My Poetry Corner

[Ducklighter]

These poems are pieces of my life and some are experiences i've been through and things i've seen others have witnessed. I hope you enjoy reading this, and i hope it helps you somehow. Feedback is most welcome.



Unwritten
Unwritten. Like a prophesised book
I'm waiting, for that feeling to come to me
My heart can feel it although my brain is still in shock
I am just unwritten. I'm an unfulfilled destiny.

The grains of life are catching up to me.
The changes times are repressed by the obstinate of the community.
It's a cancer. It's a curse. It's something that reeks of failure.
It's my unfulfilled destiny.

I'm clasped onto the disintegrating bench, decaying out of existence
And my thought came to my unwritten children. My wonder came out.
The speculation of my daunting destiny, how could it be ever be?
My story hasn't finished. My story has just begun.
How could I start another destiny, when my own is just fulfilling?


Memory Once Reality
Staring at the overgrown grass, i thought of you.
The way you tendered and took care of your pride.
What was once a private ground filled beautiful lilies
Were now replaced by wild unkempt weeds
the destroyer of your last memory.

I came back to remember your modest talents, hidden away from the world
Staying put in your quarters and gently caressing your livelihood
But the affectionate way you mothered your lilies was gone
With your truancy, it was gone.

And as my memories of you lose their strength,
they come flooding back as i return to gaze upon your once masterpiece.
Though the perfection of your pride is now dishonoured
It's what once was that i remember.







Breath
The sway of the ocean ebbing back and forth was like the moment that everything has stopped.
The motion of everything passing was in contrast to the sudden halt to my destiny,
the keys of time rapidly bypassing me, taunting me and my aimless aspirations.
And as i stand still in the middle of a blur of faces, i ponder the possibilities.
Could I be king that's loved with people's every being?
Or will I slumber into old age, alone, alone.

I won't be the seagull, who is so loathed and seen as a nuisance to all it comes across
Instead, I will be the pelican. Elegant, hearty – its features admired.
I'll set fire to the sky towering over the feeble and defenceless ocean
my words are significant and powerful
And they are depended on.

I have a fury. I have foes. I have shadows galore.
I have been poisoned by bad love.
But my light is so magnificent, how could I not
And when I finally come home
You will know that my heart is settled
But until then, I will wander these lands, from the Celtic's to the cuckoo's
Just know, my dear. You are the charm across my eyes
Keep breathing, even if it's the hardest thing you'll ever do.



Cosmetic World
Cinderella was a liar.
And Pocahontas was a fake.
I could lose a thousand shoes and never find her
And the wind has brought nothing but dead leaves and snow
I always thought I was good enough,
But when you can't get a man to stay
It makes you ponder the saddest things,
The impossible things will stay impossible.






Attachment
The cries echoing from the past hurt
The memories we had were grating in my mind every time I uttered to reminisce.
You was the star of all my good memories and you'll forever be credited for them.

The day has come to bid you farewell and i'm not ready
Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
I'm not ready to close this chapter of my life.

To kill off a prominent character in my own story.
This is not how the series finale was meant to end,
It's not how i planned, it's not fair.

As i enter the sacred halls of your faith, i begin to question it's meaning.
The loss of my one true friend opens my eyes so very wide.
Putting into question everything i once believed

Shattering my confidence in the grand design of things.
The scheme of it all, was it ever real to me?
Who am i to say that? Who should i ask these questions?
What can i do let myself go from this treacherous thoughts i'm having?

Release.



Isolated Thoughts

Sometimes I think I spend too much time alone
I wonder if the kings in the sea ever dream about me
I know you don't
I wouldn't mind being the playing the devil's advocate
It's easy to fall into that state of mind, to turn on them.
I'm a stressing soul
Who got weird around the age of ten
They may not care but there's something there

UNTITLED

I hope you return to me when the skies rip apart
And you will kiss me and allow me to hold as the rain blankets us
And we ripple
You said you would remember me till you were ninety.
I will remember you when I pass through this life, into worlds above.
You must know that we are monumental
Like the stone statues
Like the lakes
Pictures of You

A picture doesn't tell a story,
It doesn't give us an insight on us as a whole,
It's an amazing and beautiful tool,
To capture memories that will forever clutch into our minds.

Timeless.

But the pictures we take are small treasures,
Because it's filled with emotion and honesty.
A picture never lies.
A picture is a piece of history.

Historical.

They will live long after we move on.
It's good to look back,
To our purity.

Remembering.
The Pictures Of You.


Story Of Us

We all start on the same note
The story of us of us all.

We take shape and control the course of our destiny,
and it's amazing.

Just think.
Think before you say, do or even think, actually.
Because one small thing can change everything.

Be smart,
Be in control of your story.

_______________________________________________________

DISCLAIMER: All these poems are my own work. Please do not repost this anywhere.

 

[Oryx]

I really enjoyed Untitled, it was a nice balance between wordy and succinct. One thing I would suggest is to try to lean more on the succinct side than you are now. When a poem is super wordy, the rhythm doesn't always come out the way you want it to, and it tends to make a poem very slow to read and a bit uncomfortable. Part of the challenge of poetry is saying what you want without being overly verbose, and packing that meaning into a small package. That treatment would especially benefit Memory Once Reality, which has a great concept but it's a tad weighed down with a lot of words and a very slow pace.

Another one that I thought was great though was Cosmetic World. Those first three lines especially, I don't know what it is but something about the way they fit together sounds very, very nice in my head. I think if you took off the last line and added a period it would be very close to a perfect poem. It has that detached feeling to me, detached and sad and great.

Sorry that this is kind of long critique. xD;;

 

[Ducklighter]

I really enjoyed Untitled, it was a nice balance between wordy and succinct. One thing I would suggest is to try to lean more on the succinct side than you are now. When a poem is super wordy, the rhythm doesn't always come out the way you want it to, and it tends to make a poem very slow to read and a bit uncomfortable. Part of the challenge of poetry is saying what you want without being overly verbose, and packing that meaning into a small package. That treatment would especially benefit Memory Once Reality, which has a great concept but it's a tad weighed down with a lot of words and a very slow pace.

Another one that I thought was great though was Cosmetic World. Those first three lines especially, I don't know what it is but something about the way they fit together sounds very, very nice in my head. I think if you took off the last line and added a period it would be very close to a perfect poem. It has that detached feeling to me, detached and sad and great.

Sorry that this is kind of long critique. xD;;

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to comment. It really means alot!

Yeah, I know what you mean. Most of these poems were written during times where I was the most emotional so they do tend to be rather wordy and dragging at times. I do need to revise these and really cut and present them in their best light, yes.

I'm glad you chose Cosmetic World since it was one of my favourite ones to write. It was rather bitter and came across as a young boy who had once believed in the magic of the world but then grew up to see the strings and such and losing faith in it all. That poem heavily leans on my disappoint in my own faith.