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Old September 5th, 2010 (11:49 AM). Edited October 17th, 2010 by Dialga's Song of Time.
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Dialga's Song of Time Dialga's Song of Time is offline
    Join Date: Sep 2010
    Location: Statsboro, GA
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Docile
    Posts: 42
    This is a summary of my story:
    The pokemon world is dying. Will Arceus and his fellow legends make to their new home alive. Could this place called hyrule be what their looking for. Even then new legendaries are born.
    Rated T for some violence and blood

    Chapter one: Prologue

    (music: the Hero of Time, LOZ: Wind Waker)
    In a vast galaxy, there is a world that was dying, known as the Pokemon world. This world was in chaos. Evil organizations were on murderous rampages, killing humans and pokemon alike. The regions of this world, from Kanto to Sinnoh, were now barren and desolate. Corpses of people and pokemon alike littered the lands. People in this world prayed that Arceus, the god of the Pokemon, would bring salvation to them, but Arceus was unable to help, for he feared that the evil organizations would try to control or even kill him. Many legendaries were killed when trying to save innocent lives. After the death of the Temporal Pokemon, Dialga, the very fabric of time was collapsing, resulting in time stopping in many different parts of the galaxy. Both Dialga and Giratina II were killed by Dark Dialga and Team Galactic. Their deaths were gruesome.

    Giratina II was the son of the first Giratina. The first Giratina was the one that once wreaked havoc upon the Pokemon world. The second Giratina however overthrew his creul father and brought peace the the Distortion world, which was were the departed souls of people and pokemon live. This world was considered heaven, Currently, the first Giratina is in the underworld, where those who caused pain and suffuring in the lives of others live. With the death of Giratina II, the Distortion World was also begining to collapse. The Original One, Arceus, felt sad and hurt and knew that there was no hope for his world.

    The legends that were slain included: Dialga, Giratina II, Latios, Latias, Heatran, the legendary beasts, Lugia, Ho oh, Jirachi, the lake trio, and the regi trio. Then Arceus soon declared an emergency meeting for the remaining legendaries . And so, the quest for for a new homeworld will begin.

    Please review and give me ideas for this story

    The gender of my main legendaries:

    Arceus: male

    Palkia: female

    New Dialga: male

    New Giratina: male

    Chapter Two: the plan
    (Hall of Origin music plays)

    It was rather busy time at the Hall of Origin which consists of a throne room(place where Arceus holds his meetings), bedrooms specific for all the legendaries including himself. a nursery, and an infirmary. The floors are covered with white marble with golden markings, walls are decorated white and gold with majestic pillars perfectly aligned in the halls."What am I going to do?" , said Arceus the equine like being who created the pokémon world. Soon Arceus let out a mighty roar, "All legendaries report for an urgent meeting." First to arrive was the spatial pokémon, Palkia who was saddened by news of the deaths of her siblings, Dialga and Giratina II.

    The next few legendaries to arrive were Rayquaza, Groudon, and Kyogre. Mew and Celebi followed behind the larger legendaries. Finally, the last to arrive was the trio of Articuno, Moltres, and Zapdos. After everyone arrived the legendary pokémon gatherd in front of their leader.

    Arceus soon told the legendaries of the situation at hand. Arceus said. "I am sure you all know that we have lost so many of our comrades, including Dialga and Giratina II." After hearing this, the legendaries gasped in shock. After hearing the news Palkia broke down and cried loudly in sadness. The other legends tried to comfort the spatial deity but no avail.

    To make matters worse, Groudon and Kyorge started fighting, firing attacks at each other. This caused are chain reaction of fighting between the legends. Seeing this, Palkia could not take it anymore and went to her room in tears. Arceus soon shouted ,"Enough all of you!"

    and fired a judgment attack at the feuding legends. Soon all the fighting stopped. Arceus soon said in calm voice, "Anyways we need to find a new home world." Rayquaza said in a knightly voice, "Where will we live, my lord." Arceus then began to glow golden and the hall of origin was enveloped in this light.

    Then the scenery changed to what was a beautiful planet which was larger than their own world. "What is this planet and who lives there?" Arceus zoomed in further on the planet until a beautiful kingdom can be seen. On this land they could see a pointy eared humen who was was wearing a green tunic an cap, long white undershirt and pants, brown boots, and also had a mystical sword and sheild with markings the legendaries have never seen. This human was riding on horseback across the fields. "This, my children, is a land called Hyrule." Arceus told them in a joyful way. All the legendaries could only look in awe and wonder of the world that lay before them.

    Then after being being back in the Hall of Origin Arceus told them, "All right everyone, tonight we shall make our final preparations for our journey." Then he said, "We shall leave for this new home tomorrow at dawn."
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    Old September 11th, 2010 (6:21 PM).
    BennyTuckman's Avatar
    BennyTuckman BennyTuckman is offline
    King Bulbasaur
      Join Date: Aug 2010
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      Well, like I PM'd you, there are some grammatical errors, and the story has a few flaws, but overall, a good job. Might I suggest making this fanfic a game?

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      Old September 12th, 2010 (4:22 PM). Edited September 14th, 2010 by Dialga's Song of Time.
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      Dialga's Song of Time Dialga's Song of Time is offline
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        It is currently nighttime in the Hall of Origin, and all the legendaries were making final preparations for departure. However, cries of sadness can be heard in the hallways which were damp from Palkia's tears. Arceus was walking through the halls when he heard it.

        "Why did you both have to die?" Palkia cried, clutching on a photo of her, Arceus, Giratina II, and Dialga who were at the Spear Pillar. Palkia was curled up in a ball on her pink Poke-bed, completely soaked with tears. Palkia's room was once shared by her brothers, as there are two other beds in this room that are empty. On the shelves were the Adamant, Lustrous, and the Griseous orbs.

        "I better comfort my daughter. " Arceus muttered to himself. Arceus soon went towards Palkia's room to help. At this time, Palkia was still crying until she heard footsteps, and then replied, "Father?" Arceus approached her and sat beside his daughter, tucking his golden hooves under his gray chest, "It's alright, I am right here." Arceus replied. Then Arceus looked between her paws and saw the portrait of his family and said in a comforting voice, "You miss your brothers, don't you?"

        "I do." answered Palkia. "It will never be the same without them." Arceus then nuzzled her with comfort and reassurance. Then Palkia asked a question. "Since Diagla is dead, wouldn't time itself break down?" Arceus then told her that time is indeed being destroyed.

        Then, Arceus hummed a silent lullaby to his daughter who soon fell fast asleep. After that, Arceus went outside to meet Celebi, a green fairy-like pokémon who traveled time. As Arceus approached Celebi, he noticed there were four Pokémon eggs. Two of them were blue with silver markings and an azure diamond embedded on both eggs. But one of these eggs held the essence of time itself. The third egg was gray and black with red bands on the egg. The fourth egg was white with patterns of blue, yellow, and pink.

        "I see you brought those eggs, thank you," replied Arceus. "You're welcome, master Arceus," Celebi said politely in a sweet voice. Then Celebi noticed that Arceus' fur was wet, and said, "Is something wrong, Arceus, and did something happen to Lady Palkia?" she said. Arceus then answerd, "Well, Palkia is saddened at the loss of her brothers who were slain." Celebi replied, "Oh! I am sorry to hear that, I hope she fells better soon."

        Celebi told Arceus about the Pokemon eggs she found and said, "What should we do about these eggs, Arceus?" "Celebi, I would like you to take these eggs to the nursery in the Hall of Origin for me." replied Arceus. Then Arceus asked Celebi, "After you are finished, will you take the egg of the lake trio to Hyrule and let the people there know that I, Arceus, the god of the Pokemon, will be arriving soon." Arceus explained to her the directions to Hyrule and the things she must do when she gets there. After hearing this, Celebi answered, "I will do it, and I won't fail you, Master Arceus." After Celebi took the eggs to the nursery, she departed for Hyrule. After all of this, Arceus went to the throne room and muttered, "Tommorrow, our journey shall begin."

        Chapter four: Departure and a Stowaway

        As dawn approached at the Hall of Origin, Arceus was ready to depart. He shouted in a booming voice, "Attention all legendaries, we will now be departing!" Soon the Hall of Origin began to transform and started to detach itself from the Spear Pillar. (BGM: Meteo(Starfox 64) plays)

        Meanwhile, another Groudon was trying to get to the Hall of Origin before it was too late, She cried out desperately, "Please, don't leave me behind, Arceus!" Then she ran fast as she could up the vanishing stairway that led to the hall. She finally made it in the Hall of Origin and breathed a sigh of relief, then fainted in exhaustion.

        Soon, the Hall of Origin completed its transformation into a majestic starship. The starship looked like a giant egg with a golden cross-like wheel at the middle (similar to Arceus'), three pairs of rocket boosters attached to the hull of the ship, 16 crystals resembling Arceus' life plates embedded around the part of the ship's bow, and two pairs of metallic angel-like wings on the sides of the ship, The name of the starship was the Alpha Star.

        At this time, Groudon was wandering the halls until he saw the female Groudon unconcious near the entrance to the Hall of Origin. and then yelled in a panicked tone, "Arceus! Someone has collapsed at the entrance!" Arceus soon heard this and rushed to were Groudon is to help. After getting there, Groudon explained to Arceus what happened. Then they took the Groudon to the infirmary.

        After that, the starship soon left the Pokemon world heading for its destination, Hyrule. But before leaving, Arceus hovered near the dying planet and spoke in a sad voice, "Farewell, my beloved world and children." But Arceus soon glowed golden and transformed the planet into a small gold sphere, revealing more stars and an empty space where the planet once was, Arceus then muttered to himself, "This world will be reborn, merged with the land of Hyrule." He shed a single tear before heading back to his ship.
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        Old September 14th, 2010 (7:15 AM). Edited March 30th, 2011 by Dialga's Song of Time.
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        Dialga's Song of Time Dialga's Song of Time is offline
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          Chapter five: New life, bonding, and a looming threat

          It has been a week since Arceus and his fellow legendaries departed for their new home world, and are making considerable progress. Now, the legendaries are relaxing in their rooms except Palkia who was still a bit depressed, and yet Arceus and
          Groudon are at the infirmary waiting for the female Groudon to awaken.

          "Is she going to be okey Arceus?" Groudon asked with concern and looked the female land pokemon. Then at that moment the land pokemon began to stir. She then opened her yellow eyes and then saw that she was in a white room and then looked around confused. "Where am I?" she said, Arceus then told her, "You are in the infirmery at the Hall of Origin." And then Arceus asked, "By the way, what is your name." The Groudon then answer shly. "My name is Devon." Then Groudon commented, "Thats a sweet name." Devon then blushed, "Thank you, thats so kind of you." Then Devon asked Arceus a question, "Where is this ship heading anyway?" Arceus then answered, "We are heading towards Hyrule, our new homeworld."

          Arceus than explained to Devon about the situation they were in and the events that have happened so far. Later it seemed the Devon is in love with Groudon, and then Arceus decided that the two land lizard pokemon should be mates. Then suddenly a small hedgehog like pokemon, shaymin rushed in the infirmery with an excited voice(shaymin sounds like she does in the 11th pokemon movie). Arceus asked shaymin in a calm voice, "Shaymin, whats wrong?" Shaymin then replied, "Come quickly, the eggs in the nursery are about to hatch!" Then Arceus alerted all the legendaries of the event that is about to occur and shouted, "All legendaries, report to the nursery immediatly."

          Then, all of the legendaries including Palkia, Groudon, Devon, and Arceus rushed into the nursery to watch the birth of the new legendaries. All three eggs were hatching at the same time, but one of these eggs the held the essence of time then glowed blue and hatched. From the first egg, came a baby Dialga, who was a dark blue dinosaur like pokemon with light blue markings running along the side of his body, a wing like structure on his back, a short tail, red eyes, and a metallic chestplate with a blue diamond embedded at the center(note, while the egg was hatching you could what would sound like a clock chiming the hour). Then came another Dialga, whose body was a lighter color than his brother. And finally, came was a baby Giratina who look similar to Giratina II except that he was slightly larger than normal.
          Palkia approached the three baby pokemon and said in a kind voice, "Welcome to the world children," Then the three cried out to her and said in unison, "mama!" Then Palkia came to them a nuzzled against them lovingly. When Palkia saw them, she had a look of sadness adnd felt that the baby Dialg looked almost exactly like her desceased brother. Arceus then told the other legendaries, "Now I welcome you all our newest additions to our legendary family and council." Then after a long introduction from Arceus to their newest additions, all the legendaries went back to their rooms except Palkia and Arceus himself. Arceus then asked Palkia, "Would you like to take them to your room?" Palkia then replied, "Of course."
          But even though it was peaceful in ths ship, a sinister threat lurked in the shadows of space, A demonic voice spoke, "So, a new time ruler has been born, well I will make sure he will not last long." This voice came from a being known as Dark Dialga, who was jet black, blood red markings and and a ruby embedded on its chestplate, and blades and spikes on different parts of its body. These blades and claws were stained with dried blood.
          Then ofter a long day Arceus went to his room and added to his travel log by using his psychic abilities and wrote,

          Day 8 Month one

          Today was a rather joyous day for me and the other legendaries. Three new legendaries were born today and Groudon found a mate and hopefully one day he will father children of his own, carrying down his bloodline. I am glad my daughter is herself againm and I when I find the one responsible for the death of her brothers, he will be punished severly. I wish the baby Dialgs's parents were there to see him born, yet it seems that like all newborn pokemon the first one they saw was Palkia. They saw her as their mother. Well now its time for me to get some rest.
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          Old October 8th, 2010 (8:32 PM).
          The Jewel of Life's Avatar
          The Jewel of Life The Jewel of Life is offline
          A Gift From Arceus
            Join Date: May 2008
            Location: The World May Never Know
            Gender: Female
            Nature: Hasty
            Posts: 434
            Well, I noticed a few grammar errors most of which are quite simple so you can fix them yourself. However, I do have few tips for you:
            • Use a little more description in your story; put more detail into each event. Some parts were a little unclear and I was forced to read them multiple times to get even just a basic idea of what was happening. One thing you can try is to read the story yourself. Would you be able to get what was happening if you were reading this for the first time? If the answer is 'no', then try adding details to make it a little more clear.
            • I noticed that you had a list of legendaries at one point of the story, and while this is gramatically correct, sometimes it is better to write it in a more- how shall I put it? -artistic- yes, that's it! -way. For example, instead of saying "The next legendaries to arrive were: Rayquaza, Groudon, Kyorge, Celebi, Articuno, Moltres, Zapdos, and Mew" you could say something like "A little later to arrive were a some of the other legendaries. Rayquaza, Groudon, and Kyogre came in followed closely by Celebi and Mew. Finally the trio of Arcticuno, Zapdos, and Moltres came through". This makes the story a little more interesting to read and a little less bland.
            That should do for now. The story so far is great and I can't wait to read more!
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            Old October 21st, 2010 (6:09 PM).
            TheGreatArceus's Avatar
            TheGreatArceus TheGreatArceus is offline
            Arceus pwns all
              Join Date: Sep 2010
              Gender: Male
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              pretty good i really think you should make this into a game
              maby even make your own group
              Mapper | Arceus is cool | Paired with jhawko

              I control Arceus. So don't get in my way.
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              Old March 30th, 2011 (12:18 PM).
              Dialga's Song of Time's Avatar
              Dialga's Song of Time Dialga's Song of Time is offline
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                Three months have past since the birth of the new legendaries, and the Alpha Star has gotten closer and closer to its destination. It is currently nearing the Lylat System as of now. Also, Devon, Groudon's mate is currently pregnant with two children. Hower they were being followed by Dark Dialga. Not far from the Alpha Star was another ship, The Great Fox which belong to the Star Fox team, a group of space mercenaries who protect the Lylat System.

                The team's commander, Fox, was staring into space when he noticed the Alpha Star.

                "Better get ROB to do an analysis." he mumbled. He jumped down from his perch and walked towards the Great Fox's control panel. "ROB," he said, "Do a scan of that ship over that way, to the west." "Yes, Commander." replied ROB, who proceded to work.

                After a few minutes, ROB had his results. There were lifeforms on this other ship, who were identified as threats. "Okay, thank you, ROB." Fox said. He sent out a message on the Great Fox's intercom, "All members, please make your way to your fighter jets. I repeat, all members."
                Within minutes, the Star Fox team, Fox, Falco, Peppy, and Slippy, were ready to inspect this ship, and if threatened, fire at will.
                Mesnwhile, Arceus was checking on his legendary family and emsuring that everyone is safe. However, the peace in the Alpha Star was shattered when the alarm went off causing some of the legendaries. especially the yougest ones to panic. The alarm blared, "unknown lifeforms approaching! alert!"

                Arceus heard this and shouted, "All legendaries, stay calm!"
                Arceus zoomed to the control panel. "All right, then," he said. "If you aliens want a fight, you've got one!". Arceus pushed a button, and artillery guns suddenly appeared on the side of the Alpha Star.
                Then both ships approached. Fox shouted to his teammates, "Fire at will" Then the arwings fired at the Alpha Star. The Alpha Star was hit, Arceus then shouted, "Activated forcefield." Arceus then glowed and all 16 life plates came out of his body and then a golden shield formed around it.
                "Keep firing!" Fox screamed. More bullets flew at the Alpha Star, but they bounced back. "NO! Evacuate! I repeat, Star Fox, evacuate!" Fox yelled, but it was too late. Peppy' ship was hit, and started to spiral. Arceus suddenly jumped to save Pepp.

                Arceus rushed towards Peppy and stopped time and pulled the ship towards the Alpha Star. Arceus then told Peppy, "Don't worry. I got you."
                Peppy then saild, "Thanks, my whole life flashed before my eyes!"
                Arceus returned Peppy to the Great Fox. "Thank you. You saved my comrade, even though we had instigated that battle." said Fox. "It is quite all right," replied Arecus "Tell me, do you know the directions to get to Hylia, the planet of Zelda?" "Just keep going the way you came," said Fox. "Then, at the border of the Lylat System, ask the tollkeeper where Hylia is, and you should be all set."

                "Thank you very much." said Arceus. Sudddenly, the Great Fox started to shake. "Commader McCloud, it's another lifeform!" cried ROB. Fox rushed to battle, but Arceus blocked his way. "I know who it is; Dark Dialga is that lifeform. He's my rebellious son. Wait here; I shall go confront him." he said.

                Arceus jumped atop the ship. There he was; Primal Dialga, Dark Dialga, the Dialga controlled by evil Pokemon and Team Galactic. "What do you want, Dialga?" Arceus asked. "I...want...those baby Pokemon. They will become my legion of fighters, and fight alongside me as I destroy the Pokemon who shattered my life; you!" Dialga screamed. He pounced on Arceus as the two engaged in fierce battle.
                "Dialga, Team Galactic is controlling you, and so is Dusclops!" Arceus yelled. "SHUT UP! I know the truth, old geezer, and I will become the next Arceus!" Dialga used his Roar of Time, and Arceus was blasted away from the ship. "FIGHT BACK!" Dialga screamed.

                But, Arceus couldn't.
                He loved his son too much. He had to abandon him, when Team Galactic held Arceus, Primal Dialga, Dialga, and Giratina I prisoners. They threatened Arceus, saying they would kill his sons if he didn't listen to them. The more stubborn Arceus, the more pain his sons endured. Primal Dialga withstood the pain, but it killed Dialga and Giratina, who died.
                Finally, Arceus told them to stop, but instead, Cyrus demanded Primal Dialga go with them. Arceus was left alone, all his sons gone.

                Suddenly, Arceus realized he could save Primal Dialga. He began to glow, and blasted a massive Hyper Beam. After the impact, primal Dialga was knocked unconsious. Arceus than sighed with relief and than called to Palkia and said, "Can you take Primal Dialga to the infirmery " The white spatial dragon answered, "Yes father."

                After that, Arceus went talk to Fox Mcloud, thanking him for there assistance. Fox thaen asked, "Do you want us to escort you to Planet Hylia?, Arceus replied, "Well, after that incident I would be more than happy to have your team guide us to our destination."

                After what seem to be a long day, all of the legendaries decided to rest for now. Meanwhile, Arceus went to his room behing the meeting room and wrote more on his travel log which said:

                Day 7 Month 4
                Today was an eventful day for me. I was suprised to meet the starfox team, though they foolishly attacked my ship. Even then I managed to save an elderly rabbit named Peppy, and we called off our attacks. But I will never forget when I found Dark Dialga and knocked him out. I hope that maybe that he will be brought to his senses. I will have to keep him in close watch to ensure the safety of the other legendaries. I have a feeling that each passing day, we are getting closer to our destination. Well, I must get some sleep, and who knows what tomorrow may bring.

                End log
                End of Chapter
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