[Pokémon World] Changes Part II: Spreading The Disease

Chapter One, "A New Life Is Born"

It was an average Monday in the town of Eastridge, New York, close to 6:00 AM. The sun rising in the east, the birds chirping, and people getting ready to go out to school or work. And in one of those households lies me, Tom Franks.

You probably know who I am by now, but if not: I'm 15 years old. Me and my brothers Scott and Matt, plus friend Dan, are in the band Cygnus X-2, which specializes in Rush covers with other material as well.

Anywho, I was lying on my bed, curled up in a ball, with my tail wrapped around me for warmth.

Oh yeah, there's one thing I forgot to mention. I'm a Pikachu.

You may ask, what? How can you be a Pikachu? They don't exist, and they certainly couldn't form bands and sing!

One week ago a virus was released in my towns water supply, which turned Pokemon from just a mere fiction into a reality, and humans were the ones who became them. And me and my two brothers were the victims. Scott became a Raichu, Matt became a Pichu, and I became a Pikachu. All my humanity disappeared, with the only exceptions being my voice, mind (Thank heavens for that), and hairstyle, though it was yellow and not brown. Yesterday, Sunday, was my first day of living like this, and it wasn't easy. My tiny paws were too small to hit the keyboard keys, listening to music was tough with my super-sensitive ears (Though I could pick out a lot of details) and pretty much everything was made difficult with my small size. Despite this, I still would try to live my normal life, which would be pretty hard as a furry, chubby rodent, and unfortunately, that meant I had to go to school.

RING-RING! RING-RING!

The alarm clock woke me up with a start, and was especially loud on my new long (and cute!) ears. I tugged on them in pain, but got up.

With my new body, I tried doing my morning routine. But it was a lot harder than normal, and quite a bit different. I tried taking a shower, but I was too small to reach the handle to turn the water on. I struggled for probably around 5 minutes, but then decided to give up, water always made my fur smell bad anyway. So then, I tried to get clothes on, however, they were all too large for me, and I didn't want to look like a weirdo, well, more than I already am. So I decided to go naked, the fur covered my... you know... anyway.

Then, I went downstairs, where my mom greeted me with a big hug.

"Good morning!" she said. "How are you?"

"Umm, okay, I guess. This is all so surreal! This still feels like a dream".

"I know, it still does to me. But look on the bright side. It's the first day of a new, and much cuter, you!" My red cheeks got a bit redder at that last part.

I hopped down off the couch, and tried to get my usual breakfast of Cheerios. But due to my small size I couldn't get them, so I had to ask my dad. This was embarrasing since I was old enough to do these things by myself by now, and I didn't like being treated younger than I really was. But this time there was no choice.

My human appetite remained, and I ate quickly, even faster thanks to my new, sharper teeth. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my brothers walking downstairs, or at least trying to, Matt ended up having to be carried in Scott's arms, I could tell by his squirming he didn't like it.

Finally, the final step of my morning routing was to brush my teeth. But even that was difficult. My small size made it difficult to handle the toothbrush, and since my teeth were a lot sharper some of the hairs got caught in my teeth and I had to pick them out, which was ALSO hard since my fingers were like nubs. By this point it was 7:05, and I couldn't be late for school, so I quickly put on deodorant and went downstairs. I was way too small to carry my backpack, however the school had all the assignments on the computer so it was no big whoop. We then piled into the car, Dad driving since obviously Scott couldn't drive in this condition, and drove off to school.

Dad dropped us off, wishing us good luck, and we set off, the much-bigger looking school doors beckoning.

It was going to be a long, strange day ahead...

Rick Gastly said:

The sequel.
With the changes complete, the three brothers have to try to adjust to their new lives. This will have many trials and tribulations, not helped by the growing global threat of "Pokeitis". What will happen?

Click to expand...

I don't really feel that this is necessary at all. I mean yes you say this is a sequel, but the large "Part: II" in link should suffice. Also, I wouldn't really recommend just giving us a synopsis of the plot. There's a difference between foreshadowing and plain telling us what is in the future. I mean, this isn't bad bad, but it takes out a bit of interest in reading if you practically say the summary of the story in one fell intro.

As for the actual chapter, I thought it was good. The introduction was a good lead in with the whole "Oh yeah, I'm a Pikachu" bit. Your telling of the past story is fine and wasn't overly drawn out (which is a good thing since it would be annoying reading through 3 paragraphs of backstory).

The rest of it consisted of the struggles of being small and the annoyed feeling from our protagonist. I like how you did the dialogue between the son and mom. So to sum it up, this is a good start so far, so keep it up.

Chapter Two: A Day In The Life
This was it, my first day of school in my new life.

I walked silently into the building, careful not to cause much of a fuss, well, as little of a fuss as a real life Pokemon in New York could create. I walked towards my first class, Chemistry, surprised to see the hallways look almost dead.

When I entered the class, I was promptly greeted by silence and stunned stares.

However, someone broke that silence. "OH MY GOD!" One boy yelled out. "A REAL, IN THE FLESH, PIKACHU IS IN OUR CLASS!"

A group of a few boys and girls then picked me up. "Aww," one girl said. "He's so CUUUUTE!". They started poking and prodding me, feeling my ears, tail, and furry back. "And you're so soft!" the very loud boy stated. "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" he bellowed. Looking in the back of the room I saw more people who had transformed, one was a Fennekin, another an Eevee, a Charmeleon, and a Jangomo-o, who seemed kinda jealous at the attention I was recieving.

"Everyone, keep it down" my teacher stated. "I know that this situation is quite interesting and all, but we need to get on with this lesson, we have an important test on Molar Mass coming up and we need to prepare." "Here's a 100 question work packet, I expect it to be completed shortly." Groans ensued. But before I got the packet the teacher walked up to me.

"Your parents told me about you, and the school has provided us with a smaller desk for people with your... condition". "Hold on one moment". He went outside briefly, before returning with a comically small desk which probably wouldn't even fit a kindergarten student. "Here you go, I think this will suit you much better"

My ears drooped when I realized how ridiculous the desk would make me look but I got in it anyway. I managed to do the lesson relatively well, though I heard some snickering in the background.

After that, it was on to Health, same song, different verse. Goes into class, gets small desk, people think i'm cute and stuff, including the teacher who is a big Pokemon fan. However English was different, most people's attention wasn't focused on me, they seemed to be more focused on classmate Michael, who turned into a Togedemaru and was the center of attention for HIS cuteness. Then, it was off to lunch. I tried to find my friends Mark and Alex, I walked over to my regular table, and instead of them I saw a Glaceon and a Litten. Man, is EVERYONE ending up cute? I feel sorry if anyone turned into a Magmar or Bruxish or something...

I walked up to them, jumping on to the chair. We chatted about what we normally talk about, as well as how it was going. I was relieved to hear they were doing very well, in fact they thought being real life Pokemon was super-cool. I ate my lunch faster than normal due to my sharper teeth. Near the end of lunch I was called down to my guidance counselor, probably to check on how I was doing. I walked down to the guidance office, where my counselor greeted me with a smile.

"Good morning!" she said enthusiastically. "How do you feel?"

"Pretty good, but getting used to the size of everything is hard." I responded.

"Yeah, it must be pretty hard due to your small size." She replied.

"My teachers and classmates are all very understanding of the situation, i've even been getting extra attention from people due to my cuteness!"

"Well, that's unsurprising." "Do you have anything else to add?" the counselor questioned.

"Well, this whole thing still feels like a dream. I mean, i'm a Pikachu, something that shouldn't even exist!" I stated.

"I understand how that feels. When I heard on the news of people turning into Pokemon, I was sure it was just a hoax!" She replied. "Anyway, not much else to state, just wanted to check on how you were doing. You can head off to your next class now."

"Okay, goodbye!" and then I walked out.

The rest of the day had Italian class, which had a very embarrassing moment where I invoulentarily let out a "chaa!" squeak during the typical attention over my cuteness, Orchestra, where I was excused from playing the violin, which I normally do, since I was way too small, Music Theory, where we, in "celebration" of the recent events marathoned all the Pokemon Theme Songs and discussed the musical motifs and stuff, AP World History, where I noticed one student had turned into an Electrode (Man I wonder how THAT felt), and closed out the day with Algebra class, where the teacher had turned into a Grovyle, and was the center of attention because he looked cool. In every class at least a few people had transformed into Pokemon, this made me feel happy because we were all in this together.

I took the bus home, where my two Chu brothers were there, we chatted about our day and it seemed they were happy. As the bus pulled up I was feeling very satisfield over the day. Everyone was so supportive, understanding, and kind about the whole situation and it made me super-glad. However, when we got home, we got a big surprise!

Chapter Three, Fame:
In the driveway of my house were a number of trucks, and people crowding around my house.

I was very curious at first, why were all these people here? Then, I saw on one of the trucks the text "EASTRIDGE LOCAL NEWS 3", and it hit me. These people were here to interview me! I immediately had a lot of questions, such as "Why are they here?" "How do they know where I live?" and "Is this actually a scam and they're trying to kidnap me" since y'know how does the news media know where I live? Unless they have like a record of the addresses of everyone which is spooky. However I soon realized that last statement was too paranoid, and honestly kinda dumb, and shrugged it off.

"And it seems that the three have arrived!" the lead news anchor stated. I saw my Mom and Dad walking back inside the house, I assumed they had already been interviewed. "Here are Tom, Scott, and Matt Franks, three of the victims of what the media has dubbed "PokeItis". "Now, Tom, how does it feel being a Pikachu?" she then passed the microphone to me.

"A mixed bag. On the minus side, It's weird being so small, most normal tasks are extremely difficult for me. But on the plus side, everyone seems to be very understanding of the situation, and I also get a lot of attention, though that's not surprising given that i'm a living, breathing Pikachu."

"Thanks for the info." "Now, Scott, how long have you been a... what's that thing called again?" She asked. "It's called a Raichu, Lindy" the co-anchor whispered, which I heard pretty clear with my new ears. I chuckled at this. "Oh yes. How long have you been a "Raichu"?"

"Today is my second day." my Raichu brother responded. "Though it was a gradual process and started a few days back. The tail was the first change."

"How are you handling the situation?" She asked.

"It was scary at first, but i've kept my head up. Doing lots of things now is pretty hard though, given that the transformation gave me no fingers." He then showed off his fingerless paws. "My friends have been very helpful though, the school has let them write down my notes for me".

"Also, a question for this very little guy down here, Matt. Many people in this town have turned into Pokemon as well, the estimates are possibly over 100. (For perspective Eastridge has a population of 2,000) What's your advice for people in your predicament?"

She then passed the microphone to Matt, I tried to hold back laughter at the fact the microphone was almost as big as him.

"For all you people who have turned into Pokemon as well, or are in the midst of turning into Pokemon, understand that it's not the end of the world, that you can still live your normal life no matter what. Also know that this may not be forever, and that there is always hope that you can be back to normal someday". I was pretty surprised by his formal statement considering his young age.

"Thanks for the insight. Now, before we go I have one last question" the lead anchor's cohort asked. "Do you know just how cute you are?" He stated, a cartoonisly large smile on his face. "I just want to pick you up and hug you and squeeze you and smoosh your cheeks and..." he was interrupted when someone else grabbed his arm and dragged him away.

"Sorry for that inconvenience, Steve freaks out whenever he sees something cute".

"It's okay, people do that all the time to me." I responded.

"Anyway, thank you for your time, and have a great day." She turned the mic away. "Now, coming up next. Jellyfish? In MY sink? It may be more likely than you think, just ask Nelson Neils." I didn't bother to hold back laughter at that.

We walked inside, where my parents greeted us with big hugs.

"It's so good to have you home!" Mom stated. "How does it feel being interviewed? You're famous!"

"Not sure if "famous" is the right word, given the fact it's only for a tiny news station, but i'm happy about it!" Scott responded.

"So your first day back went well?" Dad asked.

"Yep! And I hope that things continue this way" I answered.

"Me too!" My mom responded.

After the initial excitement, the rest of the afternoon went somewhat normal. I did my homework, which took longer than usual due to my tiny fingers, chatted with friends online, listened to music, and did all the stuff I normally did, including a great dinner of Popovers. I was in a very good mood, with all the attention I got from people in school and even from the news, and how I still managed to live kinda normal despite being a 1 foot tall rodent Pokemon.

But one thought I had lingering in my head was, could my band still exist? I could still sing, but Matt seemed way too small to play the drums, and Scott and Dan's lack of fingers would make it very hard for them to play guitar and bass, respectively. I hoped that what my mom said was right and that my dream of becoming a famous musician wouldn't die.

Later that night, as I went to bed, I was feeling happy, but also concerned about what the future held. What I didn't know was that tomorrow problems would lie ahead.

Chapter Four:
Thunderstruck
The next morning was very similar to the last one. I had got used to my new Pikachu body, and managed to do my morning routine quite a bit faster. Most of the school day was pretty ordinary too, people were getting used to the idea of having Pokemon in their classes, though I did get some squeeing once again.

However, a few notable things did occur that day.

First, I learned that I while I was lucky to get a good Pokemon, others weren't so lucky. During lunch, my friends told me about one poor kid named Don, who got turned into a Muk, and stank up everywhere he went so bad that he was not only removed from school but had to be quarantined, unable to leave his room. They also told me about one person who was in chorus class, who became a Jigglypuff, and had to quit because she couldn't sing without making everyone fall asleep. She seemed pretty broken up about that. Hearing stories like this were very eye-opening for me, and made me realize I was lucky to get a relatively "easy" body to deal with.

The second thing was a much more unpleasant experience. On the way back from lunch I was going to my next class, Italian, when suddenly a group of two edgy kids walked up to me, all decked out with piercings and such.

"Well well well, if it isn't the little Pikachu." The one on the left said in the most generic "tough guy" voice ever.

"What do you want?" I said, growling. If this was an anime a vein mark would have appeared on the side of my face.

"I've heard that you and your brothers are trying to start a band, and become "famous". The one on the right responded. "Seriously, who do you think you are? Do you seriously think that a group of tiny rodents would be able to sing and play instruments? Besides, you don't even have any talent". All the things he said just made me angrier.

"I'll have you know" I snarled, "That I have more talent in my two cheeks than you two have combined". Okay probably getting a bit too egotistical there.

"Are you sure about that?" The one on the left replied. "I've heard your music. Your voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard and i've heard better keyboard playing from when I dropped my cat on the piano." "And your puny bandmates aren't much better. The drummer in particular sounds like my six year old brother banging pots and pans". Taste is taste and all, but I was really getting ticked off by that point. However what they said next pushed me over the edge.

"And besides, even if you did have talent, you can't do it now. Unless i'm wildly mistaken and your guitarist can play guitar with no fingers, your bassist can play bass with... no fingers, and your drummer can even manage to hold the drumsticks." "Face it, you're a dead end. Reality is going to catch up with you soon. In five years, you're probably just going to be standing in the streets, handing out flyers for whatever project Apple or Samsung wants to sell now. Think about it, a advertising Pikachu! They're gonna love-" Every line they said felt like a hammer driving a nail in my skull, but that really did it, and I snapped.

"Shut up!" "You're wrong! Every single thing you said is wrong!" "If anyone's gonna end up a failure, it's YOU!". I screamed. I was incensed. Then, something happened that I couldn't believe.

Suddenly, blinding flashes of yellow light started streaking off of my body. They took on a shape similar to lightning bolts, and hit the two bullies in the stomach, with such force that they were knocked against the wall.

I stood there in stunned silence for a while, with only the sound of my deep breaths. How did I do that? Were they going to be okay? I knew they were jerks, but I didn't want them to be hurt. But then it clicked to me... I just thundershocked them! I was surprised by this, I didn't know that the transformation came with abilities. This is cool! "Does this mean I have other abilities as well?" I wondered. But then something else hit me. Am I gonna get in trouble? Will I be suspended? Expelled? I know schools these days don't really take kindly to this kind of stuff.

And then, right on cue, a teacher walked up to the scene. "Crap" I muttered.

"Alright, whoever did this, speak up" She said coldly. And there we go, i'm doomed. But I couldn't lie to her and say that it wasn't my fault. So I decided to speak up.

"Ummm... It was... me." I stated timidly. "These two kids walked up to me and..." However, while stating that sentence, something welled up inside of me. I don't know if it was guilt, or anger turning to sadness, like it sometimes does, or fear. But either way, I began to cry, tears running down my red cheeks. "I didn't mean to do it, I swear!" I said between sobs. I tried to regain my composure, and calmed down enough to explain the situation. "These t-two kids walked up to me, and... s-started saying r-really mean things to me, they said that...I was going to be a f-failure, and I don't know w-what happened next but they got hit w-with lightning bolts..." However the teacher interrupted me.

"It's okay." she said. "I know you must be still adjusting to your new body."

My ears perked up at that. "How did you know?" I stated. I had calmed down somewhat.

"Because i've seen this happen with other humans-turned-Pokemon. One Lucario kid accidentally used an Aura Sphere and put a big hole in the gym wall." She explained. "It's okay, you're not going to get in trouble." She reached down and patted my head. I was starting to get really sick of everyone treating me like an animal, even though I well... kinda was. I didn't say anything though.

We went down to the principal's office, where we sorted out the situation with him. The kids who I thundershocked were dazed, but not seriously injured. As a result, I didn't get in serious trouble, but I still got detention. Frankly, I deserved it.

When I got home I didn't even bother to talk about it with them, I just went upstairs and lay down on my bed, thinking about what had transpired.

Up until today things were going pretty okay with my Pikachu body, but now I was having second thoughts. This time I was lucky that I didn't harm the kids, but what if this happens again? What if that time they get seriously hurt, or even killed? Can I learn how to control my powers before it happens again?

These thoughts drifted around my head, until I fell into an unpleasant sleep.

Kay so before I begin I'd like to say I'll be talking about the chapters I've missed so far. Also, I can understand a non prioritizing for writing improvement, however I would still like to point out what I see. From what I've seen, you have a good interest in writing and sharing stories so if anything I want to help with the delivery.

I'd like to first talk about overarching issues I have with your chapters.

Your usage of ( ) first. While you are using them correctly, I'd advise against using them so much. Also, some the instance you are using them should just be part of the clause in general. ( ) are used mainly for clarification or information that isn't related to the clause directly and therefore is added info.

Rick Gastly said:

My tiny paws were too small to hit the keyboard keys, listening to music was tough with my super-sensitive ears (Though I could pick out a lot of details) and pretty much everything was made difficult with my small size.

Click to expand...

the phrase you have in the ( ) is related directly to your super sensitive ears. A way to remedy this is to use a comma separator or in this case hyphens.

The second I'd like to point out is your usage of CAPITALIZATION. I can understand the urge to use this as a means for conveying loudness or rage, but it comes off as sloppy and hard to honestly piece together in tone. It's out of place with your regular sentence and it can easily be replaced by more descriptive words along with your "said" or other words like, "shouted".

One more overarching thing I'd like to point out.

Rick Gastly said:

I walked silently into the building, careful not to cause much of a fuss, well, as little of a fuss as a real life Pokemon in New York could create. Walking down the hallway to my first class, (Since preperation took extra time I didn't go to the cafeteria) I was suprised to see the hallways look almost dead. Walking up the stairs to Chemistry was very tough due to my small size, but I made it inside.

Where I was promptly greeted by silence and stunned stares.

Click to expand...

Overdoing exposition. Pardon if this comes off as harsh, but about two sentences into this I wanted to skip. Exposition is good and all, but too much of it can bore and reader and make them skip sections. This can be very bad if it bleeds into important paragraphs being seen as basically how you felt at the time. I get you are trying to tell this story from your perspective, but we don't need to hear every specific detail. I can honestly sum up the important things in your paragraph by just saying,

"As I made my way to Chemistry class, I was perplexed by the lack of students in the hallways."

There's a reason, short and concise, is a writers good friend. It saves the reader boredom and gets to the point instead of unnecessary elaboration that won't matter to other people.

My impressions of your second chapter. You did okay in conveying the struggles of being a mon boy in a human world, however I'd like to say the exposition in a few sections could be better if you just added them to the dialogue.

Rick Gastly said:

"Having trouble, Tom?"

"Yeah, i'm way too small to type up my notes!" I explained to him.

"Don't worry" he said. "Your parents told me about you, and the school has provided us with a smaller desk for people with your... condition". "Hold on one moment". He went outside briefly, before returning with a comically small desk which probably wouldn't even fit a kindergarten student. "Here you go, I think this will suit you much better"

My ears drooped when I realized how ridiculous the desk would make me look but I got in it anyway. I managed to do the lesson relatively well, though I heard some snickering in the background.

Click to expand...

I find it odd that she'd wait till you were having troubles before giving you the desk. If she knew beforehand and this was requested, why not just direct you to it. If she has the concern for paying mind to your and trying to be "subtle" about it I have to ask why she would do a poor display like this.

Overall, chapter 2 was okay and nothing too significant in good or bad.

Chapter 3

Rick Gastly said:

But on the plus side, everyone seems to be very understanding of the situation, and I also get a lot of attention, though that's not surprising given that i'm a living, breathing Pikachu

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Run-on sentence. One a few I've noticed. Things can be split apart and while long sentences aren't bad, doing proper punctuation saves your reader from having to take a huge breath afterwards.

Chapter 3 is okay, save for punctuation errors and things. I will add that a couple of things you did write were pretty good. However, they were soured by sentences or strange things that honestly hit you out of nowhere. For example,

Rick Gastly said:

"For all you people who have turned into Pokemon as well, or are in the midst of turning into Pokemon, understand that it's not the end of the world, that you can still live your normal life no matter what. Also know that this may not be forever, and that there is always hope that you can be back to normal someday". I was pretty surprised by his formal statement considering his young age.

"Thanks for the insight. Now, before we go I have one last question" the lead anchor's cohort asked. "Do you know just how cute you are?" He stated, a cartoonisly large smile on his face. "I just want to pick you up and hug you and squeeze you and smoosh your cheeks and..." he was interrupted when someone else grabbed his arm and dragged him away.

"Sorry for that inconvenience, Steve freaks out whenever he sees something cute".

"It's okay, people do that all the time to me." I responded.

"Anyway, thank you for your time, and have a great day." She turned the mic away. "Now, coming up next. Jellyfish? In MY sink? It may be more likely than you think, just ask Nelson Neils." I didn't bother to hold back laughter at that.

Click to expand...

first it's Pokémon. Spelling check on this site, should show that you can fix this with right click and then selecting the right word. It comes off as lazy in editing and is kinda a poor reflection on it.

second, we get it the world thinks he's cute. This chapter I can say is showing us how bad it is, but your starting to just cram this info into our heads at this point. Plus, where would a news reporter act like this save for anime that are already pretty out there.

This also plays into after the interview. Your dialogue with your parents felt...bland. It was your basic exchange with no substance to it. I mean the only part that I had interest was when you commeted on the small news station not qualifying as famous. Even if that thought was a bit of a stretch to think, it was the single most interesting thing in that dialogue. So I'd at least advise gestures or things to add to the conversation than just talking. Words say a lot, but a picture is worth a thousand words.

Chapter 4.
Let me first point this out.

Rick Gastly said:

What do you want?" I said, growling. If this was an anime a vein mark would have appeared on the side of my face.

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This was a good example of being descriptive and adding to the feel of the mood. You're angry and well this addition adds to the frustration you feel and in a way paints a picture. Just thought I'd acknowledge something that genuinely made me smile.

Rick Gastly said:

"SHUT UP! "YOU'RE WRONG! EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAID IS WRONG!" "IF ANYONE'S GONNA END UP AS A FAILURE, IT'S YOU!".

Click to expand...

Refer to my capitalization comment. I'd would like to say I liked you emphasizing the "You" in bold. I would say don't make a habit of this, but this one shot of using it was effective.

Rick Gastly said:

Suddenly, blinding flashes of yellow light started streaking off of my body. They took on a shape similar to lightning bolts, and hit the two bullies in the stomach, with such force that they were knocked against the wall...and hit the water fountains, which promptly rained the contaminated water all over them (They hadn't got replaced because the school was lazy)

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There's an epidemic going on and if I recall you got the transformation from the water supply. So why pray tell haven't they fixed it or at least cut it off. This honestly comes off as the world being stupid and unrealistic. There are things I can let go as stupidity, but this is something I'd find way too hard to believe.

Rick Gastly said:

"Ummm... It was... me." I stated timidly. "These two kids walked up to me and..." However, while stating that sentence, something welled up inside of me. I don't know if it was guilt, or anger turning to sadness, like it sometimes does, or fear. But either way, I began to cry, tears running down my red cheeks. "I didn't mean to do it, I swear!" I said between sobs. I tried to regain my composure, and calmed down enough to explain the situation. "These t-two kids walked up to me, and... s-started saying r-really mean things to me, they said that...I was going to be a f-failure, and I don't know w-what happened next but they got hit w-with lightning bolts..." However the teacher interrupted me.

"It's okay." she said. "I know you must be still adjusting to your new body."

My ears perked up at that. "How did you know?" I stated. I had calmed down somewhat.

"Because i've seen this happen with other humans-turned-Pokemon. One Lucario kid accidentally used an Aura Sphere and put a big hole in the gym wall." She explained. "It's okay, you're not going to get in trouble." She reached down and patted my head. I was starting to get really sick of everyone treating me like an animal, even though I well... kinda was. I didn't say anything though.

We went down to the principal's office, where we sorted out the situation with him. The kids who I thundershocked were dazed, but not seriously injured. However, they did get the water on them, were they going to turn into Pokemon? Unfortunately, the principal wasn't very forgiving or understanding. I was suspended for two days.

"It's only fair." He stated. "If this had happened to you would you be okay with the person getting away scot-free?"

I was pretty angry at this, as even if I did do it it wasn't remotely my fault, I didn't mean to shock them at all, i didn't even know I could do that! But I guessed that it was only fair.

Click to expand...

I like that you show remorse and somewhat being horrified from what happened just then. Though I can't say I like the teacher doing this in the hallway rather than the office. This is serious and therefore needs to be treated as such.

So it's okay your not going to get into trouble and then you get suspended. Just saying that's kinda a contradiction. Even if this dialogue from the teacher is to keep you calm, the offense you did is still serious and I can't just say "A slap on the wrist talk" would be sufficient nor justified. If the teacher works with this with others then unless they are a psychiatrist I don't see an overuse of compassion here being realistic. Especially given the grave circumstances of your actions.

Repeating "it"

And I will say the last part of this ruins the remorse you displayed earlier. It was your fault and you said it. You said you were sorry and cried a bunch of tears over it, but later got a little angry over the detention (even if it seems to merciful in my opinion). I can understand an annoyed with being suspended, but your internal thought process comes across as self defeating for the set up you gave earlier. I get suspension sucks, but considering how the school has been annoying for you I could contest you'd be glad for a break at least. But my main point is that what you did shocked even you, and I fail to see you getting angry over this and trying to damage control. Plus the brushing aside as "Fair" isn't something I take kindly to since you had to come to such a conclusion. I may sound extreme in this, but I'm trying to emphasize the major problem I have with this chapter. Tone shifts and your character not staying to his mindset in this punishment. Also, the punisher seems too lenient to me. I'm sorry, but when you drag the lives of kids down it's not a matter of "accidents will happen".

Overall chapter four is my least favorite of the chapters. More or less how the tone shifts way to much and how unbelievable things are. I still think your story is worth reading, but I'd advise thinking things over in what you want to say. Think how people would react and if it'd make sense. Try and ensure things are believable and take factors into consideration. Also detailing helps.

I wish you well in your future works.