me and umbreon

Umbreon_Trainer

stalking my dog, cinnamon
    • 99
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    20
    Years
    Me:well this is my first fanfic so its not gonna be good at first.
    Umbreon: yeah you are probably right.

    Chapter 1: Awakening​
    I woke up on the day of my twelth birthday.

    I went to proffeser pines lab for my first pokemon. he had five pokemon on the table, an eevee, a charmander, a squirtle, a bulbasaur, and a pikachu.
    four other tainers were there, tim, blu, karla, and xaiver. I picked first after proffeser pine shuffled the luxury balls around. I surprisingly got the pokemon I wanted, Eevee! "yes" I calmly shouted. Tim got Charmander, Karla got Pikachu, Xaiver got Bulbasaur, and obviously Blu got Squirtle.

    All of the pokemon seemed to suit the trainers that recieved them. Karla with her dirty blonde hair and her tiny little pikachu. Tim and his firery spirit got charmander. Blu's Squirtle had the same attitude that Blu had which is the strong leadership. Xaivers personality was timid just like his bulbasaur. Xaiver was the new kid in the little town. he wanted to make more friends. I was his only friend even though Eevee and Bulbasaur didnt seem to get along. I told him he could come with me on my journey. I thanked proffeser Pine for myself. Xaiver barely mustered up the courage to thank professer Pine. We set off as everyone left the lab.
    i asked Xaiver if he wanted to have a 2-on-2 battle against Karla and Tim. he made up his mind with a simple "sure". I said lets get to them before they get too far ahead of us.

    Me: that was chapter 1!
    Umbreon: chapter 2 is tomorrow.
     
    Hmm...first of all, Umbreon is an overused Pokemon. No offence... ^^;; Second of all, there is no possible explanation why the other trainers are there or the relation of the main character to them. There is no description whatsoever. If you could see my mind about your story, I could see shadows of people and the background is pure blank. There isn't much explanation about the main character's history or background either. Lastly, it's all too short to be a chapter... XP

    I bet you didn't read that thread that was stickied and it says: "READ FIRST"

    https://www.pokecommunity.com/threads/14020 <-You should read it if you're a beginning author...
     
    no i didnt and I geuss I should write a prelude kinda thing with background info.
    I just like umbreon I just like it because its one of my fave pokemon thats why its in the title.
     
    That's good...but don't write a bio or something...place the description of the trainer and the history within the fanfic... ^^
     
    oni flygon said:
    That's good...but don't write a bio or something...place the description of the trainer and the history within the fanfic... ^^
    Click to expand...
    okay will do.
     
    ok i hav a few things regardin this fanfic...
    1. For a chapter, it seems awfully short
    2. Seems more of a preview than a chapter
    3. wht oni-kun said...umbreon is overused
     
    well yeah that could be a prelude or whatever its called. 2. meega loves umbreon. I am keeping it. and if anyone else tells me to get rid of it i will hurt.


    Edit: Chapter 2: training

    I held my only pokeball tightly in my mid size hand. I threw the luxury ball into the air as I shouted "Eevee Go!" and bright light shot out of the spere and an Eevee shot out. I ran my hand through my dirty blonde hair as I waited for Xaiver and Tim's to come out of their ball. I asked the sheepish white haired boy if he was ready. he replied with a shout "yeah!". Tim's charmander was pumping itself up as it got ready to fight. Tim shook his bulky head waving his red hair in the breeze. he kneeled down to rep his charmander. he set his oddly colored turquoise backpack behind him. Karla's Pikachu was already out of its ball not liking to be in one apparently. Karla's black hair waved in the wind as she told her pikachu her strategy. I thought on my toes and told my little Eevee to attack the pikachu. My eevee got right over to the pikachu witha strong tackle as tim's charmander blasted bulbasaur with an ember.
    i told Xaiver swiftly to get a potion or his bulbasaur may not get throught the fight.

    Karlas pikachu got right back up after eevee tackling it with superior strength.
    "Allright Eevee!" Xaiver shouted. i watched the boy in his jeens and green t-shirt congradulate my Eevee. I told Xaiver to watch his bulbasaur. "Bulb, use vine whip!' xaiver shouted. I was surprised to see that it did some damage to the flaming charmander. I thought that before Tim could use a potion on it that I could have Eevee knock it out. Too bad after I shouted "Eevee get the charmander!" the pikachu shocked my Eevee. Eevee stuggled back to my side of the field. I gave it a potion. tim started to get a little cocky about the fact that eevee was damaged. i noticed that he stupidly didnt heal his charmander. "eevee get the charmander" I whispered to the eevee. it tackled the charmander as if it were useing the take down ability. the little eevee did a little damage to itself seemingly but the charmander was down.

    To be contuned. meega gotsa go to bed!

    see ya tomorrow!
    ~UT~
     
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