Are You Going To Wait Forever?

oni flygon

:)
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    A poem that I wrote today... just out of anxiety and reminiscence...>>



    "Are You Going To Wait Forever?"

    The sky is proud with a hue of blue,
    Without a cloud, without a trace of you.
    When I look up, I wonder and I ponder:
    If you ever see the sky that I see
    Reflecting colors of the shy sea
    Then I guess we both see the same thing

    Are you going to wait forever?

    Will someone ever drown in your deep blue sea?
    A person to be with you when you weep through glee
    Someone to ride with through troubled times
    A boy to write about with crippled rhymes

    Are you going to wait forever?

    Are you going to watch the stars fall down
    And laugh at them when they crawl on ground?
    See them bleed crimson and roses for you
    While they plead with ebony sweat askew

    Are you going to wait forever?

    When all has turned to dust, blown in the wind,
    When my heart is covered in rust, bones to the brim,
    You'll still be standing, watching, waiting
    For winter to past, for another spring
    For kingdoms to fall, for a succeeding king

    Your King, not me, but for your true love
    When spring blossoms fall and there are doves above
    When ebbing tides die, and the sea subsides
    When the two of you watch in perfect harmony...

    So are you going to wait forever?
     
    Last edited:
    I'm not sure what you mean by Shakespeare-like because I surely don't use Iambic Pentameter... =D

    But thanks for the comment anyway... I tried to make my poem sound Bob Dylan-ish...
     
    Not bad! ^___^ Your poetry has a mellow, lyrical tone to it; perhaps it'd be compatible as lyrics, too. Near the beginning the word 'sea' got a bit repetitive, and 'cripped' isn't a word. Did you mean crippled? o.o;

    Either way, nice job, onii-chan~ ;3
     
    A good poem, even though the rhyme and rhythm are a little hard to follow. It definatly has that "song-like" qualtiy that I use myself. And, I must admit, I'm a sucker for a good, strong refrain. Thank you for sharing the poem with us, and keep it up!
     
    Why thank you for the comment... though I intended the rythm to be in a running sort of way... kind of a rythm where it's hard to keep up. And yes, the internal rhymes are a Bob Dylan style that I admire... =D
     
    Onigiri you have the stange habit of making your poems sound like they're suposed to be in rhythm when they aren't (or that well at that) XD
     
    Why thanks for that small review, Digi... yeah... it's probably the rhymes. I've been experimenting lately about the rhymes, trying to get internal rhymes and with a mix of slant rhymes. But thanks for the comment... I really appreciate more since this isn't really perfect, I'm sure...=D
     
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