconditional love and when they don't, well, they don't deserve my consideration.
Click to expand...

When I was 15/16 I plucked up the courage to attempt to tell my mum; I asked her, hypothetically speaking, what she would do if I were gay. She told me that she wouldn't be able to love me anymore.

I don't think anyone has ever said or done anything as hurtful as that to me in my entire life.

I thought that parents were supposed to love their children unconditionally. I'm not perfect by any manner, but I'm not a bad son: I go to church, I don't really drink, I don't do drugs, I don't fight, I worked hard at school, I'm now studying hard at university, etc. But all because I find guys attractive, all that suddenly counts for nothing.

The ironic thing is, I still love her; I can't stop loving her, she's my mum (despite how hurtful she might be). She's going to die soon so I'm currently trying to work up the courage to tell her again so I can be open and honest and be at peace with her before she goes.
 

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>
3,077
Posts
15
Years
NurseBarbra said:
One, No, to both these, It's just gonna make things worse.
Two, Ask her to have a chat with you.Sit down, and just say something like "I know you don't accept it, but I'm still the same person I've always been, I'm just being my full self". She mostly sounds like she's going through the 5 stages of grief (or in this case coming out), Where when It happened to me, from personal experience, My dad yelled, then went really quiet, then tried to set me up with several girls, then he ignored me, and then he just got on with it.
TL;DR : She's going through shock, You're still the same person you've always been, It's not like you've suddenly grown 5 extra arms, You're just being your true self. (ok now I'm rambling.)
Click to expand...
I'm not sure if this is right, really... she never yelled or anything. She's acted very kind and gentle, it's just that that's not how she really feels... and I don't know whether this is my 'true self' or not... I mean, I can't deny that I like guys... but I also can't deny that I used to like girls... I was saying that I never liked girls to begin with, and that I used to be asexual, but that's just not true... I was just trying to justify it for myself.

I used to be straight. Like, the kind of guy who wears pink shirts, and jokes about being gay all the time, because I was so straight, no one would think otherwise no matter what I did.

Why did I change?
 
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Shining Raichu

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
Rossay said:
When I was 15/16 I plucked up the courage to attempt to tell my mum; I asked her, hypothetically speaking, what she would do if I were gay. She told me that she wouldn't be able to love me anymore.

I don't think anyone has ever said or done anything as hurtful as that to me in my entire life.

I thought that parents were supposed to love their children unconditionally. I'm not perfect by any manner, but I'm not a bad son: I go to church, I don't really drink, I don't do drugs, I don't fight, I worked hard at school, I'm now studying hard at university, etc. But all because I find guys attractive, all that suddenly counts for nothing.

The ironic thing is, I still love her; I can't stop loving her, she's my mum (despite how hurtful she might be). She's going to die soon so I'm currently trying to work up the courage to tell her again so I can be open and honest and be at peace with her before she goes.
Click to expand...

This has to be the most horrible story I've read tonight. I honestly don't think, even in the extremely sad circumstances you're facing, I'd be able to overcome the hurtful things she has said. You are far stronger than I am.

I'm really sorry to hear that she's soon to pass away, I can't even imagine. I know it sounds hollow and presumptuous coming from a stranger who is likely not even in the same country, but I'm here for you if you need me. :)

QuilavaKing said:
Speaking of parents... my mom is just really... getting under my skin.

She said she wants to understand what I'm feeling, and is trying not to be judgmental/mean... but in the process of not being mean, she's told me that I'm disgusting, deformed, and that it's her fault for not raising me right, which is basically the same as saying that I'm a failure to her. I know she's not meaning to offend me, but still...

The worst part is that one minute she can be telling me all of this stuff, and acting all depressed, and then the next she acts like everything is peachy, if she's around other people. It just really gets on my nerves... and I hate how she acts like she accepts me, but in reality she doesn't. I wish she'd either just accept it, or kick me out... just pick one.


At this point, I feel like a failed experiment or something... and I don't even understand why I have to deal with this in the first place. My favorite color is orange, which most people don't like, and no one complains about that. I literally don't see what the difference is.
Click to expand...

You, sir, are terminally nice. It seems to me that anyone could attack you for your sexuality and you'd find some way to give them the benefit of the doubt. This makes you a great person, but also an easy target. You need to fight for yourself - mother or not, it's not OK to speak to you that way. Good intentions or not, it's not OK to speak to you that way. If for no other reason, you need to speak up and tell her that.

She gave you life, but that doesn't give her the right to trample all over it, regardless of her intentions.
 

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>
3,077
Posts
15
Years
Shining Raichu said:
You, sir, are terminally nice.
Click to expand...
Haha, I can't help but laugh at that... I suppose it's true though.

Generally speaking, she's being very nice about it... but she's not doing a very good job of hiding her true feelings. She doesn't like it, and she thinks it's disgusting... I doubt me fighting with her will change that. I'll tell her how I feel though, because I don't think she even realizes she's said anything offensive.

Also, sorry about that last post... it was the middle of the night, and I kind of broke down a little bit. =/ It's not exactly untrue though, so I won't delete it.
 
Esper

Esper

10,769
Posts
14
Years
QK: whether you were straight before and gay now or asexual before or always gay, I don't know, and I don't know why you changed, but it's not a bad thing in any case. It's difficult, of course, when you have family who don't understand, but you can only show them that you haven't suddenly turned into a monster. You've changed things between you and your mom by coming out and the best thing you could do for her is give her a chance to adjust to it. She could come around. It happens often enough.

U_Flame said:
I think, if she really cared, she wouldn't even go through stages of grief.
Click to expand...
People go through these feelings any time something significant in their lives changes and it's normal for someone to go through those feelings.

QuilavaKing's mom is having to reconcile two opposing views so she's probably trying to do some mental bargaining, trying to find some way she can still love her son and not have to be accepting of gay people. Eventually she'll have to come to terms with it.
 
U.Flame

U.Flame

Maker of Short Games
1,326
Posts
15
Years
Like I said earlier, she does need to know what effect your words have. How to bring it up to her properly won't be easy though.
 
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