Branded by a Bug

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    • Seen Mar 13, 2022
    Katsuro's Quick Guide:
    ? Title: Branded by a Bug
    ? Author: Paul [Katsuro]
    ? Genre: Dark Fic
    ? Rated: Teen
    -? Why: Gets darker as the plot progresses
    ? Extra Notes: A bug catcher finally gets his chance to shine x3 Gosh those trainers are under used ;-; The first chapter sets the story up, so there's a reason you won't find much description about protagonist.

    Branded by a Bug​

    Chapter 1: Silent Birthday​


    Floyd rounded a corner quickly and smacked into a large, square shouldered teen with dark brown hair. It knocked all the books Floyd had been carrying, and scattered them across the dull white floor of his school.


    ?Hey bug boy!? The older guy sneered, ?watch where you?re going!?


    ?So?sorry Marc?? Floyd frowned, and began picking up his books carefully while Marc and his friends pushed past.


    After gathering his books, he only stepped a few feet to arrive at his locker. Setting everything inside, he grabbed his bag, checking to see that it was properly filled with his homework, and exited the Academy to get on his bus.


    Gazing out the small cramped window of the bus, he could see the school?s name sign getting farther away, until at last he couldn?t read the big black letters that said ?Academy of Pok?mon Excellence?.


    All the teachers discouraged students from calling their school ?ape?, and instead using the proper acronym, but few students listened. Even now, the quiet Floyd could hear his more raucous peers complaining about how bad the day at ?ape? had been. Conversations ranged from how much homework they had gotten, to which teacher was the most unbearable.


    Finally, after a ride of silence, Floyd got off when the bus stopped in front of his house. The teen?s blonde hair contrasted with the dingy house he walked up to. His home couldn?t be accused of being in disrepair, but the forest behind it always left it in the shadows.


    ?Floyd! You?re finally home!? His grandmother stood at the door. She was wearing a purple dress that coordinated with her short, white curly hair.


    ?Grandma!? He ran exuberantly up the walk and hugged her.


    ?You didn?t think I?d miss your birthday did you?!? She smiled widely at him, ?Your present is on the kitchen table.?


    He grinned back and ran inside; sure enough a square box was wrapped up in shiny pok?ball wrapping paper. Floyd grabbed it and looked at his grandma, she nodded back; wordlessly giving her OK to open it.


    Before he started ripping it open, his mom came down the stairs carrying a larger present.


    ?Hey mom! Where?s dad?? His dad was absent from his little after-school celebration.


    ?Honey, he had to work late tonight. To cover the cost of your presents,? She winked at her son, ?No, actually he just came up with something the Silph Company is very interested in. You know how inventors are when they get started on a project??


    ?That?s ok, I?m sure it?s another great invention! I remember when he brought me the new porygon model, our PORYGON2,? His thoughts momentarily turned to the pok?ball in his room. He had never thought of it as more than a 3D pok?mon program, so not much attention had ever gone into using it to battle with, or whatever else trainers did with their pok?mon.


    ?Why don?t you open up your presents now?? His mom goaded him as she set down the box on the table.


    ?I think he?s really going to like his gifts this year Marcie,? Floyd?s grandma murmured into her ear. She smiled knowingly.


    After his mom had set the second gift on the table, he had eagerly began tearing off the wrappings that hid the small box. After several seconds, he was holding a featureless box in his hand. Carefully lifting the lid, he looked in and gasped.


    ?It?s?it?s?? Floyd stuttered.


    ?Yes! It?s a pok?ball!? His grandmother had an expression of self-pride on her face, ?See what?s inside Floyd!?


    His eyes lit up as he responded, ?Sure?? he threw the ball at the floor, ?GO! POKEBALL!? A white flash lit up the room.


    As soon as the pok?mon had materialized, the room was filled with a low buzzing sound. Floyd was taken aback for a second, as he was unnerved at the giant dragonfly-like creature staring at him. It quickly tilted it?s head back and forth.


    ?Y?YANMA!? Floyd hugged his grandmother tightly.
     
    Ooh, Bug Catchers are incoming! XD

    Time for a look-see at the newest addition to teh incomparable Kats' collection! XD

    Firstly, I didn't see much description of Floyd, his mother, or the house they live in. Yes, we all pretty much know what HE looks like, but not everybody reading this will neccessarily know. And I just know that the house contrasts with his blond hair. XD A lotta things contrast with a lotta stuff.

    I'm not even going to try to evaluate plotness, but I already like it because of the underuse of BUG BOYS. *winkwink* Oh, yeah, and you shouldn't capitalize the names of the Pok?mon unless it's an evil parody. XD

    Ooh, now I get to annoy you with my G/S evilness! XD
    Floyd rounded a corner quickly and smacked into a large, square shouldered teen with dark brown hair.
    Now, it may not be much, but putting a, um, whatever they're called, {-} line thingy between "square" and "shouldered" makes it flow better.

    Little thing, but how long was the brown hair? Little details. XD
    ?Hey bug boy!? The older guy sneered, ?watch where you?re going!?
    The older kid is calling Floyd by a nickname, and you capitalize the first letter of "watch". Also, the middle part can be taken two ways.

    "Hey, Bug Boy!" The older guy sneered. "Watch where you're going!"

    or:

    "Hey, Bug Boy," the older guy sneered, "Watch where you're going!"

    See? SEE? XD
    ?So?sorry Marc?? Floyd frowned, and began picking up his books carefully while Marc and his friends pushed past.
    Question one: why would Floyd frown and not scowl? Or grimace, or whatever? Frowning is usually used to indicate that the character is thinking about something rather intensely on something.

    Question two: not related to this passage, but why is he called Bug Boy if he doesn't have any bugs yet? All I know is that he's got a porygon2. Is he obsessed with bugs or something?
    All the teachers discouraged students from calling their school ?ape?, and instead using the proper acronym, but few students listened.

    "... but instead to call it by the proper acronym..." Also, it should be APE, not ape. It's an acronym! XD
    Finally, after a ride of silence, Floyd got off when the bus stopped in front of his house.

    Silence? But you just wrote that his classmates were busily chattering all around him. Maybe "after riding in silence" would be better.

    Whoops, gotta run, shall get on later.
     
    Oooh. you found enough mistakes XD

    - When I said 'ape' I didn't mean the acronym. They called it ape. Like the creature.

    - The ride of silence thing...I need to specify. It was him being silent XD

    - Hmm...scowl. Good.

    - Marc's scathing comment was meant as the second. I'll fix that~

    - Length of hair. Point taken. I'll add that! ^^;

    - I told you that this is a lite chapter to set the story up. Descriptions should be added though I suppose. *sigh*

    But did you actually like it? 0o;
     
    Oooh. you found enough mistakes XD
    What?! That's just the, um, *checks* seventh paragraph! XD

    Well, okay, if you say so. XP XD
    When I said 'ape' I didn't mean the acronym. They called it ape. Like the creature.
    I know, but when you're using an acronym, even of a living creature, it's supposed to be capitalized. "APE was really bad today". XD

    I still think that's a good acronym for school. The stuff they teach is for the bir-I mean, APES! XD

    Except English. XD
    But did you actually like it? 0o;
    I usually state whether I liked it or not at the END of the review. And I wasn't done, but yeah, I do. Oh, wait, I already said that.
    I'm not even going to try to evaluate plotness, but I already like it because of the underuse of BUG BOYS.
    Oh, yeah, and you shouldn't capitalize the names of the Pok?mon unless it's an evil parody. XD
    ^can't place enough emphasis on this. YANMA and PORYGON2 is for the games. In FF it's Porygon2 or porygon2. Otherwise you look kinda n00bish, unless you're writing a parody. XD YANMA used WHIRLWIND!

    So, do you have a vague, unreasonable date as to when the next chapter might be up?

    ?SilverBlaze09?
     
    Ok~ Yanma was capatalized because he was screaming.

    And PORYGON2 was a program. So in the spirit of computers, I'm capatalizing it. It plays later into the story that porygon2 was always just a "computer trick" to Floyd~
     
    Ok~ Yanma was capatalized because he was screaming.

    And PORYGON2 was a program. So in the spirit of computers, I'm capatalizing it. It plays later into the story that porygon2 was always just a "computer trick" to Floyd~

    Ah, ok. Works for me. XD

    Hmm, sound plottish. XD

    ?SilverBlaze09?
     
    It was pretty good. I didn't see most of your mistakes cause your writing is reasonably comprehensible and I'm not a critical guy. All in all, it was pretty good, and unlike some people, you don't have 20 different people revising your fanfic for you so the grammar mistakes can be overlooked (you don't, right?). Can't wait for the next chapter and good luck with it!
     
    20 people? Not yet ;D

    Mmmm~ I'm working on the next chapter now. ^^; Hopefully I'll get it posted soon.
     
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