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For my college course I was required to write and record two songs (I'm a music student). I uploaded these lyrics here about two months ago, they haven't changed but I finally have the recordings uploaded to YouTube. So I thought it would be nice to get some feedback on the overall song, heres the link to the song
If you do listen to the song, please excuse the out of key and overly reverbed vocals, I am most definately not a singer.
Perfect Circle
I felt the snow fall down on me,
Frozen in a world of white,
So bright that I couldn't see,
Yet still darker than the night,
As I stared into your eyes,
Through the rain of a darkened day,
I saw the spring sun rise,
And show me the way,
I walk in wonder of you,
As you surround my darkened world,
Your light, it shines straight through,
The crack in my perfect circle,
As I feel the sun's sweet burn,
A bright light appears to me,
You are there when I turn,
And I see my fears flee,
Leaves will fall and cold will rise,
This world will fade away,
But brought back by your eyes,
Which show me the way,
I walk in wonder of you,
As you surround my darkened world,
Your light, it shines straight through,
The crack in my perfect circle,
The night will soon stalk me again,
It can try to lock us away,
But with the sweet sound of your name,
Our sun will light the winter day,
I walk in wonder of you,
As you surround my darkened world,
Your light, it shines straight through,
The crack in my perfect circle.
-----
I also included a lyrical analysis with the song, so I'll post it here if anyone is interested.
Spoiler:
The lyrics of this song tell a story of meeting someone and falling in love, describing the multiple stages and feelings of a relationship by using characteristics of the four seasons as metaphors within the verses and middle eight. The first verse focuses on winter and spring, representing the time before the speaker met his partner and the period of him meeting and getting to know her. The second verse focuses on summer and autumn, representing the speaker's current situation with his partner and knowledge of possible approach of hard times. The middle eight is based around winter again and describes that the speaker is aware that there will be tough times ahead but that he does not fear them as he has faith in the relationship.
The song's title: "Perfect Circle" was inspired by the myth that only an insane mind can draw a completely perfect circle, representing that the speaker felt insane or mentally ill as he was missing something in his life before he met and fell in love with the person this song is about. I chose this title as it reflects the theme of focusing each verse around two different seasons well, especially as the first verse starts by describing winter and the middle eight does the same, meaning the verses move through each season in a similar way to how the seasons do so in nature, starting at one point and eventually returning to it in a similar way to a circle.
First Verse
The first half of the first verse is inspired by winter, this can be seen in "I felt the snow fall down on me, frozen in a world of white", which represents the time in the speaker's life before he met and fell in love with the person this song is about; a time of loneliness compared to his current lifestyle, which could be compared to the cold, harsh times of winter. "So bright that I couldn't see" Was influenced by a winter day with fresh snow on the ground, a nice and bright sight but it could be very cold and uncomfortable (as described in "Yet still darker than the night"), suggesting that he was putting up a facade of happiness at this time.
The second half of the first verse: "As I stared into your eyes, through the rain of a darkened day, I saw the spring sun rise and show me the way" describes the speaker meeting the person he is in love with and how she improved his life. This verse is focused around spring as it causes a number of changes (for example, the temperature increases and plant life begins to grow again), this reflects how the speaker's life changed at this time.
Chorus
The chorus describes the speaker's feeling towards the person he's in love with and how she has changed his life. "I walk in wonder of you" suggests that he is amazed by her perfection and cannot believe that he is with her, "As you surround my darkened world" states that she is a very large part of his life and always on his mind. "Your light, it shines straight through" states that the happiness she gives to the speaker never fails to improve his mood. "The crack in my perfect circle" shows that she has destroyed his previous state of depression (which is represented by the perfect circle because of the myth) and that her presence fills all holes in his life, making him feel complete.
Second Verse
In the second verse the speaker continues to speak in the present tense as he is describing his current situation and how he feels about life with the person he's in love with by his side. The first half of the second verse is influenced by summer, as made clear in "As I feel the sun's sweet burn, a bright light appears to me", which describes the heat of the season and is also a reference to how the speaker and his partner may argue from time to time, but because they love each other it doesn't affect him, therefore he refers to it as a "sweet burn" and says he sees a bright light after they argue. "You are there when I turn" describes how he feels his partner is always there for him and "And I see my fears flee" explains how all traces of his dark past disappeared in a similar way to how all traces of winter have disappeared by summer.
The second half of the second verse is focused around autumn: "Leaves will fall and cold will rise, this world will fade away" displays this, and "But brought back by your eyes, which show me the way" describes how the season represents the speaker's knowledge of how hard times may be ahead, but he does not fear them and knows they will not last forever as he has the person he loves in his life.
Middle 8
The middle eight describes the approach of winter, which previously symbolised a dark time in the speaker's life, "The night will soon stalk me again, it can try to lock us both away" tells the listener this. However, the lines "But with the sweet sound of your name, our sun will light this winter day" make it clear that he does not fear the times ahead and is confident that he and his partner can make it through them.
You seem to be the goth singer type. And that's a compliment.
Anyway, yeah, this is a neat song you've done. The opening seems a bit uneven, but maybe that's just me.
Just like "Fog", this song is just so eerie.
Good job!
You seem to be the goth singer type. And that's a compliment.
Anyway, yeah, this is a neat song you've done. The opening seems a bit uneven, but maybe that's just me.
Just like "Fog", this song is just so eerie.
Good job!
Well I'm not much of a singer at all, but thanks a lot, the only problem with that is that I want to write an album of songs influenced by Pokemon, so its kinda looking like the only song my vocals are going to suit is one about Lavender Town lol.
Personally I really don't like the vocals on this one, but it had to contrast the other which meant happy. I agree on what you said about the opening, I'm not really satisfied with this song, for most of the recording all that was going through my head was "This has to be in by the end of the week, so it'll have to do"
Anyway, thank you very much for giving me some feedback and I'm happy you like it =D
