[Pokémon] An Unlikely Heroine

[Chαmpion Leaf]

An Unlikely Heroine (PG-13)

Personae huius fabulae

^P_K^M_N TRAINER MARY LEAF (the unlikely heroine)
^P_K^M_N TRAINER RED ASH (irritatingly juvenile)
^P_K^M_N TRAINER GARY OAK (the irrepressible hotshot)

PROFESSOR SAMUEL OAK (the Pokémon expert)


Author's Note:

Brief summary: We're all told that Red is the greatest trainer of all time. Well, Leaf was created in his exact image—they even have the same hair, inexplicably. So if Leaf's his alternate universe doppelganger, then she's the greatest trainer as well. This is her story—Red's still around, but he's just a sidekick.

Yes, this is a journey fic. It purports to be a novelization of FR/LG, and so the plot may not seem very original. It probably won't be—that's not the goal. The objective is to make Pokémon seem realistic in every level while still staying close to the essence of the franchise: thus battling and interaction will seem different, and characterization and personality will receive the utmost attention (characters have very limited personalities and growth arcs in the games). Originality is overrated—and I mean that, if it refers to banal plot elements. A plot is a sequence of events: when you add characters and personalities, it becomes a story. Using the same chain of events as a video game is not unoriginal or plagiaristic, rather it's the simple nature of adaptation which exists throughout the history of literature, and was even praised in antiquity (some of those most famous works, such as Oedipus Rex or even the Homeric epics are retellings of earlier stories). What matters is not what happens, but how it's crafted. Don't be a philistine—if your only interest is a chain of events, go watch some pedestrian TV drama. But if you want to give it a read, I'll do my best to make sure you're entertained.

Names: I'm using the anime name for the rival, because it works well enough. The heroine's last name is Leaf, so as to correspond with Oak, and her first name is Mary because it rhymes with Gary, and it follows the flower theme in Daisy Oak's name (Marigold is a type of flower). The names Red and Ash are taken from the game and anime respectively, and the red ash is a type of tree.

Capitalization: attacks and Pokémon names are in all-caps in the games. I am going to follow standard English usage with animals and nouns and keep them in the lowercase unless the situation demands otherwise.

Pronouns and Pokémon: Verbally, trainers will acknowledge a Pokémon's gender if they are inclined to do so. I have decided to use the genderless 'it' to refer to Pokémon in prose, so as to avoid pronoun confusion with actual humans.

Ages: The Red/Blue manual apparently states that Red was 11 when he started his journey, and the anime says that trainers can get their licenses at 10. That may be so, but it seems far too young an age to journey the entire world. Additionally, the official artwork and sprites of Leaf and the other main characters make them seem closer to being aged 13-15. I have thus decided to age them up for the sake of realism appropriate to the situations they'll be in, but to keep them young enough that others still amaze at their progress at such a young age.

Sexual content: The main character is 14 years old. Despite whatever kids may be up to these days, for the purposes of this story, that's too young to be involved in any sexual relationships—period. That said, people that age are precocious when it comes to that sort of thing and may tease and annoy each other at times, and older people say lurid and rude things. Such things may end up happening, as they would in real life, but decent characters will and should take a dim view of such things. Consider the story rated PG-13.

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PROLOGUE

Pallet Town

"Wakey wakey," came the sound of an incredibly smug voice, cutting through the pleasant serenity of sleep with irritating effectiveness. Then came the sound of blankets being yanked away, followed by the startling sensation of cold morning air washing over a body that had spent the last twelve hours being comfortably warm.

Mary Leaf's eyelids snapped open, and her cerulean orbs flicked about in surprise before settling on a very well-dressed young man. She shrieked and hugged her legs to herself, more out of embarrassment then for modesty, since her night sweater was fairly long. "GARY! What are you doing here?"

"Uh, hi Mary," came another voice, rather more awkward and typically teenage sounding. Leaf turned her head to regard the other speaker, who was dressed in a loose black t-shirt, blue and white jacket, and jeans. A League Expo cap with a stylized 'L' sat atop a face framed with messy black hair. "We were supposed to be at the laboratory an hour ago…"

"Clearly Mary was trying to get her beauty sleep," taunted the other boy. His auburn hair was stylishly spiked, and he wore a fancy silk sweater and baggy pants. "I think she may need a few more hours."

Leaf growled. "Get out of here!"

"Yeah, yeah, we'll wait for you downstairs. Keep your pants on… oh wait, you're not wearing any." He grinned and leered at her bare legs.

Leaf grabbed a pillow from behind her and threw it at Gary, hoping to ruin his precious hair. "Out!"

Gary caught it and laughed. "Whatever. Let's go, dude."

The other boy, Red, stared at her for a few moments. Fittingly, his face was turning quite crimson. He was brought out of his reverie when Gary snapped his fingers, and then scurried out of the room as quickly as he could.

When the two boys had left, Leaf jumped out of bed and ran out of her room. She wrestled with her sweater as she ran across the hall, pulling it above her head as her mother announced that the boys had come to visit her.

"Thanks for telling me, mom!" Leaf yelled back as she shut the bathroom door. Bathing was a hasty affair, and her head was filled with thoughts about this momentous day as she toweled off and wrapped the cloth around herself before she ran back into her room. She hadn't even bothered to dry her hair.

First, Leaf readied her yellow satchel bag by making sure that she had her IDs and all her relevant paperwork inside. She had just recently turned fourteen, and her mother had finally consented to let her meet with the professor. It had been a long four years, and the only consolation was that the other kids had waited for her—they didn't get along often anymore, but they still had their rare showings of mutual solidarity.

She was ready to leave then and there, but hastily remembered that she needed to get dressed first. Breathing a sigh of relief at having narrowly escaped humiliation in front of her friends, she rummaged through her dresser until she found an outfit she thought would be light and airy enough to do the job. She slid on a clingy sky blue tank top with thin straps that created the illusion of a dark trim with the black sports bra underneath, slipped on her underwear and a bright red miniskirt, and topped the outfit with her one concession to fashion, a wide-brimmed white hat with a band around the sides crowned by a half Pokéball—both in red.

Moments later, she emerged from her room and hopped down the stairs on a single shoe-clad foot while she fiddled with getting a loose blue sock on the other. Her remaining shoe fell out from the crook of her elbow and she fumbled down the stairs in her attempt to grab it. Red and Gary emerged from the living room to find her sprawled on the floor, and the last thing that Leaf could remember was the sound of Gary's mirthful laughter.
​

[…]

Leaf came to and was immediately confronted with a blinding yellow light. She shrieked, and the hands that were holding her left eye open withdrew with alacrity.

"What's going on? Where am I?" she shouted.

A man in a lab coat and khaki slacks had been holding her shoulders, and looked at her with some concern. Leaf remembered that she was on her way to see him when she fell—this was Professor Oak! Of course—he was tending to her, hence the little flash light.

"Do you remember who you are?" Oak asked gently. "Do you remember if you're a boy or a girl?"

She looked at him with blank astonishment. What sort of question was that? As far as she knew, not even amnesiacs were that confused.

"Please, tell me." Oak insisted.

Leaf could hear Gary muttering about her meager breasts and how he couldn't blame his grandfather for the confusion. She buried her face in her hands in embarrassment and annoyance. "I'm a girl, professor. Can we ge—"

"What's your name, dear?" Oak asked, also in that irritatingly kind voice.

"I'm Mary," she said. "We were supposed to get our Pokémon today."

"Yes, yes," Oak waved his hand in dismissal. He grabbed Gary by the arm and pulled him over to stand in front of Leaf, who was still lying on some table. The boy was trying to get a good look up her skirt while Oak clapped him on the shoulders. "This is my grandson. Do you remember his name?"

"Yes! I remember Gary. May we get on with it?" Leaf swung her legs off the table and vaulted to the floor, regretting only that she hadn't "accidentally" kicked Gary in the process. Still, she would put up with his antics a thousand times over as long as it meant that she'd get a Pokémon of her own. She'd dreamed of this day, and not even he could sour her mood.

Oak did look rather pensive though. "Well… I had set out three Pokémon just for you, but I could hardly refuse the other children when they requested to have their starters. I can't play favorites. Had you three came earlier this morning, as the other trainers did…"

"Gramps! Are you saying you gave away my Pokémon?" Gary demanded insolently. For once, though, Leaf was forced to agree with him. She'd waited so long, and now her hopes were to be dashed because she overslept? Oak had promised her this! It simply wasn't fair!

Overcome by her frustration, Leaf walked away as Oak tried to calm him down. As much as she wanted to yell herself, she knew that it wouldn't do any good. For now, she just wanted to be alone. As she made her way past bookcases and shelves stuffed with dusty tomes and instruments of all kinds, she heard the sound of rapid footsteps as Red jogged up alongside her.

"It's pretty crummy, isn't it?" Red said casually, with his hands firmly inside his jean pockets. Out of the corner of her eye, Leaf could see him searching her face for clues as to what she thought.

She forced herself to look forward. "Yeah," she offered, hoping that he'd take the hint that she wasn't in the mood for conversation—especially not conversation rehashing what had just transpired.

"Yeah, and it looks like the professor does have one of his own spare Pokémon for Gary," Red continued on rather obliviously.

"Good for him," Leaf muttered through her clenched jaws. "Listen, could you just give me some space?"

"Yeah sure…" he said, sounding rather deflated. The sound of his footsteps alongside her abruptly ceased.

Leaf knew she was being harsh, but she didn't have time to coddle the boy right now. She stormed out of the laboratory and slammed the door shut, just out of annoyance. The sound seemed to have shocked the few townspeople who were milling about.
Pallet Town was a sleepy little hamlet nestled at the tip of a peninsula, and was surrounded by forest on two sides and featured a calm lagoon to the south. Aside from the bulk of Professor Oak's laboratory, the town featured a few small houses and very few modern amenities. That wasn't to say that it was necessarily backwards: it was a place of leisure and relaxation, and Leaf had never wanted for anything. True, her family was not as wealthy as the Oaks—but the professor was something of an international celebrity. This fact often went to Gary's head.

The quiet suited her at the moment. Leaf headed straight for the lagoon, and sat cross-legged on the grass, contemplating the water. She gazed upon her reflection, which floated on the water with a serenity that she did not really have. Annoyed, she grabbed a fistful of grass and dirt, and tossed it into that pristine blue reservoir. She wanted to act out—she knew it was terribly immature of her and would solve nothing, but it felt good.

She took off her shoes and socks, laid them aside, and disentangled her legs so that she could insert her feet into the water. She wriggled her toes and gave a sigh of satisfaction as the coolness of the water brought a soothing sensation up her whole body. Then she leaned backwards until she was resting against the grass, and beheld the sky. Leaf resting like that for several minutes, just pondering the clouds, when she heard a strangled coo from somewhere nearby.

Propping herself up with her elbows, Leaf looked around until she noticed something sticking out of the water, between her legs. Her heart leapt in her chest and she almost jumped out of the water, before realizing that it was just a cute little Pokémon. It was light blue, a little darker than her tanktop, and it had little fin-like things on both sides of its head. Its bubbly eyes looked at her with what she imagined was a curious expression, but it looked a little pained.

How wild. Leaf had never been able to intuit a Pokémon's emotions before—though she realized that she'd never truly been close enough to one to try. Then she noticed a red-stained glass shard on the side of the creature's neck, embedded deep in its skin. The blood looked like it had scabbed over, but Leaf imagined that it couldn't be comfortable.

"Oh, you poor dear," she murmured. She reached for the sharp, intending to pull it out, but the creature squealed in panic and dove back under the water. "No, come back!" she called out to it, in the same tone of a mother calling to a frightened child.

The head reappeared in the water several feet away, and the creature—now clearly serpent-like—regarded her warily. Leaf had gone swimming in the lagoon many times, and she knew it wasn't terribly deep—but mother had always warned her not to go too far, because there was a precipitous drop in the landbank less than one hundred feet from the shore. She'd have to be careful not to scare the creature too far off.

Leaf slowly stood up, and stepped gingerly into the water. Sensing the creature's obvious discomfort, she moved very slowly—lifting one leg at a time and minimizing her forward motion so as not to create too many ripples around her leg. So far, it was working, and the creature didn't seem to be fleeing. It looked as curious as she was.
When the water reached her upper thigh, she lifted up the edges of her skirt and edged closer to the creature, which began to float off in the opposite direction. She started saying soothing things, as one might speak to a baby, in hopes of calming it down. Giving up all hopes of staying dry when the water reached her undergarments, she reached out to the creature with her hands.

"There now, I'm not going to hurt you," she told the Pokémon in her softest voice, one tinged with enchantment. She was in love with the wonderful creature, after having just seen it. She bent her knees and embraced its neck, and it seemed to calm down considerably at her touch, as if it understood what she was feeling. Its skin turned out to be composed of minute little scales, but the Pokémon wasn't hard or slimy at all—in fact, it felt soft, like a baby's bottom.

She felt at peace with her body resting against the Pokémon, and the water lapping up to her stomach. She would have enjoyed this tranquil moment forever, but she could feel the tension in the creature's body. It was clearly hurting. Still staying close, she let go of the Pokémon and examined the little shard. It didn't seem embedded too deeply.

She grabbed at it, and the creature gave what sounded remarkably close to a scream. She yanked harder, knowing that it hurt but that the Pokémon would be better off without it. As she struggled with it, she looked towards the shore and wondered if anyone was around to help, but they all seemed clustered around the tall grass at the northern end of the town. She shook her head, and then pulled at the shard with all her might—drawing blood from her hands, but managing to pull it out. The Pokémon gave a massive tremor, and then fainted outright from the pain.

Leaf reacted instinctively and caught the creature's head in her lap. She didn't know if it breathed water, but she couldn't find any gills—she even checked behind its ear-fin-things. Confident that she wasn't accidentally suffocating it, Leaf reached underneath and lifted the creature, easily hefting it despite the fact that it was huge and seemed twice as long as she was tall. She felt like some sort of heroic knight, carrying the serpent in her arms as she exited the water.

Eventually someone noticed her coming out of the lagoon, and the townspeople started to raise a commotion. Professor Oak, who was fussing over Red, ran towards the water and yelled at Leaf, "My girl, do you know what you have there?"

She rushed over to Oak, feeling exhausted despite the very slight weight of the Pokémon. "It's hurt. Please, take me to your lab," she managed to say in between breaths.

"Let me take it, Mary," Oak instructed. "I'll have my assistants watch over it."

But she refused to relinquish her new friend. "No, I'll go. Please come with me, professor."

Oak looked at her, then at Red, and then back at her. He put his right hand on her shoulder and said, "Very well. We'll take it to the lab and see what we can do."

"Her," Leaf said.

"What?"

"Her."

"Oh," Oak said, apparently deciding not to ask. "Do you know what Pokémon that is?" There was no mistaking the sound of excitement in the professor's voice.

Leaf shook her head, then waited while the professor opened the door of the lab for her.

"It—excuse me, she," Oak corrected himself when Leaf cleared her throat in objection, "is a dratini. They're very rare dragon Pokémon, and until very recently they were considered mythical. Most trainers will go their entire lives without seeing one."

The girl barely gave thought to the professor's words, since the dratini's well-being was all that she could bring herself to think about. She brought the dragon to an examination table in the lab, and then insisted on staying alongside the table as the scientists did their work. Somebody graciously offered her a towel to dry herself off with, as well as a cup of warm milk. She sipped from her drink, and then craned her head in to watch what the scientists were doing.

She wasn't at all sure what they were doing, but she did see them put some sort of ointment on the wound, and the dragon was restrained and hooked up to something that looked rather like a breathing harness.

Eventually, they quit work and retired for the night. Oak offered to call Leaf if anything happened, but she insisted on staying with the Pokémon for the night. So she placed a chair next to the table and watched the dragon's slow breathing all night. Eventually she grew tired and fell asleep with her head resting in her arms, and her arms lying on the dragon's flank.
​

[…]

The next morning, Leaf was awakened by the dratini's mild thrashing. She blearily rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and regarded the Pokémon with a sort of tired stupor. Her back was aching and she wasn't exactly possessed of all her wits so soon after waking up, but she could have sworn the dragon was looking at her. It—no, she—was awake, that much was certain.

Leaf realized that the poor thing must have been dreadfully frightened by all the restraints, and the muzzle-like breathing apparatus it was hooked up to. She favored the dratini with a smile, and noticed that it actually calmed at her approach. It still seemed agitated—but did it recognize her from before? She hoped so.

When Leaf finished removing the restraints, the dratini began to wriggle itself off the table. A technician grabbed the phone and called the professor, while a few others looked as if they were going to tie her Pokémon back up—Leaf gestured for them to stay where they were.

"Be careful, you're going to fall off the table!" she told the dragon in a rather concerned voice. The dragon just looked up at her and cooed, and then continued what it was doing.

Then she realized what was going on. It was shedding! She walked around the table to the other side, and lo! The wound had vanished, and she could see the damaged scales being sloughed off somewhere around the serpent's midsection.
By the time Oak arrived, the dragon had finished shedding and was on the floor, nuzzling against Leaf's leg. He looked at the two of them for some time, then went over to a computer console and pressed a button. After grabbing something that Leaf couldn't see from her vantage point, he turned back to her and handed her a small spherical object—a Pokéball!

"I think it's time I gave you this," he said, with a note of pride in his voice.

Leaf took the ball, and looked at it bemusedly. "I don't understand, I thought you said that all the Pokémon were already taken?"

Oak inclined his head and gestured at the dratini with his chin. "I think you've earned the right to train that dratini. Your dedication to her wellbeing was very admirable. But know this: dragon Pokémon are notoriously difficult to raise, and they test the limits of even the best trainers. Your journey as a trainer will be that much harder—knowing this, will you still train her?"

Leaf hesitated for just the barest of moments. She hadn't even started, and the professor was already speaking of grave difficulties—but she already knew her answer.

"I met this Pokémon for a reason. It'll be a challenge we'll take together, and it wouldn't be worth doing if it were easy."

Oak smiled. "Just so. I think… yes, let me call the others." He patted her shoulder, and then went off to use the phone.

Leaf looked at her first Pokéball, and then at the dratini. "Well, Dratini—you don't mind if I call you that, do you? Of course you don't. So I thought I'd ask you first, if you'd like to join me as a Pokémon trainer? Or a coordinator? I haven't really decided yet. I mean, being a breeder sounds interesting too. Or I could be a collector, I have a head start with a rare one like you. Oh, but I don't mean that you're just some prize, no, we'll be the best of friends."

Dratini just looked at her placidly.

Leaf smiled sheepishly. "No, I wasn't really expecting you to respond to me. It just helps to talk these things out, you know?"

Leaf tapped the Pokéball against the dragon's side, and the ball opened up and drew the Pokémon inside with a flash of yellow light. She beheld the ball with pride, and then pulled out a marker from the side pocket of her bag and marked a stylized 'L' above the Pokéball's center button. With her back now lying against her stomach, she placed the Pokéball in the left compartment, which would be located at the rear of the messenger bag when it was hanging alongside her left hip. The marker returned to the small pocket on the opposite side of the bag, while the larger central compartment contained her most important supplies.

Leaf loafed around the laboratory waiting for the others to arrive, and spent much of the time poking and prodding the various instruments, much to the consternation of the professor's assistants. It seemed that none of their work involved actual Pokémon, since they were pouring over numerical tables on the computer and forever scrawling little notes on pieces of paper. It seemed that being a Pokémon researcher as a lot less interesting than it sounded, and Leaf mentally noted to scratch it off her list of possible professions.

Red arrived first, and hovered by the professor. Leaf gave him a little wave, but he just pretended not to notice. What an odd one, that boy. Just yesterday he had been talking her ear off, and today he was so quiet. Boys made little sense, Leaf decided.
Still, she walked over to them in hopes of overhearing what they were discussing. It seems that Red was pestering Oak for a Pokémon. She had forgotten that he was the only one of them who didn't have one by now.

"I'm sorry, Red, but there's nothing I can do for you. It will take at least two weeks to order the next batch of League starters, and I can only place them in bulk—all the young trainers in Pallet have already received their allotment this season," the professor explained.

Red simply looked crestfallen. "But can't I catch one?"

"Not without a Pokémon of your own, I'm afraid. Otherwise I would catch one for you." Then Oak paused, as if mulling over an idea. "Perhaps it would be best if you were to accompany the others for a time? I'm sure they'll help you catch a Pokémon."
Red didn't look very pleased.

Then Gary strolled in, affecting a casual air but acting like he owned the place—which he might, in some years. The thought scared her. Now, while Leaf and Red still wore the clothes they had donned the previous day, Gary had assembled an entirely new ensemble. He wore a black collared shirt, open at the neck and short of sleeve, and some purple jeans. His hair was spiked and gelled, of course, and he wore what appeared to be a fanny pack.

Leaf had to cover a giggle. The ever macho Gary Oak could be so terribly girly at times. She would have to make sure to tease him about it later.

"Alright, gramps, what's up? I'm ready to head off on my journey already."

"Now wait just a moment," Oak chided, "I have a job for you. Mary has caught a rather rare Pokémon, and it occurs to me that I could use your help in my research."

Gary's eyes twitched when his grandfather praised her, but he said nothing.

"I've long dreamed of creating a complete encyclopedia of all Pokémon," Oak went on, "but I'm too old and my days as a trainer are long behind me. That's where you children come in—it may take many years, but I can't think of anyone with more potential. Let me show you my new device, the Pokédex."

He handed the three children a small red PDA, as well as some Pokéballs. After explaining the device's function, he told them to keep in touch with him on their journey. They were about to leave, but Gary took hold of her arm.

"Wait a moment, hot stuff. I want to see this fabulous Pokémon of yours."

Leaf pulled her arm away from Gary's grasp, and pulled some Pokéballs out of her bag. She found the one with the 'L' and lightly tossed it to the floor. Dratini emerged with a flash of yellow light, and gently cooed.

Gary pressed some buttons on his Pokédex, which promptly read out a brief summary of the species in a flat electronic voice. Then he scowled.

"Big deal. So you found a worm. Let's see what this dragon of yours can do!" Then he tossed his own Pokéball, and a little blue turtle emerged. It announced its own name, as if terribly proud of that fact. What a silly creature.

"So pushy!," Oak remarked. "Mary, remember that you have to give commands to your Pokémon, or it won't know what to do. Your Pokémon hasn't been domesticated yet, so it may not know how to respond to your orders."

Great, Leaf thought sourly. Still, 'Tini was a bit larger than that squirtle. There was little to worry about.

She consulted her Pokédex for some attacks a baby dratini would be likely to know, and was disappointed to learn that it only knew of two attacks. This wasn't going to be an easy battle after all. Leaf put her balled fists on her hips and steeled herself for her first Pokémon battle.

"Alright, squirtle, charge at that overgrown snake and give it a tackle!" Gary commanded. He seemed very enthused.

The squirtle began to run towards her dratini, and Leaf waited until it had leapt for its tackle before she issued her order. "Now, 'Tini, stun it with your thunder wave!"

Dratini took the blow and squealed in pain, but then it wrapped itself around the turtle and began squeezing it. The turtle yelped, and tried to free itself, but couldn't. It either ignored or hadn't heard her orders, but its survival instincts worked just fine.

Satisfied either way, Leaf pumped a first in the air.

"Don't celebrate just yet," Gary warned, "squirtle—bite to get free!"

But nothing happened.

The squirtle just looked at its trainer in blank confusion, and Gary shared the expression. Then he slapped his face.

"Oh, don't tell me you don't know that attack," he moaned. "Look, it's just like this!" Gary began to mime a biting expression.

Leaf laughed. "I can tell you're going to become a great master, Gary. Maybe your squirtle would respond better if you gave it a cute nickname—like Shelly? Or maybe Sheldon?"

Oak chuckled, but Red didn't react at all. He looked even more forlorn, probably because he wasn't participating in the battle.

Gary growled. "Taunt all you like. I'll still win this." He balled his hands into fists and began to stomp the floor in frustration.

Eventually, the squirtle's efforts paid off and it slipped out of Dratini's grasp. The dragon attempted to ensnare its opponent again, but the turtle began to dodge and continued to tackle the dragon with impunity. Dratini eventually began to cringe every time the squirtle approached, and gave up making attacks entirely, and Leaf sensed that the battle was over. She didn't want her Pokémon getting injured.

"Okay Gary, that's enough. You win," she said quietly.

"What was that?" Gary raised a hand to his ear, "I didn't quite hear you, speak up."

"Don't push it," Leaf warned. She was not in the mood for his attitude right now. She'd tolerated it for years, but there was something intensely personal about losing a match like this. It felt as if it mattered.

They both recalled their Pokémon, and Gary turned to Red and crowed. "Am I great or what?"

Then he came alongside Leaf and told her that he was sure she'd do better next time, in the most infuriatingly condescending tone possible. He topped it off, outrageously, by patting her bottom while he said so.

"Gary…" she started, with anger creeping into her voice.

"Don't sweat it, babe," interrupted, and then gave her left cheek a squeeze through her skirt. He doubtless felt her tense up, because he leaned in to whisper, "smell ya later" and then took an obnoxious sniff of her hair just before he departed.

She squeezed her hands tightly enough that her nails opened up some of the scabs that had formed on account of the glass shard from the other night. She was not happy—no, she was not happy at all. That was putting it lightly, but her mind was too awash with different emotions and feelings to put it all together.

Only one thought was clear: Gary Oak was a bastard. Never before had she an unkind thought for anyone in her life and she generally refrained from bad language, but the sentiment still came clear to her mind. Gary was a bastard, and that's all there was to it.

She flinched when Oak put a hand on her shoulder and soothed her, telling her that Gary's squirtle had been the offspring of his championship winning blastoise, and it was predisposed to win. Leaf didn't want people making excuses for her, and she was not yet detached enough to appreciate what Oak was trying to do, so she jerked her shoulder and walked away from Oak.

Red was even more oblivious. "Do you want a hug?" he asked in an irritatingly earnest voice.

"Do you want my foot up your butt?" she replied sharply. Upon seeing the effect of her words, she felt a little pang of shame. There was no use in being a sore loser, and snapping at those who were comforting her would do little to erase the sting of defeat. She hated Gary for doing this to her—it wasn't enough to defeat her, but did he have to turn her into a bitter loser too?

Some part of her knew that it wasn't fair to blame him for her own flaws, but she couldn't yet admit that she was just making excuses. Her pride wouldn't allow her to. She wished she could be a better person than this, but it would simply hurt too much to admit it.

"Come on," she told Red, gesturing for him to follow her out of the lab. She hoped that he was going to say something about her attitude earlier, but he didn't say anything. She owed Red an apology, and she hoped he wouldn't resent him for it. She just wasn't ready to swallow her pride yet—though legally an adult in Kanto, she was still very much a young girl.
​

 

[KajiVenator]

Just to note, a prologue is supposed to be a short but sweet teaser to your story that entices readers to keep reading. That's a full chapter you got there.

The intro part seemed a little out of place for me; maybe condense it into a paragraph? I'm no grammar guy but I think it looks fine to me.

What's Oak's problem? Amnesia? Alzheimer's? A desire to freak a kid out?

In my opinion, nothing really jumps out to me about this story although that may be because only one chapter is out.

 

[Chαmpion Leaf]

I appreciate your comments. However, I'd like to note that the word prologue comes from the Greek προλογος, which was the part of a play that preceded the actual story (hence the compound word)--it's virtually identical in meaning to the Latin praefatio, and praefationes could and often did reach the lengths of entire acts of drama (think Seneca, or even early republican comedians like Plautus).

So as far as literary structure goes, lengthy prefatory chapters have an extensive literary pedigree. As for its purpose in my own story, I have little intention of enticing readers to do anything. I don't believe in hooks or anything of the sort--I have a story to tell, and I needed to get some things down to establish the background, setting, characters, and conflicts before delving into the tale proper. Hence the long prologue.

As far as Oak--who knows? Demetia, most likely. One of the first things I felt I needed to do was mock the beginning sequence in the games where Oak asks his ridiculous questions. I doubt this will be the end of his antics, either.

So again, thanks for the feedback and I hope you continue reading. I hope to post the next chapter within the week, but I deliver no promises. However, I'll answer any story-related or technical questions people have to offer, and am willing to entertain suggestions or ideas if people feel like offering them.

 

[Scales]

Just to note, a prologue is supposed to be a short but sweet teaser to your story that entices readers to keep reading. That's a full chapter you got there.

I appreciate your comments. However, I'd like to note that the word prologue comes from the Greek προλογος, which was the part of a play that preceded the actual story (hence the compound word)--it's virtually identical in meaning to the Latin praefatio, and praefationes could and often did reach the lengths of entire acts of drama (think Seneca, or even early republican comedians like Plautus).

He has a point. A prologue is what precedes the actual story. However in traditional fiction it is rather unorthodox to have a prologue, which is full length compared to the other chapters. It does get rather dull as in my experience, Ive just used a prologue as an excuse to place foreshadowing. I believe the reason he thinks the prologue is a teaser is because most writers post the prologue first, then the first chapter and so on. So it's like the hook of an essay to some.

Personally I am finding it a little odd that the prologue here is the introduction to your story and ultimately leads up to your first chapter. Actually, without reading the word Prologue there assumed it was the first chapter. Writers usually do not use prologues unless there is some thing in the backstory you hope to invest attention to, perhaps including a little dramatic irony. But I find that waking up and receiving a pokemon before going on the road feels like the start of a story, not before the beginning of one.

I hope you prove me wrong with the first chapter and I can see that it was a true prologue. Till then I await more by you.

 

[KajiVenator]

Just going to put this up here for reading: https://www.pokecommunity.com/posts/527262/

That's where I learned the general length of a prologue. Sure, a prologue can be as long as you want it to be but you're putting it online for a reason: you want others to read it. You're basically turning people away by using an entire chapter instead of a short prologue with hooks. Hooks draws readers in which is a good thing unless you want your story on the second page, not responded to for a while.

Just so you know, I'm no epically good writer myself and my opinion is my own but, by posting it on a forum, you basically asked for reviews and opinions so I gave mine to you. The most important thing when writing is writing what feels good to you, which you did, but, if you want more readers, you should probably think about my recommendation for a short, hooking prologue.

Have fun writing and I am waiting for the next chapter.

...Just like I want opinions on my story because I want to improve my writing skills and show my creativity to the world (but then again, no one has replied about my third chapter yet so yeah...).

 

[Chαmpion Leaf]

Scales:
"Traditional fiction"? Whose tradition? Dating from when? "Writers usually do not use prologues"? Which writers? How typically is "usual"?

You're quite welcome to your opinions, but I don't find it helpful to post tips based on vague generalizations that aren't backed up by citation (I offered examples). What works for a vast multitude may not work for an individual, as every work of art is crafted to be unique regardless of whatever handbooks one might use (else one might wonder how Sophocles ever wrote his tragedies, having been born too early to consult Aristotle).

KajiVenator: Well, I hope you aren't confusing my sharp disagreement (which is a scholarly dispute) with unappreciation. You're taking your time to offer pointers, and that's nice of you.

I'm just not inclined to take them. I don't feel the need to follow someone else's suggestions. I understand that a short and sweet prologue may work as a great hook, but I'm not interested in gimmicks. I don't feel the need to draw readers in by employing tricks, nor do I keenly feel their absence by doing so.

Guides are helpful, but they don't fit everything. Nor are they always correct: I recall a sample passage on another site suggesting that what amounted to purple prose was preferable to short and concise description. Imagine that! That's not to say that ornate prose doesn't have its uses: there can never be such a thing as a hard and fast rule when it comes to literature, or we'd have no innovation.

But all this is a terribly pompous and overblown way of saying "I like my story this way, and am writing for myself--the audience is secondary." :p

And again, thank you, though.

 

[Scales]

Scales:
"Traditional fiction"? Whose tradition? Dating from when? "Writers usually do not use prologues"? Which writers? How typically is "usual"?

You're quite welcome to your opinions, but I don't find it helpful to post tips based on vague generalizations that aren't backed up by citation (I offered examples). What works for a vast multitude may not work for an individual, as every work of art is crafted to be unique regardless of whatever handbooks one might use (else one might wonder how Sophocles ever wrote his tragedies, having been born too early to consult Aristotle).

I apologize for any grief I might have presented, but opinions generally do not demand a citation and I did not feel a need to give one. I am speaking in generalities based off of both novels I've read in the past and comparing those with Pokemon fanfics I've read.

While every work of Art might be unique I am only giving my feedback based off what I saw. There is no need to take offense toward it.

But all this is a terribly pompous and overblown way of saying "I like my story this way, and am writing for myself--the audience is secondary." :p

And again, thank you, though.

If one posts a work of art on the internet they must be prepared to receive a wave of different opinions. In that regard you are writing something for yourself, but presenting it to other people. This is necessary for the improvement and refining of a writing style and highly recommended on my part to do with future pieces of work you create. That way you will know for sure what works and what doesn't.

Anyway, I hope to see what comes next

 

[Chαmpion Leaf]

You bet. Like I said, I appreciate the intent behind the comments--I just don't feel they're terribly applicable. Disagreement is not offense: and just as you are free to make suggestions to something I posted on a messageboard, I am similarly free to have an opinion about it. This is not a one-way street.

As the suggestions amounted to my choice of "prologue" over "chapter one," I felt it necessary to remind people of the term's literary and linguistic roots since that's pertinent to how the word ought to be used (modish misinterpretation aside).

But that should be enough of this discussion. :)

 

[Celest8]

To be honest, I've always wanted to read, and maybe even write a novelization of one of the Pokemon games, so I know I'm going to enjoy this. It'll be interesting to see what the game would've been like if the characters actually had emotions, with some unexpected twists and turns, and without the main character being a mute. Haha. So far, this read has been a treat. Can't wait to see what ya have in store for the next chapter. =)

 

[eveelution]

She consulted her Pokédex for some attacks a baby dratini would be likely to know, and was disappointed to learn that it only knew of two attacks. This wasn't going to be an easy battle after all. Leaf put her balled hips on her fists and steeled herself for her first Pokémon battle.

This was the only obvious mistake I could find. When I read it I had to make a double take. Really funny mistake. :D
Other than that, nothing popped out at me. I really like your style of writing and how realistic you make it. Keep writing!

 

[Chαmpion Leaf]

CHAPTER ONE - RATS!

Route 1
​

It was almost midday when the pair of young trainers set out towards Viridian City. Having lived in Pallet Town for as long as she could remember, Leaf had little knowledge of the world beyond—though she had of course read of the great Safari Zone in Fuschia or the immense radio tower in Goldenrod. Those names were as but distant lands to her, as foreign sounding as the regions of Sinnoh and Hoenn were to other Kanto-jin. Route 1, so named because it had been used as a salt run in primitive times, bestrode a rocky ridge that lorded over Pallet as if it were protecting it from the outside world.

Yet none of this occurred to Leaf as she took her first steps out of Pallet Town. Her primary concern at the moment was avoiding mud puddles that might stain her official League sneakers, so she gingerly watched her steps as she trudged through the foot-tall grass. She wore her socks high, as was apparently the fashion in the bigger cities of Kanto, but the top edges of the grass grazed her calves even so. She briefly considered putting off her walk to Viridian to change into something more practical, but she was loathe to do so—who said a trainer couldn't look cute? Her outfit was all League memorabilia—she saved up and mail ordered her ensemble bit by bit while waiting for her fourteenth birthday—and she wasn't about to switch into some boring leggings just for a walk into town.

It was a bit of a walk, though, Leaf realized. Though the route was a straight path along the ridge, various rocky outcroppings forced the road to snake side to side along switchbacks, making them popular for joggers but a source of frustration for Leaf. She was breathing heavily by the time she had reached the fourth curve in the trek, and she momentarily paused to bend over and catch her breath.

She wondered how Red was faring, and turned her head to take a look. He was looking at her quite intently, but abruptly turned his gaze to the trees that bordered the ridge. Leaf thought it was rather strange that he wouldn't meet her eye.

"Sorry about that," she apologized as she began to catch her breath.

"Huh? Sorry about what?" Red looked at her with bewilderment. He still seemed to look a little guilty.

"I didn't have the most comfortable sleep last night, so I'm a little winded. I hope you don't mind terribly," she told him.

"Oh," he said, still looking surprised. It was likely that he didn't expect her to be so tired. "We can take a break, if you want."

Leaf didn't want Red thinking of her as a lightweight, but she was too tired to pretend otherwise. She leaned her back against a nearby tree, on the sinus of the curving route, and sat down on the floor to stretch out her legs. They felt wobbly and her calves were positively burning—she had no idea that one could get so tired from walking such a short distance—why, she could still see the roofs of the various buildings in Pallet if she looked down to her left. She supposed that walking uphill must be more taxing than even running about on flat ground, which she'd done her whole life.

She expected Red to take the tree next to her, but he sat cross-legged in front of her and began picking at the grass. She paid him no mind—he didn't have to be such a terrible show-off about not being tired. It was something Gary would do. It didn't matter, anyway.

Leaf lifted the strap of her bag above her head and dropped it on the ground between her legs. She opened the middle pocket and rummaged through her various supplies until she found what she was looking for, a nutritious bar in a foil wrapper—or rather, what appeared to be the corpse of a nutritious bar after it had been mauled by a rampaging Sandslash. Leaf made a face, but ate it anyway—smashed food was better than no food, and she hadn't eaten all day.

While she was eating her chocolatey protein bar, Red appeared to be giving her bag some forlorn glances. Leaf wasn't sure what that was about, until she realized that the poor guy was probably hungry too—naturally he was too busy pretending to be a manly man to acknowledge the fact. She shook her head and smiled knowingly to herself, and scrounged up another bar.

"Here you go!" she called cheerily as she tossed the bar to him. Yet again, his head jerked in surprise, and the bar ended up hitting the brim of his cap and knocking it ajar. Leaf found the effect comical, and brought up her right hand to politely cover a giggle.

He frantically tried to fix his hat, and then began fiddling with the wrapper of the nutrient bar until he was finally able to tear it open. The two of them sat there eating quietly. Leaf found it a little eerie—though they hadn't spoken much on the hike up, it seemed a little awkward to be just sitting in the grass silently. Finally, she just couldn't take the silence any longer, and spoke up.

"So why didn't you pack any food? If you had gone separately like Gary, you'd be starving" she asked him, in a far more patronizing tone than she had intended. It was just too weird to be sitting here, talking to him.

"What? I'd earn money by battling, of course," Red said between bites.

Leaf made a deliberate show of swallowing her food and gently brushing away food from the sides of her mouth before speaking. "How would you make a living from battling? You couldn't make nearly enough to pay for steady food, much less a place to stay." She tactfully decided not to mention the fact that he didn't even own a single Pokémon.

"Who needs a place to stay?" Red asked earnestly, "how would I complete this Pokédex if I sat around in a house all day? I could do that back in Pallet."

Leaf rolled her eyes. "Honestly Red, you're such a child! I was planning on getting a decent job at Viridian, and enrolling at the city gym on the side. Whether I want to participate in Contests or the League, I'm going to have to work for a while first, and then get some training done. How are you going to travel around if you can't even afford transportation?"

Red's face turned blank, as if he were taken aback by the question. "I hadn't thought about it. I suppose I was just thinking of wandering the world and catching Pokémon… I sorta forgot that I need to eat and sleep too."

Leaf was going to chide him for his foolishness, but then she felt something tickle her leg. She moved her other leg over to rub at the affected spot when she felt something warm and fuzzy dart out from beneath the arch of her knees. Leaf shrieked and jumped to her feet, suspecting the worst.

Red blinked and asked her what was wrong, and Leaf just continued to point and shriek at a dark shape in the grass. She grabbed her bag and started swinging it wildly against the floor, not caring that she could have damaged the contents inside. She kept thwacking it over and over until a snarl issued from the grass; then a trail of jostled blades revealed the Pokémon's hasty retreat.

Leaf began to calm down. "It was… a… icky… rattata," she managed.

The boy laughed in disbelief. "You freaked out because of a little rattata?"

Leaf stomped at the ground and glared at him with blazing eyes. "It touched my leg! Just… ewwww, do you know where those filthy vermin have been? They, like, eat trash all day!"

She wasn't a girly girl, like Gary's older sister, but there were some things that made her revert into one, and a rattata was one of them. Red seemed to notice this uncharacteristic change, because he started teasing her and calling her a sissy. He laughed for a while, then abruptly stopped and looked very penitent.

Sighing, Leaf slung her bag across her right shoulder and looked mournfully at her half-eaten bar, now covered in dirt. Well, if the filthy rodent wanted it so badly, it was welcome to it now. Still, it probably wouldn't do to leave the wrapper there—so Leaf kneeled down to grab it, and she stuffed it in one of her bag pockets. She reflected that perhaps it would have been more practical to wear jeans, but she could send up for more of her clothes once she was settled in an inn or something of that nature.

Leaf started walking back down one of the switchbacks, prompting Red to ask her where she was going. She told him that she wasn't about to saunter through rodent-infested grass and that if he had sense, he'd come with her.

"What? No way, I'm hoping to catch that little rattata. You gave it a nasty surprise, and I'm going to try and capture it while it's weakened. That is, uh, if you don't mind," Red declared, starting out strong but ending on a kind of hesitant note.

She shuddered—not timorously, but out of sheer disgust. "Nooooo, no, you're welcome to that filthy creature!"

Shaking her head in wonder, Leaf walked down along the same path in the direction of the previous kink in the road. She tried looking for places where climbing would be easy, but she wasn't having much success. The ledges were short enough that she might be able to leap down from them, but they seemed just too tall to climb.

Experimentally, she went up to one of the shorter edges and tossed her hat over the top of the ledge. She could just about reach the top of the ledge, and she pressed her palms against the top and hefted with all her might. It took several tries before she realized that jumping up while trying to press downward with her palms was actually counterproductive, and that she hadn't the upper body strength to hold herself up like that. Then she tried propping a foot against the rocky surface of the ledge, and pushed horizontally against it while pressing downward with her hands. Eventually she got enough force to push her trunk above the surface of the ledge, and as she pressed her chest against her arms, she rocked forward to shift her weight forward to relieve some serious pressure off from her arms and finished by kicking her right leg over the ledge, allowing her to pull her remaining leg up. This accomplished, she collapse against the dirt and let her forehead rest against the ground.

She was exhausted, sweaty, and dirt had gotten everywhere. This must've been why people had Pokémon for the long grass—climbing these ledges was insane and exhausting. Leaf made a mental note never to try it again. She lay there for a while, bizarrely propping herself up by her knees and forehead but unwilling to move to a more comfortable position until she'd rested for a few minutes. When she got up, she half-expected Red to be standing right there, as her ever-present shadow, but he was still playing in the grass.

After putting her hat back on and brushing some dirt from her arms and skirt hem, she took a stroll towards Red. Though exhausted, she was flushed with confidence after her little stunt, so she was willing to indulge him a little. When her legs began to rustle the tall grass, Red held out a hand for her to stop, and then bright a single finger to his mouth to gesture for silence. The whole while, his eyes never left a little bird that stood atop a little boulder.

Leaf waited for him to make a move, but he didn't. His eyes flicked back to her, and he tilted his head towards the bird. Did he want her to catch it? She wasn't sure, but she had to admit she was impressed with how professionally he was taking all this. He wasn't as awkward as he usually was—she supposed he had been looking forward to becoming a trainer just as long as she had.

Leaf pulled her bag to her stomach and tried to quietly remove a Pokéball from the left pocket. Then she gently pressed the button at its center to increase its diameter from its storage size, and cocked her arm for a throw. She knew that she was supposed to weaken it first, but pidgeys were relatively easy to capture and she didn't want to risk scaring the thing away. After taking a deep breath, she flipped her wrist and let the ball fly.

The ball began to arc downwards as soon as it left her hand, and it landed in the grass with a little plopping sound. She had missed the pidgy by at least three feet! The bird noticed the sound and hopped off the stone and scurried towards the ball, and Leaf heard noises that sounded suspiciously like the bird was pecking at it in curiosity.

Red, for his part, again succumbed to laughter. At least she had the decency to try to stifle her amusement at his expense, Leaf thought, but Red seemed to enjoy her humiliation. "You throw like a girl," he said mirthfully.

"I am a girl," Leaf countered hotly. Her cheeks were furiously red with embarrassment. Unwilling to be daunted, Leaf reached into her bag for another Pokéball. She was sorely tempted to throw it at Red, but she didn't have it in her to be so petty.

The pidgey was still pecking away at the Pokéball. Leaf was certain that it was aware of them, but it mustn't have regarded either of them as a threat. It wasn't important; Pokémon psychology wasn't her interest, training was. She cocked her arm back again, and then threw the ball in an identically girly fashion.

This time, the short arc was perfect. The ball hit the ground near the pidgey and snapped open, revealing a bright yellow light that seemed to envelop the bird before drawing it in. After the light subsided, Leaf could see the grass rustling around where the Pokéball had landed. She rushed towards it, hoping that it wasn't about to burst open with an angry pidgey: being raked by talons would sort of ruin her day.

The ball was completely still when Leaf had reached it. That means she had caught the Pokémon! The only trouble was that she wasn't entirely sure which of the two balls contained the pidgey. Not wanting to embarrass herself again, Leaf picked up a ball in each hand and clipped both of them to her skirt band after pressing the button to shrink them to just smaller than the width of her palm. Now she had three Pokeballs resting against the small of her back, though only two of them contained actual Pokémon. Still, she felt like an actual trainer now.

She turned towards Red and beamed. "I caught my first Pokémon!" After jumping in the air a few times in pure joy, she turned towards Red, who had been watching her celebrate. "Thanks for letting me catch it, but don't you still need a Pokémon?"

"Actually, I caught that rattata you encountered earlier. You weakened it by hitting it with your bag, I think." Red looked at the ground and dug at the dirt with the tips of his sneakers. "So I thought it was only fair that I helped you."

"That was very sweet of you," she said sincerely. She walked towards him a few steps and gave his hand a happy little squeeze, and favored him with a very thankful smile. Red continued to kick at the dirt, but Leaf could have sworn that he might have been blushing a little.

There was little excitement during the rest of the hike. There was one more zig and one more zag, and then the two young trainers reached the terminus of Route 1 and looked out as Viridian City spread before them. The place was vast, stretching from eye to eye in a way that Pallet Town never could have. There were so many roads and buildings that Leaf was utterly bewildered—and the people! She could have sworn she saw at least fifty people milling about on the street right in front of them, and could scarcely imagine how many people lived in the city—perhaps even a thousand!

She knew there was one place to start, though. She spotted a rather large building to the north and west, build into the stone of a mountain outcropping and decorated in a rather ornamental fashion. Even from this distance, she could make out the outline of a large Pokéball gracing the pediment of that gargantuan structure. Surely this was the city's Pokémon Center, what else could it be? There, she would find all the information she needed about how to make a living in Viridian as a trainer.

This, though, would turn out to be another one of the many surprises she'd have today.

The two of them walked through a narrow mountain pass and left the bustle of the city behind. Leaf reflected that the Pokémon Center was located in an awfully inconvenient location, but the quality of the road seemed to suggest that this pass was being used for something important—and what could be more important than the city's Pokémon Center? Well, the building could turn out to be the gym. That wouldn't be too terrible.

As the pass gave way to an opening, Leaf could spot the roof of that large building rising beyond the top of a nearby thicket of pine trees. The path looked like it skirted around the forest and hugged the mountainous walls of the opening—hopefully it did eventually lead to that building. Leaf was beginning to think that this secluded place was not the likeliest place for a Pokémon Center, and was about to tell Red the same when she spotted a familiar figure turning into this very path.

"Oh great…" she mumbled under her breath as the figure resolved itself to be Gary's. She knew he'd have something to smart crack about, and she wasn't quite in the mood for it. It had been a long day, and the sun was beginning to set below the western mountain peaks—Leaf wanted nothing more than to take the rest of the day easy.

She banished all signs of exhaustion from her face as Gary drew nearer; it simply wouldn't do for him to see her exhausted. Had she known she was going to run into him, she'd have tried neatening up a little: her clothes were still looking a bit dusty from her earlier exertions. Leaf hoped that he wouldn't notice.

"Yo, Mary!" Gary greeted her with a half-wave, "you're headin' for the Pokémon League? Forget it! I bet you don't even have any badges."

Leaf didn't care for his tone. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "And I suppose you do?"

Gary affected nonchalance. "Nah, I was just checking out the opposition. Turns out they're clever and try to keep the competition in the dark. Guess they figured I'd be a threat?" he snorted, and sounded very pleased with himself.

Leaf rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that was the reason." His attitude could get very tiresome—Gary never realized that other people didn't enjoy talking about him as much as he did.

"Somebody's saucy today. Maybe I'll just have to show you my new Pokémon." If anything, Gary sounded even smugger.

"Fine, if that'll shut you up," Leaf said jokingly. She reached behind her and picked up one of the Pokéballs with her right hand. Hoping desperately that this wasn't the empty one, she let it fly.

Gary tossed his as well, and two identical flashes produced two identical Pokémon.

"Perfect! Let's see which of us is really the better trainer, then. Pidgey, tackle attack!" Gary gestured animatedly towards Leaf's pidgey.

Leaf belatedly realized that she hadn't researched her new Pokémon at all, and that she had no idea what it could do. She couldn't just grab her Pokédex now and look like an idiot in front of Gary, so she did the only thing she could think of to avoid embarrassment: pretend that she knew what she was doing.

"Counter-tackle!" she ordered with faux confidence. But as she watched, her pidgey just stood around pecking at the ground—which was asphalt, rather than dirt! The thing didn't even notice the other bird running towards it. Leaf covered part of her face and watched as Gary's Pokémon slammed straight into hers and knocked it over. Then, her disbelief mounting, she watched as her Pokémon began to flee from its assailant.

"Hey! Call your Pokémon back!" Gary demanded, outraged. "There's no running from a trainer battle! I can't believe this. What a coward!"

Leaf was too stunned to feel embarrassment or shame. What was her pidgey doing? She had no choice but to recall it. As she reattached the Pokéball to her skirt, she fingered her other Pokéball and thought about her battle with Gary earlier today. Could her dratini even battle?

Gary's pidgey stood there, somehow looking as smug as its owner. The bird even had some slightly wild plumage that reminded her of Gary's own hairstyle, and she wanted nothing more than to see her Pokémon punch it in the face… or tackle it, or anything like that, really. She knew she was being petty again, but she felt it was justifiable after another embarrassing defeat.

The bird's trainer smirked. "Going to send your big scary dragon next?"

As much as she would have liked to, Leaf decided it would be irresponsible. What kind of trainer would let a Pokémon get beaten up twice in one day? No, dratini deserved a break—she would take her lumps instead of her Pokémon.

"No. I concede the match," Leaf said wistfully.

"What was that?" Gary asked gleefully.

"Don't push it," Leaf warned. "You won."

Gary recalled his Pokémon, and then advanced across their roadside battleground to extend a hand to Leaf. "Good try there, sport," he said condescendingly.

Leaf shook his hand and blinked back tears. "Thanks… but I am clearly in over my head."

Gary, somehow, managed to show sympathy. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her right arm. "Aww, come on, don't be like that. You'll take all the fun out of it."

"Yes, I bet it's fun when you always win," Leaf retorted bitterly. She blew a stray hair out of her line of sight, which Gary mistook for a wistful sigh.

"No, seriously. You can't be a good trainer if you're so serious about it. Come on, you used to smile all the time. You've gotta just learn to relax and it'll come naturally." The two of them had begun walking back towards Viridian City, completely ignoring Red.

"You think I can do it?" Leaf asked him, unsure why she was showing all her insecurities.

"Sure thing, babe, you've just gotta take the time to do things right. Train the suckers, y'know? How's a wild bird you just caught gonna understand your orders?"

What he said made a lot of sense. The same thing had happened to her earlier in the day, too. Clearly she had to actually train her Pokémon—but she didn't exactly want to play the role of drill instructor with them either. She felt she had a special bond with her dratini, and it deserved to be raised, not just trained. Perhaps even that oblivious bird of hers might gain a little sensibility if she paid some attention to it. How had Gary managed to drill his Pokémon on attack orders in just a few hours, though? The hike alone should have taken him a while…

Leaf was pondering this for a while, and she had completely forgotten that she was still walking in Gary's arms. After a while, she realized that his hand was on her right breast, and it had been there for some time. Where did it come from? How come she hadn't noticed it? She was taken completely off-guard and it took her a few minutes to register that his hand was—then he pinched her nipple.

"OW" she protested, "that hurts!" Then she jerked her shoulders so that his arm was knocked away.

He looked at her, and then his eyes widened. "Oh… oh. I didn't know you were with Red. I'm sorry."

Now she jumped away from his arm completely, and then faced towards him, forcing him to stop in his tracks. "What are you talking about," she said, sounding extremely frustrated. "I am not with Red. I.Am.Not.With.Red."

"Oh, you're not?" he said casually. "Then what's your deal, Mary? Come on. You can't fool me."

Leaf didn't know what to say. She felt acutely embarrassed about the whole thing. Her anger at him evaporated in a storm of desperation, and somehow he had gotten her to think that she'd denied him the rightful privileges of victory, or something. She wasn't stupid—she knew exactly what he was doing, but somehow it was still working. Why did Gary always win?

"Well, I've got to get going, tell me next time." Gary sketched her a mocking salute, and then walked past her. On the way, though, he couldn't resist the opportunity to smack her rear, and it stung.

Leaf flinched and bit her lip to control a yelp that would've doubtless thrilled her tormentor. But he'd pushed her too far now. So she called out his name, knowing that his curiosity would stop him.
"Mm?" he stopped, and turned back to face her.

She turned around too, and stepped very close to him. Then she spat on his face. She didn't know what possessed her to do that. She was just thinking of dressing him down with some harsh words, but it just… happened. Expecting his inevitably harsh reaction, she tensed and waited for an explosion of annoyance and anger, hoping he wouldn't get violent.

But he just laughed cheerfully. "That's not very sportsmanly, Leafie-poo," he taunted, using the childish nickname she so thoroughly hated. "I guess losing twice has gotta hurt. But like I said, I gotta run. Smell ya later, babe."

He. What! That was so not the point! She wanted to run after him and tell him that he was getting it all wrong, that it wasn't the loss that bothered her. She would have, but she suspected that Gary was trying to bait her in order to humiliate her further. Even his little pep talk earlier had been a way for him to gain pride at her expense.

He was right, too. The loss did bother her. After he left, Red caught up with her. Unaware of anything that had gone on since the battle, he had blithely began to offer the same recommendations that Gary had—and Leaf just snapped. She yelled at him, even though it wasn't his fault, and Gary's accusation about the two of them had just made it worse. She didn't want or need his help—she wasn't his girl and she could do everything on her own.

So the two of them went their separate ways. Leaf went on a walk, though the sun had set during their earlier contretemps. Her anger had subsided relatively quickly, and she didn't seek out the evening walk because her mood was dark or anything of the sort. She was just disappointed in herself, that was all.

She certainly did still have her insecurities about being a trainer, but she wasn't about to change course now. Her plan was, as ever, to enroll in a gym and learn how to become a Pokémon trainer. She even found the gym during her wanderings of the town, but it seemed like it hadn't been used for some time. It looked ramshackle and derelict, but it still had traces of grandeur—the building did have a larger façade than any in the city, and it was made of stone, which did contribute to its timeworn appearance but also gave it a quiet dignity.

Leaf had always been a dreamer, and something about the League's lofty reputation appealed to her. She knew it was unrealistic to imagine a girl from Pallet would ever become a gym leader at a big city, but that didn't stop her from wanting it. The League memorabilia she wore was enough to sate her desires for a time, but the building awakened a little something in her. It wasn't a big revelatory moment… nothing of the sort: it just stiffened her spine, which was exactly what she needed at the moment. No epiphany could have been timelier.

After encountering a friendly police officer, she'd learned that the nearest operating gym was in a town called Pewter, which was a two days' walk away. Tonight she would take advantage of the hospitality rooms that Pokémon Centers offered trainers (well, they were more like communal hostels, a wing for each gender), and tomorrow—well, tomorrow was another day, as the saying went.

She finally reached the Pokémon Center a few hours later, carrying a few extra things she had picked up in the city. Red was there, looking as if he was waiting for her—how sweet—but he didn't meet her eyes, and looked at the ground instead.

Leaf walked up to him and clapped him on the shoulders. When he looked up at her, she favored him with a happy, even thankful, smile. "Okay, Red. Let's go on that adventure."
​

 

[Dagzar]

Alright, review time! I'm going through problems first and will get to the good stuff later, so let's get started right away! :D

First thing that bothers me is that while your protagonist is named Mary, she's referred to Leaf in the narration, so much so that I have to double-take whenever I see her real name. Not that this is much of a problem since nicknames are common, but Leaf is Mary's last name, so it just seems odd for her to think of herself that way.

Second thing is the characters. I have to say, Mary is written very realistic, a real girl with flaws and everything, but it's Gary that I'm worried about. He doesn't seem to have any good character traits at all, and is very unlikeable. Sexually harassing someone definitely doesn't win any points, and if I was Mary, I'd report him to the police since the harassment only seems to be getting worse every time he appears. I don't have any problems with Red at the moment except that he seems average and is in the background a lot, but since this is only chapter one, I can wait for some development.

The one thing that keeps getting on my nerves, though, is the Dratini. The way Mary get it is cliché, really. The protagonist comes across an injured rare Pokemon (usually Eevee), rescues it, heals it and the Pokemon now belongs to them! I have to admit, it's beautifully written, and the Dratini losing its battle is a very nice touch, but really, why Dratini? Dratini doesn't even live anywhere near Pallet Town and I scoff whenever I see the Pokemon being used in fics. It's just that I think Mary's journey would be way more interesting if her starter was a Pokemon us readers don't see often, or ever, like Magnemite, Grimer, Koffing- all those poor underused Pokemon.

Another thing with the Dratini is the way Mary got it. It's injured and she pulls a shard out that was hurting it, but that's not that realistic. Dratini is a wild Pokemon, so rare that it probably has never even seen a human before, and it's hurting. When hurting, wild animals lash out, and I can see Dratini using its Thunder Wave on anything that tries to hurt it (any help will be seen this way). Mary should have gotten shocked or bitten for her efforts.

The last problem I see is that the journey itself already seems boring. We all know how the story goes, how the protagonist journeys across the region gathering badges in the same old route, stopping Team Rocket, becoming the champion; everyone knows the story. Don't be afraid to mix things up and get another plot going that's not just related to badges or Team Rocket, or hell, maybe even change the route up, like going to Saffron from Cerulean. Even a small change like that can capture the audience's interest as everyone seems to follow the same old formula in journey fics these days.

With the bad stuff out of the way, I have to say, your writing is simply excellent, and I find myself not really minding things that I should, like Dratini or the journey. Everything seems realistic and I can really get a picture of what's going on. The only grammar related issue that I have is that sometimes your paragraphs aren't separated from each other all the way, but that's easily fixable.

Overall, your fic is very good so far, but it just needs a few tweaks to make it the best. Keep up the good work; I'll be keeping an eye out. ;)

 

[Chαmpion Leaf]

Thank you for that thoughtful and altogether helpful review. You've given me a deal to think about, and I appreciate it. I'll offer some specific responses to answer some of your concerns, which are all quite valid.

Mary Leaf -

I primarily want to refer to characters the way they're best known in fandom, officially or otherwise. Consequently, I refer to the main character as "Leaf" in the narration. She has a first name by necessity and other people will generally use it, but the narration sticks to her widely-used name. Ditto for Gary and Red, the latter of which has been selected as a first name to avoid this same inconsistency as well as to have the plant-sounding surname (Ash). It's admittedly jarring (Gary originally said "Yo, Leaf!" before I caught myself).​

Characters -

As the face character, Leaf has received the most development. Yet oddly, she's the character I'm most concerned about getting right--I'm not a girl, so I want to ensure I'm writing one properly. Your comments are very reassuring in that regard. Gender aside, the main goal was to show just *how* the heroine becomes the great champion--and not even Napoleon, genius that he was, started out as a calm mastermind.

Gary's... an interesting case. He's got a character arc, but we're not going to see it for a long time. I'm following the well-worn arc of the games for a reason (more on that later) and so all we'll see of Gary is what we see in the games. You already expect to see him next in Cerulean. Characterization is a tricky thing though, because we'll never get into his head. Does that excuse his conduct? No, it's presented as unjustifiable even though Leaf isn't quite mature enough to see it that way (or she's used to it, just not to this extreme). But will he gain more than a single dimension? Yes--we don't want to justify what he did, but we might want to see why he acts that way. Not for sympathy, but just to figure it out. Well, maybe. Boys that age are creeps though, from what I can remember from early high school. All that's a rambly way of saying that though he'll receive development later, you still might not like him--and I wouldn't blame him. I'm not looking to give him good or sympathetic traits as much as traits in general, and I'll admit that right now he seems one-dimensional. That won't be the case for the whole story.

Speaking of one-dimensional, Red's characterization is what concerns me most after Leaf. He's her shadow for many reasons, not least among which is that they're supposed to be the same person in the games. But they're not going to be the same person in the story, and I'll be looking to find a way to let him come into his own. I'm not sure how I'll do that as yet, though--as much as I have Gary's arc planned out, most of the rest of this is by ear.​

Dratini -

yeeeeah, I knew coming in that it would be an uphill battle. It'd be something I'd need to defend the whole way through, and I worried if it mightn't be a millstone around my story's legs. I was considering excizing it and just giving her a Charmander (or even Yellow version's Pikachu!) but I'd already written that lovely scene and I didn't want to throw it away. So it stayed, and I hope to get around it simply by deëmphasizing its importance. Catching a super rare Pokemon is great, but it doesn't make one a great trainer--especially if it was found by an almost contrived coincidence. At best, it can be a nice IC hint that there's more to this character than meets the eye, but for storytelling purposes, she has to *earn* everything else. She'll get this little freebie because Dratini's my second favorite Pokemon, but everything else is going to be hard. She's Mary Leaf, not Mary Sue.​

The Journey -

When I set out to write this, I knew I'd be taking a very well-trod path. I hope to overcome this by sheer virtuosity: that is, writing well enough that people don't care. And ultimately, that's why I'm choosing to reply to your feedback in such detail (that, and because it was so thought out)--I need to know if it's working. The best way to do that is through the work itself, but some explanations may help too. I can't say I've read many Pokemon fanfics at all, but my ultimate goal is to make the universe seem realistic and believable: lampshading is one thing, but fixing silly things is a deal harder.

That's sort of why the journey's been hewing to the story so far. And at this point my plans are to follow that: it's not the plot that I'm concerned with (that is, the mere sequence of events)--I don't expect to surprise the reader or give him/her cliffhangers. That's not the point: I want to make it a thoroughly enjoyable experience, and to stuff it full of characterization and personality. This is what I *want* mind you--I'm not yet sure if I've quite got that, but it's certainly the goal.

May I shake things up? I'll consider it, if I can think of a plausible way to have it done. but I don't want to do it just for the sake of being original. Originality is overrated: like I said in the notes, Sophocles wasn't being original when he wrote the masterpiece of tragic drama. I want it to be fun, interesting, and well-written.

I was, however, toying with the idea of audience participation: people could suggest ideas or things for the heroine to do, and I'd consider implementing that in. So if there was a plot bunny presented for taking her to Saffron after Cerulean, I'd consider trying to work it in. Maybe. It's a little gimmicky too, but I'm keen my audience's thoughts too. But who knows, when I get there, I may be restless with the whole following the plot thing too--I said my goal was realism, and the thirsty guard thing may well be something I can feel comfortable with axing.

Certainly, I intend (insert caveat - best laid plans etc.) to take her to other regions after she wins the championship, and from that point on the story would become wholly original but that's a long, long, long way from now.​

Paragraphs - Yes, I was copy-pasting from another board so as not to re-do the markups. This had the consequence of eating my carriage returns, so I had to re-paragraph by hand. Chapter 1 was pasted directly from my word document, though, so it hopefully doesn't have those problems.

All in all, thank you for that review and I really hope that you'll keep reading.

 

[Benjamin510]

Great Story! It's My Favorite Telling of RGBYFRLG Saga Besides PokéSpe! Wanted Red To Have Charmander.... Though.