LilyPichu said:
Ooh..originality...ooh....
>> <<;
I like it! The prophecy was okay, as long as you don't rush it too fast. I thought the whole prophecy in the beginning, as well as Team Aqua/Magma and the whole freedom of the babies were a bit fast paced, especially if all of the important events are stuck inside one chapter.
Grammar mistakes weren't that many, maybe just the dialogue problems I always have as well. The only real problem I had was the length. I just felt it was kind of short for such important things happening at the beginning...but that could just be me. Anyway, nice job! I'm curious about the prophecy, as it remains covetous except the few hints here and there...like the marks on the babies. The babies' identities are also secretive...oooh. *-*;
Keep it up! ^^
Thanks Lily. =3 And, lol, that could be because I wrote/typed it during the finals? xD; Inspiration just came to me, and I had to type... *_* More will be revealed, like this next chapter... =3
Ties of Water and Fire - Chapter two
Author - Miyu-chan
Author?s notes - I decided to introduce more of the twin?s fates in this chapter. I wasn't really happy with this chapter though... it just seems weird. x.x; Maybe cause it's kinda dark and depressing? O.x; Well, I only showed one of their point of view, because? I just don?t want to write an almost similar scenario twice. Next chapter will be from the other twin?s PoV though.
Disclaimers - Team Aqua, Magma, Pokemon, and the blue orb, do not belong to me. They belong to the Pokemon company, Nintendo, Gamefreak, etc.
---[START CHAPTER]---
?It?s her, she?s supposed to be the harbinger of the prophecy.? someone whispered to her comrade.
?Well, I heard that she?s going to bring some kind of doom to the world,? her friend replied sarcastically.
Seventeen year old Mizuno Yoshiko ignored her gossiping so-called ?teammates?. Ever since she was brought in by Team Aqua as a little baby, instead of her porcelain skin, her long raven black hair, or her warm honey colored eyes, all they saw was the ugly blue birthmark that covered most of the right side of her face. By now she was used to this kind of treatment.
She walked on quickly to the boss? office, where she was called. She stopped before the small computer screen located next to the door.
?Voice verification, please.? a metallic female sounding voice questioned.
?Mizuno Yoshiko.?
?Verified, please enter.? the computer replied, its door sliding open to reveal Team Aqua?s leader.
?Yoshiko!?, Team Aqua?s leader, Archie said warmly, while sitting behind his desk, his legs crossed comfortably.
?Leader.? Yoshiko replied, head bowed respectively.
?You may be wondering why I called you here today, on this special day of your birth, the day you were brought in and raised by our kind care?? Archie began.
?Kind care?? Yoshiko thought. She remembered the glares, the mental wounds, the physical wounds? They were jealous of her.
?I wonder why?? she thought sarcastically. After all, she was an orphan, with nothing in the world.
?Yoshiko, you are the one.? Archie said abruptly, disturbing her inner musings.
?The one??? she replied warily.
?You are the only one who could control one of the deities, Kyorge to it?s fullest potential to fulfill Team Aqua?s dream.? he finished, leaning back on his chair, propping his head up with his palm.
?You mean to control the water deity? To turn the whole Hoenn region to water for the benefit of mankind? To be the only one to fulfill our dream?? Yoshiko asked dumbly, her eyes open wide in disbelief.
?Yes, yes, and yes.? Archie replied while leaning forward on his chair, while looking to stare at Yoshiko with an almost maniacal glint in his beady little eyes.
Yoshiko just stood there, staring dumbly into space.
Archie got up from behind his desk and walked in front of her, hand placed reassuringly on her shoulder.
?You can do it, I know you can.? he said kindly. ?You?ve always been one of our most talented trainers, both in strategy and in heart.? he patted her shoulder one last time and walked back to his desk, while Yoshiko just looked at his actions curiously.
He took out a beautiful blue orb from a concealed drawer in his desk. It was transparent in color, so that you could see the power flowing inside, like the movement of a river. Yoshiko could feel the power it was giving out, it was hitting her in waves, like the waves of the ocean.
It was intoxicating.
To her utmost surprise, Archie placed the orb in Yoshiko?s outstretched palm, which she unknowingly held out, in order to ?feel? the power. She could feel it even more closely, every last detail of it. She closed her eyes as she started to give out a light blue hue.
?You will need this.? Archie said abruptly, averting Yoshiko?s attention.
She hated him. Why did he disrupt her joy? For the first time, she felt happy, and now?
?How dare him disturb her.? she thought angrily, not taking heed of Archie?s words, instead she just saw his mouth move, without a sound.
A branch of incomprehensible words escaped from her mouth, which bough Archie to the realization that Yoshiko wasn?t listening to him.
?Yoshiko??? Archie said hesitantly, approaching her cautiously.
The chanting stopped. Just as Archie was about to let out a sigh of relief, Yoshiko?s eyes shot open, glowing an unearthly blue hue. The air grew tense, making it hard for Archie to breathe.
Then it came. A power blast came from her chest and slammed into Archie. His eyes opened in shock as he flew across the room and slammed into the wall. He slid slowly down to the floor, groaning loudly while a trickle of blood escaped through his mouth and traveled down his beard. The groaning bought Yoshiko back to her senses.
?What? what have I done?? she whispered, looking at the blue orb in shock. Just because he interrupted her feeling the power, she did this?
?What kind of monster am !?? she said in a heart breaking voice.
She threw the orb across the room, which surprisingly didn?t break. It rolled over to Archie?s side, which caused him to open his eyes and mutter almost inaudibly, ?Yoshiko, we need you.? after saying thus, he lost to unconsciousness.
She ran back to her room, tears threatening to fall. She paid no attention to the whispers and rumors spreading like wildfire.
?They?re drowning me, I need to leave!? she thought frantically.
As the sight of her sleeping quarters came into view, Yoshiko stopped running and walked, exhausted to the door. She buried her head into her blanket and wept. Though no matter how she wept, echoes of Archie?s words kept vibrating through her brain.
?We? need you.?
Author?s notes 2 - I?m a bit surprised at how quick I updated this, cause usually I take 2 months. xD; (J/K) And, err? I don?t really know what Archie looks like, seeing that I only have Ruby. x.x; Anyone who could supply me with a picture? I'll be eternality grateful. ;_;
[EDIT] Added a bit of Archie's description, thanks to Marina. =) And I also changed the mistake that Lily pointed out. Thanks~ =3 If I have any mistakes, feel free to point them out, btw. ;D