My best ever w00t (want replies)

lighterhead2001

Fujiwara-kun unofficially!
  • 307
    Posts
    21
    Years
    When she woke up from her endless seaming dream
    The dream of the first world
    She realized she could not fight back the truth anymore.

    A wave of deep desire broke over her soul.
    The desire to become a whole.

    The mist of the morning covered her skin
    When she left that day?

    She ran away from home
    Left everything behind
    She knew she was all alone.

    Her steps in the frozen grass were soundless and free.
    The sun refused to shine and the angels were watching her closely

    She was moving fast.
    To fast?

    Her way was long, seemed endless to her.
    Nobody there to help.
    The prints of her bare feet in the snow of a dark trail.
    Scared!

    She ran and ran
    Leaving everything behind
    til she reached the point that fate had led her.

    A man! A demon! What face did she see!
    What pain in her soul!
    He had been set free of her darkest dreams?

    The girl yelled out
    She did not know why
    ?Master, master yours I am.?

    ?My knowledge will cost you a lot.
    More then you can ever give.?
    Said the master calmly and sad
    ?It will end your life quick, I?d rather not.?

    The girl was possessed
    She had to know
    stayed on her knees for days in the snow.

    Then the day came
    The master could not resist?

    He showed her all
    Thought her all
    All he knew.

    She tried to scream
    But her soul was lost!
    The blood of Christ in her tears.

    The price?

    Tradidit in mortem
    animam suam
    et inter sceleratos
    reputates est.

    Accingite vos sa cerdotes,
    et plangite ministry altaris
    Aspergite vos cinere?.

    tell me what you think
     
    *sniff* that was beautiful, man
    i really liked it
     
    why thanks hehe *sniff* someone likes it hehe
     
    Hmm... You begin with freestyle and go into rhyming... When writing poetry, stick to one style. It will confuse the reader less. The flow is rather systematic... But I like the rawness of the piece. With practice, your style will improve. Sorry... Please don't be angry with me for this...
     
    I agree with blaine, there's even some typos. It is pretty good, not amazing but good. If you stuck to a set rythmn and didn't change from sonnet to limerick a whole lot....

    But it's good...good...not great...but good...
     
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