Kaz and his journey of sinnoh

[Kazz]

The Start


Kaz started off with obtaining a pokemon ,eevee was the pokemon . The pokemon was a very stuborn type. Kaz never got to know the pokemon well when they went into battle all kaz's pokemon wanted to do was win and enter the pokeball. Kaz was told this pokemon was loving and caring...they were SO wrong. Kaz was still in Twinleaf town. Kaz went towards the proffessers house in sand gem town kaz had eevee out to block the pokemon away. Kaz soon was at the next town; sand gem. He went to the research lab. KAz complained and complained. Rowan wasn't there and kaz did not know.. He was complaining to no one. He walked out...and noticed another trainer...lucas he was fighting another trainer named Dawn. Turtwig versus chimchar.
Lucas had more smarts of trainer skills but Dawn had the element advantage. The winner was lucas.


Kaz was in enjoyment from watching the battle," How did you like the battle?" Lucas said turning to see Kaz. Kaz smiled and had 2 thumbs up." Wanna battle me?" Asked dawn to kaz. Kaz nodded and sent out his eevee. Dawns chimchar jumped into the air and used ember. Eevee dodged and tackled The chimchar. Chimchar fell hard. Eevee used Slash onto the chimchar was down. Chimchar attempted to get up but was tackled down. Kaz wasn't even ordering his pokemon. Dawn was in fear of losing. Chimchar used dig and Eevee ran into the hole and chased Chimchar plus used bite. Chimchar ran towards Dawn..


I will continue later.

 

[Darklugia]

Its short. Make it longer. Its seriously lacking in descrption. You could, for example, do a short paragraph on Kaz's Eevee's nature etc. Same with the fight..make it longer, more descriptive.

 

[Sydian]

Wreck, wreck, wreck.

Kaz started off with obtaining a pokemon ,eevee was the pokemon .

It was, was it? Well, what did this little Eevee look like? And what about Kaz? Also starting with Eevee is so horrendously cliche it's not even funny.

And where did he get it? Did it fall from the sky? Seriously.

The pokemon was a very stuborn type

Stubborn.

Kaz never got to know the pokemon well when they went into battle all kaz's pokemon wanted to do was win and enter the pokeball.

Um, I'm sorry, but what are you trying to say here? Shouldn't he make an effort to befriend his Eevee? And what's this about 'enter the pokeball'? That makes no sense.

Kaz was told this pokemon was loving and caring...they were SO wrong.

Who was wrong?

Kaz went towards the proffessers house in sand gem town kaz had eevee out to block the pokemon away. Kaz soon was at the next town; sand gem.

Capitalize Kaz, Eevee, and Sandgem. It's not 'sand gem', either. And it's professor, not 'proffesser'.

KAz complained and complained. Rowan wasn't there and kaz did not know.. He was complaining to no one.

-sigh- Okay, look. I'm having to review every sentence in this thing so far. That's not good. At all.

I highly suggest you take a good long read-through of the Grammar Sticky in the Writer's Lounge. You also need description. What did Kaz, Eevee, Dawn, Lucas, Chimchar, Turtwig, Professor Rowan's lab, Sandgem Town, and Twinleaf town all look like?

The majority of your are either fragments or run-on sentences. I advise you make complete sentences. A complete sentence has a subject, a verb, makes sense, has a capital letter, and an end mark. There's even a little jingle that taught me that, though I can't sing it to you over the internet.

Also, the plot just looks like a plain old OT fic. Add some spice that other OT fics don't have.

-Silver