A Piece of Wonderful Magic Woven my Me and my Friends:

[Jirachi]

I got the idea to make this poem, but my friends helped me make it.
Title: Creation and Beyond
Author: Mostly by Alice Drawdin (THAT'S ME!!!)
Date: January 1, 2003.
Reason for making: New Year's school music.
Extra information: We won!

We all came into this world as one.​

One as the birth of life.​

Life adorns our souls forever.​

Forever, whether we die or not.​

Not together is a loss of heart.​

​

Bless the kindness within our hearts.​

Bless the world we touch.​

Bless the day we all came together as eternal friends.​

Bless the stars.​

​

Took us a long time to make, but it was worth it.​

​

Well, what do you think think of it?​

​

 

[Mew13]

It's a very good poem, but the last two lines are a bit different then the rest of your poem. One's very long, the other, very short. In a poem, you should try to keep the lines from fluxuating too much or it messes with the delicate rythem you set up. Other than that, great job!

 

[~Ozy~]

See my sig for most of my opinion. I'm sorry. I suppose as a free and blank verse it's decent, or even excellent, but I can't really bring myself to like it. Furthermore, as an expressive/emotive piece it fails, at least in my opinion. I can't really get any feeling for anybody who was involved. I suppose it has meaning to your friends, as my own do for me, but to anyone who doesn't know you, well, it seems to make little emotional sensation.

 

[Jirachi]

Mew13, The second part is slightely separted from the first part.

And Adamant Dodger, you have no respect for poetry, it deosn't have to rhyme to be poetry!

 

[~Ozy~]

Unfortunately, I feel it does. Saying that I have no respect for poetry is a broad generalization and furthermore, to me, quite an insult. I can take free verse as long as it's not blank verse, and blank verse as lnog as it's not free verse as well. What I have no respect for is a "poem" that dispays neither rhyme nor rythm. Both of these things are integral to poetry. Look at e.e. cummings, one of the most respected free verse poets ever and notice that he creates rythm, if not rhyme. This is why I respect him and his poetry, even if I don't really like it. I would enjoy the entire piece far more if you had made an effort at one of these two pieces. What you have here is a random collection of thoughts and feelings. You also adressed nothing about rythm in your reply. By most any artistic definition, a poem must have one of these things.

 

[Jirachi]

Unfortunately, I feel it does. Saying that I have no respect for poetry is a broad generalization and furthermore, to me, quite an insult. I can take free verse as long as it's not blank verse, and blank verse as lnog as it's not free verse as well. What I have no respect for is a "poem" that dispays neither rhyme nor rythm. Both of these things are integral to poetry. Look at e.e. cummings, one of the most respected free verse poets ever and notice that he creates rythm, if not rhyme. This is why I respect him and his poetry, even if I don't really like it. I would enjoy the entire piece far more if you had made an effort at one of these two pieces. What you have here is a random collection of thoughts and feelings. You also adressed nothing about rythm in your reply. By most any artistic definition, a poem must have one of these things.

"Glory be to God for dappled things;
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh firecoal chestnut falls, finches wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced, fold, fallow, and plow;
And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim"

-first stanza of Pied Beauty

Yet another super-popular poem that doesn't have a rhythm and doesn't rhyme.

I just want to say to you, Adamant Dodger, one thing,
:p YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE REAL MAGIC OF POETRY :p

 

[~Ozy~]

But that does have rhythm. I tried it out on my drums.

"Glory be to God for dappled things; beat
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;beat
For rose moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;beat
Fresh firecoal chestnut falls, finches wings;beat
Landscape plotted and pieced, fold, fallow, and plow;beat
And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim"beat

And I'm not allowed to hold my own opinions on what good poetry is? I can't decide for myself what is good and isn't? I have to blindly follow amatuer poetic trends? :P

Anyway, I'm sure it has great personal meaning to you and your friends, and that's great. A poem should have an emotional and personal meaning, and this does. I'm glad for you, really. It's great that you entered this into a contest. From my own personal standpoint, I just don't like it.

 

[Blaine]

Hmm... The poem needs a great deal of cleanup. It's rather messy and unorganized. Yes, it is free verse, but... The verses don't go together very well... Perhaps if you were to lengthen the poem, adding a few lines inbetween what you have, it would make more sense and sound better and more clean. Same for the last section. Maybe, if inbetween each of the "Bless" verses, you could write a poetic explination of what they meant. Again, maybe expanding more as I stated above. The poem really could be great if only you lengthened it and just pulled out a few aces from your sleeve that comes with every writer's poetic license. Please forgive me if I caused an offense.