An Old Land A New Adventure

[Rift]

Since PD the fan fic kinda went belly up, I've decided to make a new fan fic XD lol Feel free to comment!

Chapter 1: A New Adventure​

In Pewter City a 10 year old boy named Scott Winters was now eligible to get his Pokemon license. Prof. Oak in Pallet Town gave away a Bulbasaur, a Charmander, and a Squirtle for starter Pokemon to beginning Pokemon trainers once a year and Scott, who turned 10 a couple months ago, could now get the one thing he had wanted all his life, a Pokemon!
?Hey, Mom how am I supposed to get all the way to Pallet Town by tomorrow?? Scott asked curiously ?Scott, don?t you remember I gave you train tickets two weeks ago, remember?? Scott?s mom answered ?Oh? ya, I remember.? Scott lied though he lost them when he was cleaning his room ?ok get packed Scott you need to be at the train station in three hours.? Scott?s mom said as she left Scotts room ?WHERES MY TRAIN TICKET!!! It has to be around here somewhere,? Scott said as he brought down a box of Pokemon stuff ?here?s my Snorlax stuffed animal, here?s my toy pokedex, here?s my pizza I was lookin for that? here they are.? Scott sighed
?Mom, Dad I?m all packed!? Scott said running down the stairs, he had dirty-blonde hair, sapphire eyes, a red sweatshirt, a pair of blue jeans, a pair of black gloves, a pair of running shoes, and a green backpack on. ?Hey Sport, all ready?? Scotts dad asked him while patting Scott on the head ?Ya, Dad I?m ready!? Scott said with a wide grin on his face ?Scott, Scott, hey Scott! Don?t leave yet,? Scott?s seven-year old brother Jimmy was running down the stairs ?Mommy told me to give this to you.? Jimmy said as he handed Scott a Pokenav ?Thanks Jimmy!? Scott said as he gave his little brother a hug ?I?m gonna miss you Scott.? Jimmy said ?I?m gonna miss you too buddy,? Scott said ?Well, I better get goin the train?ll be here soon.? Scott added ?Well, how about we all go,? Scott?s dad suggested ?Julie, honey we?re going to go to the train station with Scott.? Scott?s dad told Scott?s mom, Julie ?Okay I?ll be right there.? Scott?s mom said ?Okay, let?s get goin!? Scott?s dad said as they walked out the door.
?Here we are Pewter train station.? Scott?s dad Mike said ?Okay Scott we love you and we?ll miss you, and try your best out there your father and I packed your sleeping bag and some food for you.? Julie said ?Hey, Sport catch a ton of Pokemon and battle and win at the gyms to get at least eight gym badges so you can get into the Indigo League!? Mike said ?Scott, will you catch a Pokemon for me?? Jimmy asked ?Er...I sure will buddy!? Scott answered ?Wait up! Wait up!? it was Jake McCloud, Scott?s best friend he was also 10. ?Jake are you coming too!?? Scott asked ?I sure am I?ve wanted a Pokemon for a long time, so I thought I?d come with you!? Jake panted; he had run all the way to catch up with Scott ?Great, now I got someone to talk to!? Scott said ?THE SIX O?CLOCK TRAIN TO PALLET TOWN WILL BE LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES.? A voice said over the intercom ?Bye Mom, bye Dad, bye Jimmy! I love you guys! I?ll see you later to Challenge the gym leader!? Scott said as he boarded the train ?Bye Scott!? Julie, Mike and Jimmy said together as the train slowly started moving.
The train was already a mile away from the station and Scott and Jake found a seat ?Dude, you almost didn?t make it!? Scott teased ?Well, I went to your house to go with you guys, but you were already gone, so I ran to catch up.? Jake explained, Jake had brown hair, green eyes, and a blue shirt with a black vest, a pair of blue jeans, and a green backpack. A woman approached them asking them for their tickets ?Here?s mine.? Scott said ?Umm?I?uhh.? Jake mumbled as he grabbed Scott?s shoulder and whispered in his ear ?I don?t have a ticket?? as the woman was getting impatient ?You didn?t bring a ticket!? Scott said quietly ?It?s not that I didn?t bring a ticket it?s that I don?t have a ticket?oops.? Jake said ?Hey look a Beedrill?s comin this way!? Scott told the ticket lady, immediately she spun around and Jake bent over the seat and took a sleeping man?s train ticket ?Oops, false alarm!? Scott said as the ticket lady took ?Jake?s? ticket ?Thanks Scott you?re a lifesaver!? Jake said ? No Problem.? Scott replied as the train entered Viridian City.

 

[Frostweaver]

lol... I was planning to write a fanfic too if I get my MS-Office working soon XD;;

-craziness and grammar CAN coexist ;p

-like many other fanfics, this really lack descriptions... don't make it "script-like" with just dialogues as if it's the anime... readers heavily rely on your description for a story to be good

-don't make "descrpition paragraphs" where the story comes to a complete halt... be sure that a sentence with character description has more than just "is" or "have" as the only verb/helping verb in the sentence

-try not to use a name from the anime/manga/game as the name of an original character as well... confuses people beyond all belief

-so is Scott 10, or is he 13? XD


Just keep these things in mind, and your fanfic will be just fine ^_^; This review maybe overly negative due to my personal dislike at new trainer anime-style fanfics.

 

[Rift]

Thanks Frosty for the tips XD Scotts 10 and i wrote a rough draft on my Word a while ago, i just forgot to change Mays name to something else XD lol Chapter 2 will come soon XD

Hello! Im Mr. typo! X3

 

[Rift]

A Long Night​

?Only about a half hour till we get to Pallet.? Jake said looking at a map ?I can?t wait; my dad made us reservations to a nice Hotel close to Prof. Oak?s lab!? Scott said ?Awesome!? Jake said excitedly ?What starter Pokemon do you want, I?ve been wanting the Charmander!? Scott asked ?I kinda want Bulbasar, he?s cool lookin!? Jake replied as the train entered Pallet Town ?THE TRAIN IS NOW ENTERING PALLET TOWN THE TRAIN WILL BE AT THE STATION IN TEN MINUTES.? A man said over the intercom ?Let?s get our stuff ready.? Scott said as the train passed Prof. Oak?s lab ?Since we?re so close to Oak?s lab why don?t we get off now.? Jake said mischievously ?What do you?? Scott said but was interrupted by Jake ?THERE?S A HAUNTER ON THE TRAIN!!!? Jake shouted as the train stopped and everyone on board got off of the train and ran while Scott and Jake ran to the Hotel.
?I can?t believe you did that!? Scott told Jake ?Well the station is a good mile away from Oak?s lab, so I thought why walk?? Jake replied ?Still, what if they didn?t believe you?? Scott asked ?I don?t know, probably chuck this Haunter stuffed animal at them? Jake replied taking out a giant Haunter stuffed animal from his backpack ?Boy, you?re a genius Jake??Scott said and then ?What do you mean I?m not old enough to stay here I?M TEN YEARS OLD!? a girl shouted from the desk ?Miss I?m sorry but if you don?t have reservations you can?t stay unless you?re with an adult.? The hotel manager said ?But, I?m the world famous Pokemon trainer Amy Roberts, from Cerulean City!? Amy explained ?But Miss you seem to not have any Pokemon with you.? The manager pointed out ?Well? Ya that?s true but I?ll get my first Pokemon tomorrow from Prof. Oak!? Amy said ?Oh, fine you can have a room, so I don?t have to listen to your excuses. Your room is number 467.? The manager said reluctantly as Amy left to her room she passed Scott and Jake and said ?Good luck getting a room!? She said sarcastically as she went up the elevator laughing. ?Man, what a freak!? Jake said as he watched Amy go up the elevator ?Forget about her, let?s just go get our rooms before she does something stupid.? Scott said as the two approached the desk ?Good evening boys, do you have reservations? Or are you with your parents?? the manager asked ?We have reservations under Scott Winters and Jake McCloud .? Scott said as the manager checked the computer ?Yes, you two do have reserved rooms, your room is number 466, enjoy your stay!? the manager said as the two looked at each other ?You mean we have to have a room next to that psycho?? Jake asked ?Yes, but I suppose that was the last room with two beds but?? the manager began ?NO! The room we have is fine!? Jake and Scott said together as they walked to the elevator.
?Man, Scott these beds are cooommmfy!? Jake said flopping on one of the two beds ?Tell me about it!? Scott said flopping on the second bed ?We, should get some rest if we want to get to Prof. Oak?s house early.? Scott said ?Ya, you?re right, good night. ZzZzZ? Jake said as he fell asleep ?Good Night.? Scott said turning off the lights.
?Hmm, morning I can?t wait to get to?? Scott said to himself than he heard something from Jake ?Mmm, smells good it?s a?a GIANT DOUGHNUT!!!? Jake said in his sleep ?HEY! WAKE UP!!!? Scott shouted ?Where?s my doughnut?? Jake said with his pillow in his mouth looking around half asleep ?We got to get to Prof. Oak?s house!? Scott said hustling around ?Oh, yeah, I remember!? Jake said as they got dressed and got their things and left to Prof. Oak?s house.

 

[Frostweaver]

Err... refer to previous post? O.o; It's still lacking PLENTY of descriptions that's much needed.

Try to reduce the use of "said" as it's a very boring verb, or use adverb to help make it less boring.

 

[Rift]

The first 3 chapters are ones I wrote about 8 months ago, im just posting them on PC, ill start making better ones after my next chapter

 

[Rift]

The Starters​

?C?mon hurry up!? Scott said to Jake who was finally getting his doughnut ?Hey, Roadrunner it?s not a race to Oak?s ya know!? Jake said as he took a big bite out of his doughnut ?Yeah, I know I just wanna beat Amy there!? Scott said slowing down ?So do I, but it?s not that far from Oak?s?see.? Scott said pointing to a big white house up on a hill with flowers, and a windmill next to the house ?Wow.? Scott said as he finally came to a walk ?The place is HUGE!!!? Jake said as they reached the door and rang the doorbell ?Hello, who might you be?? an old man asked who had a lab coat on ?Are you Prof. Oak?? Scott asked the old man ?Yes I am, would you like to come in?? Prof. Oak asked opening the double doors revealing a beautiful house filled with mini waterfalls with pools filled with water Pokemon and a large kitchen with a long table in the center. The house had skylights everywhere, Prof. Oak led the two to his lab were the two sat down ?I bet I know what you two want, a starter Pokemon!? Prof. Oak said ?We sure are!? Scott and Jake said together ?Okay, than follow me.? Prof. Oak said as he took them to a table with two Pokeballs on top ?What happened to the other one?? Jake asked as Amy came through the back door with the Squirtle by here side ?Yeah, Prof. Oak I want Squirtle?Oh, what, are you two doing here, taking a tour?? Amy said sarcastically ?Getting a Pokemon what do you think?? Scott said at Amy ?I only figured you two weren?t old enough to get Pokemon that?s all? Amy said ?thanks Prof. Oak for the Pokedex and for Squirtle!? Amy finished as she walked out the door ?Well, with that feud out of the way why don?t you two pick a Pokemon? There?s still Charmander and Bulbasaur left.? Prof. Oak said as Scott picked up a red and white ball with a small flame drawn on it ?I?m guessing this is Charmander?? Scott asked ?Yes it is, is that the Pokemon you want, Scott?? Prof. Oak asked ?Yeah, I want Charmander, I think I?ll name him?Torch, yeah, Torch.? Scott told Prof. Oak as Scott opened the red and white pokeball and out came a little orange lizard that walked on its hind legs and had a flame on the tip of its tail. ?So, this is Bulbasaur, I want him Prof. Oak!? Jake said as he released the little green creature that walked on all fours and had a flower bulb on his back ?So, you two have decided that you want these two as your Pokemon partners, than you?ll need this, it?s a pokedex, a little device that automatically records all the Pokemon you see or catch! Now with that said and done you should head to Pewter City to begin the Pokemon Gym Challenge, I?ll explain, there are twelve towns or cities that have Pokemon Gyms you must earn at least eight of the twelve gym leader badges to enter the Pokemon League. Remember each gym leader has very strong Pokemon, so good luck to both of you on your Pokemon journeys!? Prof. Oak finished ?Thanks, Prof. Oak!? Scott and Jake said as they left Prof. Oaks house heading to Viridian City.
?We finally made it to Viridian City!? Jake said kissing the ground ?It was only three miles.? Scott said ?Oh?? Jake said with a blank expression on his face. They entered the city when Scott saw tall shady man in a black uniform with a big red R on his shirt ?What?s up with that lunatic?? Scott whispered in Scott?s ear ?Probably a carnie.? Jake said laughing as Scott and Jake saw Amy and her Squirtle walking towards them.