Alternate Decisions ~ Kanto's Empire -- (Please 14+ Mature Themes)

Dizzy

My Father is a Baron!
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    This is a new fan-fic idea that I was making the other day, I wrote the whole 1st chapter tonight, with some help from frostweaver. It's about the world of Kanto in the future, and how so much has changed, Explore the world with some new characters and some old!


    Chapter 1 -- Unearthing the Past! Stay out of Trouble!

    It was a quiet, normal day. The Sun reflected off the identically colored roofs. A city was born. Known for it?s perfect weather and great scenery, The City of Vermes, was built on the Ruins of that of the Primitive town of Pallet. The City wasn?t really that old, yet the people of the town try as much to preserve it. Just a few years ago, the City was a tiny rest stop made by the people of Pallet on what was known as Route 1. Ever since then, Pok?mon have been pushed more south towards the peak of the Ruins. The ancient laboratory, Oak?s Pok?mon Lab, sits, housing many Pok?mon. The Creatures in this old facility have grown violent, and the rule, survival of the fittest echoes through out the hollow halls of the ancient lab.

    A Girl and a group of friends enter this ancient site, looking for something important, for the professor of Vermes, The Nation?s new professor. Upon Entering, a large, snake-type Pok?mon, bearing fangs, hissed as it growled at the girl. Its body resembles the purple skies at daybreak. The Girl reaches into her backpack, pulling out a sphere, a pok?ball, throwing it to the ground, Calling out ?Seadra.? From the Sphere, an aquatic type Pok?mon of blue and white emerges, with fins as sharp as sharpened daggers, and a complexion as pale as ice. ?Seadra, darling, silence this Arbok before it begins to get ugly? The Girl commanded. ?Give it a Hydro Pump attack? She said, turning away to find the object. The Pok?mon lunged out toward the Snake, holding it?s body back and releasing a piercing jet of water. It struck the snake, creating a wound. The creature hissed violently, preparing for a dark, morbid attack. The creature, pulling back, concentrated, and whipped it?s tail out towards the Girl?s Pokemon. This was the feared ?Body Slam? attack. Seadra, crying out in pain, countered this attack by spitting ink into the Snake?s face. Blinded almost, the Snake opened it?s large blood red mouth, and shot little barbs of poison. Seadra, dodging it, waited at The Girl?s next command. ?Hold on! I found it! Could this be the Legendary Pok?dex?? The Girl Screamed out in an emotion laced with fear and joy. She Opened the Archaic, and now faded reddish-brown device and pointed it towards the snake. ?Arbok, the Cobra Pok?mon? the machine replied. ?I guess it?s working? the Girl said, facing the silent party. The Pok?mon, totally aggravated, lunged out towards the Girl. ?Ahhhh!? The Girl Screamed, as she ducked. The Arbok had flown out a window. Glass decorated the grass as The Girl and party observed out the window. ?I think it?s dead? one of the members said. ?That was a good fight, eh Seadra? You deserve a long rest!? The Girl said, Calling back the Pok?mon. As they hurried out the door, The Girl had her mind fixed on the device.

    As they left, The presumed-dead Creature moved around, quietly slithering to the small body of water just feet away. ?Look Out!? exclaimed on of the party members. ?Ahhhhh? the Girl Screamed, falling to the ground. The Pok?mon hissed, getting ready to attack. ?We have to kill this thing once and for all!? One party member said. ?I?ll do it!? a party member, a boy, said, stepping up to the monstrous creature. ?Go! Raichu!? The Boy Screamed, throwing a Green-and-Yellow Sphere to the ground. A light brown, well-tamed rodent came from the anima. ?Raichu! I want you to shock this thing with your most powerful Thunderbolt!? The scenery went still, many trees and the water surrounded the ancient site of Pallet Town. The Clouds shifted from puffy and a comfortable white, to a spiky, dark gray. Lightning bolts shocked Raichu, charging up the little creature. Once the creature was charged, it struck the Snake-like foe with 10,000 volts. Knocked out, the creature drowned in the lake, while a puddle of blood floated to the top of the water, staining it. ?Hey! Diana! Wake up!? the boy said, trying to wake up the passed-out girl. ?Huh! What?? Diana said, looking very shocked. ?It?s okay, try not to move, I?ll carry you to the Car? The boy exclaimed. ?Thanks, Danny, I don?t know what I?d do without?.y?? the girl fell back asleep, turning her neck to the side, revealing a small, poisoned bite-mark. ?Diana! You?re hurt! Just wait, I?ll get you back to Vermes City and we?ll heal you!? Danny said to the Diana, running to the Car. As he ran, the small Pok?dex fell out of her hand. ?Hey, Veronica, can you get that for me, I?m going to put Diana in the car.? Danny said, Opening the Car door, putting the sleeping girl in. ?All right, Danny, I?ll get that!? Veronica said, running to the device and falling over something. ?Ow!? Veronica screamed, holding the device and her leg at the same time. ?Are you okay, Veronica? Come on get in the car, it?s getting late? Danny exclaimed, starting the vehicle. ?Yeah?it?s?it?s nothing.? Veronica said, looking down at the now unearthed sign that read ?Green?s Residence.? Getting in the car, they drove on to the bustling City of Vermes.
     
    blah... last night I was chatting with multiple people and hardly caught any mistakes... either way...

    -unless the city of Vermes was just built, the statement "a city was born" is flawed, and a city can't be a *tiny* rest stop ;p (minor)

    -the "push" movement for Pokemon down south is unexplained (minor)

    -the group of friends seem to disappear magically right after being mentioned and only reappear after arbok flew out the window... it's rather odd how they didn't do anything to help out against Arbok until it flew out the window (minor)

    -battle with Arbok is still rather rushed a bit... there is just something unnatural about it, but I can't tell what O.o;

    -characters: nothing but names?

    The good points

    -a LOT better on descriptions compare to the last fanfic I reviewed... though there are some minor setting-contradiction/loopholes, we actually know where we are this time XD

    -a much longer post is always better than some 300 word junk (songfic/poem is of course, exceptions)

    -grammar also improved... lol it's a bit better than Acey's ;p
     
    Actually, Vermes is a new City! It's still being built as you will see in the next chapter. I didn't explain the "Push" South, because you'll learn it as the Story progresses. I'm working on the Next Chapter right now, so please, expect it ;)
     
    Dizzy said:
    Actually, Vermes is a new City! It's still being built as you will see in the next chapter.
    Click to expand...

    lol... then wrong tense is used... instead of making it simple past, make it past progressive so that readers realize that it's still being built ^^;
     
    Chapter 2 -- I choose you!

    It was getting late, the sun cast it?s last sunbeam over the ancient ruins of Pallet. The Party had just drove to the City of Vermes not to long ago. The City was not very old, only a few years old actually. The need for land was very important. The people of Vermes used what was once Route 1 to build their City. The Pok?mon of the area were forced to move more south, into the ruins of the town of Pallet. Vermes? Neighboring Cities, Viridian and Neon-Pewter, built gates around them, they feared something.

    The Party exits their vehicle, now parked outside of a grand, stone building. Carrying Diana inside, Danny scans the area for the Professor. Veronica, holding the precious artifact walks in, as if she was in a hurry. ?Who?s there?? the professor exclaimed. ?It?s only us, Professor Miranda, we recovered the POK?DEX like you ordered us to, we also ran into a very violent Arbok near the Laboratory in Pallet. Diana was bitten and she shows signs of Infection.? Danny explained to the tall, green-haired female Professor. ?It was a dangerous mission, but we accomplished it.? Veronica said, handing the red device over to the Professor. ?Well Done, I have another mission for you, which I?ll explain in a minute. Bring Diana into this Room, and I?ll heal her.? The Professor said, walking into a dark room. Turning on the lights, Danny lays Diana on a bed, the glass cover encases the girl, as the professor runs some tests. ?It?ll only be a second, whatever this Arbok did to her, it was really terrible, she shows signs of Poison and Paralysis, which is practically impossible. She?ll be fine, though, just give her a minute to regain her senses.? The professor said, executing the program to heal the girl. ?Where am I?? Diana said, waking up, looking around the room. The Girl was only but 16, with hair as gold as the sun, Her Eyes, as green as the Grass from Verdanturf Town. Danny, was tall, and had brown hair, he had brown eyes, and had a slight tan. Veronica, had Blonde hair, which was very long, and came down in waves, she wore platform shoes and skirts to make her look taller. ?Your Up!? Danny said to the girl. ?Hey Diana! I?m glad you?re okay! That sure was some weird Arbok, like it was possessed or something.? Veronica said, hugging Diana. ?Well, I?m glad you?re fine Diana, Now, I was explaining something about a mission to your partners, unfortunately?? The professor explained. ?Oh, a mission! On what may I ask, my dear professor?? Diana said, putting on a little sweet girl?s act. ?Well, it?s kind of odd, but, ever since the King of Kanto died mysteriously five years ago, the Elite Four and Gym Leaders have been acting really strange. I want you to go after them, obtain the badges, and defeat them. Only then, we?ll know the true secrets of what?s going on.? Professor Miranda said. ?So..it?s an undercover mission, I assume.? Diana said, looking at Danny and Veronica, rather than looking at the professor. ?Alright, we?ll do it? said Danny. ?Okay, thanks so much! Keep in touch with me, but before you do, I need to give you a few things? The Professor said, walking over to her desk, and taking out a few things. ?First of all, If you have a backpack, I suggest you bring it, filled with stuff you may need. To Veronica, I?m going to leave three things, this Diary, where you can record things on your journey, you can always send me the pages via the internet. Next, is this handy gadget called the Pok?mon Storm, despite it?s name, it keeps track of all your events, and it has a special compartment for your badges. And Lastly, I?m going to give you, this sword, it was forged under the flame of a Legendary Pok?mon, and holds the brand of Fire. It will keep you safe, I know it.? The Professor said, handing her all the items. ?To Danny, I have two things for you. This Pok?dex, don?t worry, It?s totally modernized, and this Bow and Arrow Set. It has the power of Ice built right into it.? The Professor said to Danny. ?Finally, Diana, I have Two Things for you, This Map, of Kanto, and this Dagger, with the power of grass, Once Charged by the sun, it will do you wonders.? The Professor said, handing Diana the Items, as she was about to say something. ?Now about your Pokemon, I?m aware that Diana has a Seadra, Danny has a Raichu, and Veronica has a Ninetales. When you get to the Next City, call me, and you?ll have three new Pok?mon ready! You Guys should go home and get some sleep, tomorrow will be your big day.? The Professor commanded. ?Alright Professor, We?ll see you early!? Diana said, as the whole team walked out the door. ?I sure hope they can do this? The brunette professor said, walking up the stairs to her room.

    The Map!

    Vermes City ? A New City founded on Route 1, the closest City to it would be the New Viridian City.
     
    Is my story that bad that you won't reply to it? :( I'm still writing the 3rd Chapter
     
    What a Lovely Fan-Fic Dizzy, I like it, even if other people dont :( Please, Continue!
     
    Thank you! In-Trance,

    Here is the Ending to Chapter II

    It was raining on the morning, it wasn?t cold out though. It was the kind of rain that made you wonder whether the world would melt or not, it didn?t feel natural. Diana, a 17 year professor-in-training, Danny, an 18 year old Pok?mon Breeder, and Veronica, a 16 year old Pok?mon Trainer, are ready to depart from the New City of Vermes. The closest city from Vermes was Viridian, a now desolate Metropolis, with towering skyscrapers, and some new points. At the professor?s lab, the three are ready to leave, when the professor stops them, giving them something important, her advice. ?This world isn?t as safe as it used to be, after the King died, people began harming Pok?mon and, well, each other. Many teams formed together, and now Team Rocket has been revived. Be sure to equip yourself well, somethings may just not go well, and fear for your safety, Until then, take care?

    :)
     
    I like the ending to that Chapter Dizzy, :)!
     
    Oh God, its not that great, just admit it, I have no writing skills what so ever...
     
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