Chronicles of Innocence (Digimon)

[Legendarian Mistress]

Here's Chronicles of Innocence. The stories before this will be posted in due time. Sorry it took so long to finally be posted. It's AU. Please enjoy this and review! This story is rated T for violence, death and swearing.

Prologue: Hope and Fate

Hope rested with a new generation and Fate's threads weaved themselves together.

So played the Dragon's Angel.

She was the one chosen above others as a leader, her fate having being decided by the Watchers. But she had already suffered, even before she knew the truth. Her deceased sibling, who had gone back in time, was watching her from the grave.

What trials and tribulations waited for her?

At a young age, she witnessed creatures from the other world. Yet at the same time, she was denied the facts. They thought she was not ready. She would be ready. She had to be; it was her duty.

They knew each other, yet in the knot that tied them was a person they barely knew. So intimidated the Draconic Knight.

He was blunt. He was an at-home troublemaker who irked his parents. It consumed him, yet he still looked out for his sibling. He ignored unnecessary stress. But he did sense it: the feeling of being chosen. Every time he pushed it away, it only seemed to come back faster and refused to turn away. He didn't understand why this feeling didn't leave him alone. He didn't understand why this feeling continued to pester him. He didn't understand why he felt reassured.

They felt the past pressing on their backs like a wall and reached for the knowledge that was submerged in the fog.

So snarled the Pacifistic Tiger.

He had been taught soccer by Courage and Friendship's successor. He was a crafty thing really, someone worth admiring, especially with his knack for attracting the attention of girls. He detested wrongful behaviour. Always quick to help others, he dislikes his assistance being cast aside. He adores the Dragon's Angel, but refuses to admit it, even to himself.

Their roles were each different, cast by many die rolls. But they were watched over with a firm confidence.

So stood defiantly the Black Tornado.

He's friendly and a person who is very generous, but he has been told he talks too much. He cares for others' well-being, but can't handle being told the bitter truth nor can he cope with criticism... no matter what form it's in. He is a bit of a girls' guy and is often seen flirting with girls, both younger and older than himself.

They were picked as the new generation of Chosen Children.

So roared the Winding Serpent.

He was the youngest of them all, often acting sarcastically to cover his fear of the unknown. It wasn't right, what Fate had done, but he didn't care anymore. There was a hand in his; often that of the Bestial Demon, she who refused to leave until he could walk by himself. He did not want the Bestial Demon to leave.

Fate hung over their heads, decisions they could not defy.

So thundered the hooves of the Bestial Demon.

She was the second oldest, tied in age with the Yagami heir who would come later, and she hoped life would treat them well. But she acknowledged and cared for most of them and she took the Winding Serpent's hands as he took his steps. To be a light in the dark, it was the purest thing she could be for him. For the rest of her friends, she would just be a person, a person who pushed gently at the back and pulled someone to their feet.

This is the start, the beginning of the path of those bound by hope and fate.

 

[FourCartridge]

Well, here goes my first review for a fanfic. I don't have the slightest clue about Digimon other than a few episodes of the first series, but I hope it's of some use:

Well, my main complaint with this prologue is that it's loaded with vague details. So you have two(?) kids who have been apparently picked by some gods to do some thing. Why? I know that the story is about them going on an adventure, but I have only the slightest clue as to what they're doing; Save the world, because honestly, what else are they going to do? I believe that prologues are better spent setting up the premise than stating it. In short; this is more of the fic's blurb you see on the back rather than the true beginning. If I were you, I would have set the plot in motion and set up the call to adventure, or something like that.

Now, on to the positive. Aside from a few sentence fragments, I could not find grammatical errors. I am not a proofreader, but you did not have obvious mistakes for the most part, so you have a competent grasp of English, though I mean no offense. But still, I did not try to gouge my eyes out reading this, so you are doing something right.

I hope this was useful.

 

[psyanic]

Digimon! Digimon monsters, duh duh! Oh Digimon... where have you been, in my heart?

Okay, stepping away from that instance. Let's get cracking!

I'm guessing you have like five-six kids, since there are like names at the end of each little description. See, that's too vague. You don't give names, not that you actually have to, it's just easier to identify. But in this case, I would use names or something. There are so many characters and its hard enough to know them just by these descriptions. Introducing too many characters in a short instance is very troubling to the reader. Space it out a bit.

Also, pronouns are useful and all, but it's annoying when in excess. Especially when the pronouns change from each person, and we can barely tell.

One more thing about characters. It's never a good idea to just tell readers how this character is. I'm sure you've heard of show-don't-tell. Just show us how the characters are. Present us their actions and their reactions to different scenarios and we, the readers, can determine what personalities they hold. It's boring to find out in an instant, even more so when you lay it out on a picnic table for the ants to steal. A few of the characters seem like Mary-Sues/Gary Stus. They aren't unique to begin with, but we'll see how you handle them. Remember to bring in flaws as well, or we'll get the wrong idea.

Oh yeah, the descriptions. I thought every little bit pretty much repeated itself, in style and in format. Halfway through, I predicted how each bit would end up and guess what? I was right. Your style, shown in this, is really vague and iffy, if that word can be used. Your sentence structures don't vary much (which is what I mean when I said predictable). I'll echo FourCartridge here and say that there isn't a clear event at all in the prologue. Everything is wrapped up and it's in a giant knot. I can barely understand what's happening. Fate is choosing someone, no clear reason why, and yada yada. It's so muddy.

Prologues usually set a tone for your story. See, it usually has a big event. These serve as the catalyst for the whole thing. In this case, it would be the choosing. The problem is that there aren't any physical events. There aren't any events at all, now that I think about it.

Wow. I feel terrible now that I read over my review. Hopefully I didn't completely bash your head in or anything. You have pretty good mechanics, no spelling errors or anything. And that's almost something to be proud of compared to other fics. Continue writing and I'll be sure to stop by and leave another word or two!