Hallows Eve Poem (Halloween)

[Prometheus]

The little boy ran too the house
Messing about with his mothers blouse
He shook with fear
And screamed for dear

As he cried
He saw someone died
He laughed at first
Then his eyes birsted

Now don't mess
Or you wont be blessed
This ain't no game
Your death a shame



LOL, That sucked.

 

[TJgamer]

Well, it's not too impressive.
But I can relate. My first poetry posted here at PokéCommunity was kind of bad as well.
Practice makes perfect. Trust me.

Then his eyes birsted

Birsted? I think you mean burst.

 

[Prometheus]

Yeah, I kinda spelt it wrong, Guess that sucked

 

[Zeffy]

Meh, seems like you were trying hard to rhyme. Poems aren't about rhyming, y'know. xD
But anyways, looks good but it could be better.

 

[Prometheus]

I always rhyme its my crime (That wasn't intended)

 

[mervyn797]

The little boy ran too the house

Should that have been to instead of too?

Your death a shame

Again, it should have been "Your death is a shame" It didn't sound grammatically correct.

Yes, this might not be the best poem that can be written, but if this is your first one, then its all fine. :) I'll be looking forward to a better piece of poetry the next time. ^_^
Also, an added note, the rhyme seems to be forced. You can always try free style poetry.