Lightning-Driven Ambition

(Read and review plz)

His name was Ikiji Murasashi, son of one of the greatest pokemon masters in history. He dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. On his eighth birthday, he received his very first pokemon: a Pichu named Matsuko. With encouragement from his father, and thoughts of his sister, who was already well on her way to fame, Ikiji was ready to be the greatest trainer of all time. At least, that was the plan...

On the eve of his birthday, moments after receiving Matsuko, armed men broke into his family's mansion. At his father's behest, Ikiji took Matsuko and hid. The men confronted his father, shouting in harsh, alien tongues. Then, Ikiji watched his dream fall part.

His mother and father were murdered right before his eyes.

Five years have passed. Ikiji and Matsuko survived, and now they are guided by two things: finding Ikiji's sister, who went missing after the incident, and vengeance on the ones responsible for his parent's deaths. Ikiji and Matsuko, sharing a bond forged in blood and fire, strive towards this goal with unrelenting fervor. Matsuko has since evolved, and through constant training and intense study, has honed her mastery of electricity to an art. Ikiji has developed into a cold but undeniably intelligent young man, and his ambition is rivaled only by his ruthlessness. Yet the path forward is not always clear; Ikiji has suffered bizarre dreams recently, and a multitude of enemies stand before the two survivors, determined to stop their efforts and quash the Murasashi legacy once and for all. However, Ikiji's ambition cannot be quelched so easily, and such foes stand little chance against him. However, sinister forces conspire against Ikiji and Matsuko, and the odd dreams may hide an awful secret...

The great trainers of the Pokemon League are nothing compared to what lurks beyond the eyes of the common people...
--Chapter One: Again?!--
<Well. That was…unfortunate.>

What was?

"A key…but what is it for…?"

Wait, a key? What are you-

"Wasn't…wasn't there a door there a moment ago?"

Door? Wait, I'm not following…

<Look Kij, if something's bothering you, just let me know, okay?>

Matsu? Nothing's both-

<Heads up! More of them!>

…

Ikij suddenly found himself in a long, dark corridor. He heard a low roar all around him. He blinked and looked around. "What is this…?" He looked at his surroundings. He was in a long, hexagonal tunnel of some sort. The ceiling and floors were made of a bizarre black metal that was curiously soft, almost like carpet. The walls angled outwards for about a foot before meeting in square panes of glass; the tunnel was completely dark save for the dim light that came through these windows. Ikiji approached one, but was momentarily perturbed by the eerie echoing of his footsteps; despite the background noise, he could clearly make out multiple echoes of each step. He continued to the window. At first glance, he sensed something odd about it; upon closer inspection, he saw what looked like faint television static running through it. He placed his hand against it; it was startlingly cold. He looked outside, and saw the source of the noise; a fierce storm was falling outside. The sky, a reddish swirl of clouds, flashed with frequent lightning. Oddly, Ikiji noticed that, although coin-sized drops of rain were falling, the windows were completely dry. He looked down, and saw gray canyons filled with thick fog far below. For a moment, he thought he saw a figure moving through the fog, and a sudden chill ran through him. He backed away.

"This…this is another world, isn't it? I don't recall signing up for any interplanetary travels…come to think of it, the last thing I remember was walking through the parade grounds with Matsu. So then, how did I end up here…?" He closed his eyes and thought hard, but couldn't make sense of what he was experiencing. He shrugged. "No clue; perhaps there is someone else here who could explain this. I'd best find Matsu; I don't like the idea of being separated in a strange environment like this." He turned around, and something caught his eye. He noticed a dull red light at the far end of the tunnel. He walked towards it, again suspicious of the eerily-echoing footsteps. When he finally reached the light, he saw what was causing it: a small electronic panel with the imprint of a hand on it. Next to it was what seemed, at first glance, to be a random assortment of differently shaded metal squares. Ikiji scratched his head. "A
security door…but what was it made to keep out…or in…?" He cautiously stepped forward and slowly reached for the pad…

His mind returned, and he shook his head and looked up. He realized he was sitting on a ledge or bench of some sort. For a moment he thought the bench was moving, but then realized he was inside a vehicle of some sort. He tried to move, but his hands were tied to something behind him.

<Back amongst the living, are we?>

He looked towards the voice, and saw a glass cage punctured with air holes fastened to the seat opposite him. Within the cage was a Pikachu. She looked like any other Pikachu, save for the cut scars on her face and tail, and a patch of black fur on her chest. She studied him with an amused look. He shook his head slowly.

"Matsu? Ugh…I've got a monster of a headache…"

<I'm not surprised. That clonk on the head left quite the lump.>

"Clonk on the…what happened?"

Loud voices erupted from somewhere to his right. He looked up and finally noticed his surroundings. He was in a truck of some sort. The vehicle lurched constantly. There were metal bars at the top of the walls, letting in moonlight. To the right were multiple cardboard boxes. To the left was a large door. The voices erupted in laughter. Ikiji felt his restraints again, studied the look on Matsuko's face, and let out a groan.

"Again?"

Matsuko smiled ironically. <Again.>

Ikiji swore loudly. "Dammit!"

She looked at him disapprovingly. <Calm down. Getting angry won't solve anything.>

"Ugh…to be taken down so easily…I must be slipping…"

<'Slipping?' They hit you over the head when you weren't looking. Last time I checked, that doesn't exactly take a lot of skill.>

"Still, I should've seen it coming… dammit!" He hung his head. Matsuko shook hers.

<I'm surprised. Self-pity isn't like you, Kij. Did that bump on the head cause brain damage or something?>

Ikiji looked up and glared at her. "Don't be stupid. I'm simply annoyed that, once again, we are being subjected to more pointless, time-wasting idiocy. How the hell are we ever going to accomplish anything?"

Matsuko smiled. <There we go. That's the Kij I remember: blunt and hostile.>

"Oh, shut up. I'm trying to think." He closed his eyes and concentrated. Suddenly, the truck lurched, and Ikiji was almost thrown from his seat, saved only be the rope binding his hands to the wall. Matsuko was slammed against the left side of the cage's lightning proof glass. Ikiji recovered and scowled. "Perhaps if our driver wasn't an inept fool, I might be able to concentrate better."

Matsuko flipped upright. <Be thankful you're bound to your seat. I'm going to need a chiropractor by the time we get out of here.> She rubbed her back and grimaced. <Ouch…>

Ikiji reached into his pockets, and managed to fish out his lighter. "Yes, that will do. I'm going to try to burn through my restraints." He reached around behind him and managed to ignite the lighter. He held the flame towards the rope.

Matsuko sounded skeptical. <A lighter? That's your brilliant plan? What if it doesn't work?>

Ikiji stared hard at her. "Then I suppose I'll have to think of something else, won't I? After all, YOU certainly aren't going to contribute any helpful advice."

Matsuko's expression soured. <Excuse me? Sorry, but thinking up ways to escape cargo trucks driven by bullet-hungry lunatics isn't exactly a favorite pastime of mine. I'll just stick to zapping our enemies, thank you very much.>

Ikiji's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "By the way, great job dropping that guy before he hit me. Really fantastic."

She responded coldly. <If I had SEEN them coming, I would've stopped them. I'm not omniscient, you know."

Ikiji strained his hands, and snapped them free of the scorched rope. He rubbed his wrists, leaned over, opened the lock on Matsuko's cage, and quickly replaced his hands behind his back. "Of course you're not omniscient. You can barely hit something directly in front of you."

Matsuko tested the door of her cage. It opened, and she quickly closed it again. <Yes, yes. My aim IS terrible, isn't it? Remember when I hit that Fearow dead-on with a simple thundershock at 300 feet? I'm sure accuracy had nothing to do with that.>

Ikiji smiled coolly. "Luck, nothing more."

<And all those fights I've won were luck as well, I suppose?>

"Luck, weather, the general ineptitude of our adversaries…"

<Do you have ANY faith in my abilities? At all?>

"My dear Matsu, I've learned to never have faith in anything but the way forward."

The truck lurched again, and Ikiji was thrown from his seat. He quickly returned to it and replaced his hands. Matsuko was slammed against the cage wall again. She landed upside-down against the wall, a murderous look on her face. The truck stopped suddenly, and she was thrown against the other wall, nearly falling out the cage door. Ikiji helped her back inside and closed the door, then returned to his own seat. <For his sake, I hope you get to the driver before I do…> She began to spark slightly.

Ikiji heard a door slam, and then footsteps approaching. The back door opened, and a short man in a ski mask, leather jacket, and torn blue jeans stepped inside. He trained a gun on Ikiji then Matsuko. Matsuko spoke. <Ski masks and leather jackets? How intimidating. Going to burglarize some old ladies next?>

The man trained his gun on her. "I really don't like the tone she just had."

Ikiji smiled. "Don't worry. She was just commenting on how ridiculous you look."

The man turned to him. His voice was low and heavy. "I suggest you tell her to stay quiet. You two'll have plenty of time for screaming later. You know, you two have-"

Ikiji interrupted him, speaking quickly and with a disinterested tone. "-have a lot of enemies in high places who are willing to pay a lot of money to make us disappear, and you're looking to collect." He yawned. "Look, I've heard all this before. Can we just get on with it?"

The man raised a fist, and punched Ikiji in the face. He barely flinched, and managed to keep his hands hidden. Ikiji looked back, and saw the man staring coldly at him. Behind him, Ikiji saw Matsuko eyeing the man with a look of apprehension. She started to spark again. Ikiji shook his head slightly. She nodded, and spoke. <Pardon me, but have you suffered any recent brain damage? Or is your stupidity just hereditary?>

The man turned to her. "I thought I told you to-" He noticed the open latch on the cage, and leaned in to get a closer look. "Huh…?"

Ikiji stood and brought his elbow down on the man's head. Though hardly strong enough to knock him out, it caught him off guard, and he fell to the ground. He shook his head and started to get up. He raised his head…
…and locked eyes with Matsuko, who stood directly before him. She was crackling with electricity. The thug froze. "Uhh……"

<Good night.>

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!

The guard trembled from the force of the shock, then fell down, unconscious. Ikiji bent over and picked up his gun. He turned to Matsuko. "Well done. You do have some skill, at least when it comes to hitting immobile targets at point-blank range.

<Bite me.>

Ikiji hopped out of the open door, and Matsuko followed. They heard footsteps approaching from the left of the truck. Ikiji motioned for Matsuko to go right; she did. Ikiji raised the gun and spun around the truck, pointing the barrel directly forward. The other man was clearly waiting for him, because he'd had his gun up almost the moment Ikiji turned. The two stood, guns aimed at each other. Neither moved. The man spoke.

"Ah, hell…" He shook his head. "Man, this sucks. Why couldn't you've been a good boy and stayed tied up? Now we gotta waste time pointing guns at each other…"

Ikiji spoke calmly. "Or you could put your gun down, surrender, and walk away unharmed."

The man snickered. "What do I look like, an idiot?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Ha ha, very funny…"

The two stood for several moments. Ikiji noticed a flash of yellow behind the man; Matsuko was at the head of the truck. The man sighed.

"Look kid, just give up. One way or another, you're dead. I'm wearing armor, and you're not. There's no guarantee a shot from you would take me out, but as for you? Well…" Ikiji was silent. He saw Matsuko begin to spark. "Look, you can't win. You're gonna die; it's just a matter of whether you want to be gunned down here and now, or in the woods ten minutes from now. What'll it be?"

Matsuko was surging now. She was mustering up quite a charge. Ikiji looked the man dead in the eyes. His voice was icy. "You are correct; I am going to die. However, it will not be today, nor by someone as pathetic as you. No, my friend, the only ones to fall here will be you and your partner. Speaking of partners…"

The man screwed up his face for a moment. "Hold on…where's…oh…" He turned around, and saw Matsuko, flowing with a powerful charge. His arm sagged and the gun fell to the ground. Ikiji smiled, and Matsuko spoke.

<Next time, learn to drive.> She released the charge. It flew straight at the man.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT!!

He quivered from the force of the shock, twitched once, then fell forward with a thud. Matsuko ran over. <Well? Call that one luck, I dare you!>

"Actually…" Matsuko glared at him and sparked again. "Er, nevermind. By the way, don't you think that shock was a bit…overdone?"

Matsuko looked at the man with apprehension. <That bastard had it coming. I'm going to have back problems, thanks to him.>

Ikiji looked at him. "You do realize that he couldn't understand what you said to him, right?"

The man groaned. <I think I got the point across.>

Ikiji went through the man's pockets, and fished out a set of keys. Matsuko looked at them curiously, and spoke slowly and nervously. <Hey, uh, Kij? What, uh, what are you doing?>

Ikiji walked towards the back of the car, and Matsuko followed. "I'm going to drive. What does it look like?"

<Drive?! Are you completely insane?! You're only thirteen!>

"Your point?"

<Do you even know HOW to drive?>

He shrugged. "I know enough." He dragged the other man out of the back of the truck, and dropped him on the ground. He closed the doors and went around to the front, and climbed in the driver's side. Matsuko hopped up after him, and crawled over to the passenger side. Ikiji closed the door and turned on the overhead light. He spotted a pack of cigarettes on the dash. He smiled and reached for them. "Well, well. Lucky me." He removed one and lifted it to his lips, and withdrew his lighter. Matsuko groaned.

<Why do you insist on smoking those horrid things?>

Ikiji lit it and drew in a deep puff. "Why not?" He blew out a cloud of smoke. Matsuko sniffed and coughed.

<They stink, for one. And they really aren't very good for you.>

Ikiji looked at her, a smile playing on his lips. "Is that concern I hear? I do hope you aren't going soft on me, Matsu."

She responded indignantly. <Not a chance! It's just that ingesting toxins and pesticides seems a bit…counterproductive. You're just a kid. Legally, you aren't even allowed to smoke.>

"I am not a kid. Not anymore. My childhood ended a long time ago. And as far as the law is concerned, what they don't know won't hurt them. Don't forget, you and I have broken quite a number of laws over the years; underage smoking is hardly the worst of them. On top of all that, considering what we've been through tonight, I really need a pick-me-up." She stared at him for several moments. Ikiji just shrugged and tried putting one of the keys in the ignition. It didn't fit. He tried another, but that one didn't fit either. After the third failure, he cursed. "What the hell do those two need so many keys for, anyway…?" He finally found one that fit, and started to turn it. Before he did, however, he heard a voice outside; the man had regained consciousness, and was speaking to Ikiji from his place on the ground.

"W..wait…you can't…leave us out here…in the middle of nowhere…"

"Enjoy your crawl home. For your sake, I do hope you don't run into any…trouble." As if on cue, a howl echoed in the distance. Ikiji turned and started the truck. He straightened up. "Let's see." He buckled his seatbelt, and Matsuko did the same, though hers barely fit. He placed a hand on the steering wheel. "Put it in drive…" He switched the truck into drive. "And gas…" He put his foot on the gas pedal. "I think that covers everything I need." Matsuko glanced at him nervously.

<Uh, Kij? I couldn't help but notice you didn't include "brakes" in your little checklist…>

Ikiji looked over at her, a curious expression on his face. "Matsu, why would I need to use the brake? We won't be making any restroom stops…"

Matsuko paled, and jumped up and locked her door. She bucked her belt again and gripped it tightly with her paws. She grimaced. <This won't end well…> Ikiji hit the gas, and the truck sped off into the night.

---Chapter Two: Mistaken Identity---

"Unnnnhhhh…."

Ikiji slowly opened his eyes. He found himself lying facedown on the ground. His entire body ached, and his head felt ready to explode. He managed to lift his head, and saw Matsuko standing in front of him.

<Awake again, Kij?>

"Uhn, my head…what…happened…?"

<Are you alright?>

The aching subsided; he climbed slowly to his feet. "I…think so…"

<Good.> A sudden blast of electricity slammed into him, knocking him off his feet. He let out a cry, and a new ache ran through him.

"Ahhh…! S-son of a…!" When he recovered, he looked up at her. "What the hell was that for?!"

<Never drive again!> She was furious; Ikiji involuntarily flinched at her expression.

"What?" He got up again, and took a look around. Nearby, he saw the truck, smashed into a tree. "Ah. I…see. Evidently my driving still needs work."

<You think?! You nearly got us killed!>

He turned to her. "Would you rather have walked?"

<Yes!> She said, exasperated. <At least it would've been safer than riding with you! You're an even worse driver than-unh!> She stumbled, clutching her arm. Ikiji noticed for the first time that she was bleeding.

"Matsu! You're…injured!"

She looked up at him, a pained, ironic smile on her face. <Is that…concern I hear…Kij? I do hope…you're not going soft…on me…>

"This is no time for jokes, Matsu. That wound is serious. We need to get that treated. Do you remember how far to the nearest town?"

<Vaguely…I remember a sign…not too far…walking distance…>

"Okay. Let's go." Ikiji walked over to her, but when he tried to pick her up, she shocked him again. "Ahh! S-stop doing that! I'm trying to…help…ugh!" He fell to his knees, still stinging from the shock. Matsuko glared at him.

<I am not…going to be carried like a sick pet. I'm still…perfectly capable of…walking…>

Ikiji shook of the charge. "Don't be stupid! Do you want to make it even worse?!" He tried approaching her again, but she sparked when he drew near. He threw his arms up. "Fine. Whatever. When you tear it even further, don't complain to me." He sighed. "Let's just go."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After about twenty minutes of walking, they arrived in a town…although the word "town" was a bit generous in this case. It was basically a cluster of houses and corner-shops dotting a small hillside. It seemed peaceful enough, but Ikiji noticed a lot of tension in the air.

Matsuko stumbled again. Ikiji stopped to help her, but she sparked at him, her face defiant. He backed off. She painfully stood again, and the two continued into the town proper. Ikiji noticed a woman emerge from a nearby building; he tried to call out to her. "Pardon me, miss?" She turned towards him, but her eyes grew wide at the sight of Matsuko. She dropped the bundle she was carrying and ran back into the building. Ikiji sighed and held his forehead. "That is not a good omen…"

<Kij…> Ikiji turned, and saw a woman in a uniform hurrying towards them. When she got closer, Ikiji pegged her as the Jenny of the town, though she looked very haggard and distraught. She spoke when she drew near.

"Hold it right there!" She came within a few feet, and stopped to catch her breath. "I'm afraid…that I'm going to have to take your companion there into custody."

Ikiji looked down and sighed again. "And why would that be?"

She explained. "A lot of crimes have been committed lately; the culprits have been confirmed to be a group of wild pokemon. They've been causing all kinds of trouble: vandalism, burglary, and breaking and entering. We've got eyewitness reports that say the leader of the gang is an electric-mouse type. The locals have dubbed it the "Yellow Bandit," and we've been entirely unsuccessful in our efforts to capture it. Everyone's in a panic right now, and it's my job to stop it at any cost. So, if there's even a slight chance your companion could be the Bandit, I have no choice but to take her into custody for the time being.

Matsuko closed her eyes. <I understand. Kij, tell her I'll comply fully.> No response. <Kij?>

Ikiji looked up at the officer. His gaze was cold and furious, his voice filled with animosity. "No. You will do no such thing. I am terribly sorry you and your department are so incompetent, but I think I would've noticed if Matsuko had begun moonlighting as a petty criminal. She is completely unrelated to these incidents, and you have no authority to arrest her."

Matsuko stared at him in disbelief. <Kij! Look, it's no big deal. You're just going to cause trouble this way!>

"Hush!" He turned back to the officer. She looked hard at him.

"Actually, I do. I'm the Chief of Police of this city, and if there's any possibility your friend is involved, I have every right to act."

Ikiji sneered. "If YOU'RE the Chief of Police, I'm not surprised you haven't caught this criminal yet. You have to be one of the sorriest officers I've ever seen."

<KIJ! Stop!>

Jenny responded angrily. "Sir, stand down now. If you continue to interfere, I will have to use force." She reached for a pokeball on her belt. Ikiji laughed cruelly.

"You? Fight me? How laughable…fine. Show me what you can do!" Ikiji tensed and prepared for battle. The officer removed the pokeball. She tensed, ready to fight. Ikiji laughed lightly again, and called to Matsuko. "Matsu! Get ready…" He heard no reply. "Matsu?" The officer suddenly stopped, and stared at him in awe. "What's wrong with you? Having second thoughs abou-Ahhhhh!"

A sudden surge of electricity tore through him from behind. He trembled from the blast, then fell forward. His vision started to fade. He managed to turn and made out the figure of Matsuko, crackling with electricity. He tried to speak, but his lips wouldn't work. He struggled to stay awake, but his mind faded, and he blacked out.

(A bit short...)
---Chapter Three: What the hell were you thinking?!---
Ikiji stirred awake from unconsciousness for the third time in less than twenty-four hours. He found himself lying on a filthy cot; when he realized this, he immediately jumped up. He suddenly felt light-headed and quickly stumbled over against a dirty brick wall.

<What the hell were you thinking?!> the voice asked again. Ikiji took the time to look around; he was in a dingy jail cell. Across the hall from him, through a set of steel bars blocking his exit, Matsuko sat in a large shock-proof reinforced glass cage. Small holes throughout the cage wall allowed her voice to pass through, though it sounded muffled. She was fixing him with an angry stare.

"Unh…Matsu? What happened…again…"

<You tried to pick a fight with a policewoman, so I knocked you out.> She snorted. <Hmph. Idiot.>

Ikiji fought off an ache that pulsed through him. "Did you really have to use such a strong charge?"

<How else would you learn not to do anything stupid like that again?! Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that you care enough about me to stand up to a cop->

Ikiji tried to interrupt her. "Now, hold on a-"

<But you really can't let things like that get in the way! It'll only cause problems and slow us down in the long run! And as for the cop, once again, what were you THINKING?!>

"Did you think…I would just stand there…and let her arrest you?"

<No, of course not. That would've been the smart thing to do.>

"Save the insults. I was perfectly capable of defeating her. Did you see her? I doubt she's ever won a battle in her life."

"AHEM!" A loud voice cut from out of sight. Suddenly, Jenny stepped into sight. "I can hear you, you know. And I'll have you know I've won more than my share of battles!"

Ikiji sneered. "Sorry, but pillow-fights don't count. Oh, and by the way, you can let us go now."

"I already told you, I can't let you go free!"

Ikiji rubbed his head, and returned his hand to the wall. He touched something foul, scowled, and wiped the hand on his pants. "And why not?"

"Alright, you want the truth? Fine! This Bandit has been around for over a month now, and every time I've tried to catch him, he's not only escaped, he's made a fool out of me in the process! I've been demoted again and again, until I finally ended up Chief in this nothing town. If I screw up again, I'll lose my badge for sure! Do you have ANY idea how terrible that would be?! To be the first Jenny in my family history to lose her badge over a single case!?! No, I need something -ANYthing -to show that I'm making progress. So I can't let you go. Please, just understand!"

Ikiji mockingly yawned at her. "Yes, yes, how very tragic and pathetic. Forgive me if you're so inept that you can't catch a single criminal, but it really has nothing to do with Matsuko and I. Besides, it occurs to me that you're just trying to use her as a scapegoat to cover your own hide."

<KIJ!>

Jenny looked dumbstruck. "Wh-wha…you…how dare-"

Ikiji yawned again. "Can you go have your meltdown somewhere else? I'd love to listen to you rant, but I really couldn't care less what you have to say."

Jenny looked furious. She was about to fly into a rage, when the door burst open, and a voice called in. "Hey, Captain!" Jenny rounded on the source of the voice.

"WHAT?! What is it?!"

"Ah! I-It's him!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Th-the Bandit! He struck again, just minutes ago!"

(Still no comments...? Is my writing that bad...?)
---Chapter Four: The Bandit Confronted---
Ikijiclapped slowly and mockingly. "Well done, 'officer.' Not only did you arrest two innocent bystanders who had neither involvement nor knowledge of the crime, you also allowed the real criminal to strike again and escape without as much as a warning. Is there no end to your great skill?"


Jenny didn't hear him. She turned to the deputy, her voice hollow. "Where…? How…?"


The deputy spoke breathlessly. "It was…the old supermarket across town. He and his cohorts broke into the place. They ate a ton of food, left messes everywhere, and stole a lot of what was left." He paused to catch his breath. "They're good, no doubt about it. That place had one of the best security systems in town, but by the time we got the alert and got there, they were already gone."

Jenny turned and walked slowly to a desk and sat down. She held her head. The deputy looked worried. "Uh, ma'am?"

She spoke, her voice empty. "That's it. My career's over…

"Ma'am…"

Ikiji yawned again. "This is all very sad, but, seeing as we couldn't possibly have been involved, would you be so kind as to let us out, now?"

The deputy motioned towards them. "Ma'am? What should we do about them?"

She didn't move. "I don't care. It doesn't matter anymore."

He moved over, and unlocked Ikiji's cell, then Matsuko's. They both stepped out, and Ikiji started for the door. As he walked by, the deputy stopped him. "Listen…I know she put you through a lot, but…she's really got nowhere left to go. Just pretend like you were never here, okay? Please…"

Ikiji sighed deeply. "I owe her nothing…but I suppose I have nothing to gain by spreading this around." He paused. "Fine. No one will here of this; you have my word."

"Thank you…thank you…" He bowed, then returned to tend to Jenny. Ikiji and Matsuko walked out of the small jail, and out into the light; Ikiji noticed it was already almost midday. The sun was high in the sky, and the light blinded him momentarily. As he shielded himself, Matsuko walked around in front of him.

<Kij, why were you acting so hostile towards Jenny? That wasn't like you; you've NEVER been that cruel before, or at least not to someone who wasn't trying to kill us.>

Ikiji put his hands in his pockets and closed his eyes. "She wanted to use you as a scapegoat to cover for her own inability to do her job. You are many things, but a criminal is not one of them. I could not let something like that simply slide by."

<So, you acted like that in defense of me? I'm touched, Kij…>

"Hmph. Don't look too deep into it." He opened his eyes and headed down the street, with Matsuko following close.
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They were near the outskirts of the town, when Matsuko stopped. <Kij, what now? My injuries have been patched up, and I'm feeling fine again. Where should we head next?>

Ikiji looked off into the distance. "Good question. At first, I had intended to get a room, and form a plan before departing at noon. It's already midday, so that plan is out. Seeing that our little 'detour' from the parade ruined any chance of learning anything there, our only option at this point is to continue to the next town and see what we can find out."

<It's barely a plan…but it's better than nothing. Let's go.> The two resumed their pace, and kept walking. However, Matsuko stopped for a moment to look behind her, then continued. A few minutes later, she did it again. Finally, she stopped altogether, and tensed. <KIj, we've got trouble…>

Ikiji stopped and looked around. He noticed she was right; all of the bystanders they had passed were gone. The entire street was abandoned. Yet, Ikiji was acutely aware of several presences, lurking just out-of-view.

Suddenly, several figures emerged from all sides; Ikiji counted four, all pokemon, and all dangerous. "Matsu, perhaps we should flee…"

<No. That won't work. Look.> Ikiji looked around again, and saw what she meant. Every possible point of escape was blocked.

They were trapped.

Ikiji clamed himself and tried to focus. Then, <Th-That's…!>

Ikiji turned and saw what she was looking at. It was then he noticed the leader of the group, the one Matsuko had reacted so strongly too, the so-called "Yellow Bandit."

It was a Raichu. Ikiji looked down, and noticed Matsuko was trembling. "Don't tell me you're getting scared, Matsu! This is hardly the-" She turned slowly towards him, and he was startled by her expression; she had a disturbing smile, and seemed to be laughing.

She spoke. <No…this…this is…perfect.>

Wow. Well, this was a pleasant surprise. It reminds me of the reason I read random fanfic in the first place...

So, I have a lot to say, and usually I do it some organized manner, but that's just not going to happen for this- sorry.

I guess I'll begin by saying you have an AMAZING sense of humor. I love the dryness and the sarcasm! You had me laughing out loud a couple of times.

Your characters, too, are very well done. I love Ikiji's cold, uncaring attitude. He reminds me a bit of Artemis Fowl on steroids... or something.

Like the rest of your story thus far, your plot is very good. I like all the action; it keeps the story moving along at nice pace. The overall concept also seems cool, though I have a few suggestions on the way you introduced said concepts. More on that in a bit...

Here are some random mistakes/ funny things / stuff I wanted to comment about.

Overall, there were very few grammar errors, which = :)

scratched his head. "A
security door…but what was it

Click to expand...

Here you did not need to press the return key.

You're only thirteen!

Click to expand...

Whoa. I definitely expected him to be at least sixteen. He's quite mature for a thirteen year old, but you are able to pull off his character quite nicely so it works.

Matsu, why would I need to use the brake?

Click to expand...

LOL!!!!

Can you go have your meltdown somewhere else? I'd love to listen to you rant, but I really couldn't care less what you have to say

Click to expand...

Yeah. I think this was my favorite line.

(Still no comments...? Is my writing that bad...?)

Click to expand...

Hah! You have a comment now! No, your writing is not bad, nor is your story. I've had similar problems.

Ikijiclapped

Click to expand...

Need a space there.

worried. "Uh, ma'am?"
She spoke, her voice empty. "That's it. My career's over

Click to expand...

Need a space between paragraphs here.


Anyway, to my suggestions.

The one part of your story that I did not like was the beginning. You flat out told us what happened beforehand, which is not interesting. Perhaps if you had shown us the actual scene of Ikiji's parents' deaths, it would be more exciting and grab the reader's attention. You could have found ways to slip the rest of the important information into this scene, and it would have made the story more suspenseful at the beginning.

In addition, the beginning dream was bizarre. Quite honestly, I was about to stop reading this story when I hit that part. I just didn't understand what was going on at all. I think that was what you were aiming for though... I have mixed feeling about putting that scene in the beginning. Maybe you could have put it after one of the (many) other times Ikiji was knocked out.

In addition, the first chapter was a very nice length. The other chapters... especially chapter 3... were a bit too short for me. However, I know a lot of people prefer shorter chapters, and the places you created new chapters worked very nicely.

Finally, there is no need to post chapters so quickly. Even if you already have chapters written, it is often beneficial to release them once or twice a week (or even once or twice a month). This way your posting pace does not catch your writing pace. Plus, it gives you some more time to look the chapter over and catch silly mistakes.

Overall, you've got a great story going. Keep up the good writing!

Thanks! By the way, the incident IS posted here, just as a different story. It's called "The Day Everything Began" (not very creative, I know...I had an off-moment...) and it tells what happened. Also, fair warning, Ikiji used to be a MAJOR crybaby. The dream is intended to be bizzare...it gets a lot stranger later on...it starts to cause problems for Ikiji (and later Matsuko begins "sharing" the dream with him, and some of the things they experience cause them to question their sanity...)

Alright, I made a slight mistake. You did write out the scene his parents were murdered in, but you did not post it in this thread. I recommend moving that scene to this story or posting a link to that scene to avoid confusion.

(Well, here it is: the last of the intro chapters. Don't know how long it'll be before I post the next one, since I've got to iron out the plot a bit. Thanks for reading!)
---Chapter Five: Lives Intertwined---
Ikiji took a good look at their adversaries: a Machoke, and Nidorino, a Scyther, and the Bandit himself. Matsuko could easily defeat any one of the three lackeys, but against all four…

He couldn't help but be a little disturbed by Matsuko's reaction. He knew she enjoyed fighting, but this was a bit…extreme, even for her. Though she was tough, she had never faced anyone as strong as a Raichu. He almost though to ask her, but decided against it when she shot out a sudden burst of sparks, accompanied by a chilling laugh.

This was bad. They were surrounded, outnumbered, and outgunned. Even worse, Matsuko was acting stranger that usual. His every instinct told him to take her and run, but every path of escape was blocked. Their only option was to negotiate their way out, or to fight. He didn't like either option. Then, Matsuko spoke.

<I take it…you're the so-called "Yellow Bandit?"> The Raichu gave a smug reply, followed by what sounded like a threat. Matsuko broke into laughter.

"What did he say?" Ikiji asked nervously.

<He says…> She fought to control her laughter. <He says that…if we leave all of our money and valuables, he'll let us go…hahaha!> She lost the fight, and broke into wild, manic laughter. Ikiji took a step back, afraid of the way she was acting. He feared for her sanity.

"Matsuko, what's gotten into you?! Snap out of it!" She didn't hear him, and laughed again. She let out another blast of sparks, and Ikiji took another step back. "Matsuko, what's wrong?! Answer me! What did you mean by 'perfect?'"

She turned and looked at him, her eyes wild. <Don't you understand?!> She closed her eyes and raised her head to the sky. She spoke breathlessly. <Ever since I evolved, I've wanted to test…I mean, REALLY test my new power. Not against some weak Normal or Fighting-type, but against another Electric or, better yet, against one of my own kind. But this…this is far better than anything I could've imagined! He's a Raichu, the very embodiment of my highest attainable power…a fight like this is just…perfect…> She lowered her head, still maintaining that same eerie smile. She looked at the Bandit for a moment, and let out another burst of maniacal laughter. The Raichu looked at her curiously, and asked her something Ikiji couldn't understand. She managed to control her laughter, and replied. <I'm laughing like this…because I want to fight you.>

The Raichu stared at her for several seconds, then burst into his own fit of laughter. He spoke again, and appeared to be mocking her. She shrugged passively.

<Perhaps. In my entire life, no Electric-type has ever defeated me. I can't help but wonder: will you be the first?> The Raichu gave another mocking reply. Matsuko chuckled.

<Well, at least you're confident. But I'm afraid it'll take a lot more than confidence to defeat me.> After another chiding response from the Bandit, she chuckled again.

<True; in terms of raw power, I'm betting you've got me beat. However, I've got far more experience and skill than you'd expect; more, I think, than you.> At this, the Raichu sounded somewhat angry. Matsuko shrugged again.

<Care to prove it? I propose a fight; you and me, one-on-one.> A smug look appeared on the Bandit's face. He gave a curt reply.

<How about this…if I win, you admit that I'm stronger, turn yourself in to the police, and your lackeys leave us alone.> The Raichu laughed at her, and said something that sounded like an insult. The smile never left Matsuko's face.

<You didn't let me finish. If you win, I'll admit you're stronger…and I'll even join your little gang. How does that sound?> The Bandit stopped mid-laugh, and an intrigued look crossed his face; he seemed quite interested at the prospect of having a female around. He gave an eager reply; Ikiji interpreted it as a "yes." Matsuko's creepy smile grew even wider.

<Alright. You and me. Tell your companions to give us some space.> The Raichu barked out an order, and the other three pokemon retreated a fair distance.

Matsuko and the Bandit entered fighting stances, a good fifty feet from each other, and the Bandit gave one last taunt. Matsuko simply laughed again.

<Very well. Shall we begin?>

Almost the moment she gave the word, the Bandit shot a huge bolt of electricity into the air. It arced towards Matsuko; Ikiji's heart sank. It was almost to her, yet she didn't move. Then, she casually fired a tiny bolt into the cloud of energy sailing towards her. It was engulfed instantly, the charge barely slowing. Then…

The entire cloud dissipated in midair. Ikiji and the Bandit simply stared, dumbstruck. Matsuko called out in a mocking tone. <If you're trying to charm me with a light show, it's not working. So quit screwing around and fight!>

A vague memory entered Ikiji's mind. He remembered that Matsuko once mentioned she had been working on a special technique; however, her speech had been filled with a lot of technical terms, and Ikiji had been distracted at the time. He wished he'd paid more attention.

The Bandit grew angry, and built up another charge, before sending it flying; Ikiji could feel the energy of the shock even from this distance. Once again, Matsuko shot a small shock of her own into the cloud, and once again, it broke apart in midair. The Raichu called to her furiously; she just laughed again. This was the last straw; this time, the Bandit built up a massive charge. Ikiji could see a veritable wall of electricity surrounding him. The Bandit smiled smugly, and fired.

The ground shook from the sheer force of the charge; Ikiji knew there was no way Matsuko could dissolve this one. He braced himself as the shock roared toward her. She didn't move; Ikiji shielded his eyes from the light of the blast. It slammed into her…

Ikiji looked up, and was awestruck. The entire charge was swirling around Matsuko, yet she didn't seem to be hurt. She didn't even sound like she was in pain. More crazed laughter poured out of the cyclone of electricity. The Bandit stared, completely baffled. Matsuko broke her laughter and gave a breathless reply.

<Now do you see? Your power is no longer your own.> The Bandit finally reached his limit. He gave a fierce yell, and started to build up another charge…

Nothing happened. Confused, the Bandit tried again, with the same result. Matsuko laughed again. <How sad. It seems you've already wasted all of your power, while I still have plenty to spare. Pity; I had hoped for more of a challenge.> She took a stance and prepared her own attack. The Bandit cried out to her.

<Begging won't save you now.> He talked quickly and intensely. She responded, her voice dark.
<No, I don't think I would be content with a life like that. Fortunately, I do not lead such a life. You see…> She closed her eyes. <Ikiji and myself, we do not fight for glory or fame. No, we have a much higher purpose…> The Raichu inquired weakly.

<A dream. No, more like a mission. And I am no pet…Ikiji and I share this mission. And we will both die to see it complete, if that's what it takes.> The Bandit gave one last heated statement. Matsuko opened her eyes and stared right at him.

<Why? A curious question…I suppose it would be because…I owe him my life, and he owes me his. Our lives are bound together, and I can part ways with him no more than he can. This is as much my mission as it is his.>

The Raichu sank to the ground, and closed his eyes. Matsuko sighed.

<And now, to end it.>

She gathered all of the energy she had taken and fused it with her own, and launched a massive blast of lightning into the sky. The Raichu wearily looked up at the bolt as it traveled high above. A brilliant flash dotted the landscape, followed by a furious roar. Then, the Thunder crashed down, bathing the Bandit in brilliant saffron light.

Ikiji looked up once his eyes had recovered, and saw the Bandit lying on his back. He considered approaching, but thought against it. He inquired, "Is he dead?"

<No. He is alive, though unconscious.> She let out a long sigh. <Such a shame. I had hoped that he would finally prove a true test of my strength, but it seems I was wrong. He relied on pure, raw power. Against other foes, it may have been effective, but…> She shook her head. <No, it doesn't matter.>

"Why…why were you acting so strangely? I knew you enjoyed the thrill of battle, but…"

She looked up at him, a thin, pleased smile on her face. <I still can't help but feel protective of my kind, but…there's just something...about fighting another of my species. When I think of facing a strong, worthy foe…my lightning crashing with his…finally besting him, then holding him by the neck, looking deep into his eyes, and watching as I shock the life from him…something about that makes me feel…complete…>

Ikiji stared at her for several seconds before speaking. "You know, I'd always known you were a little…odd, but I never would've guessed you were completely psychotic."

Matsuko shrugged, her expression devious. <You know something? Ever since we were young, we've put up with every kind of suffering imaginable. We got stepped on, used, betrayed, abandoned, and all the while these truly bad people walk around making life miserable for others, and get away completely unharmed. I just think it's only fair to spread a little of the suffering to the those who really deserve it. And if the villain in question just happens to be the worthy adversary I mentioned, then…>

Ikiji interrupted her. "Alright, I've heard enough. I can agree with you somewhat, in that the wicked do deserve to be punished, but…who are we to deliver that punishment? We can't simply step up and try to bring every wanted criminal to justice; it just doesn't work like that. Besides, we have a goal, remember?"

<But that's the point! Those men, and whoever they worked for, they are the very essence of what I was talking about. They took your life and my future away, and escaped without so much as a slap on the wrist. Just wait…when we find them, and you've learned what you want, I'll show them what real suffering is…> She started sparking menacingly.

Ikiji stared at her again, then spoke. "Sadistic tendencies aside, we've wasted enough time. We should be going." He turned, and called out to the numerous presences that were still hanging around. "Listen, all of you! Your boss is down, and the authorities will be here soon. Are you willing to stick around and go to prison? Or do any of you feel like taking on Matsuko here yourselves?" Almost immediately, the presences vanished. Moments later, Jenny and several deputies appeared from a nearby street and hurried over. They stopped at the sight of the Raichu, and stared in awe.

Jenny managed to speak, though her voice was barely audible. "Is that…how did you…"

Ikiji and Matsuko began walking away, while Ikiji called back to the officer. "I'd like to congratulate you on your spectacular capture of the "Yellow Bandit," officer.

Somehow, Jenny knew he wasn't mocking her. She smiled, but suddenly called out to them. "Wait! What about the two of you?"

Ikiji paused, and turned to look back. He was smiling.

"Us? We were never here, remember?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He struggled against his handcuffs, while one of the cops nearby taunted him. "Don't bother. Those cuffs are high-density and energy-absorbing. You won't be breaking or shocking your way out of this van anytime soon."

He still couldn't get over it. He had faced numerous foes over the years: dozens of trainers eager to capture their very own Raichu, or overconfident law enforcement officers who thought to make a name for themselves. He'd even taken on three officers, and their pokemon, at once, and had come out the winner.

Yet, a single Pikachu had defeated him. He was stronger, older, more experienced; yet she had defeated him, and had even done it with his own attack.

He still couldn't fathom it.

Ever since his own trainer had hung up his belt and turned him loose, he had decided he would never again allow himself to take orders from another, to follow a human around and do everything he or she said, like an obedient lapdog. He craved freedom, and despised being told what to do. He couldn't stomach the thought of joining a trainer, and couldn't understand why anyone else would want to. And yet…

There was something different about those two. Try as he might, he couldn't stop thinking about the two of them; there was something about them, about the way they fought together, about how she claimed they would die together. With a start, he realized that, not once in the entire battle, did that trainer ever give an order.

Outside, her heard two voices engaged in conversation.

"I'd always known you were a good officer, Jenny. Just like all of your sisters and cousins. Then you go and capture none other than the Yellow Bandit, and finally prove me right. I always had faith in you. You know, I've been talking with the boys, and…we'd be honored to have you back at the station with us. What do you say, Commander?"

"Yes sir! Thank you, sir!"

He chuckled silently. Yellow Bandit…what an awful name. He almost felt like calling out, My name is Kenji! But he realized that no one would understand him anyway.

His mind drifted back to those two. He couldn't get them off his mind. He had spent his freedom living for the moment, taking whatever he wanted, doing what he pleased, never with any real purpose. But those two…he recalled the conversation he'd had with that Pikachu…

<Wait!>

<Begging won't save you now.>

<How can you stand it?! Following this man around, fighting at his whims, being bound to his orders and fighting for his own thirst for fame, all like some glorified pet! Can you really be satisfied with that kind of life?!>

<No, I don't think I would be content with a life like that. Fortunately, I do not lead such a life. You see, Ikiji and myself, we do not fight for glory or fame. No, we have a much higher purpose.>

<A…higher purpose?>

<A dream. No, more like a mission. And I am no pet…Ikiji and I share this mission. And we will both die to see it complete, if that's what it takes.>

<You'd go so far as to give your own life, just for the sake of this human?! But…why?!>

<Why? A curious question…I suppose it would be because…I owe him my life, and he owes me his. Our lives are bound together, and I can part ways with him no more than he can. This is as much my mission as it is his.>

He had to know. His mind would not let him be until he learned the truth, the real reason as to why a pokemon would follow a human to death and beyond, all for the sake of a single mission.

The door to the back of the van was closed. He looked around, and chuckled softly. He had been captured by, and escaped from, far more competent foes than these. But, he thought suddenly, when he made his escape, he knew that the free-wheeling life of a criminal would no longer hold any appeal for him. He looked through the bars of the van, far off into the distance, and smiled.

Matsuko. He would remember that name.

This is the one mistake I found:

He almost though to ask her, but decided against it when she shot out a sudden burst of sparks, accompanied by a chilling laugh.

Click to expand...

"though" should be "thought"

Great chapter! I really like the different points of view you set up. The plot was carried through very nicely.

The talk about justice was interesting. I'd like to see where that is going.

Good job! Keep up the great writing!

(This was originally longer, but I cut it off, because I was running out of writing time. I'll work on the other half, and it should be done if not by tonight, then sometime tomorrow.)
---Chapter Six: The Journey Continues: On To Saffron---

"Are you sure?"

Am I sure about what?

<True though.>

Huh? Oh, wait…

<About damn time! It's pouring out there!>

These voices…so this is…

"You really have no clue, do you?"

So, after this is…

Ikiji looked around, and immediately recognized where he was. "That tunnel…again." It was odd; while awake, he could not recall anything about this dream. Now, however, he remembered everything as clearly as if he had experienced it only moments ago.

"It seems that, while awake, all memory of this place vanishes, but when I return…so do…the memories…how curious…" He stepped to the window, and right away he noticed the static running through them, same as before. He looked up, and saw that same fierce storm; he looked below, and saw that same bone-chilling fog. He walked towards the far end of the tunnel, dragging his hand along the window. Once again, he heard the same creepy echoing of his every footstep.

"This is all very amusing…but what does any of it mean?" He turned and saw the door and pad, exactly the same as the last time. "When I last reached to place my hand on the pad, I woke up. So, if I do it again…"

He approached the pad. He looked at the palm of his hand, then reached out for the pad…

…and pressed his hand against it. It lightened to a dim orange for a few seconds, then grew blood red again. "What the…?" He looked at his hand, then at the pad again. "Evidently it isn't that simple."

Suddenly, a bright wall of light illuminated everything. Ikiji turned, covering his eyes at the glare. Once his eyes adjusted, he saw the source of the light. At the far end of the tunnel was an identical pad to the one behind him.

Only this pad was green and blinking.

And the door was open.

Ikiji strained his eyes to see into the doorway; the light was blinding. A shadow passed into the light, and Ikiji struggled to make it out…

The bus jolted suddenly, hard enough to wake Ikiji up. He looked around, and noticed more passengers filing on. He sat up and stretched. Suddenly, he felt a pressure, and looked at the seat next to him…right into the smiling face of a young kid. The boy was grinning at him. After a few seconds, Ikiji spoke. "What's your problem?"

"Hi! My name's Jonas! What's yours?"

"Um…Ikiji."

"Cool! Are you a trainer, too?"

"'Too?'"

The boy fished out a wallet, and flipped it open. Ikiji saw an official trainer's license. The boy only looked to be about eleven. He grinned again.

"Yup! See? I'm a trainer! Just got my license a few weeks ago. Cool, huh?"

Ikiji stifled a yawn. "Fascinating…"

"So, what was your first pokemon?"

"Pichu."

The boy's eyes lit up. "Really?! Cool! I've always wanted one! What was the first pokemon you fought?"

"Don't remember."

"Well, what do you feed them?"

"Don't know."

The boy laughed. "You're silly! How can you not know?"

"Don't care."

"What about your first badge? I got my first badge in Cerulean. Badges are cool, aren't they? How many badges do you have? Do you…"

Ikiji sighed. Why me…?
-------------------------------------

Ten minutes later, the boy was still talking just as quickly and energetically. Ikiji was holding his head in one hand, and tapping the arm of his seat impatiently with the other.

"So, what's your favorite type?"

"Don't have one…" Ikiji said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, hey! You're going to Saffron, right? You know there's a big tournament coming up, right? Hey, maybe we'll get to battle together! Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Oh, yes. Absolutely thrilling…akin to showering with battery acid…"

Confused, Jonas looked at him. "Battery…acid? Is that, like, a move or something?"

Ikiji had reached his limit. He rounded on the boy.

"Listen well. I may be a trainer, but I couldn't care less about badges or food or…any of that. What's more, I don't care about your pokemon, I don't care about your first anything, and I certainly don't care about your childish, immature battles. You're annoying, obnoxious, and overbearing. Read my lips. I. Don't. Care. Now, do me a favor, and stop talking!
---------------------------------

"Are you certain you won't reconsider?"

His luggage came sailing out of the bus, hitting Ikiji in the face before falling to the ground. The door closed, and the bus sped off. Ikiji watched it go, then pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. At his feet, the duffel bag shook. Ikiji spoke.

"Why me?"

A voice emerged from the bag. <What did you expect? You made another kid cry; of course they kicked you off.>

Ikiji reached over and unzipped the bag. He talked through gritted teeth. "You weren't there. You have no idea. I wished I had a gun, if only to put myself out of my misery."

Matsuko crawled out of the bag and shook herself off. She turned to him. <Speaking of 'not being there,' remind me why I had to ride in the luggage again?>

"I already told you, I couldn't afford two tickets. And seeing that you refuse to remain inside a pokeball…"

<Forget it. There's no way I'm EVER going inside of one of those little round prisons. And I don't see why you just carry a little more money around. It wouldn't kill you, you know.>

"It's the principal of the matter. If I carry around any more money than absolutely necessary, I might be tempted to spend it on unnecessary things. I can't afford that kind of temptation. Frugality is the key."

<I didn't realize 'frugality' meant 'the rat rides in the bag.'>

Ikiji just sighed again.

<Here's an idea; next time, I'LL ride on the bus, and YOU can hide in the bag.>

"I wouldn't fit in a bag, Matsu."

Matsuko was growing impatient. <Well, you're the supposed genius here; figure out a way for us travel that doesn't involve treating me like cargo!>

Ikiji was starting to get a headache. "Look, can we drop it?"

Matsuko closed her eyes and turned away. <Fine, whatever.> She turned back, and fixed him with a frightening gaze. <But the next time you try to cram me into a bag, you're toast. Got it?>

"Yeah, yeah…let's go, we've got a long walk ahead of us…

The two set off, walking down the road towards the sinking twilight.

This was actually rather fun to read. Very nicely written and good use of dialogue and characters.

Good work. I hope to see more soon

(While I work out the scene with Oyada, this is a short filler chapter.)


---Chapter Seven: Starlight---
He lay awake staring up at the stars. He couldn't sleep.

Matsuko was out like a light, sleeping on a blanket nearby. Dim embers still danced in the fire. The trees around them wavered in the wind, sending showers of leaves through the air.

The walk was longer than he'd thought; night had fallen, and he couldn't even see signs of Saffron yet. Though she said nothing, Matsuko clearly wasn't happy about the unexpected hike, nor was she thrilled at the propect of sleeping outside, in the woods. There'd be hell to pay, but he'd deal with that tomorrow. For now, he let his mind wander.

The stars were brilliant tonight. You never saw things like this in the city; all the pollution in the air blotted out just about everything of beauty. The air was cleaner, too. It might be nice to live out in the countryside.

Ikiji started. He realized he'd never given a thought to what would happen after this was all over. He looked over at Matsuko, and thought about what she'd want to do when they'd finished their journey. He almost decided to wake her and ask, but he remembered that she was still fuming at him. He looked back up at the night sky.

A home in the countryside...He thought. Yes, that would be rather nice...but, can I really just settle down and forget everything?

No, it isn't that simple. Even when I've reached the end, I don't think I'll be able to forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. Does that mean I'll never know peace?

No, that's not true. Once I've killed those men, and avenged my parents, I can do whatever I wish. But, what will I wish to do...?

He looked over at Matsuko again. And what about her? She's been so loyal through everything. It wouldn't be right to force her to stay with me once it's over. I wonder what she'll do...?

When we are done, she'll have no more reason to follow me. In fact, doing so might only cause her harm, and conjure up old memories, memories of a thirst for vengeance already quenched. Should I...?

Yes, that's what I'll do. When it's over, I'll release her. From them on, she's free to choose her own fate. We will go our separate ways, and she may live as she pleases. Yes. That will do.

But there was a flaw in his plan. No matter where he pictured himself, or what kind of future he saw for himself, it was impossible for him to imagine himself without Matsuko at his side.

I..I can't release her. After everything we've been through, I just...can't. Though I hate to admit it, I need her. She's the closest thing I have to family, save for Saiya, and she might not even be...

He shook himself mentally. Don't think like that! She's alive. Keep telling yourself that, and keep searching. I refuse to believe that she could be...

He sighed loudly. I...don't know. I can't let Matsu go, but I can't force her to stay. I jusr...don't know. Ugh, now I'm definitely not getting any sleep...

Matsuko rolled over, and Ikiji tensed for a moment. She was still asleep.

Suddenly, he heard a strange sound from somewhere in the woods, like whooshing wind.

He listened. The sound continued; after a couple of minutes, it was still going. He thought on what to do.

I can't sleep anyway, so what could it hurt?

He climbed to his feet, careful not to wake Matsuko, and set off in search of the source of the strange noise.

(how's that? An improvement for now?)

For him.

Click to expand...

That's not a sentence.

"Look. I didn't like it anymore than you did, alright?"

Click to expand...

It's spelled "all right", actually. "Alright" is used as an abbreviation, which should be avoided while writing.

With a sob, he returned the psychic pokemon to it's pokeball,

Click to expand...

That's not who you spell Poké Ball. There is a space between Poké and Ball. =/

She reluctantly took a combat stance, as the Hitmonlee did the same.

Click to expand...

For right here, we can't really picture the current setting nor can we picture what kind of stance Matsuko was in (same with Hitmonlee). You'll need to describe that.

Matsuko easily dodged the attack, and the kick slammed into the ground.

With a terrible impact.

Click to expand...

"With a terrible impact" is not a sentence. You should've combine that sentence with this dependent clause.

Take the hint, and quit while you're behind.

Click to expand...

The comma after 'hint' and before 'and' was unnecessary.

She's fine.[/quote
You probably should've put that Ikiji thought this. Regardless of whether or not people know.

She climbed, dazed, to her feet.

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Putting 'dazed' in there out of nowhere makes this sentence awkward to read. Instead, you should've put dazed at the beginning or the end of the sentence, rather than smack dab in the middle.

Her shook her head

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You mean 'she' shook her head.

<Lit up? That's it! That has to be it! That trainer cheated!> She sparked viciously.

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The S in She should be lowercase.

She'd want to follow that trainer, expose him, and punish him. Violently.

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Combine these.

<Yes. He needs to learn a lesson.> She let out a blast of sparks.

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The S Should be lowercase.


All right, this story was rather. . Bland. Not just that, but it was also fast-paced with little to no description whatsoever. I did not enjoy reading this, to be honest. . =( Sorry, I just didn't.

However, I do hope this review helped you.

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Edited. I removed that rushed chapter and replaced it with a filler, until I can fix that scene. No more quickies for me.

Good. I'll be back to read of the un-rushed version of your last chapter. ^^

Wow, usually when I review like that, they always wanna tell me off. XD

Well, I cracked that out in literally about five minutes. Bad idea.

I'm usually good with impromt like that (that's how I write most of my stories; I don't like plans, because I'll come back to it a day later and hate everything about it x.x) I guess I just slipped. Or am tired; it's like 11 here. Anyway expect the improved one within the next few days.

And, I don't mind the criticism. It gives me a chance to improve.

Alright... sorry to go all nit-picky on you, but I would like to respectfully disagree with ShinjisLover on a number of grammar errors.

pokeball

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I believe it is the author's choice whether or not to include the space between Poke and Ball. Technically, on the games they are two separate words, but several people choose to make it one word.

The comma after 'hint' and before 'and' was unnecessary.

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The comma between 'hint' and 'and' is optional, but not wrong. When writing a compound sentence such as this, it is the author's choice whether or not to use a comma.

You probably should've put that Ikiji thought this. Regardless of whether or not people know.

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If the reader already knows that Ikiji was thinking this, then it is redundant to write "Ikiji thought"

<Lit up? That's it! That has to be it! That trainer cheated!> She sparked viciously.

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The S in She should remain capitalized because you started a new sentence and 'sparked' is not describing the actual talking of the speaker. For instance, if you wrote:

<Lit up? That's it! That has to be it! That trainer cheated!> she said viciously.
Then the she would need to be lowercase. Sparked, however, cannot replace 'said' as a verb to describe how she was talking, and thus, this must be a new sentence.

<Yes. He needs to learn a lesson.> She let out a blast of sparks.

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Again, how you have it is correct grammar. It is a new sentence so the s is capitalized.

She'd want to follow that trainer, expose him, and punish him. Violently.

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This is something I would qualify as an exception to the grammar rules. Authors often write sentences that are technically grammatically incorrect for effect. In this case, if the sentences were combined, the effect would be ruined.

Anyway your actual chapter was okay, but I felt it was a filler. I'd also like to see slightly longer chapters.

I still think you've got a great plot going! Keep up the good work.

I believe it is the author's choice whether or not to include the space between Poke and Ball. Technically, on the games they are two separate words, but several people choose to make it one word.

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Actually, it's not optional. That's the proper spelling. It's like saying "oh, you can spell ridiculous rediclous if you want to, it's optional". =/

The comma between 'hint' and 'and' is optional, but not wrong. When writing a compound sentence such as this, it is the author's choice whether or not to use a comma.

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Commas signify a pause in the sentence. There shouldn't have been a pause in that sentence, as there wouldn't have been when speaking it out loud.

If the reader already knows that Ikiji was thinking this, then it is redundant to write "Ikiji thought"

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You completely misunderstood what I said. I didn't say "put Ikiji thought", I said state that he was thinking. He doesn't have to put 'thought' at the end, but he needs to let the reader know Ikiji was thinking in general. Some people may not know.

The S in She should remain capitalized because you started a new sentence and 'sparked' is not describing the actual talking of the speaker.

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Regardless of the modifier, the sentence is still going on, so the S should be lowercased.

Again, how you have it is correct grammar. It is a new sentence so the s is capitalized.

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If how I have it is correct grammar, then why not do it the way I said? If the S is capitalized, it's incorrect. That's all there is to it.

This is something I would qualify as an exception to the grammar rules. Authors often write sentences that are technically grammatically incorrect for effect. In this case, if the sentences were combined, the effect would be ruined.

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The effect wouldn't have been ruined at all. The sentence would've been correct and that's the way he/she should do it. =/

The effect wouldn't have been ruined at all. The sentence would've been correct and that's the way he/she should do it. =/

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I tried that at first, but it just didn't feel...right.

Plus, I've seen that used before, in published works. I actually think it sounds better that way.

EDIT: THIS is why I don't like making plans. After reviewing and re-reviewing the Oyada scene, I just can't get to mesh satisfactorily. I'm just going to nix that scene and find another way to incorporate him. Oyada himself isn't important, but the badge his pokemon was wearing IS. I need another way to incorporate it.

(Loooooong time. Nixed Oyada and worked the badge in independantly. How is it?)

Chapter Eight: The Moonlit Lake and the Lost Youth

He made his way quickly through the forest, seeking the source of the strange noise. It seemed to be coming from straight ahead.

All of a sudden, the noise stopped. He paused a moment, then continued towards where he thought it had come from. He stepped through a thicket of bushes, and found himself looking at a large lake.

The moonlight was reflecting off the water, causing it to sparkle. Ikiji stepped closer, and looked around. He found nothing that could've caused the sound, but he didn't feel like going back to the campsite just yet, either.

He moved carefully down the rocky hill, and arrived at the shore of the lake. He sat down, and gazed out into the calming waters. He felt a sense of serenity rising in him.

He recalled a time once, when he was younger. Back before Saiya had become a trainer. Ikiji, his sister, and his parents had all gone to a nature preserve somewhere, and at some point, had ended up at a lake. Ikiji must've been four or five, yet he recalled it surprisingly clearly.

Saiya had taught him a game; she had taken up a rock, and thrown it so that it skipped across the bed of the lake. She'd made it skip six or seven times, but Ikiji could only get it to skip three, much to his chagrin. Saiya had refused to share the trick with him, mockingly telling him "When you're older."

Looking around, Ikiji found a small pebble; he picked it up and, with a flick of his wrist, hurled it out over the lake. It skipped once, twice, then sank. He groaned softly. He found another one, and tried again. Again, it only skipped twice.

With renewed vigor, he seized another rock. He knelt low by the lake, and threw the stone underhanded. It skipped once...twice...three...four times! A personal best.

Ikiji almost let out a little cry of victory, but then he stopped, shocked at his own actions.

What the hell is wrong with me?! Skipping stones on a lake?! Arceus, I'm acting like a little kid!

He stood, and realized, with a ping of sadness, that he WAS still a kid.

I'm only thirteen. A child by any measure of the law. But, I've seen and done so much already...things even some adults have never done. I've fought, suffered, starved, I've even killed. I am a kid physically, but my youth ended a long time ago.

He felt the old anger welling up again. None of this was my choice. They took everything from me, took my youth...

What will happen after? I will kill them, I will find Saiya, and...then what? I can't very well become an ordinary trainer after this; the idea of fighting for Badges is simply laughable at this point. I suppose I could settle down in the coutryside, but...a quiet life just seems...empty. Without meaning. And there's Matsuko...what will become of her? She will have her freedom, but what purpose will I have? I must have a purpose for existing once this is over, but what IS that purpose...? What can a child like me do in this world...?

He shook his head slowly. It doesn't matter anymore. Child or not, I have a job to do. I can't afford to let these depressing thoughts take hold. Just focus on the now, and worry the past and the future later.

He stood, and headed back up the cliff. But before he reached the top, something on the ground caught his eye. He bent over to examine it.

It was a small, thin, metal circular disk. It relfected the moonlight, and its chrome surface shimmered. He felt it, and it seemed warm to the touch. He'd never seen anything like it before.

What is this...? It looks like a disk, or badge of some sort...and why is it warm? Is it somehow related to that bizzare noise from earlier? Perhaps someone in Saffron can identify it. I'd best take it with me; it might be useful.

He pocketed the small disk, stood, and continued to the campsite.
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Matsuko listened carefully, feigning sleep. She still felt a bit ticked at him for treating her like baggage, but was a little curious at his behaviour; he didn't seem to be trying to sleep, which most likely meant he was deep in thought. But what is he thinking about, I wonder?

She became aware of a strange noise somewhere in the woods; Ikiji got up and headed out of the campsite. Waiting until he was far enough away, she got up and followed him.

A short while later, she found him sitting by a beautiful moonlit lake. He was kneeling by the water, gazing up at the night sky.

Suddenly, he picked something up off the ground, and flicked his wrist at the lake surface. She saw a small splash not far from the shore. She let out a gentle laugh.

Kij...despite all of your bravado, you're still a child. Even the simplest things can amuse you if you allow them. Even with everything that's happened, you're still young.

I know what you're probably thinking. Yes, you've done a lot of things. A lot of things most children wouldn't even know about. Things other children would get nightmares from. But...you're a child, no matter how you look at it. And you can't handle it all alone.

I'll follow you to the end of this mission. Then, whatever we do from there, it's your choice. We'll finally have freedom. Whether you want to become a normal trainer, just like you always used to dream about, or whether you want to just live a quiet, peaceful life of ease, I'm with you. To the end.

The moon lit up his face; he had a shocked look on his face, as though he couldn't believe what he'd just done. Matsuko fought another soft chuckle. He turned around and headed back towards the camp. She saw him headed her way, and she silently and steathily ran back the to campsite, lost in thought.

Saffron. That's our next stop. Whatever we learn there, whatever happens, we'll be one step closer to the end. And whatever lies at that end, wherever Kij decides to go when this is all over, I'll follow. To the end.