Jesse's World: Poetry Edition

[Fearless Love]

Well, this is going to be a series of poems about my life. So everything will be based off of true events, emotions, and people in my life.

This first one started out about being about a certain person, then, as I got to about the sixth stanza, it became more general. Well, this poem was initially about one of my friends, who doesn't really live very close to me. Kinda far away actually.

Far Away​

White snow comes and goes,
Fades into the midnight sky.
I can see a million stars.
With you, is the sun passing by?​

Cold nights fade into warm mornings,
Basking in the sun.
What has changed in your world?
I'll tell you, mine is none.​

When life is turning hallow,
and I feel the pain has won,
I close my eyes and think to myself,
"I hope you're having fun."​

I do not understand, it's true
why you are where you are.
Despite the distance in between,
You're always in my heart.​

I could cry for all the things,
We do not get to do.
I could let myself go numb,
but is that fair to you?​

I truly hate this,
being far away.
Though I know that you must go,
I wish that you would stay.​

I know that is impossible.
Our own roads we must take.
Believe me, I'll miss you for sure.
We'll meet again at a later date.
- Jesse Marie​

What do you guys think of Poem 1? I'm not a very good poet, pretty basic, but I'm imoproving!​

 

[Aura.Lucario]

Hey Jesse :)

it's a decent poem overall, but I don't know if it me, since stanza one and stanza six sounds rather strange.

And the key to a great poem is the rhythm, maintain a steady rhythm throughout the poem, and you'll find it a pleasure to read :) each sentence must have a similar rhythm, and the same (almost the same) number of syllables! Stanza Two is the easiest to read, and has the best rhythm in the whole poem, so keep that rhythm and write the other stanzas with the same format!

Some rhyming can be improved too, since some of them do not match.

 

[SV]

Hey sis. You really are a good poet, and are very creative. I see your talents aren't just limited to RPing. :)

I like it, but, as a poet myself, I'd hate not to give SOME constructive criticism. A poem has to flow, and for the most part, it does have a sort of 'melody', for lack of a better word, but at some verses, I felt they were either too long, or didn't have enough words. Typically, for a poem to sound good when read or spoken, it must contain relatively the same number of syllables.

Other than that, a very well done poem.