Hell's Dragon

[countryemo]

Introduction:​

Hello I am countryemo, i want to give you guys the story im most proud of Hell's Dragon. I would like feedback and I will keep posting more as I write. I havent seen or touched in a few months so it may be eh, im gonna fix it soon.
~Enjoy

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Chapter 1:​

In 1485, in North America, Maine, it was middle of the summer when deep in a cave the heat was going strong. There was a Dragon, Abyssus, it was guarding the Jewel of Dragons. A thunder crackled in the sky, The Polynemus flashed violently in the sky.
Abyssus walked slowly to the entrance of the cave, The Polynemus was there waiting, thunder raced across the sky as Abyssus came out of the cave into the clearing where the mountain ranges met. Polynemus (Jewels Dragon) roared as Abyssus (Hells Dragon) came closer to him, Polynemus stretched out his neck and bite fiercely into abyssus neck, blood came squirting everywhere. The volcano rumbled as the earth shaked violently, lava made a river between Polynemus and abyssus, the heat rose intensely, the ground was melting. The air smelled like hot tar, the sun shined down intensely the went dark.
Abyssus was bleeding badly as the puddle mixed with the blood, abyssus was falling asleep, Polynemus went inside the cave, and took the Dragons Jewel in his mouth and disappeared.
It was no late 2007 in Maine, USA, at a private girls boarding school there was a girl named Terra, her parents made her come here, but once she got out, she was going to explore the world and try to solve the deepest mysteries. Terra was 5ft 3in, she has short straightened black hair. At a public school there was a boy named Nick, he always believed in Dragons, but no one ever believed him, he was a lonely outcast. Nick was 4ft 8in, and had short brown hair. A home schooled son and daughter, Jarred and Sarah, they always wanted to go on a adventure full of excitement.
Nick and his geology class, had a field trip today, same as Jarred's and Sarah's hiking trip and Terra's vacation. Nick arrived at Extraxi Cave, as he got off the bus, some hikers passed by (Jarred and Sarah + company.) The was a sign by the entrance: "This old cave is estimated to be 8054 years old, back then it was around 320 F."
"This is Extraxi cave, this cave once was believed to be a home for dragons" Mr. Husters said.
The near by volcanoes stood there resting while the breeze slightly hit the rocks next to Mr. Husters, he shivered and contuned speaking. "Of coarse there are no such thing as dragons." Nick slowly raised his hand "I believe in dragons" he said slowly, gulping the words as he said them. The class laughed, as they did the volcanoes slowly roared in the distance. "Fine then" Mr. Husters said, "Continue on.' The class walked slowly in the cave. It sort of smelled like fire at the Bonfire last week at Uncles Joe's. Thought Nick.


Jarred was walking next to Nicole, the girl from down the street. "Hey Nicole" Jarred said. She replied "Hey Jarred" pushing her hair back. Rain started trickling around them. Nicole slipped and fell. "OW!" she screamed. Nick quickly dropped to he side and asked "Nicole, you ok?" "My ankle hurts" she whimpered. Nick checked her ankle, It was swollen. "Your ankles swollen Nicole" He said. "__" She didn't speak. Nick picked her up. Mr. Husters came toward her and Nick, "Nicole you ok?" Nicole tried to answer, but then Nick said "Her ankles swollen." "Nicole, do you want to go back and rest?"
"I'll go on, Nick will carry me" She said, while smiling up at him.
"Alright, Nick you be Careful" Mr. Husters replied to the statement. They went on, Sarah finally caught up to the rest with Jake following behind.

 

[Dragonite Ernston]

First of all, try not to post custom-coloured text. Blue against dark grey isn't very good for reading.

Next, you have a few grammar issues.

There was a Dragon, Abyssus, it was guarding the Jewel of Dragons. A thunder crackled in the sky, The Polynemus flashed violently in the sky.

The first sentence here is a run-on sentence. Basically, you're putting two sentences into the grammatical space of one without using conjunctions. You could do better to put this instead:

There was a Dragon, Abyssus, who was guarding the Jewel of Dragons.

The next sentence has what's called an uncountable noun. You don't have "a thunder" or "two thunders" - it's just "thunder". Unless, you mean one type of thunder, which seems unlikely. So it would just be "Thunder crackled in the sky."

It's also another run-on sentence, because you don't use conjunctions, again. The second sentence in that quote would be better phrased as:

Thunder crackled in the sky, and The Polynemus flashed violently in the sky.