Kurt

[Hybernated Panda]

Sometimes I wonder…If bringing them over was such a good idea. They've replaced our guns and swords with thunderbolts and earthquakes. The island itself was so chaotic…how could we have possibly thought that bringing those monsters over was a good idea…i mean they don't even…


"Mr.Noren…Mr.Noren! Your coffee is ready"
He spun around abruptly, "oh sorry, thank you".

His watch read 12:15. He had 15 minutes to get through the 5 security checks, so odds were he'd be late. He probably would have made it on time, but recent threats against the council of analysis from the Team Amity caused a very tense work environment, so security checks were a must. He hurried through the last check point. Up through the stairs, second door and practically dove into his chair. Catching his breath he checked the time. 12:38, not bad.

"Hello kurt…a little late aren't we?" Kurt turned around. Red haired, middle aged and heavy set. Gerard Nileskwi, supervisor of the council.
"I'm only 8 minutes late sir, and its just all these security checks…honestly it's just a hassle..."
"Kurt…you've heard the threats from team amity. We can't take the risk for them to obtain knowledge on how to surpass the Everstone implants."
Kurt nodded. The main contribution kurt had done to the Council was the development of the Everstone implant, the only reason why these monsters were allowed to be owned by civilians.

You see, these monsters, or what the masses called Pokemon, were recently discovered on an island in uncharted areas. After a couple years of research, the technology to capture and import these monsters were made available, and what ensued was a wave of exotic creatures filling the main land. Normally, our world would have been destroyed due to the strange speed of evolution and the powers the Pokemon obtain with it. But with the development of the Everstone implants, the Pokemon were stripped of that ability; it did its job. Hell, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who's seen a Tyranitar or a Charizard in person.

"so just stay safe kurt, and it wouldn't hurt to take a Pokemon on your late night walks, I mean you are being targeted by a terrorist cell, a little protection couldn't hurt"

"late night walks?...Are you like stalking me or something?"

"Good night Kurt…"

 

[ANARCHit3cht]

Hm. It is a bit short, and the different speakers jumbled together makes it harder to read.

"Hello kurt…a little late aren't we?" Kurt turned around. Red haired, middle aged and heavy set. Gerard Nileskwi, supervisor of the council.
"I'm only 8 minutes late sir, and its just all these security checks…honestly it's just a hassle..."

I see that you have some names lowercase, they need be capitalized. They need to, because they are proper nouns.

"Hello kurt…a little late aren't we?" Kurt turned around. Red haired, middle aged and heavy set. Gerard Nileskwi, supervisor of the council.

You also, capitalize the first word in dialogue, toodles.

"I'm only 8 minutes late sir, and its just all these security checks…honestly it's just a hassle..."
Mine,(For Most People) is easier to read.

 

[Hybernated Panda]

Oh sorry about that, i hate writing dialogue.
This was just an idea i had been working with.
But thanks for the feedback, i'll try and make the dialouge clearer

 

[Rabbit]

I like the idea. It needs a bit of proofreading for things like sentence fragments and uncapitalized names, but I think it's got potential. Can't wait to see where you go with this.

 

[Hybernated Panda]

It's not all my fault...it's THEIRS! I never had intentions for these creatures to be used this way.

Kurt stared out his apartments window. He could see the little kids on his block playing with their newly acquired Pokemon. Squirtle. To them their little water turtle was a cute and adorable pet.

"Those kids...they have no idea...what that thing can do"

Kurt was one of the first members of the initial expedition. An uncharted island with strange creatures, how could he refuse? It was like nothing he had seen before. Dragons breathing fire, electric balls exploding to the side; it was just pure chaos. It wasn't long until a second expedition started with intentions to capture and bring the monsters over. Kurt loved the idea at first, all the possibilities. Fantastic.

Expedition two was launched. 200 of the finest zoologists, hunters, and many other intellectuals. Everything seemed fine at first. The areas close to the shore housed what seemed to be the smaller Pokemon. Shelder, Krabby, Squirtle, Horsea. They weren't hard to capture at all, well, besides the occasional attacks, but it was nothing outside of a bandage or a cast.

Then another boat arrived. Huge, iron clad ship. The crew never set foot on the island, but they relayed commands to the rest of the explorers. They started to send word to move deeper into the island.

And that's when Kurt realized what these monsters were capable of...

 

[Hybernated Panda]

Thanks!
Yeah i don't know, i started reading a bunch of distopic novels, and i figured, "Why doesn't pokemon have like a more mature and darker anime, like realistic stuff?"

Seeing how i cant pitch my crazy anime idea to 4Kids entertainment, i figured i'd write a fan fic and see what people think!

So i hope you guys like it!

 

[Hybernated Panda]

A group of 25 people were separated. They were assigned to survey, mark the bigger Pokemon's nests, and relay the information back to the hunters waiting at the shore. Kurt was assigned to go along with the groups tread into the islands depths.

After about an hour of marching, the group leader handed everyone a transmitter and told everyone to separate and contact someone as soon as anything was found. Kurt's group went south east. Other than a few smaller Pokemon, nothing classified as big was spotted. Kurt's transmitter rattled.
A message appeared.

-Back up needed at X-98, Y-56 - Emergency Emergency-

Kurt arrived to the emergency sight, and froze. What he saw before him was a pool of bodies. Crushed, electrocuted, ripped apart. One man was burned beyond belief. On top of the gruesome bodies hanging everywhere, the land seemed to have been affected with a huge earth fissure. Then from out of the shadow he saw the monster...

Tall, bulky and yellow. The thing looked like a lion mixed with a bear. But it stood upright like a human. Two long antennas on its head, which seemed to carry electricity. This terrifying beast would later be known as Electrive.

Electrive stared dead into Kurt's eyes; growling. Kurt inched back slowly, thinking that if he didnt seem hostile, the monster should have no reason to attack.

"FIRE!!!"

Kurt spun around. It seemed that the hunters had arrived to capture Electrive. They fired minor explosives to sedate the creature. The monster struggled, but fell down after only a few shots. The hunters approached.

One of the hunters looked to Kurt, "You alright there?"
Kurt opened his mouth, but couldnt form a coherent sentence.
The hunter turned around, "It's alright, its over now. Just gotta ship this ugly thing to head quarters so...."

Before he could finish his sentence, the electrive was up. It ran up to one of the hunters and hit it him with a jolt of electricity through his fists. What resulted was enough to make Kurt scream and run the other direction.

As he got deeper and deeper into the forest, the sounds of screams and gunfire slowly faded away. But he was lost.
Exhausted, Kurt sat down next to a pond. Then a little tadpole creature jumped up next to him. What a cute little creature, Kurt thought. The little creature, now known as poliwag, stared at Kurt. It started to murmur little noises...
Kurt blacked out.





I hope that the details aren't too graphic. i tried to leave it out, but i want to make it as realistic as possible. ^_^
keep it going?

 

[Post Office Buddy]

Definitely keep it going. It looks pretty good so far with only a few mispellings and, of course, the lack of length. The only nitpick I have time to point out right now is that you didn't really tell us how he arrived at the scene with the Electrive. You could have extended that part to include a description of his trek through the island to where his comrades were.