A dream

[~Mewtwo_Rules~]

Kamon, a hero

I am kinda new to this so please do not criticize me. If you do I will give you bad rep (just a warning)
also if you are immature, or very dumb (sorry if I offended any1, i apologize) do not read this as it can get somewhat technical and may hurt your brain.
***NOTE*** THIS IS FICTION *duh* SO DO NOT GET CARRIED AWAY *believe me you won't!* KAMON MIGHT NOT BE AN ACTUAL NAME SO IF IT IS NOT PM ME! DEOXYS IS NOT A STARTER IN THIS CASE ITS AN EXCEPTION. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! ***NOTE***
you may feel free to tell me how to improve but remember no criticizism as you will get bad rep!

OKAY LET THE FANFIC PHENOMENON BEGIN!

*deep breath* I apologize for the ginormous size of the prologue

okay here i go

*P.LOGUE*
Kamon was a boy with a dream. He wanted to be a legend, and be a Pokemon Master. He thought, 'If my dad can do it, so can I.'
When he was 10 he could not bear it any longer, so he asked his father, 'Dad, where does Prof. Spruce live?'
His dad answered, 'It's just around the corner. He can tell you about Pokemon but I will give you the starting Pokemon. Which one would you like?'
He held out 3 gold pokeballs.
'These are the rarest Pokemon in existence. You will never find them in the wild. I have caught the only ones. I will send them out.'
He sent out the 3 Pokemon. They all loked identical, they were red and green and had licoricelike arms.
'These are also known as 00bers. You are lucky to get them, as there is only one of these three. These are called Deoxys. 'The one on the left, is attack Deoxys which can yield strong attacks but can be knocked out by any attack. It is the average. Its arms are powerful but its body is light and immobile.
On the other hand, Defence Deoxys is a whole different ball game, with a strong defence. It is heavy so most attacks do not hurt it. A real tank. It uses attacks like Iron Defense.
The last one is Speed Deoxys. Its light, sleek shape makes it blindingly fast and lots of attack, though not as much of an attack as the Attack version.
It is the lightest of the three, making it one of the fastest pokemon in Korenn (Kanto/Johto/Hoenn/Orre). Which one would you like?'
Kamon hesitated for a moment, then said, 'I'm into the speed Deoxys. I'd like it please

*Chptr. I.*

'Okay, then that is what you shall get. As you go on with your journey. I will call you with this cell phone.'
Kamon's dad handed him the cellphone.
'Now let's go to Prof. Spruce's laboratory. He will tell you about the game and how it works, how to battle, et cetera. Now, would you like me to take you to his lab, or can you go yourself?'
Kamon shouted, 'Da-aaaaad! I'm 10, for goodness sake! I can navigate for 300 feet!'
'Ok suit yourself.'
Kamon ran out the door, Pokeball in hand, to Prof. Spruce's lab. 1 minute later he came to a big sign reading 'Prof. Spruce's Lab Straight ahead.'
He trudged until he came to an enormous metallic house.
He knocked at the door.
A robotic voice spoke, 'You may enter.'

*Chptr. II.*

Kamon opened the surprisingly heavy door and an old man, roughly 55, came to the door. He was wearing a white suit and a red tie.
'H-hhi. I'm new to the Pokemon game so I was wondering if I could come here to learn more,'
'Sorry, he's busy. He's teaching a boy named Brandon. Your rival, I think?'
'RIVAL??! I HAVE A RIVAL? Why didn't my dad tell me?'
'Probably didn't know.'
15 minutes later Prof. Spruce finally came to Kamon.
'Ah, a new trainer we have don't we? Come step inside and I'll teach you to battle.'
I walked inside a steel room with beakers and spigots.
'Now, the most important step to battling is getting your opponents HP down to zero.If you do that, you're the winner. Some moves do better than other moves, some do not do anythying at all. Example, Fire is good on Grass, so using a fire move on a grass pokemon like Chikorita will do double damage. On the other hand use that fire move on a water type like Totodile will do half damage. Experiment to see which moves work better on different Pokemon.
'Pokemon need to battle to grow, some evolve. That Speed Deoxys you have does not evolve.

I will update when i have time. I have to go to bed.

 

[Lily]

I am kinda new to this so please do not criticize me.

How are you expecting to get better, then? XD

I think for your age, this is really good. =D! Description and details were put sufficiently, and I don't think I could write like that at your age. Either way, I understand why you would choose Deoxy as your starter pokemon, although legendary pokemon as beginners are..well..never mind. XD

Careful on the blatant, obvious things...like someone just telling you automatically 'dat's your rival!' would be kinda vague. =P

Only real thing I would advise you is your length...take your time with each chapter and I'm sure it'll turn out excellent! Nice job. ^^


oh, and bad reps make you look cool.

Still, don't abuse them by giving them out for a reason like that. ^_^;

 

[~Mewtwo_Rules~]

LilyPichu, what I meant is that do not say 'oh you suk at this' and 'my baby brother/sister can do better and (s)he's 2!'
Of course I will not give bad rep to mods, just don't take advantage of that and start critisizing me, then I will give you bad rep, which really doesn't make a difference XDj/k
And Deoxy are my favourie Pokemon
***RULE CHANGED NO BAD REP***
Okay on to my story.

cont. on Chptr.2.
'Some people use Pokemon for pets,' Prof. Spruce spoke calmly. 'Others use them for battling. I study Pokemon for a profession. By studying, we learn how Pokemon live, eat, and get along. We also learn how Team Rocket purged their hearts with darkness.'
'Team rocket? Who's that?' Kamon asked.
'They are an evil team led by a mastermind. We must foil their plans of creating evil Pokemon.If they succeed they will break loose and wreak havok on Korenn.

To be continued... I have to go to the babysitter. (Mom's friend,)

 

[Obsidian Blade]

Although I liked your description of the guy coming to the door, giving him a Deoxys and putting the word 00ber into a fic was not a good idea. Keep that sort of terminology (00ber, I mean) out of fiction. HP is alright so long as you don't start quoting it in battles, although some people may disagree. Back to the Deoxys problem, I always think that having a powerful legendary like that as a starter really undermines the Pokemon. I mean, no caring father would give his child a super powerful Pokemon because it would be dangerous so the logical conclusion is that the Deoxys is weak, something already hinted at through the simple fact that he caught it in the first place. Meh, excuse my babbling.

A rival isn't really someone that can just be given to you like that, they only become your rival once you've started competeing with them for something. Also, if Prof. Spruce's lab was just around the corner why did he have to ask? O.o;

'They are an evil team led by a mastermind. We must foil their plans of creating evil Pokemon.If they succeed they will break loose and wreak havok on Korenn.

Although it has been used many times before this plot will give you lots of room for action... and action rocks. ^^ Of course, you need good characters and writing skills to be able to pull it off, so if I were you I'd start building up Kamon's personality ASAP. What are his strengths? His weaknesses? As his starter is so strong, perhaps he is rather weak or not a good battler, just to counterbalance Deoxys. After all, you don't want him winning all of his battles!

I have to go to the babysitter. (Mom's friend,)

I sympathise *winces* but this begs a question: are you writing this in the reply window? If so, I have a way that you can really improve your writing... type it out in some sort of word processor, such as Microsoft Works or Word. Not only can you send it through a spellchecker this way, but you can save it so you don't have to post tiny fragments like you're doing at the moment. Generally, people will be more impressed if you write one three page chapter rather than three chapters, each half a page in length. You can also type out a plot in Word that you can keep track of without having to reveal it to all your readers. It really helps. ^^

Good luck with more chapters, and remember what I said about personality!
~Obsidian